Chapter 1
"GOD DAMMIT STEVE!" The boss yelled.
I was confused. I did exactly what he asked, get him his stupid fucking coffee. My boss sure was a bitch, but that day he seemed extra bitchy.
"What, sir?" I asked, trying not to lunge at him and beat his face in.
"I simply cannot drink this dog sweat!" He said, slamming his coffee on the desk.
"What's wrong with it? You asked for plain coffee." I said, giving him an 'are you fucking kidding me' face.
"EXACTLY! This abomination is, is, DECAF!" He yelled, throwing the coffee into the trash.
Can you say, "drama queen"?
"I asked for plain coffee. No extra sh-things in it." I said, which was true. That's what I asked for.
"You know what, Steve?" He asked, getting so close to me our noses were practically touching.
"Y-yes, sir?" I asked, my voice trembling. He was still my boss, and I was still scared of him.
"Get out of my office. NOW." He said, shoving me away.
He just went back to his desk, put on his stupid little glasses, and wrote on some papers. I decided it was best not to fuck with my boss, so I picked up whatever dignity I still had and left.
Thankfully, my shift was nearly over. I could get out of this hell hole in a matter of minutes. Every minute seemed to pass by like an hour. It was terrible. Just as I decided it was best to finish some papers, I heard my alarm. My prison sentence was over.
You'd think being promoted would be good, which for the most part it was, but being that guy's monkey was a deal breaker. But I needed the money, so I refrained from tearing his face off. Which, trust me, was really hard.
I made my way out of the office, waving goodbye to people here and there. I pushed open the doors and walked to my car. I hopped in, got out of the parking lot, and finally, I was out of there. The sky was clear, it was about seventy five degrees, overall a nice day.
The roads were empty, which was strange, but there was no traffic so I didn't care. But suddenly, I got rammed from behind, airbags going off. I wasn't hurt, but my car was.
"Shit. Just great." I muttered to myself.
But I saw something speeding towards me. I stomped on the gas peddle, but the car wouldn't start. The other car was closer, so I could see it in better detail. But only for about five seconds, before it hit me, and I blacked out.
-------
I woke up, and felt myself being dragged.
"This is it, the day I get eaten by a bear." I thought to myself.
I was too scared to open my eyes, but I had a plan. I would just open my eyes and run. Run until the bear got tired.
"Whew, you sure are heavy, big guy." A feminine voice said.
I froze. I was being dragged by a girl? I knew I could handle a girl, so I opened my eyes and stood up, ready to attack. I turned to see my potential kidnapper, or savior. But there was only a small wall-eyed gray horse with a yellow mane.
"Hey there mister monkey man!" The horse said, smiling.
I was speechless. What the absolute FUCK was happening?
"WHAT. THE. FUCK." I managed to spit out.
I could tell it was a girl. She looked at me funny for a few seconds.
"W-WHERE AM I?!" I yelled.
"No need to yell, mister!" She said, with an eyebrow raised.
I tried to calm myself as best as I could.
"So, horse, where am I?" I asked through my gritted teeth.
"Equestria!" she yelled, throwing her stubs in the air. At least, they looked like stubs. But she's a horse, so I guessed they were hooves.
"Do you have anyone that might to be able to inform me on where I am?" I asked.
"OH! OH! My friend Twilight Sparkle could!" The horse yelled," Oh, and by the way, I'm a pony."
"The fuck is a Twilight Sparkle?" I thought to myself.
"Please don't tell me ponies are the dominant species." I said, realizing that just might be the case.
She looked at me quizzically.
"Uhh, there are a lot of ponies. Ponies live in houses, work, and have a government." I said, rubbing my chin.
"OH! Then, yes!" She said.
Just fucking great.
"Let's go to Twilight's!" The pony yelled.
I knew this would get me no where.
"Hold on, hor-pony, what's your name?" I asked.
"Oh, that's an easy one! I am Ditzy Doo! But you can call me Derpy!" Derpy yelled.
I snickered. Derp eyes, and her name is Derpy. I'm liking this pony more and more.
"What's so funny?! Am I missing it? Where where where?!" She yelled, frantically looking for something teh least bit amusing.
I tried my best to contain my laughter, but couldn't.
She turned around, with squinted eyes. "What's so funny?"
"Nothing." I said, calming down.
"What. Was. So. Funny?" She asked, getting closer to me.
"Like I said, nothing!" I said, throwing my hands up.
Derpy spread her wings, and flew up to my height, and pushed her nose against mine.
"What's so FUNNY?!" She yelled.
I just stared at her, feeling awkward. After a few more seconds, she looked down at our touching noses, and blushed heavily. Derpy just went back to the ground, silent.
"L-let's just h-head to Twilight's, o-okay?" She said, her head hung low.
"Yeah, alright. By the way, my name is Steve." I said.
"That's a weird name!" She said, picking her head back up and walking.
