One night. One ghost. One chance for Diamond Tiara to learn the importance of friendship with the aid of three unlikely spirits.
A Christmas Carol crossover.
Chapters (5)
- Member Since 22nd Jul, 2012
- offline last seen Nov 2nd, 2020
Mudpony
Confound these wretched equines! For every one I fling away, a dozen more vex me!
Mudpony
Joined 22nd Jul, 2012 ·
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Charles Dickens wrote A Christmas Carol due to the plight of England's poor. The stingy old Scrooge, devoid of generosity, learns the importance of giving. The story has since come to help define what Christmas means and has been told using the likes of the Muppets and Bill Murray.
The idea of adapting it to FiM came to me due to a competition held by a dArt group. Take the story, but make it about friendship. And what better pony to base such an idea around than Diamond Tiara? Even though fan-fics couldn't enter the competition, the idea still stuck with me. So it got written.
edit:
And all complete. Yay. Now I can get back to Pride and Prejudice and Snails. Well, maybe after a slight detour to the moon.
If you're part of any group this story is a good fit for, please feel free to add it.
CHRISTMAS CAROL
OH MY YES
Yes all my yes!
static2.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/All+my+YES+_e25581da57bb3309c59e3ab1260dad18.png
Please go on. I would very much like to see that spawn of Satan Diamond Tiara get scrooged.
1783070
I've got all five chapters written, just doing a bit more polishing. Rest assured, it will go on.
Diamond Tiara is the best Scrooge, who is Tiny Tim?
... Awwwwww, Silver Spoon is dead. She's the nicer of the two!
Ah man, don't do this. Don't make me feel bad for Diamond Tiara.
Will Discord be Present? I can sooo see Chrysalis as Future.
And consider adding a Sad or Dark tag.
1784381
I'd say (using the nifty new spoiler tags), but I think it will be more fun for people reading the story as the chapters come out to get to speculate a bit (that whole day or two, weee!). Maybe someone will fall in love with an idea and write a story of their own about it.
As Discord might say, "What's the fun in knowing?"
Oooohhh... Clever way to go out.
1784016 Works better for the story.
Ah lovely. Expect a review!
Wow, the feels. And so well written. Have a :raritycry
Need more views though.
1784381
As to sad and dark tags, I will tag it dark, I think. Carol is sort of strange in that it has its sad/dark chapters (2 & 4) and its lighter ones (1, 3, & 5). Ultimately, while my take on the story may make people feel sad in parts, that isn't its goal and the last chapter is dedicated to giving happy feels, so no sad. But chapter four gets a bit dark, darker than the original, so probably warrants the story the dark tag
So, yup, Discord.
He was the one spirit that I had issues with. Canon Discord is so malicious, while the Dicken's Present is out to enjoy life, to show Scrooge what he is missing out on. Ultimately, I figured I'd just sneak in little bits of mean here and there and write off the rest as being due to the rules, his loneliness/boredom, and being split into 502 parts with this part being light on the maliciousness.
Obviously didn't go the Chrysalis route. Sombra had the fear factor, the chains tie in for the last scene of verse four, plus his lack of dialogue was a nice fit for the mute Future. It also meant I'm using all three season premiere villains, which was a nice bonus. To be honest, I can't even recall when I decided on any of the three. They just fit, felt like they had always been the choice. Never contemplated any others.
I'm curious how you see Chrysalis as playing out in the role though, how that would change things compared to the route I went. As I said, I never even gave her a thought, so I'm curious about the potential there :)
1790666
Thanks.
Views will come slowly over time, I hope. The downside of writing about an unpopular pony, as opposed to one like Trixie (or going the route of a very OOC Mane 6). But I like DT, and believe she is a great fit for the story. She's got the friend for the Marley role (and none other that are shown), she's got the bad attitude, and she's a Ponyville resident, so actually involved with known characters, allowing the show to play its part.
Seeing the horrors of a bleak future can change any person around. Yet another Christmas Carol.
I must say. The adaptations of a christmas carol where scrooge falls into his open grave are actually a far better impact than what was originally in the book. Don't you agree?
