Fate Sparks new Life
Notes - This is a more serious approach than what I usually do. This is not ship, more-or-less dark, sad, action, and adventure. This fanfic is about my OC and his/my life. Sorry using “this” a lot but this is a completely different subject so bear with me please. Also anypony who wants to proof read this thank you and I will send it to you via Google Docs. Story is not permanent and is likely to change, so this first chapter is more of a prologue before my life and event that lead up to it , remember it is still likely to change so bear with me. And without further adieu let's begin, shall we.
- Orpheus Spectrum
-----
Laying on the floor in front of me was my friend Weiss. As I look upon him I notice a hole through his shield-like chest plate that protects his heart, that is also where the hole is placed. I run to his side, laying on my fore limbs I studying the hole that is now seeping an immense amount blood. I try to clean it off but the blood was coming faster, soaking my hooves with my friend’s bright red blood.
“Weiss! Why did this have to escalate to this?” I say as tears start to appear on my face.
“B-because you’re my friend, and I wouldn't mind going through all this again” he said faintly, “I am glad that we are partners, but I don’t think I will be able to join you on our next mission.” he said with a chuckle.
“Don’t say that man, you’re going to make it” I say feeling the weight of the fact that I do know that he is not going to make it. Electricity was jumping off of my body collecting onto my wings. ”Buck the lightning must still be in effect” I mutter trying to control the emotions stirring in me.
Then Weiss began to say “That was one hell of a move you did there.” Pointing his hoof at the charred human carcass. “I thought you were a Pegasus because that had to be magic.”
I glance over at the body, red and black was the only thing I see while the intoxicating smell of smoldering flesh entered my nostrils making me look away from the unsightly abomination.
“Let’s get you back to camp so we can fix you up Weiss.” I say standing up on all fours.
“No” Weiss said, “I won’t make it and you know it and I want to at least tell you know my real name before I leave.” Gesturing me over with his hoof I lean forward enough that I don’t touch him because of the magic reinforced lightning shrouding me but still able to hear him. “My name, my name is Espada y Escudo~~.....” as the words trail off, I see the smile on his face slowly turn into a straight expression. His eyes start to close and his head slumps over as his last breath escapes his mouth. He was gone.
“No no no, this can’t be happening” I say skittishly, “Weiss, Weiss! Wake up man this isn't funny. We, we have to go back together.” anger and sadness forced it’s way into me, making my reaction critical as electricity and random sparks dance heavily around me giving off a blue aura. Realization hit me like a ton of bricks, I panic “AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!” I scream as a bolt of lightning strikes me and sends the whole room into giant voltage containment cell. This is why I am code named: Short Circuit, because once my emotions reach dangerous level I discharge large amounts of magic induced electricity. My greatest asset and my greatest flaw. I hate this power but this is the only thing that reminds me that I’m different and should live with it as long as I live.
As I stop screaming I notice a colt revolver laying next to me. With loss of my best friend I felt empty, the only person who didn't push me away for what I was or am, is now gone. Depression set in and I can’t take it. I pick up the gun with my wing as sparks jumps onto the gun as I hold it. I check the barrel, one bullet left. I spin the barrel and click it back into place. I hold the gun to my head as the sparks jump back onto my mane. Cocked it back. I closed my eyes and pulled the trigger. *BANG*
***
“He seems as healthy as can be” the doctor say while lifting his faintly lit horn away from the stomach of the pregnant ruby colored unicorn mare.
“That’s good to hear, thanks Doc” the mare say, “and please call me by my name Radiant Spectrum.”
“Oh I am sorry Mrs. Spectrum” the doctor say while trotting off to his desk and was about to write down notes. “You are planned to give birth next month, so for now try not to do any vigorous activity and stay in bed in the meantime”.
“Yes she will.” Beside the mare was a pegasus stallion whose color parallel that of an obsidian. “So doc how this affect her magic?” he says.
“Well’ the doctor start to say, “I do not consider using strong magic because it may alter the biological code on the unborn foal. But if you do use magic please use weak magic as in levitation or any other non-stressful magic. Mr. Obsidian Spectrum check on your wife for the next month, usually when a pegasus and a unicorn have a child the result may be quite random and that could drain her energy.?
“Okay doc” Obsidian say while helping his wife out of the chair, “see you next month doc.”
