Anon is a fundamentalist Christian living in Ponyville. To him, God's word is law. Braeburn is his best friend, but he has a secret Anon doesn't know. And maybe that's a good thing.
Author's note: I am an atheist, and I support gay rights.
Edition: All the butthurt at this story is hilarious. Guess I should try and clear some things up.
1: Anon is a hardline religious extremist, not a representation of your average Christian.
2: This isn't meant to be a troll fic, it's meant to be a bad feels fic. So feel bad.
3: Anon is in Equestria because this was written for Anon in Equestria.
4: This was written during a surge of gay stories that were pretty popular. I wanted to use it's popularity to write a bad feels story instead of a "happily forever after" story. Anon is a Christian extremist because makes more sense for him to beat up a gay guy/pony than for a normal guy.
I seriously said to myself "What?" the whole time. Very confusing for a one chapter fic. I still have no idea what just happened...
Trying to start a shitstorm.
Congrats, author, you are as bad as those you demonize.
1722201
Posting something I wrote months ago on a different site =/= trying to start a shitstorm
At a certain point, atheists are just as bad in their unproven nonsense as fundamentalists. This is a prime example. Thumbs down X100 if I could. Not religious at all, but this is pure stereotyping.
My favorite part was when it ended. You can still see the '>' marks from where it was obviously taken from a terrible one-shot on /mlp/.
I've read worse, but this didn't even have an honest attempt in it.
1722229
Define "honest attempt"
1722224
Atheists don't have to prove anything. It's the religious that have to prove that their deities exist.
That said, most stories like this are terrible.
1722224
Actually, it's not. It's portraying an extremist.
1722227
Nope. Just getting used to what sets off this sites butthurt alarms.
1722276
Nothing?
Well I for one enjoyed it. Was an interesting portrayal of a religious extremist.
1722257 technically, religions don't have to prove anything. they are based on faith. faith means you just believe in something, regardless of whether you have indisputable proof or not. The bottom line is, the human mind cannot hope to comprehend the vast mysteries of the universe or all the secrets it holds. Atheists have no proof a higher being does not exist, just as religion has no proof one does. The fact is, humanity will likely never know the answers to the great questions we love to ask. As an Agnostic, I'm comfortable in saying there is no way of knowing whether a 'god' exists or not, and I'm fine with that.
1722274 but for what purpose are you portraying him? To bash a minority of a certain religion?
1722257
What makes it terrible? I'm not arguing with you; your opinion is your opinion. I'm just asking for clarity.
1722319
Because it's an interesting idea for a story, not everything has some hidden attack on people.
A perceptive, calculating analysis of the modern world we live in and how God's work can be shown through the actions of honest men. Bless you Brainhorn, for God has gifted you with his talents and his words. Go with Christ, to love and serve The Lord, and also to exterminate the cock-juggling anal jesters.
1722319
Long story short? The other site I posted on had a surge of gay stories, and they were quite popular. I wanted to see if I could take that popularity and turn it into bad feels. And a normal, level headed person wouldn't just beat up a gay person ( or pony, as it were), so who better than a religious extremist? I don't mean to imply ALL Christians are like this, but the ones like this DO exist.
1722327 that's your opinion. 23 folks seem to disagree.
1722339 This is true, and closed mindedness is a curse upon humanity. I appreciate your actual explanation, and I can understand where you're coming from, but surely you knew this wouldn't be too well received? Either way, you've got the right to write whatever you like, so carry on sir. Carry on.
1722359
The entire point of the story is to give bad feels. I didn't expect a whole lot of thumbs up. In this case, thumbs down kind of means the story did what it was meant to.
1722368 in that case, you are winning.
1722346
Actually I think they are thumbs downing the story because of what it's about rather than the quality of the work. That isn't how you judge art.
