• Published 9th Dec 2012
  • 3,488 Views, 43 Comments

Best Friends Forever - Blue Thunder

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Pony Friends Forever.

Twilight walks into her private sleeper car on the overnight train back to Canterlot. They were all on their way back from saving the Crystal Empire and Princess Cadence had given them all private cars for the long journey home. She walks over to the window and opens the curtains to see the aurora emanating from the Crystal Palace lighting up the country side. She sighs at the beauty, wondering what was going to happen now. She jumps at a loud thump on the roof and looks back out the window to see Rainbow Dash looking at her from over the edge of the roof. Dash smiles and waves at Twilight before taking off again and heading towards her own car. Twilight decides to walk over to Dash's car to talk, seeing as she cant sleep. She opens her door and steps into the hallway, heading for the door connecting her car to the next. She slips through the double doors quietly and looks into the door leading to the room, seeing Fluttershy sleeping softly on her bed. Twilight smiles and continues on to the next sleeper car. This time when she looks through the door, shes met by the face of Rainbow Dash.

"Hi Twilight. What are you doing sneaking around peaking into everyponys room?"

Twilight blushes when Dash says it like that. "O... I couldn't sleep. I was wondering if you wanted to stay up and talk for a little while."

Dash lets her in and closes the door behind her. "Sure, is there something in particular you wanted to talk about?"

"Not really, I just don't want to go to bed yet. Especially after all the excitement today." Twilight sits down on the bed and Dash sits next to her.

Dash looks out the window for a few minutes. "Its so beautiful tonight, all the stars are shining and the moon is extra bright. It must be Luna is proud of you Twilight."

Twilight blushes again. "I didn't know you appreciated beauty like this Rainbow."

"Yea, well dont tell anypony. I don't want them to think i'm going soft." She turns away from the window and looks into Twilights eyes. "I.. uuummmm... I kinda.... sorta.... think....your pretty too."

Twilight's ears flick. 'Did she just.... no, there's no way, is there? She couldn't possibly like me, could she? Na, it was probably just my imagination. You need to stop dreaming Twilight. Shes never going to like you like that. Still, she said she thought i was pretty.' "I'm sorry, i didn't quite catch that last part. Did you say i was pretty?"

Dash blushes. "Uuummm, yea. Ooooo, i didn't mean it that way. I meant in the light and the aurora and........." Dash starts sweating and refuses to look at Twilight.

'O my dear Celestia, she DOES like me. Do i like her? Do i even like mares for that matter? What is i do like her, will the others make fun of me? Of us?' They both sit in silence for a few minutes before Dash starts talking about the day they just had. Twilight and Dash talk about how Dash had jousted with Fluttershy, and how Spike had fallen and Shining armor had thrown Cadence to catch him and the Crystal Heart. Eventually they run out of things to talk about and just watch the countryside roll by the window. Twilight starts thinking about Dash again, wondering if she liked the rainbow maned mare that way, and is Dash actually liked HER that way. She decides to try to find out. She whispers just loud enough to hear herself. "I think your pretty too" She sees Dash's ear twitch and wonders if she heard her. 'No she couldnt possabily have heard me, I could barely hear me. But that felt good to say. It somehow felt right to call her pretty' She decides she needs to find out if her feelings are true, and if Dash feels the same way. "Dash."

Dash turns to look at her. "Yea Twilight?"

Twilight starts to blush at what she was about to say. "I.. i think i like you." She immediately looks away.

Dash looks at her friends half turned face and sees the blush on her cheek. They sit like that for a few minutes, the entire time Twilight's head seemed to get lower and her face sadder. Dash finally responds. "I like you too Twilight, after all were PFF's right?"

Twilight feels crestfallen at the last statement. "O uh, yea. I guess we are. Its getting late, i'd better be getting back to bed." She gets up and walks out into the hallway, barely holding her tears back. She doesn't notice that dash seems to be deep in thought. She also doesn't notice the look of confusion that seems to get bigger and bigger. As soon as shes back in her own bed she starts crying openly. 'Why am i so worked up over this. Do i really like her that much.' she thinks it through for a few moments, all the while crying. 'Yes, i do like her. But she doesn't like me back, i was wrong and now shes probably freaked out.' She eventually calms down enough to stop crying. She lays there on her bed wallowing in sadness and self pity. She jumps at a knock at her dor and quickly wipes the tears out of her eyes. "Hold on a second, ill be right there." She walks over to the door and opens it up, only to be tackled by a rainbow colored blur. Twilight lands on her back and looks up to see Dash's face only inches from her own.