Ah, yes. I love A Christmas Carol. I would actually love to see where Applejack and Filthy Rich's relationship goes after this. Along with DT and the rest of the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
By the way, you forgot the most important part of A Christmas Carol. As Tiny Tim observed, "God bless us, EVERYONE!"
1791404
The interesting thing is that, in A Christmas Carol, Scrooge is ready to change before the horrors of the bleak future. His problem is mostly that he is disconnected from his fellow man. The visits to the Past and Present serve to both help him connect to those he had been keeping at a distance and to remind him of what he is missing out on by not connecting. Future serves mostly to make sure that point sticks, to drive home that "you can't take it with you."
And, yup, that is a fair statement. There's some stories inspired by A Christmas Carol, like It's a Wonderful Life and Groundhog's Day, that do a great job of breaking the mold. Others stick closer to the original, and mine definitely falls into that category. Maybe next Christmas, I'll do something a bit more original and go the comedy route, with some villain determined not to change ;) Hopefully by then my writing will be better than it is now.
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Definitely. I guess Dickens wanted the repentance aspect, as he wanted to reach the well off, to make them think of the plight of the poor. But the visual imagery of the "beware the stick" chuck into the grave is huge. Probably why so many adaptions, especially movie ones, go that route. Mine included.
I liked the image of DT being drug into the grave by chains, as the chains serve both as a callback to Silver Spoon in verse 1 and to Sombra's enslaving of the Crystal Empire.
1791768
AJ+Rich is something that has been on my list of potential story ideas for quite a while, though as a comedy piece with DT and AB trying to stop the relationship, though obviously that wouldn't be tied to this story. But I do like the idea of the pairing and so I used it here. Worked out nicely as it gave me a reason to use AJ in Verse 4, even if it did make me feel bad for putting her through that.
I do have a possible bonus/sequel chapter in mind, though it relates primarily to the DT's reading to Discord. At some point, I'll possibly write that, maybe after I finish P&P&S. But that's probably 2+ months down the road.
And, doh, did forget that. Not sure how that could fit in in such a way that it fit naturally now though. Scootaloo is sort of my Tiny Tim, but wouldn't really work well with her. Guess if I'd ended the story with DT joining AB on stage at the play, but then it might have felt forced. So Celestia and Luna don't get to bless everyone. Instead, the role of Tiny Tim uttering that famous line will be played by Luckysweep, in the comments. That's official story canon now.
Anyway, hope you enjoyed it
1791980 Thank you so much for that. I am honored that you decided to answer all my comments.
1792001
Most authors like feedback, be it in the form of comments, favorites, or thumbs. I'm no exception. After the time it takes to write a story, it is nice when someone cares enough to spend a little time of their own on it. So I try to respond to at least some comments.
And it gives me something to do while waiting out a bit of post-story burnout, before diving into the next thing
1792060 Oh, by the way. You said you hope your writing will improve, well, I think it is pretty good already. Of course, there is never such thing as unimprovable. Keep getting better at what you love!
1792087
Yeah, always room for improvement. For me, show vs tell aspects could be better, pacing, etc, and that is just for the type of stuff I have been writing. What I don't have much practice with yet is comedy, so if I do want to write a comedy seasonal piece next year (which I don't have any plans to do yet), I'd need to improve my comedic writing. But, hey, that's what one shots are useful for: Good practice and a nice way to blow off some steam on something I'm not as heavily invested in as a multiple chapter story.
The choices you made for the roles are perfect, especially Sombra! Totally fits the part!
Very well done-poor Diamond!
This story is beautiful. I love it to death. It deserves many more reads and reviews. After the initial hurdle of making Diamond a sympathetic character--which you cleared quickly--the story hit the ground running and cruised to an excellent finish. And Discord was awesome, a nice break between the more threatening spirits of Nightmare and Sombra. Prose and grammar were beyond reproach.
This is a merrier holiday greeting than I could hope to return, but nevertheless, Happy Hearth's Warming to you.
You killed my feels.
At one point I wanted to cry.
1790474
Thanks and looking forward to it.