That was absolutely horrifying. I'll admit, I'm surprised it was so well written, no grammar mistakes or anything, although the second person point of view was an odd choice. Troll fics are usually so badly written. But what is the purpose of all this? It has absolutely nothing to do with mlp. Honestly, you could have gotten the exact same type of stereotypical hate horror across with people. I suppose you needed an audience and thought ponies would bring the most shock value? Either way, that was bad. Real bad. Maybe if it wasn't ponies, and wasn't in second person view, the story would have been interesting. Like, one of those stories that you hate the main character so much you just have to keep reading to see what's coming to him. But ponies? Completely pointless, and full of troll. One more thing, is Anon just some random ass human wandering around equestria, and Apple Jack's interested in him?
All in all I hated it, because ponies. Nice try though.
Who would name their child Anon?
This goes very fast. Give us some description! Use your five senses!
Your grammar is very good. And you have an interesting writing style.
Missing a Y at the start of the sentence!
Honestly, I would say you use too many line breaks. Try to combine lines into paragraphs. For example:
Could easily become
Try not to use CAPS for emphasis. Italics are better.
Quotes within dialogue are denoted with apostrophes. Should be 'us'.
Well. This escalated quickly. From what you've shown us of Anon, this seems very sudden and out-of-character. Aside from the description, you've given us nothing to show that this guy is a fundamentalist. The whole "Having sex with a pony is a no-no to God!" thing is something a lot of Christians might say, not just fundamentalists. And he looks like a heavy drinker...
Very dark. Huh. Not necessarily bad, but it needs a lot of work.
-Dubs Rewatcher
Former TWE reviewer, and devout Christian
1722385 copy and pasting greentext isn't exactly the highest form of literature. (not that fanfiction is either) but the authors stated goal was bad feels, and he said he counted the downvotes as an indication of success. in that respect, he's doing great. Also, art is subjective. the very idea of 'judging art' is a bit of an oxymoron.
Someone who doesn't believe in god is trying to say what people who do believe think.
The problem with the character you're portraying isn't that he's a christian, it's that he's a murderous psychopath. Truth is, no matter how slyly you wink and nod and say he's an extremist, everyone knows what the point of this story is and considering the content of your other story it's easy to see your intention.
Go back to /b/
oh my... Braeburn's a colt cuddler?
Umm...
1722407
Well he did write it for somewhere else.
Also I said not everything was a hidden attack on someone or a group, you said 23 people disagree. I'm not even sure what we're arguing about.
"art is subjective. the very idea of 'judging art' is a bit of an oxymoron."
Which makes me question the logic of letting people vote on these stories in the first place.
>>1722311
I agree, we may never know for sure, but if they are making assertions about the existence of a supreme being, sure, they can take it on faith. But, if they want to get into debates on whether or not such a being exists, its THEM who must give proof, as opposed to requiring non-believers to prove non-existence. You can't prove a negative. It's "logic 101".
1722324
I wasn't necessarily speaking specifically about your story. As has been pointed out in this comment thread already, most stories here that involve religion in some form or fashion almost always turn out to be just unbearably bad.
As for your own story, I don't mind a good gore/murderfest, but it just seemed a little out of nowhere for your character to suddenly snap and beat the everloving shit out of GayPone. Maybe do a little more buildup, hint at psychological issues he may have, I dunno. I get what you were trying to do, it just seemed a little rushed.
Why was this even approved?!
1722399
It's not a troll fic. You said it was horrifying? That's what I was going for. It's SUPPOSED to be.
1722415
People are entitled to whatever opinion they want. Luckily, as the "author", it's what I say that applies.
1722427 I was unaware that we were arguing. I see your point with the voting tho. I guess we need some way to like/dislike stories. It ain't perfect, but it'll do.
1722404
Thanks for the pickup on the Y. As for the breaks, honestly, I hadn't written in prose since high school. I just grabbed the nearest book and copied how it layed everything out.
As for Anon going out of character, that was kind of part of my plan, so it was harder to see it coming, but I guess a little foreshadowing couldn't have hurt.
1722446
Even still, it seems like the entire purpose of this story was to piss people off and launch them into religious debate. That, and the fact that it has NOTHING to do with ponies qualifies it as a troll fic for me.