“See you next month and congratulations.” As the doctor say those words the couple trot out of the hospital without a care in the world.
“Doctor did you tell them about the chance of there child actually living during birth?” a nurse say as the mare appears through the hallway.
“No, I couldn't” the doctor mutter, “I at least wanted them to bare the calm before the storm. As they say ‘ignorance is bliss’, next month is going to be a sad I can tell.” He looks back at the door where the couple had went through, a frown spreads across his face knowing the storm is worse than what he believed to be.
***
As the couple were walking home, nearby ponies who walked wave at them gently. Some give them hugs, some give the congratulation and some even gave them a pre birthday gift to them to show their happiness towards the two.
All of a sudden a pink blur rushes out of SugarCube Corner that the two happen to be by while walking home. The pink blur stops in it’s tracks to show that it was Pinkie Pie who is all giddy with excitement.
“Oh My Gosh, I can’t believe you’re having a BABY!” pinkie exclaims in public, “OOOO when it’s born can I foal sit, pretty pleeeease. I promise it will be fun, better yet I Pinkie Promise” she continues as she does the fabled ‘Pinkie Promise’ motions while saying “I cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye” she say jabbing her hoof in her eye as it did no noticeable damage to her.
“Sure Pinkie” Radiant says relieving Pinkie of her excitement. But then soon Pinkie bring a party cannon out of thin air, firing it without delay a stream of confetti flies every and Pinkie is gone.
“You must tired honey” Obsidian beckens to his wife and she nods in agreement.
As they make it back home a sense of joy envelopes as the couple enters their abode. The husband and wife enter their bedroom, the pegasus pulls the sheets back as his wife lays onto the bed making herself comfortable when the sheets are pulled back onto the mare. she starts to drift away she feels a kiss on her forehead right below her horn as her husband says softly into her ear, “I love you and I am glad we will have this child and I am glad that are the one who is carrying our child.”
The mare falls asleep with happiness on her mind.
A few weeks later and it is very close to that time as the past few days have cloudy and rain has showering over Ponyville because of delay with weather team. Today is horribly gruesome, clusters of black rain clouds that crack from the sound of thunder while lightning pepper the sky getting dangerously close to town. We catch the couple trotting back home from a nearby store to get supplies for their unborn foal.
“Radiant” Obsidian says with concern, “we need to get you home now and quickly before anything bad happen” gesturing his wife to get close him as he wraps his wing over her body.
“Honey why don’t I put a lightning negating spell on us so that if we do get struck by lightning it wouldn't affect us” Radiant explains.
“But that’s a high level spell isn’t it?” Obsidian returns to say. “Wouldn’t that affect the baby?”
“Yes, it is but it’s alright” she say, “the spell isn’t that strong as long as I concentrate.”
The mare starts to cast the spell, her horn lights up in a gold color. She closes her eyes and concentrates. Then the gold color forms around Obsidian giving him the lightning negation aura. Right after she starts to apply this to her, the glow from her horn races down her body enveloping her right before a random lightning bolt strikes her down.
She lay there losing consciousness.
“RADIANT!” Obsidian yells as he rushes to her side. “What, what happened” comes out of his mouth in a cracking voice trying to contain himself.
“Th-there is one thing I forgot to mention” she say as the words are low and airy, “when doing this spell, the caster is more susceptible to getting hit by lightning drawing it in and then expelling it out.” *COUGH* “If I told you this you wouldn't let me cast it so I lie.......d.”
She blacks out.
***
As the mare soon regains consciousness she sees lights flicker shining through her still closed eyes. Intense pain rushes through her abdomen. She opens her eyes as she notices she is being rushes down the hall on a stretcher with her now broken water.
“She came too” one of the nurses say as she continues to say, “get her to the Emergency Room, STAT!”
As she is being lead into the room, she spots her husband with a worried look on his. Then contraction, “AAAAHHHHH!” she screams as her husband is witnessing the pain before his eyes.
“I’m hear who is the pat-” the doctor glances at the married couple, “you’re not due until next week what going on.”
“My wife tried to put up a lightning negation spell and she was struck by it” Obsidian say in a depressed tone.
“What!, a high level spell and almost being electrocuted, plus going into labor. This is bad” the doctor replies. “Okay Radiant I need you to push as hard as you can, can you do that for me?” the doctor say with a serious tone.