From the looks of it, we were in some sort of grassy hill. The wasn't the slightest sign of civilization for though.
"So, Derpy, how did you find me?" I asked.
"Well, I was coming back from delivering some things, and then I see you! So I decided to help you out." She said, looking proud.
"Oh. So where are we headed?" I asked, now walking down the hill along with the pony.
"Ponyville!" She shouted, throwing her hooves in the air.
As we traveled to the so called "Ponyville", she told me all the basics about this place, "Equestria". So there are four types of ponies. Earth ponies, Pegasi, Unicorns, and Alicorns. She told me all about the princesses. where she lived, Ponyville, her friends, the Elements of Harmony, and tons of other things.
I told her all about my world, it's pros and cons. Compared to this place, my world seemed like a living nightmare. This place is full of adorable ponies! Well, Derpy was adorable. Hopefully the other ponies would look like her.
I knew about most of the things here, but I was still weary on a few things. Hopefully this "Twilight Sparkle" could help me.
"... and that's about it!" Derpy said, smiling,"OH WAIT! I forgot to tell you about Dinky and Sparkler!".
"Who are they?" I asked.
"My kids!" She said, flying up a bit.
"So you're married?" I asked. Boy, the way to Ponyville was long, but I could see a town. Hopefully this was it.
She stopped in her tracks.
"What?" I asked, worrying that something was going to pop out and eat my face.
"I don't want to talk about, him." She said through her gritted teeth.
"Oh, alright." I said. I didn't want to piss her off.
"Here we are! Twilight's is riiiight there!" She yelled, pointing to a giant, badass treehouse. She was back to her usual un-pissed tone.
Thankfully, no pother ponies were in sight.
"Uh, Derpy, I think you should tell Twilight that I'm coming, so I don't scare her." I said.
"Great idea! Wait here!" She said, flying through her door. She literally flew through the door, because she broke it off.
A few minutes later, she came back out.
"She said she'd love to help you learn about here!" Derpy said, pushing me to the tree.
I walked in, and only got to say "hi" before there was a scream, and shit ton of books came flying at me.
I muttered one more word before blacking out.
Fuck.
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This is just a test run, I will most likely continue this but I'm not too sure. *shrug*
But thanks for reading anyway.
It's certainly better then a lot of terrible HiE fics, but I didn't love it either.
2.bp.blogspot.com/-SAPtMd1V9TI/T3BpLIn-q3I/AAAAAAAAAOU/XsC18UUxJ5Y/s1600/rambo.jpg
>looks up humanized equestria
>gets strictly HiE fics
>reads this
>fucking awesome
Well then.
dis gon b gud
I came.
1705391 Alright then.
1705396 It was glorious.
What on this wild blue and green Earth did I just read?
I think I might know why this story might of been getting dislikes...
>Romance tag has been enabled...
I'm pretty sure that many people will mindlessly dislike this story at the dislike tag, unless, it is not instant and actually takes a while to develop feelings between man and pony.
>Cliched opening
Person works at office. Check.
So, yeah, this is my theory.
I... don't hate this somehow?
Actually an entertaining read. Not totally sure why it's so downvoted, other than the obvious things like a generic intro, instantly ending up in Equestria, dealing with a well-known character suddenly, grammatical errors, quick pacing and not seeming too freaked out.
I like the fact that he isn't instantly integrated into society. For that, you get exactly one mustache.
Don't write the second chapter horribly and make me revoke it.
Also, when I saw:
I immediately thought:
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/434/303/a72.gif
1705413 For some reason I liked your wording of that comment.
Hi! Scribblestick the Chill here. Seems you're attracting an unusual number of downvotes. Let's see what we can do to fix that.
So I noticed you have both the "human" and "romance" tags. Obviously, I don't know if the human will be part of the romance, but he/she often is, and the romance is often rushed, uninteresting, and unconvincing. It's entirely possible that people are downvoting this based on that alone. But I'm willing to see where you go with this, so let's dive on into the story.
>reads story
Huh. This isn't half-bad. It's not ground-breaking or anything, but the pacing is decent, and your mechanics are mostly solid. I thought Steve adjusted a little to quickly to Equestria, but this was much better than the HiE fics I usually see.
Protip: The ROYAL CANTERLOCK VOICE should be used sparingly.
When a quote is followed by attribution ("I llike eggs!" said Spike.), the attribution does not count as a new sentence, even if the quote ends in an exclamation point or question mark, so the first word doesn't need to be capitalized unless it's a name.
Direct thoughts are usually put in italics or inside 'single quotes.' I prefer italics, but that's just me.
Typo.
When a quote is followed by attribution and doesn't end in a question mark or exclamation point ("I like eggs," said Spike.), then the quote ends with a comma, not a period.
So, yeah. Hope this helps!