Dash leans in closer and whispers "I like you too Twilight." She then plants her lips on Twilight's. Twilight stares at Rainbow Dash in shock, her eyes wide. Eventually she closes them and just enjoys the moment. Dash closes hers too.

Twilight is quiet as she kisses Dash, but inside shes screaming in excitement. 'SHE LIKES ME BACK, I KNEW IT.' Suddenly she feels Dash's tong on her lips. 'What is she doing? Does she really want to do that? I guess we came this far, what harm is there in going a little further.' She opens her mouth, letting Dash's tong in. Dash immediately starts exploring the new territory. Not wanting to take a back seat on this crazy ride, Twilight starts wrestling with Dash's tong, pushing back into the other mares mouth. After a few more moments of tong wrestling, Dash breaks it off. Twilight giggles at what just happened. "What now? How do we tell the others? DO we tell the others?"

Dash just smiles and pulls Twilight over to her bed. "Now i suggest we get some sleep and worry about that stuff later. I find that f you let a problem ferment, usually it will resolve its self in some way or other." With that Twilight lays down on the bed and Rainbow Dash lays down next to her, spreading a wing over her new mare friend.

The next morning Twilight wakes up in Rainbow Dash's warm embrace. 'It wasn't a dream. Thank Celestia.' She hears voices outside her door. She recognizes Applejacks voice as she listens. "Well ahm worried. Rainbow Dash is nowhere to be found and Twilight hasn't come out of her room yet." Twilight is about to get up when AJ opens the door and walks right in. "Twilight, ya in here.... WHAT in the HAY is going on here?" Twilight blushes as Dash wakes with a start and retracts her nice warm wing. Twilight sighs sadly inside as a chill decends on her.

Rarity rushes into the room at AJ's exclamation, takes one look at the two mares laying on the bed, and starts to push Applejack and Pinky out of the room. "Isn't it obvious Applejack dear. These two obviously need some privacy, now run along you two and wake Fluttershy. No spike dear, Twilight is busy. You can go in later. Now, who wants pancakes for breakfast, i hear the food on board is delightful." And with that Rarity shuts the door with one final wink at the two mares.

Twilight laughs at the look of confusion on Rainbow Dash's face. "Leave it to Rarity to identify love instantly." Twilight blushes at what she just said.

Rainbow Dash looks into Twilight's eyes. "Love. Is this what this is? Do you really love me?"

Twilight thinks for a minute before answering. "Yes. I love you Rainbow Dash." Twilight blushes as she says this, but she knows its true. She did love Rainbow Dash, with all her heart. Her blush stars to fade as she waits for a reaction from Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow Dash slowly turns back to Twilight. "I love you to, Twilight Sparkle. And I always will." Dash smiles and kisses her mare friend. "Now, lets go get some of those pancakes before Pinkie eats them all." With that the mares both stand and walk out the door and into their future together.

Comments ( 43 )

Feel free to leave a comment, positive or negative. Any feedback is good.

The first chapter of the sequel is being published as i write this. The sequel is titled Dash's secret.

Interesting read, dood. I gotta ask why you don't capitalize some of the "I" when a character descibes/talks about herself/thinks about herself, or when you spelled "tongue" as "tong"

Still a good read with a few hiccups I found that made me ask myself "what?", dood.

1767741 lol spell check made into tong, I will fix. I have a problem with holding the shift button for the I's. My last computer automatically capitalized the first word in a sentience and all the I's for me so i have a bad habit. What hiccups where there? I would like to try to streamline the story.

Hello there,

My name is Sparkle Writer. I am not the best writer in the whole world but, I have been in your position before and I know how it feels to be new and inexperienced. I am not here to ramble about my experiences. I am here to point a few things out. And I would love to give some feedback, because you my friend really need it. And it seems you are also not up to scratch with your spelling. (No offense.)

So where do I begin?

Firstly allow me to start with spelling. It has come to my attention that a lot of your I's aren't captalised where they should be in the description.

Secondly, The dialogue isn't that great but it isn't necessarily the most important part but a good dialogue does tend to help with the flow of the story.

Thirdly, You are showing but not enough especially when it comes to character interaction and facial expression. Instead of saying: Twilight blushed. You could say: Her cheeks went cherry red as the young colt pressed his lips against hers, giving her a lustful sensation. Her heart almost burst as he pulled away and their eyes met for one last time. I know isn't the best example but it gives you the idea anyway.