1722433 if that is what they're trying to argue as though they know for a fact one exists, then yes, you're correct.
however, the human mind is wired via evolution to do 2 things: stay alive, and reproduce. With brains like ours, it makes me sad to think we'll never know some of the great secrets of our universe. Man I miss my philosophy class...
1722415
So, what you're saying is that someone who has an outsiders view is wrong?
How do you even know he has an outsiders view, I've been in the church for plenty of years, and had to renounce the faith primarily because of shit like this.
Just because YOU don't believe it as part of your dogma, doesn't mean it's not a part of other peoples', nor that it's not taught in the bible at all (I've read it in and out and had to take test a total of 24 times on the material in it, not counting memorizing bible verses for other subjects completely unrelated due to the nature of my school, this shit is in there, and the denial of it is cherry-picking.)
1722490
Either way, it wasn't my intention, and I certainly learned a lesson from this. Something to remember is I posted this elsewhere first, and nobody cried "omg hidden agenda" so I just assumed nobody would here, either. From the way people are reacting, I assume troll fics are somewhat common.
As for the pone thing, this was written for Anon in Equestria. Which is why it's about Anon, and why there are pones.
1722439
If I had to guess, it's because I tagged it properly, and my spelling, grammar, and punctuation were up to par.
all homophobes are hate-mongering retarded inbred redneck closet faggots
obviously
real horror would be depicting them as real people with more than 1 dimension
because we all know that's not possible irl
anyone who disagrees with ABC somebody or other is clearly an evil XYZ
(replace ABC with your favored group of choice and XYZ with a group that disagrees with you)
anyway
this sucks
it's great that you support gay rights
but it doesn't help your story much
1722532
You seem to be assuming too much of this.
1722545
plz tel mi wat im asumin plz
im cureeus
cuz u dindt xplane urself
vere wel
I have a question. WHAT are you trying to say,and WHAT are you trying to portray? And you DO know that posting anything religious up on sites like this would get you to this state? WHAT are you thinking?
Edit: This is STILL a trollfic no matter what you say. And as for Christian Extremist bashing gays makes more sense? Tell me if the trolls who bash bronies are chirstian or not.
not all christians disaprove of gay rights
to be fair i like how anon intolerantly killed a pony
it sounds like anonymous
actually
this isn't that bad
i kind of like it
because it's lulzy
but it still sucks
but i like it
but i upvoted
but next time you should make it look like you actually hate gays
that causes so much more butthurt
and trolling =/= moralfaggotry
have a nice day
1722567
lol
like anyone's going to listen to you
we know the truth
hail satan
1722472
But do we really?
1722559
I'm not trying to SAY anything. There's no "message" here. This isn't Diamond in the Rough. You just read it, not analyze it.
And it portrays a religious extremist killing an innocent gay pony because it's sad and you're supposed to feel sad. That's what I was thinking.
1722509
I'm not saying he's wrong, I'm questioning the intention of the story. The book of Leviticus is the one that says that if man lays with another man they should be put to death. It says much the same about eating lobster and shrimp too but Christians aren't demanding that which is why fundamentalism is, IMHO, mental.
Thing is, that's part of the old testament, before forgiveness in the new testament. By the time the bible hits the new testament it really slacks off on telling people to murder everyone for every little thing.
My point for this is the same as for video games and the supposed violence they create. If a person murders someone and you find out they've been playing call of duty 324234423525, i wouldn't go straight to the game and say it's the games fault, I would first check and make sure he's not batshit insane.
I'm drawing that same parallel here.
Oh and yes i'm a christian (as much as i hate to say that now and then) and i do write F/F shipping/pairings. Why? Because the bible in the new testament says "Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves."
And i believe my mission on earth should not be to cause pain or suffering, trouble or anguish, but to help those who need it and bring a smile to those who have none.
Love the sinner, hate the sin so to speak.
1722464
Kudos to you for not deleting every negative comment, it says a lot about someone who doesn't just delete everything they don't like, especially on the internet.
1722616 Many thanks for clearing that up (No sarcasm here, seriously). But in honesty really, I highly recommend not posting such stuff up here. Your English was good though, really. Just... y'know, the content.