~Scribblestick, TWE's notoriously friendly moderator
1705421
As someone with an HiE fic on my own account I obviously didn't dislike this story simply because it's HiE. I disliked this story because it falls into writing traps that should be easily avoided.
The silly dialogue and prose doesn't help the story stand on its own, and the writer uses emphasis on words to an almost painful extent.
It wasn't horribly painful to read like some others, but neither is it anything to be impressed with.
1705391
You do that a lot.
1705510 I've got a lot of stamina.
I don't normally read stuff with the human tag, so this is new for me.
I...didn't like it (sorry). The story moved too fast for any real character development. Who's Steve? Name: Steve, Gender: Male, Dislikes: his boss, Likes: cussing(?) I assume we are supposed to like Steve but it's kinda hard when we don't know anything about him.
I'm confuzzled. I see the thumbs down but don't see what's so bad with this story? Okay, it's several kinds of generic and it's got the cliche "accident sends him to Equestria" but it's not bad.
I guess people just saw the HiE & romance tags and thumbed it down because of those. It's a shame that the fandom has come to this.
Other than a few weirdly put sentences I found this story quite good! I can't wait until the next part!
1705785
I have an HiE story with numerous thumbs up.
Please see my earlier comment for why I think it's getting downvoted.
1706798
And? So do I. Last time I checked though that had nothing to do with how good or bad this story actually is. If you want to measure success by that yardstick, while mine was never in the featured section it did get 50 thumbs up on it's first day out and was shown under the "Popular Stories" sidebar.
As I said, I was wondering why this was being thumbed down. It's a tad generic, but it's not bad. There's not a lot to go on with it so far but then the story is just starting. No thumbs up or thumbs down for me on this story, I'm just not moved by it one way or another.
1707499
What do you mean and?
It's not written well, it's that simple. If he picks it up I'll change my vote.
1707502
That was in reference to your statement:
That's very nice and you should feel proud of yourself but what does that have to do with this story? If you're using it to show that you know what it takes to make a successful HiE fic then I too know this and I must know more because my story has more thumbs up than yours. But in the end that's meaningless and has nothing to do with how good or how bad this story is.
1707517
I was using it as an example because you were putting forth the possibility that people were disliking it because it was an HiE story, when that is clearly not the case.
HiE stories get likes and dislikes the same way as any other story.
This story is not written well, therefore it gets dislikes. It's not because it's HiE.
Do I have to explain myself several more times now?
1707530
Actually, HiE fics are judged very harshly on this site especially if they have the dreaded "romance" tag attached to them. Typically it's because they're poorly written, first person, obvious self-insert, wish fulfillment type stories where the OC is actually the author and he wants to get it on with one pony in particular. 90% of the HiE fics fall into this category and it's for this reason that people have an actual hatred of HiE + Romance stories. It doesn't matter how good or bad the story actually is, people will give it thumbs down simply because of that without ever having read it. Or they allow that prejudice to colour their judgement while reading it and since it's not giving them anything new or exciting they then thumb it down and continue.
And I don't agree that's it's poorly written. I will agree that it's generic and the author needs to bring his "A" game to the table but it's not a bad story.
And I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm just pointing out that you saying that you have more likes than dislikes on your HiE fic is not proof that they get a fair shake on this site. There's no reason to get defensive about this and I'm not going to get into a pissing match here. I'm just here to voice my opinion on the matter.
1707579
What more proof do you require? I see HiE fics make it to the featured box quite a bit. granted, there are a few fics that make it up there that don't belong.
Our stories ARE proof that HiE gets a fair shake.
I will agree that it's not as popular as other types of fics, but I'm not gonna sit in my corner and whine because someone doesn't like the fact that my story is HiE.
The people who will thumbs down a story for being HiE are fewer than you think. Most of the people who don't like HiE just don't bother to click on it, read, or even vote for it, they simply roll their eyes and move on, because it's not to their taste.
You are sitting here thinking there's this group of people who are prejudiced against a certain type of story, that's stupid. They are individuals, not the fandom. The fact that there are groups dedicated to well written stories of humans in Equestria is enough to prove you wrong, just look at the AiE or HiE groups.
You can disagree all you want, but the fundamentals of this story are broken and the prose is mediocre.
It's okay. Not great, not terrible.
That's not to say it's without it's problems.
Written in first person. Never do this for your first story especially if it's an HiE fic. It comes across as a self-insert. It's also too limiting in that the only action that can take place is what the narrator sees, hears or is somehow aware of.
Story is kinda thin, not much to go on at the moment. Blandy McBlanderson gets to Equestria using the tired and true accident method. Kudos for not having him meet one of the mane six right off the bat and points for the first pony being Derpy. You lose points however for having the OC be a bit of a douchebag who uses the ROYAL CANTERLOCK VOICE often and swearing when not necessary.
Beyond that, I don't know. This deserves a watch, you seem to have some promise but you would do well to expand what it is you have.
more please more