1801271
Hopefully in a good way? And if not, let me know where I went wrong so I can avoid feel-slaughter in the future ;)
1802138
The AJ bit in Verse 4?
Uh,guys?Don't you think AJ has anger ishuses?
I'm going to write a story like this(different name,but Dimond Tiara is the main charecter.I was thinking about it in bed this morning and I have the past and the future.Past is my OC,Sweetsong,and future is Me.)Good story though.Anyone get ANY ideas on what the present ghost should be,answer this comment or send me a PM(private message)Thinking of either Minty or Starcatcher from G3.
1803788
Yup, she has issues. Though in her defense, keep in mind this takes place on/near the one year anniversary of the event. For a year, she's been blaming herself, not only for DT's death, but also for the subsequent suicide (though the location/time shifts before she admits that part to Mac, hopping a year back in the future to the actual suicide). She's been coping with alcohol, letting other parts of her life slide. She's bottled it all up, determined to handle it herself, pride at war with guilt. A year's worth of feeling guilt, amp'ed up by the date, plus being rather drunk... It is her low point. From here, she'd have begun recovering.
I don't think any pony other than AJ would have lasted near as long.
1803825
Yay! More DT stories.
I never watched G3, so I don't know enough about their personalities to offer suggestions. The brief blurbs on a wiki don't really give the feel for their personalities. Guess you can either pick the pony and adapt Present to work well with it or decide how you want Present to go, then find the character that best fits the bill. Either way, the story and the character will blend to form their unique take on it, but the point from which you start will impact where you end up.
Also, if you need the original story for research purposes, this is what I used.
>> Mudpony Minty is a clutz with a big heart.Shes my prof. pic from my favorite g3 movie a very minty christmas(in which she knocks oer a giant candy cane and.......watch it on youtube.)Starcatcher is a white pegasus with wings bigger than the other g3 pegasus wings and she has a pink design on her nose and body and was the first pegasus in ponyville(just like g3 Rarity was the first unicorn in ponyville)and speaks rather magesticaly.Can't decide!AHHHHHHHH!
1805080
I'll give the episode a go.
Would using both work? Sure, the original only had a single spirit with Scrooge, but it also didn't have talking magical ponies. If using them as a duo adds some value and uniqueness to the story and solves your dilemma...
1805142 Perfect thanks!Writing it right now(hey I used a homophone pair)
I for one think it's wonderful of the ones in charge of the afterlife to give their residents an unlimited knowledge of vocabulary. I guess that explains why I've never seen a dead person reading a thesaurus.
1835929
Funny thing about that: they do actually read them. While dragging chains around for years, you have to do something to pass the time. One popular activity is reading. Unfortunately, there is a limited amount of choices in reading material. Silver Spoon's choices were between Atlas Shrugged, Twilight, and... you guessed it, a thesaurus.
Seriously though, probably should have toned that down. Didn't occur to me though. It probably happened due to three factors. First, I tend to view Spoon as being rather smart. Must be the glasses. Second, even though she should probably be the age of her death, I mentally aged her ghost to match Tiara's age in the story (which is older than in the show). And third, Marley's dialogue seeping through.
And thus the Elements of Harmony were faded out in favor of the more energy-efficient nightstand lamps, and everyone lived happily ever after.
Or, maybe there's still two ghosts before that can happen. I believe the first wave of sadness has come crashing down on the beach of this story. I'm sure it will continue with just as much flow as this one.
I guess there's no use in denying it. Diamond and Discord need to team up in an actual episode. This idea has my full support as of this moment.
Also, I'm not sure how much you're looking for proofreading, but I caught "scooped up the lamp up" in the first paragraph.
1837799
Diamond Tiara >= Mane 6
1838390
Disco Diamond! It has all sorts of potential. Discord decides to mentor DT and gives her some chaos power. Fun stuff happens.
And fixed the typo. Thanks.
So, Diamond wanted to change after only seeing the past and present. Glad to see that Sombra is as useful as ever.
Regardless, the chapter's heavy on the syrup and 80% cacao. Very nice for a climax of a dark story to be.