As requested Radiant Spectrum pushes, she pushes to her very might. This goes on for thirty minutes until a sound breaks through the entire room.
“WAAAAHHHH, WAH, WAHHHHH!” the newborn male foal screams. With that the two give a reluctant smile at what they have received.
“This is impossible” the doctor blurt out in dismay, “the foal had a ninety one percent chance of death on delivery and plus it was before the expected date!” as the doctor paces across the room.
Then the doctor figured it out. “Mrs. Radiant you said that you were trying to use a lightning negation spell and you were struck right in the middle of the spell, yes?”
“Um yes that is true why?” Radiant replies as the happy couple look at each other in confusion.
“What does that have to do with anything besides making her go into labor early. And what is this ‘chance of death on delivery’ you speak of?” Obsidian yells as an explosive amount of anger washes over his face.
“Let me explain this detail and I will tell why he is still alive” the doctor say in a straight tone.
The foal you are bearing was never suppose to have been born. this unborn foal has defects that would even hinder the mother. He has a many holes in his heart and the only thing that is keeping him alive is the umbilical cord. Second he is underdeveloped, meaning his brain is not made completely nor are some his organs, so to keep himself alive he strives off your life and that made you feel weak.
“That's is the story, the reason why I didn't tell you is because I wanted the both of you to be as happy as long as you can before undeniable truth is shown.” the doctor say.
“BUCK YOU!” Obsidian screams as he lands a blow to the doctor’s face as his hoof connects to the doctor’s jaw when a deafening crack echoes out. “No, it would have been better if you told us in the first place. Now I feel more depressed than what I could have been if you didn't hide the truth with false hope!”
The males nurses hold the enraged Pegasus to stop him from doing anything worse than blow to the face.
“No, no I deserved this and please let explain why your son is alive because once you hear this, you won’t know how to feel” the doctor dryly.
As the husband calms down and agrees to listen to the doctor and feeling of hatred still cover his face.
“The reason why you son is alive is because.......he is a hybrid.” the doctor reply. “He is not an ‘Alicorn’ but the DNA sequence is mixed up.” he continues to say, “the son was suppose to be a Pegasus because the father, in this case you has the the so called ‘Dominant Gene’ while the wife, in this case Radiant has the ‘Recessive Gene’. But because of the lightning strike and magic that your wife was trying to do mixed together and made the recessive gene reinforced.”
“Meaning?” Radiant ask.
“Meaning, his genes have combined to the element of electricity while also have the negation spell always active. The electricity stimulated his brain cells and supercharging it at an exponential rate causing growth throughout his body repairing and making new cells in his body, i.e. made him regenerate. Plus with the overactive brain cells enhanced his intelligence. So as he grows the level of electricity and and negation grows. Right now he can tolerate very small voltages without feeling them and can give off a low-medium voltage, as filly he can tolerate medium to medium-high voltages without notice and can give off a dangerous level if unchecked, teens years he can tolerate a whole power supply station and gives off electrocution level voltage normally. But at full adulthood an entire lightning storm feels like a warm bed and can discharge enough electricity to lay waste to a whole town. Also both lightning and emotion can amply this power, so when the two of you start to see signs please contact me so I can put him on suppressants."
“You know it is bittersweet, how he was brought into life knowing death was imminent but now he has to live without one, alone and labeled as a monster.” the doctor continued, “It’s like bittersweet music, happy at first with a depressing meaning and vice versa. The way things looks and the ways things are go hand-in-hand. So what are you two going to name him?”
The two married couple looks at each other and say in unison, “Orpheus Spectrum.”
- End of chapter 1
P.S. - If there are still grammar problems or you don't understand I am sorry in advance. Weiss is pronounced Vh-ice not Wice, the name is sort of German but can be used universally.
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>Sorry using “this” alot but
"alot" is not an English word, although it is the name of an Indian town.
>so bare with me
"bare" and "bear" are not the same word. You should have used "bear".
>Laying on the floor in front of me was my friend Weiss, as I look at him I notice a hole
I stopped reading here. You need to either get an editor or learn more about how to use English properly.
1712263
Okay I fixed the problems and the only reason why I didn't notice them was because it was late at night and I was too tired to see what was happening and I hope this makes the story suffice.
Just no.
