Best Day ever

by YatzSliversword

Chapter 1

Derpy hummed happily as she trotted down the Ponyville road. Nothing could possibly ruin this day!

First, she had found out it was “free muffin day” at Sugarcube Corner, and Pinkie Pie had been more than willing to give her all the muffins she desired!

Next, she had finished her mail route so quickly that she had the entire day to herself!

She had played with Fluttershy and her animals, witnessed one of the Cutie Mark Crusaders stunts, and had gotten a couple of apples from the Apple Family farm. Now, she was on her way to her friend’s house. The only thing bad that could happen to her was...

“Well, if it isn’t the derp-eyed pony!”

Derpy froze. In front of stood her least favorite pony, Diamond Tiara, and her crony Silver Spoon. Or, at least she thought it was them. It was difficult to tell when her eyes were going in different directions.

“Leave me alone.” Derpy mumbled, in no mood now to deal with her enemy.

“What have you been doing all day?” Diamond Tiara said mockingly. “Have you been making those muffins all day?”

Diamond Tiara was pretty and petite, with pink fur and flowing purple-white curls, but that was all an image. Really what she was, was a bully. She especially enjoyed taunting and harassing the Cutie Mark Crusaders, since they had no Cutie Marks yet. Though, she and Silver Spoon constantly bullied Derpy about the fact that her eyes were usually crossed.

“No, actually, I haven’t made any muffins today!” Derpy said matter-of-factly. “I am taking these apples to my friend!”

“I’m surprised you can see the way with those googly-eyes!” Silver Spoon sniggered.

“They may be crooked,” Derpy said, starting to get mad. “But I can see two muffin-heads that don’t know or care about other pony’s feelings!”

Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes. “Muffin-heads? Big words from a pony with no brains!”

All of Derpy’s courage diminished. She felt her eyes filling with hot tears. Despite what Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon had called her in the past, they had never called her brainless.

Silver Spoon just laughed. “Totally stupid.”

Derpy couldn’t take it anymore. She turned and ran off, crying, while the two other ponies laughed behind her.

Derpy didn’t know where she was going, and she couldn’t see anyway. Her eyes were so clouded with tears that everything in front of her was a blur.

She ran on, sobbing brokenly. Everypony she had ever met was so kind and open to her, except for those two. She felt hurt and broken inside.

Somehow, she found herself at the TARDIS, a strange blue box that could time travel, and was actually much larger on the inside.

She pushed open the door and hobbled inside. Much to her relief, her friend the Doctor was there.

The Doctor was a brown Earth Pony, with darker brown mane and blue eyes. His Cutie Mark was an hourglass, since his special talent was time. He had a British accent, and had an odd liking for English Muffins and butter, while he absolutely hated pears. Derpy had never understood why.

He turned around as Derpy entered the TARDIS. “Hello Derpy... What’s wrong?”

Derpy didn’t answer. Instead, she buried her face in his chestnut chest fur and sobbed.

She felt his hoof stroking her mane as he whispered: “There now, what’s all this? Please tell me.”

It took her a while to get her breathing under control, but she pressed her cheek against his chest and finally managed to stammer an answer out. “Diamond Tiara and--and Silver Spoon. They were... They were bullying me, taunting me for no reason at all! They...” A fresh burst of tears cut off her statement.

“Shh.” The Doctor hugged her. “Take your time.”

Derpy swallowed and continued. “They... They called me...”

The Doctor cupped his hoof under her chin and lifted her head to meet his sky-blue gaze. “What did they call you Derpy?” He asked gently.

Derpy didn’t want to answer, but his concerned look forced an answer out of her.

“They called me... They called me stupid and brainless, and said I probably couldn’t see anything, and...” She cried into his fur again.

The Doctor lowered his hoof to the ground. A look of anger had come over his face.

“Doctor?” Derpy sniffled.

“They can’t say that to you.” He muttered. “They can’t call you that!”

“It’s okay Doctor!” Derpy lied. In truth, it wasn’t okay. She felt like her insides had been shattered,

The Doctor seemed to be able to read her mind. “It is most certainly not okay! I’m going to make them apologize to you!” He headed for the door.

“Okay.” Derpy followed him. “Just please don’t hurt them!”

The Doctor paused at the door. “Fine. If that is what you want.”

All the way back to Ponyville, Derpy kept turning over what was happening in her mind. The Doctor, out of all ponies, was going to make the ponies that had insulted her apologize! Was it possible...

She didn’t have time to finish her thought. The Doctor had found Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, coming out of Carousel Boutique with some of Rarity’s latest clothes.

Ignoring the Doctor, they zeroed in on Derpy.

A cruel sneer came over Diamond Tiara’s face. “Well, is the derp-eyed pony! Back for more?”

Derpy cowered behind the Doctor.

“I know what you said to her.” The Doctor glared scathingly down at the two bullies. “Tell me, what reason did you have for making fun of her?”

“Ah...” Diamond Tiara stammered.

“Why would you even make fun of her in the first place? She has done nothing to you! So then, what reason could you possibly have? I demand that you apologize to her, NOW.”

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were so scared of the Doctor that all they could do was squeak out “Sorry!” to Derpy, and then they ran off.

Derpy stared in shock as the two ran away. “You did it! They actually said it...” She prayed that he couldn’t see her blushing.

The Doctor laughed quietly. “I think I got a little carried away.”

Derpy threw her hooves around his neck. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! They’ll never ever bother me again thanks to you!”

As she pulled away from her hug, she noticed the Doctor’s cheeks were slightly pink.

“Well... Uh... I have to get back to the TARDIS now, so...”

“I’m going to go make some muffins!” Derpy yelled.