It's most likely coincidental, but I like how the chapter of death is verse 4. It makes it thematically appropriate in a very subtle way.
And there we have it! 5 chapters of Tales of Tiara: Scrooged read. Three cheers for the journey, one for the goal!
I have an unfair bias towards anything involving DT, so let me turn that off for a moment.
I liked this story. I liked reading this story. This story was wonderfully detailed and wholly entertaining as a Christmas Carol crossover and etc. If I had to pick a favorite chapter, it would be chapter 3, simply because it provided the most entertaining imagine spots and more seemed to be accomplished in that chapter than any other.
The vocabulary throws me off at times, but I don't think it's detrimental to the story. In fact, I would say it works well in a figurative sense since Diamond and Silver were the only ones to really speak in such a way. Even better, Diamond doesn't speak this way at first, only after she's been affected by the haunting. So, either these events just directly rewired her brain to make her undergo total character change or she's more like Nightmare Moon than either of them realized. Regardless, it does well to symbolize the change of the experience in a verbal manner, so I suppose it's comme il faut that it throws me off.
One aspect I enjoyed was how each of the three spirits served a role that clearly wasn't in their job description. We don't know who sent these spirits or why they agreed, but all of them seemed to have something that distracted them from their main objective. Nightmare Moon had her own problems on her mind, and used that to pull a "not so different" moment; Discord was busy enjoying his freedom and (un)intentionally performing a good deed; and King Sombra probably would have kept going with the grief-inducing events for several more hours if she hadn't demanded to see the grave. Unlike the original story, all of these spirits felt as if they were doing this for a second job, which works out well since they were. It made the entire setting feel more relaxed, even with such dark twists and scenarios.
While the fourth verse was a powerful climax, I honestly can't say how necessary it was considering she wanted to change before it even began. Obviously, from a storytelling perspective, it was absolutely necessary. Can't have A Christmas Carol without the big finish in the future after all. It just makes me wonder how the story would have gone if King Sombra didn't show up. In relation, I thought the final chapter of redemption summed everything up as it needed (except perhaps the Applejack + Filthy Rich romance). I'd say it felt natural and justified with enough doubt and acceptance to go around. It was some tasty popcorn without the oversaturation of butter to make it heavier than it needed to be. It could be that I just wasn't paying close attention enough in chapter 3, but I had a bit of difficulty understanding how Diamond knew the present that Discord had altered was for Scootaloo. Was it a gut feeling or was there something more obvious that I missed?
Anyway, I believe that basically concludes the thoughts that came to mind. Hope you have a Christmas as merry as the Hearth's Warming Eve you ended with. Oh, and sorry, Silver Spoon. Better luck next fic.
All right, turning DT bias back on.
1840943
Mostly, it is that way because that is how the original plays it as well. I can see a few reasons why Dickens does that it that way.
With Scrooge (and Tiara here), you have a character that is disconnected from their fellow man. Past dives into why the disconnect happens, while Present shows Scrooge what he is missing out on, how others think of him. Those two events already serve to make him potentially want to change. Then you serve up Future, who is scary, ominous, and silent. At that point, you need to provide a reason for Scrooge to go with him. Either he needs to be hauled along, kicking and screaming, which doesn't work so well with the silent aspect, or he needs to go along willingly. And so he says the line, providing justification for why he goes along with
DeathFuture. Plus he's most likely gathering his nerves. He's scared, but he's trying to convince himself to go along.Additionally, there's the matter of Scrooge's reform. If you do something to avoid punishment, you aren't really a good and moral person. You have the same impulses, but you don't act upon them because you fear the consequences thereof, rather than because you actually believe they are wrong. Remove the consequences, old behaviors would return. For Scrooge to reform, it cannot be due to fear of what Future shows him. That leaves it as more of an "I didn't know what the consequences of my actions would be" sort of situation. For that, Scrooge has to have reconnected with his fellow man beforehand, so that he cares that Little Tim dies, what people say about him. He has to already be on the path.
Overall, the third spirit serves to make sure that Scrooge understands the importance of his reformation and the consequences of not doing so (as well as the folly of his old ways). It makes him really want to change.