Lastly, Marketing. To attract attention and to make sure people take an interest in your story you should do the following:

1. Provide some good cover art relevant to the story.
2. Make sure the words in your description are spelled correctly.
3. Give a brief but informative description of your story.
4. Try and make the title some what original.

That is about all the advice I can provide you with but I might I suggest for more tips, advice and general guidance that you check out these groups:

The Writer's Group: http://www.fimfiction.net/index.php?view=group&group=50

Struggling Authors: http://www.fimfiction.net/index.php?view=group&group=394

Author Help: http://www.fimfiction.net/index.php?view=group&group=248

Writer's Assistance Group: http://www.fimfiction.net/index.php?view=group&group=601

They should be able to help with whatever you need. I am member of all this groups. So at least you know where to find me. If you need any further help please feel free to PM me.

And before I wrap this up, Welcome to FIMfiction.net!

Have some fanart.

th03.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2012/123/f/3/twidash_in_the_rain_by_nyuuchandiannepie-d4ydmwj.png

Your pal,

Sparkle Writer :twilightsmile:

The sequel has just been approved and the first chapter is available to read.:pinkiehappy:

1767831 I have always been bad at spelling and i have a bad habit of not capitalizing my I's because my last computer dd that automatically (sometimes i hate technology) Thanks for all the feedback, really helpful.

I am glad that I was helpful.

If you ever need an editor, I'll be willing to. I'm in the editors/proofreaders service but I can't find much work, I've resorted to asking people who seem like they need it. Not to be offensive, but you do need to brush up on your skills or hire someone dashingly handsome and relevantly intelligent, like me.
Just give me the OK and I'll start as soon as possible.

Errm.... If you don't want help though, I'll give you some advice. This story goes way too fast, and short stories don't go we'll in second person; try writing in first or third.

Now into the praise, it's good but not entirely original.
Thanks for writing and pm me if you're eager for an editor.
Chaio,

1768023
thanks for the offer, i mght just take you up on that. As to the originality of the story, your right. I totally ripped off.... cant remember name of story but it s a Flutterdash story. I just needed a launching point for the sequel.

It was a pretty cute one-shot. Loved it! :twilightsmile:

1768070
Ah but ts not over yet, Read the sequel, Dash's Secret.

This is a short story I wrote in about three hours. I am a huge fan or Twidash and I have been wanting to write something like this for a while now. I left it at one chapter for now but if i get lots of good comments or requests to continue the story I will add another chapter. There will be a sequel titled Dash's Secret. It will be set a little while in the future, say about five months. I will not post any spoilers but I got my inspiration from the story 'Who We Are'. If you have read this story please don't post spoilers. If you haven't read this story, don't worry I didn't copy the story. I tried to change as much as I could while still keeping the main idea.

Main thing, if you want people to have a good impression before reading the story, make sure the damn blurb is spelt right and properly edited too.
All capitalisation and spelling in Red.
And a bit of plausible improvement in Green.

The latter might need you to look at the original post (without BBCode enabled) to see what it is as the external link overrides the colour.

~M3lancholy

P.S: One last thing, if I read this, will I need to stop myself from murdering you due to bad grammar, spelling and capitalisation?
P.P.S: I have my answer. Expect person with baseball bat outside your door soon.

I accidently read the sequel first and this after:derpyderp2: I thought it was pretty good though it could have not have been as rushed as i believe it has been definitely thumbs up from me.

Ps the offer i made on the sequel still stands and i am ready to follow you to the pits of writer hell if i have to and to stay by your side of stories dont go so well. :facehoof:

Yeah...that was a bit weird.... (drifts into awkward silence...)

This

That is the edit for basic grammar, spelling and capitalisation. As well as some really whacked out tenses. You kept the whole story going in the present, which can be good if it sounds right and is in the dialogue... not like that. One more thing, invest in a proofreader from this group, it will be much easier and although you might find some of the more... shall we say odd, parts of the story questioned, it will help you to make the story realistic and get rid of around 500 grammatical errors. (Assumed US during the spell check)
Dear god, you really don't want to get me started on some of the plot holes and oddities in this, I really think neither person would survive.

If you have doubts for my motives, lets just say that it's for the good of the community.
~M3lancholy

1768049 aww, I guess someone beat me to it. Anyway, offer still stands as a whole. If you want I'll be your editor, for any new stories you write, or you can get this "M3lancholy" to ask someone from his apparently superior group.