“Well, you have fun with that. See you later!”

Derpy cooked a majority of her muffins at Sugarcube Corner. Pinkie Pie said she was welcome to do so anytime she wanted to.

Steam rolled off her fresh batch of chocolate-chip muffins as she pulled them from the oven.

A familiar calm voice said behind her. “Hello Derpy!”

Derpy turned to see her old friend Luna standing there.

Princess Luna was one of Derpy’s best friends. She was a dark-blue alicorn, which meant she had both the horn of a unicorn, as well as the wings of a pegasus. Her dark mane flowed, never resting. Around her neck was a black necklace with the emblem of the moon on it. Her Cutie Mark was a moon in a dark sky, surrounded by stars, since her special talent was raising the moon and stars every night.

Every now-and-then, she would come by and check up with Derpy to see how things were going, but this was a most unexpected visit.

“Luna!” Derpy exclaimed.

The alicorn grinned at her. “What’s up? What’s been going on?”

“Oh, it’s been the best day ever!” Derpy sang out.

“Can you tell me about it over some muffins?”

Crumbs that were the remnants of muffins lay on two plates as Derpy finished her walkthrough of the day.

Luna leaned back in her chair. “Those ponies, what’s their names, Tiara Spoon? Anyway, they sound like total jerks!”

“I know.” Derpy said. “But the Doctor made them apologize! I wonder why he did that?”

Luna grinned across the table at her friend.

“What?” Derpy asked.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Luna said. “He likes you! Duh!”

Derpy almost fell out of her chair, flapping her wings to keep her balance. “Huh, what? That can’t be right! That’s not...”

“Think about it! The way he comforted you, the way he was going to hurt those two until you specifically told him not to! It is so obvious!”

Derpy was blushing up to her eartips. “Well, I guess that’s some wishful thinking, but I’m sure...”

Luna cleared away the plates using her magic. “Whatever you want to think, but I’m telling you! Now, I must be going. Celestia will want me back to Canterlot in time to raise the moon!”

Derpy sighed as she watched her friend fly off over Ponyville. Today had truly been the best day ever, but was what she said about the Doctor true?

Comments

[StoryBirth]

Can't say I'm a fan of this one to be honest.

As far as spelling and grammar goes, I didn't see much wrong. It was formatted awkwardly, pressing paragraphs together for each section, and it was overall very fast-paced. Saying four sentences isn't quite carried away yet.

Also, Luna was sort of out of character as well. If you imagine the Royal Canterlot speaking pony, you don't see her gossiping about who likes who or saying "what's up?" Maybe saying something along the lines of "Greetings!" Or "The time-turning pony seems to have affection for you!" Very formal wording.

My recommendation is whenever you're done, always play the scene out in your head as if the fic you just wrote was an episode of MLP. From start to finish, what you wrote should be able to recreate what was in your head almost perfectly. And if the scenes of the fic don't last as long as it would in an episode, then expand on it a bit.

Hope I helped. Hope to see improvement!

[dormagio]

The story is little hasty, but I like the idea that Luna and Ditzy are best buds. We're it to be expanded, this would make an even better story.

[Riften Guard]

Blaha! I've been bullied, but then I took action.......... I'm going to court now

[Dusk Quill]

1710857
I can only imagine what action a Riften Guard would take that demands judicial interference...

As for the story, there's not much I can really add. Slowing it down will definitely help. Longer stories never hurt anyone!

[Cinnamon Pop]

1 Rotton tomato.

Attempts to be charming and connectable, but in the end falls flat with lazily chosen sentences and out of character, plain dialogue.

[Pyromaniac]

“Isn’t it obvious?” Luna said. “He likes you! Duh!”

CHANGELING!

[Dartrunner]

I found it a bit short and that it came to a conclusion too fast.
I would read this again if you did a revised and extended version.
2/5 just for how short and unsatisfying it was

[rainbowfactoryworker]

Loved it would enjoy more

[Gherkin]

1710857 Seen that fic by YatzSilversword? It's got flat characters. Flat. Characters.

[YatzSliversword]

1710834 Oh my gosh. I totally forgot how Luna did that! Greetings, thee's, thou's, :P Adding, thanks.

[YatzSliversword]

1710842 Yes, well, it's kinda hard to explain, the way I think of this. Basically, I threw this together in my head in 30 minutes, and wrote in 2 hours. So yeah, there is definitely going to be a sequel, and then another, and then another. Also, I'm planning a little backstory on how Luna and Derpy becane friends. :3 This is probably not my best work, since it is the first ever I've ever wrote a MLP fanfic, so I can expect a ton of criticism. :P

[irrationalhashbrown]

YatzSilversword has actually done pretty will starting this and i can't wait for more. what i don't understand is why this has less likes and more dislikes :/

[Papillon Rose]

1712662

Speech patterns take a good while to pick up. I suggest rewatching the episodes in which Luna has a speaking part and making note of her lines, then practicing dialogue for her in various situations. I find her easier to write dialogue for than , though.

[YatzSliversword]

1712875 :D Thank you so much!

[ragingfangirl]

Derpy: please don't hurt them

Me: aww why not!

[Pinkie13Pie]

SEQUEL SEQUEL SEQUEL!!! I need my daily Derpy and Docter fix, and I NEED MOrE!

[Pinkie13Pie]

P.S It was AMAZING!

[strawberrypancakes]

My only problem with this is how it was two fillies bullying Derpy, fillies. If it was anypony else, I would have understood, but these are two fillies who are bullying her which doesn't make any sense.

Otherwise, this story is fantastic.

[Forest Shade]

1710857 What happened, or do I want to know?

[Forest Shade]

6018083 I agree, but this was cute.