1712263
4.bp.blogspot.com/_D_Z-D2tzi14/S8TRIo4br3I/AAAAAAAACv4/Zh7_GcMlRKo/s400/ALOT.png
1712828
How about you write stories when you're not physically handicapped?
wat?
1713616
I lub you.
1713641
lol i forgot the "of" well ima fix it.
1713616
um I wasnt physically handicapped when i made this but i was tired when i was reading over it.
1713609
why is it a no
1713663
TMYK: Lack of sleep is considered a physical disability as well as a mental one by the Canadian Health Institute. Not only does it hinder one's mind and processing capabilites, but it also causes one to be slower and their hands to be unresponsive.
1713653
Also, shadows should be capitalized.
I'm too busy slacking off to give you the grammar fixes of the entire fic but I (may) get to it.
1713677
Everything.
No to everything.
Because everything.
Just no.
1714166
Can you at least explain? Please because I need to process this.
The grammar is terrible. The spelling is terrible. Personally, I dislike the plot, (but that's just me), I dislike the design of the main character. It's a self-insert. The main character has weird unexplained powers. The sentences are put together in a way that often doesn't make any sense.
Basically, no.
Well you guys can screw off, grammar isn't everything when making an opinion of a story, In fact, grammar shouldn't even effect the stories quality! It's a simple "Hey, you missed this." and its over. I personally thought the story was great and would like to hear more in the future. The guy was tired and needs a proofreader, so what? We came to this site to read fics, not read grammar reports.
1714173 As for you, I liked the story and encourage you to do more, a proofreader is always great to have. Know any english teachers? Grammar nazis?
1714201
First: The grammar may be horrid but at least is readable.
Second: My spelling is not wrong and you can get a dictionary and a thesaurus.
Third: Not everyone is going to like the character because not everyone goes through things like I did to make me write him so only people who has social anxiety or traumatizing past can actually relate.
Fourth: What wrong with inserting one's self, that is what makes a story more meaningful.
Fifth: The powers are explained in story and it is vague for now and further explained down the road.
Sixth: Even thought the sentences are not perfect, no one can make everything perfect because I am human and I even made a post script that said that I am sorry and please if your going to judge at least let me read one of your fan fiction so we both have equal ground to comment on each other. Trying to point out you don't like it the way you shown it is not fair and you can't say anything if you have not written something okay?
So basically you make something better than mines and then you have the right to judge okay.
1714281
Thank you, you're so kind and I am getting my friend's sister to help me with the next chapter as well with grammar and plot advancement.
1714315
Here you go.
Also, I'm sorry if my explanation of what was wrong with the story hurt your feelings. I was merely pointing out that you had a lot of things to learn before you write a successful story. While grammar isn't the only thing that makes a story good, nobody wants to read a story that is ugly to the eyes.
1714389
).
It's no problem and your story seems pretty legit and I had some friends read it and they said it was fine. Even though they may not be experts, if they say their alright with it than I am happy. Now I am still working on my grammar and this fan fiction is way better than my first one. My notes did say that this story is likely to change as well as the grammar because this is beta chapter well a first draft to be specific and I wanted to see the comments, some say it is good while others say it is bad, soooo the grammar is bad as well as the sentencing and the final product will be uploaded when my brony friend wants to stop being a douche and read my fiction because he doesn't like fan fictions(lol ikr
1714315
Are you implying that every editor needs to write a story of their own to be an editor?
1714691
Not necessarily, but it would be nice to but I am not an expert but to me that's how I feel.
"not everyone goes through things like I did"
SO EDGY.
I can see the potential for this story, but you need two things:
First off, get a proofer, editor, pre-reader, what ever the hell bronies and pegasisters call them these day.
Secondly, You need to keep the traits of your OC straight. Doctor said "Right now he can tolerate very small voltages without feeling them and can give off a low-medium voltage..." prove it by getting the kid to get hairs to stand on end or short out a piece of equipment, not just cry and be forgotten the rest of the time.
I hope a bit of constructive criticism helps and i hope to read further into The Life of Orpheus Spectrum.
i.imgur.com/DQ8HA.gif
MOAR! About time I found a fic concerning someone's OC, this is very good so far!
Yay! The hatred is being quelled! I say my work here is done.
1714336 And your welcome, keep trucking on!
good story.