Or you can ignore both of us, that's a good choice too.

1768915
This was a public health post. I am still debating whether or not I need to kill him for setting off OCD.
And it's simply relevant to his needs. You can of course ignore every and all posts you wish, but you will be told about bad grammar/continuation/OOC stuff, and that sort of thing is a very good reason why people have disliked this.
~M3lancholy

1768962 Your group wouldnt happen to have the same mission statement as TWE would it:rainbowdetermined2:

1769095
erm... wut?
I have absolutely no idea what TWE is, I was just recommending a group to look at.

1769104 lol TWE is a disbanded group. It was a joke. They were disbanded because most of their members insulted writers they didn't like.

1769115
I do not 'not like' you, I simply found that your writing was lacking and sought to correct that.
In no way, shape or form did I insinuate that I do not like you, just the bad style of writing in both this and the sequel.
And so I fixed it.

1768504 Awkward silence? Na, its goot to know there are people out there who got my back. :twilightsmile: Brohoof.

1769125
Thats why i said its a joke. I would never speak to another like that as that in itself is an insult. My personal motto IS love and tolerance.cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/21719170.jpg

1768962 Errrm... your point would be clearer if you didn't use so many acronyms and referred to by name, who you were talking about. But I get it and its a noble sentiment, public health and all that.
But it did kinda feel a little insulting of BlueThunder's grammatical skills. Try not to be so harsh an you'll be the most loveable guy around, you fix their work up to a higher grade without chastising them and then they'll want to work with you again.

Oh and I am in that group so... Err.., thanks? I guess.
If you're with them I'd say its great to meet a fellow editor.
And I probably should have checked that out before I posted that comment. :twilightblush:
Sorry, by the way ( and this is a serious question) how is it pronounced? York-shire or Yorkshirr. - I honestly don't know how you think those ones are pronounced because well, I'm not verbally conversing with you. Basically, use your best interpreting skills and get to me later.
Thanks,

1771136
US - United States
ODC - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
OOC - Out Of Character
York-Shire
Shire as in the shire from the Hobbit

Hello fellow editor, and this is how I work things in an out-of-job situation in which I do of my own accord in my free time. I do things thoroughly and then say what the writer has done wrong very bluntly in the hope that it will have an effect, I might be nicer if people actually ask me to preread or I do things when I'm in a good mood.

~M3lancholy

1771239 Thank you, sorry for that seemingly pointless question. You seem polite, but being blunt can make you seem a bit rude. Sorry if I seemed rude too. Yea it's hard to find people who are actually looking for a proofreader. It gets annoying.

1771410
Attitude changes dependant on what mood I'm in and whether the story is good/bad/missing bits.

Anyway, attitude is in a better point now, I have posted more in-depth feedback in 'Life Goes On', hopefully that helps you more.
~M3lancholy

1771882 maybe ill ask you to proofread Stranded when it comes out, before i make it public.

this is cute, but try slowing down, its abit too fast paced for a romance.
and try working on character dialogue, rainbow sounded too similar to twilight, but the others were alright
and character can be hard to do in fics this short, so kudos

Short, but definitely sweet!

1820346 I saw this and was like "WO WHAT SEQUAL!?" because it said it in it's little description thing, scroleld up saw sequal "YES I CAN READ BOTH!" read this, about to read the sequal!

1771882 You will probably hate me for this but I have another ship out in the works. Only one chapter is done but I am taking this slow. I would like to have one chapter judged at a time so I can go back and fix it before movint on to the next. The title is Love Makes Me Derp. I have a few down votes but nobody has left a comment. I am getting 0 feedback.

1871742
Sanity, you only just returned to me...
Sanity, Please come baaaack!

Ok, if you want me to proofread it, send it to me over PM and stuff.

1871742He is a bigger fool then I thought.

1875289 crap. you are so annoying Midnight. Just ignore her and she will leave eventually.

1875289 i don't have any more written other then what I have already published. I will send the next chapters to you via Pm as soon as i have them written.

You can't ignore me forever...

The hell? Is this supposed to be a play? You've got "walks, sleeps, sits, looks..." etc. It's really weird.

I enjoyed this fic. I didn't like how it was written; it made me think it was a play or something. However, the story itself is very good.

3.5/5 moustaches.
:moustache::moustache::moustache::moust

1875554

That comment and your picture nearly made me cry! :fluttercry:

Ssssssqqqqquuuuueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee:rainbowkiss::twilightsmile:

Adorable! *Squee*

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