Chapter 1:Smashed

It was stormy and dark outside when i woke up, I sat up and looked around. Same roome, same stuff, same me. I checked it twice. Still the same.

"Good", I thought for myself

I don't know why i checked it but it felt necessary. I jumped off my bed and trotted trough the door directly to the kitchen, where I drank a whole bottle of cider. Why? My girlfriend left me, me parents dumped me, and now i got fired. I just hoped that it coul help. Yes my life was worse than the life of normal ponies.

And for the short record my name is Brian Erasmus Inkovic, but you should call me Brink. Thats the name I chose for myself instead of the name my parents gave me cause it gives me a shudder every time. Now back to where we left.

After the kitchen visit I felt something, something weird, a voice in my mind saying something over and over again.

"Stay awake Brian...Stay awake Brian..."

And so I did, I went into my room and turned on my Ponystation 3. I played five hours straight without even realizing. But it all enden with a loud "Vrooooom!" out of thin air. and all of a sudden a blue box flew throug my wall and crashed right where my TV was standing.

"Holy...", I scream while jumping behind my chair.

After a bit of good old safe silence i looked at what crashed my TV. It was a blue box with the words "Police Public Call Box" written at the top of it.

"What's that thing? Hello?! S-Somepony in there?!", I whispered while checking the box on more weird stuff.

And then the door opened with a creak and a light-brown colored pony with a dark-brown mane, standing back like he was scared, placed a hoof outside of the box. I paniced and hid inside my closet.

He looked through the room while he pointed all over the place with a thingy that looked like a screwdriver but made strange noises. And suddenly he oppend some "claws" at the top and looked at them.

"Hmmm...", he muttered while inspectin the thingy, "You can step out of the closet I know that you are there and who or whatever you are i wont hurt you as long as you don't do so."

I was so scared that i did what he say while muttering "please don't hurt me, please don't hurt me..."

"I said I won't hurt you. Hello there, I'm the Doctor and who are you?"

"Doctor", strange name i thought. "I'm Brink."

"Strange Name but good. Now, do you know where I landed and where I can find a new Fez ? My old one got all messed up and things while crashing here", he asked smiling.

"This Is gonna be a long long night", I thought.

"Yes actually", I ran to my closet and came back with a red fez, "something like this?"

"Yes brilliant! Now where am I and what crunshed so loud while landing, I hope it wasn't a friend of yours."

"No. You landed in MY house and crashed MY TV!", I shouted at him.

"I'm sorry about that, nut my Tardis sensed some Timey-wimey compilcations, so it landed here. But! As I see nothing to worry about you got it all covered up don't you so I will step back inside and just go, thanks for the Fez!"

"Oh No! No No No! You're not getting away you stay and pay this hey comeback!"

He stepped back into his blue box and closed the Door, and the box began to make the "VROOOM!" again, but this time I jumped right through the door inside the small blue box.

"Hold it right there Mister... Holy...", I couldn't find words for it i just couldn't.

"Oy!!! This is my Tardis and you just jump in? Well, i did the exact same to you house, but that doesn't mean you should do it too."

"IT'S FREAKIN BIGGER ON THE INSIDE!!!"

"Oh I love it when they say that"

"WHAT THE...", I wanted to step out again but he jumped and pulled me back.

"No mate hold it, if you jump out now the dematerialisatsion would rip your whole body apart and the parts would be scattered troughout time and space and we both don't want that to happen do we? Fine so after all come in sit down and be my guest.", he simply smiled and guided me to a somewhat comfy chair.

"Time and Space. TIME AND SPACE! What!!"

"Yes Time and Space. This my friend is the Tardis, which means, time and realative dimensions in space! That means it's a time machine and and I can go when and where I want."

"He don't...He can't...This is impossible...", was what I thought at the moment. Boy was I wrong.

"Now what am I supposed to do whit you? I think...Yes!"

He ran to a big thing i the middle and began to pull levers, push buttons and turn things.

"What exactly are you doing ahmm.."

"Doctor. My call me Doctor, haven't I told you? Nevermind, I am going to show you something great as a sorry for what happend.", he smiled wide and pulled the last lever.

After that the box began shaking and I struggled to hold on to the chair. But after a short while it sopped and he guided me to the door opend it and what I saw was and still is the most amazing thing I had ever seen in my life.

"This is Space! We are IN space!", Ilooked at him and he simply smiled.

After a short mental break I started holding breath because thers is no air in space after all.

"Don't worry the Tardis has put up a forcefield with oxygen in it so you can breath after all."

I simply looked at him and asked, "Who are you?"

"I am the Doctor and I already told you that"

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Comments ( 11 )

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PsychTenebra

PsychTenebra #1 · Dec 9th, 2012 · · ·

Finished first chapter hope you like it Read and criticise

Time Pony Victorious

Time Pony Victorious #2 · Dec 9th, 2012 · · ·

Even if you don't have a proof-reader, it helps to go over the story yourself. Decent concept, but the entire premise is written in a sort of juvenile way. Too dull and bland, the Doctor's personality, the main character's personality. Blech. I recommend finding someone to read this over and to either do a complete overhaul or start anew.

Da_Spy

Da_Spy #3 · Dec 9th, 2012 · · ·

hmmmm

Da_Spy

Da_Spy #4 · Dec 9th, 2012 · · ·

A Pinkie train is acoming!

Pixels

Pixels #5 · Dec 9th, 2012 · · ·

media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mes5aj4TdE1r3zat8.gif

PYROontheAIR

PYROontheAIR #6 · Dec 9th, 2012 · · ·

"This Is gonna be a long long night", I thought.
"Yes actually", I ran to my closet and came back with a red fez, "something like this?"

Is there a line missing here? Just tryin' to help.

NeoNagasaki

NeoNagasaki #7 · Dec 10th, 2012 · · ·

1. The Doctor is what he calls himself, making it his name. This means you need to capitalize it in the title, like right now.
2. TARDIS is an acronym, therefore each letter needs to be capitalized. This is similar to CEO or SWAT.
3. I seriously recommend not using capslock for shouting. An exclamation point is plenty.
4. the word "I" always needs capitalization. I've noted three separate instances where you didn't. I'm assuming it's a problem.
5. Spelling is another issue I noticed enough that you need to give it a once over.
6. Try not to start your sentences with "but" or "and" unless it's someone speaking.
7. You spelled brain incorrectly, and I don't think it needs to be capitalized. I thought it was his name until he said his name was Brink.
8. Thinking is done in italics, not apostrophes.
9. ( "Yes actually", ) The comma in this case goes inside the apostrophes. Ex. "Yes actually," It does this in every situation like this.
10. Brink goes from pissing himself in terror to chasing The Doctor into his time machine. Emotions usually shouldn't right themselves this quickly without a god reason.

That's ten things I think. Well, I'm off.

Tachyon Xenophile

Tachyon Xenophile #8 · Dec 10th, 2012 · · ·

Idea is good, but try to improve your writing style.

PsychTenebra

PsychTenebra #9 · Dec 10th, 2012 · · ·

Okay thanks for the feedback And sorry for all the mistakes I'm not good at writing in English. And if somebody woild like to help me a bit it would be really great And I'm still looking for a proofreader sooo...