How would it have played out without Sombra? Tiara would probably have made some friends, but not as many. Doubt she'd befriend the CMC or arrange for her father to sit next to AJ. It'd be Alula, Rumble, and/or Twist that she would befriend.
I wasn't really telling AJ + FR's story, so I deliberately left it vague. They were publicly dating now, the DT issue resolved. Up to the reader to decide if the relationship works out or not. And, hey, maybe it'll inspire some AppleRich fics ;)
The wrapping paper, though in chapter 5, not three. I kept the pattern hidden from the reader until Scootaloo gets the gift, mostly because I feared it would make it too obvious, especially with DT visiting Scootaloo later in the chapter. When she returns in chapter 5, it has settled on a single pattern, but I don't reveal exactly what it is. That waits until Scootaloo gets the present: "the white paper decorated with red wheels, wheels with wings." Basically this:
assets.sbnation.com/assets/7083/LOGO_Red_Wings.jpg
Not my team, but works nicely for Scootaloo. Guess I could use an extra sentence when DT realizes who it is for though, to make it clearer what the pattern tells her.
31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_meblnc0AZj1r9qrguo1_400.jpg
Out of all the fics I have read where Silver Spoon dies this has to be the saddest.
.
I know there's no hope for Silver Spoon but somepony tell me there is anyway PLEEEEEEEASE!?
Luna have mercy on little Silver Spoon!
I'm not kidding I am literally fighting back tears here. Damn what I time to have to stop taking my antidepressants.
3543797
In Equestria, there's always hope for redemption. I like to think that, at the very least, with every chain Diamond sheds, Silver Spoon's load gets lighter. Actually, the idea of a ghost Silver Spoon trying to earn full redemption might make for an interesting story, though one I doubt I'll ever get around to writing. Always too many ideas. Like possibly doing a Chrissy version of chapter 4 that isn't quite as dark.
I loved the surprise ending for NMM's time with DT. In hindsight I think Luna would have been a better choice. Nightmare Moon is more Spirit of HWE Future material. But I love how well you shook things up.
and I was too grief stricken to tell you how much I loved your depiction of Silver Spoon's arrival, from the spoon knocker to her emergence and interaction with DT.
I could literally feel how crushed Silver Spoon was, not by the weight of her sins but the thought that Diamond didn't trust her and thought the worst of her visit right off the bat.
I felt her heart break at that moment. even know I fight the tears
Buck yeah.. give it up for Slim Dizzy
3543838
There has to be hope for Silver. Her spirit is so predominant in the chapters, unlike Jacob Marly in the Original Christmas Carol and every time I heard about her it broke my heart to know her spirit is so doomed.
my head canon is that when she died her spirit was too heavy with guilt and sin that she could not take flight and leave this earth. And yet hell too was closed to her because due to her age (say 9 to 12) she could not have been fully aware of the consequences of her actions, and the affect on others as well as her self, despite being a highly intelligent filly. It's proven fact that the brain is too underdeveloped.
so she walks the earth alone in her own personal purgatory, watching the affects both good and bad that she had on Ponyville.
I would butcher the story myself, I'm afraid. So I am thinking of making a Silver Spoon's Ghost blog on tumblr. Get people to ask questions and share ideas as Silver haunts the Rich Estate. Not because she wants to, but because DT wants her not to be alone.
Knowing you share my view that her load became lighter after secureing DT's future is a good push off point for ponies to sugest how she can use her powers to help others, now that DT has somehow bound her spirit to her and Ponyville so she doesn't have to wander too far away.
there is plenty of room for plot development, with DT's father being a resident of the mansion with a new relationship with Aj blossoming. And yet only Diamond must suffer her constant ratling of her chains because only she can hear or see Silver Spoon most of the time.
appropriately enough, December is just around the corner, so I may run the blog for a month and say thats how long the magic is to last that keeps her spirit from having to wander. In that month she must make amends or be once again doomed to not rest in one spot for more then a hour or so, once again, driven to wander aimlessly for eternity.