A Reflection of Oneself
“Go away.”
Those same words she had said over and over to herself. It never worked. For over nine centuries it had never worked. She always came back.
For how can one make herself go away? How can one separate oneself from themselves? How can you make an entire part of you, no matter how much you hate that part, just disappear?
You can’t.
Sometimes, just sometimes, it worked, and she would feel part of herself leave. But then, that part would come back. It would come back the moment her doubts and worries came. It would come back, yes. But when it did, she would be harder to resist. Harder to control. Her doubts of her... sister were her fuel. And the more time she spent on the moon, the more and more she would feel the all too familiar rage at ... Celestia.
Oh, for the love of -. Wait. Who does a god curse? Who does a fallen god curse? But that doesn’t matter now. What does matter, if anything matters at all in the dark, gray, cold, and altogether barren landscape that she found herself in. That she had been in for the nine centuries.
Even then, even now, she felt the anger that she had harboured for far too long. Anger over the stupidest of reasons. She could see that now. But that didn’t mean that she was going to forgive her sister. She was ready, yet she was not ready. She was torn.
Torn in between.
In between what though? You can’t be torn in between yourself, can you? That was a question that she had been asking herself almost a millennia. How can there be two thoughts in one head? One that felt one way, and another a completely different way? How can one be so divided. It would drive anypony mad.
And it had.
Mad? She was not mad! But. But there was always that nagging feeling in her mind. No... It was more than a nagging feeling. It was almost consuming at times, while just a dormant, idle thought at times. It ebbed and flowed. And right now, it was all. All she could think about. About how she had been betrayed by her sister!
Betrayed.
No. She wasn’t betrayed. She had been defeated. She was in the wrong in this matter. She had done something wrong. She was sure of it. She tried to remember. She knew this, but memory was such a delicate area. So many things that she wished she could remember. So many things that she wished she could forget. Usually the two were mixed up together. You couldn’t have one without the other.
Without the other.
But the other was driving her mad. She was driving herself mad. Some days, she could believe that she was two separate people. On those days, she could actually blame the other for her mistakes. For being jealous of her sister. For being so incredibly stupid and as ignorant as to believe that she could do a better job than her sister. But mostly, she knew they were one and the same. Two sides of one coin in one body. It couldn’t last. She would die before letting the other win.
Letting the other win.
What other? She was the only one to blame. There was no one else! She was the only to blame. Only her. How could this had happened? In all her time alone, with nothing to do but think, she still had no answer. Glancing up at the world she used to call home, she started to cry. Everything that she had loved. Everything that she had known was gone. Gone from her. Never to be reclaimed. Just gone. Always hanging right above her head. It seemed so close, and yet she, better than anypony else, knew how immeasurably far away it was.
How far was home. Did she even have a home?
Far away it was. Indeed. It was far away. But in the time she had been here she had learned of other immeasurable things. The distance from here to there. How far away was home? What was home? A place where you grow up? A place where you live?
No.
A home requires something that she wasn’t entirely sure that she had anymore. Did she have any friends? Did she ever have any friends? Everything that her sister did earned her respect, but everything she did was shunned. Everything that she did earned her no respect. It only earned her fear! Everything! Everything that her sister had, she wanted. She needed. Craved. But she had none of it!
None!
She started to breath deeply, hoping to calm herself. Which side of herself, she couldn’t tell. Which scared her. There used to be a line. Albeit a thin line, but it was there. And it was blurred. With only her thoughts to keep her company, she had crept in, and stayed. Every now and then, she would take over, and she would rant and rave at the planet above, until she managed to yank back control. Control from who? There was no one to take control from. It was her. All her. No one else was here.
Here.
There was a concept that she hadn’t thought about in a while. Here. Looking around, she saw nothing. Her hoof-steps, her imprints on the moon. Her moon. That’s where she was. Her moon. Her moon, an old place to escape to. A place to come to in times of hurt. A place to call her own, where nopony else could come. A place of solitude. A place of peace in the ever raging storm. Maybe that’s where this all came from. Too much time alone? Too much time in the coldness of nowhere? Or something else? Was there something wrong with her? She didn’t want to believe that , but there was always that possibility. And perhaps, being on the moon, alone, was only making things worse? Her moon.
A moon.
No longer her moon. She no longer had control of it.
A moon.
Her prison.
But never her home.
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Wow, just absolute WOW
I very much enjoy your writing style, and you seem to have a very strong grasp on rhetoric.
This story really makes you not only see the crushing lonliness but to feel it as well
Congrats sir, you win one internet.
Bravo, sir.
Excellent work.
1768600
Really? Thanks! I wanted to try something a little out of my comfort zone. I've never written one these types before.
1768603>>1768672
Thanks, the both of you!
1768681
You are very welcome.
Congratulations, I believe this will make the featured box or at very least popular stories.
Oh wait, it already is in popular stories
1768970
Heh, It's already on the popular list. Here's hoping for the feature board again, but I'm not getting my hopes up. Shorter stories don't tend to make it.
FIMFICTION! PROVE ME WRONG!
Nice avi, by the way. It sorta reminds me of an old book. I don't remember what it was called though.
1768983 Warrior Cats for the old book maybe? And, I have seen loads of short fics on featured so lets all hope you get on featured again.
Impressive, you capture what I can only think must have been going on in Luna's head during the moon perfectly. I must read more of your works at a later date.
well done my friend. Well. Done.
This is going to be featured, calling it now.
1768983 hrmmmm? from all these comments how could i not read this
1768983 This has been read sir and i must say i am impressed. This is an interesting little look into the thoughts of Luna and you did a very good job. Pat yourself on the back if you can reach.
Not really deserving of the sad tag... Didn't seem sad to me at least.
But that's besides the point - The story was well written and had a sort of feeling of despair to it, as well as the feeling of being unsure of just who you are. A different take on the relationship between Luna & NMM I think, and a fairly good one honestly.
1768995
Sounds like it.
1768999
Thanks for the complement. And go for reading my older stuff! Just to warn you, it's not written quite in this way's fashion.
1769759
*tries* *fails*
1771133
I can agree to the sad tag.
A different take? That's good. I was worried I was going to get burned with "ermehgerd, this is overdone." *vote down*
1769094
I wish. If that happens, please, somebody tell me.
1769046
Thanks!
1771455 me try and fail? that's what i thought of the story was about i wasn't reviewing it man.
You did a good job.
1771886
What?
Oh...
That was to "Pat yourself on the back if you can reach."
177190 oh yeah that makes a lot more sense my bad sir
1771910
No problem.
I think the mint fumes from my gum is messing with my brain
i can smell it and its in my pocket.
1771455 Oh trust me I like all styles long as I can make heads or tails of it
1771455
I'll admit that I have seen it before, but not very much.
PS.
What the FUCK happened to fimfiction?
1772741
Sounds good then. Be sure to tell me what you think though!
1774429
So it wasn't the over done cliche story? That's good
1775258
In normal words: Eeyup.
Cool story.
I would appreciate if this was continued.
1956081
Like a continuation of her thoughts while on the moon? Written in the same style?
1956087 Sure, similar style if possible.
1956100
Sure!
I'll seriously think about it. If I get time, I'd do it tomorrow. I need a break from my other story., and this would be perfect. I'd PM you if it was a different story.
1956112 Okay! No rush!
*squee*
hewwo listener :3 another reading
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_yKC-swptI&list=PL5p3daDwRVGGkUY7_xis9-v9e6TbsVk0B&index=11
Short but cool. Fave
I like this on so many levels!
>>Listener More please?? It's really good!!!