Rarity's Winter Walk

Rarity goes out on her daily winter walk and worries about her five over-worked and stressed out friends. She decides to make a small, strange surprise for them.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 7 )

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Talon and Thorn

Talon and Thorn #1 · Dec 2nd, 2012 · · ·

Element of Generosity indeed.

SweetMelody

SweetMelody #2 · Dec 2nd, 2012 · · ·

Great details . Maybe you can read my story called my day in ponyville and tell me what you think

theYasha

theYasha #3 · Dec 2nd, 2012 · · ·

1725223 Im glad u like it ^-^ personally I think all my stories suck, but that's just because I'm 12 and I dont think a kid like me could write an awesome story. I would love to read yours though

SweetMelody

SweetMelody #4 · Dec 2nd, 2012 · · ·

1725259
Hey hey don't say that your story suck .Over all it's a great story

ScooterFiction

ScooterFiction #5 · Dec 3rd, 2012 · · ·

Nice story, simple and yet enjoyable. A few minor points to help out though.

I suggest breaking the text up into separate paragraphs with a line between each one, to make it easier to read.

Also, when using dialogue, every time a new character speaks, you should put the new characters dialogue on a separate line, as to make it clearer to read. Also, Rainbow Dash's dialogue could do without the block capitals, as you made it clear what her tone of voice was, when you mentioned she was shouting. The block capitals just appear unnecessary and brash.

You also have a few simple spelling errors and typo's, most of which could be fixed with a quick proof read in future, either by yourself or another person for you.

Besides these few minor issues, it was a great story, I enjoyed the story telling, and the imagery was well done, but not over the top either. Keep up the good work!

theYasha