[Second Person][Romance][Comedy][Human]
Just an average morning with your favorite mailmare and her daughters, Dinky and Sparkler, the ponies that you value with all your heart, as they do with you. From the moment you met them all, they had favored you as a caretaker, parent, and even a life partner for that very special somepony that just so happens to be called Ditzy Doo.
As you, a Homo-Sapiens translator well-accustomed to Equestria and its language, prepare for your day and the meals of your favorite fillies and beloved cross-eyed mare, you attempt to keep your sanity...
...and Ditzy away from the coffee.
Chapters (1)
So much... hnnnnnnnnnggg!
Incomplete or complete, this slice of life is muffin- er, I mean perfect.
1990874
Slice of muffin.
1990899
That would be silly. He already sliced the muffin. You're silly.
The real mystery is how the turkey links ended up swimming in a glass of OJ. (And how would that taste? I bet that wouldn't taste muffin)
1990929
The Case of the Missing Turkey Links has been closed!
It was the butler that did it!
1990934
"...and I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for you meddling ponies!"
Hah, tech support. Always ask a computer-inclined friend to look the machine first... this story deserves a moustache
1990934
The butter.
Pretty nice, but don't impose background on readers too much if you want them to feel that the story is about them, which 2nd person stories are all about. You could use "cursing in your native language" instead of "english", and instead of "Pennsylvanian-Dutch themes", simply "Dutch themes", or "central european themes".
I'm just saiyan.
images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/3/3c/Saiyan.jpg
woah. hit me right on the hnggh!
followin'
1994998
Thank you!
This story ist adorable, Ditzy (or Derpy) is one of the best Ponys.
And she wants to sleep 5 more minutes:
1.bp.blogspot.com/-x3AxfyxuwJ0/TyMiQUqeKbI/AAAAAAAAczE/AgF907Xw51U/s320/119708+-+artist+equestria-prevails+bed+derpy_hooves+silly_pony+sleeping.png
2002038
DAWWWW!!!!!!!!
All right, let's get crackin' on this!
Kidding. I read it all on the train. So let me just cut an paste my remarks dump from the text file I keep around for such purposes
"You accidentally had set the alarm to 5:00 P.M., not A.M."
Serves you Amurrikan types right for not using 24-hour time like any sensible human should
"(until sickness, death, or divorce destroys your marriage and scars you both mentally for life)"
lol, you bastard.
"(who you painfully discovered were not her biological foals, but adoptions, an epiphany that explained how they were unicorn foals of a pegasus mother)"
Boo! Dinky is so totally her daughter. See also: The Cakes. On a related note, you seem horribly scared of giving the subject of sex any serious attention or even consideration in this story.
"(of the turkey variety, which you doubted very much was even turkey. More like a mixture of chicken and some fish, just so the foals...wouldn't give you a certain look of disgust)"
Huh, what? I really don't see the point in distinguishing between turkey or chicken or fish as food source... all are just as equally tasty, tasty murder...
"Upon your return to the kitchen, your stomach roared, demanding payment like the ungrateful landlord it is."
Wait, so he DIDN'T subconsciously eat those sausages? Huh
"The decision of removal and immediate curb-stomping (in that order) of one's stomach would sort of be quite akin to suicide in Equestria. As with any sane society in the existence of the universe."
...wat. No Kishin, that entire sentence is insane in any society
Nothing is really magical in Equestria! except coffee
"You attempt to cover the boiling kettle containing the bitter ambrosia"
You bastard. You CAN'T. BOIL. COFFEE! Coffee should be made with water JUST below boiling point! You're ruining it!
"basic foaling around"
To quote the great Inigo Montoya: "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means"... at all
foaling = having foals = giving birth. Just FYI. This sentence looks reeeally weird.
Corrections, because you clearly didn't even bother getting an editor before submitting this to EQD:
> You question yourself everyday of why you didn't get some carpet installed
"every day" is 2 words.
> Your legally adopted child. Or filly...
Foal. Filly would be okay if you'd said "daughter" before it, but, you didn't, so, equivalent would be "foal" :p
> Now, the thing about translating Equestrian the bare beginning moment of consciousness
"[at] the bare beginning moment of consciousness"?
> Whether they would accept you anymore.
anymore is rarely used without negative. I'd just say "Whether they would still accept you."
> fair portions of scrambled eggs
Double space after "of" :p
> or a group of a ponies and humans
a group of "a" ponies?
> You felt not at the least happy for the rest of breakfast.
that should be "in the least", but, neither really fits here... think you mean something like "You didn't feel the least bit happy"
> Well...she's still a filly.
Put a space after "...". It looks better, and allows html to split it if needed.
> "I know. I always do.
Missing closing quote
> not just mentally threatening them.
It's not clear what the "them" refers to. Your internal organs?
> Funny thing was that you never talked to Dinky about it, even during consideration of marriage.
Don't you mean Ditzy?
2041032
Well I boil my coffee....
And sexual relationships in stories are a bit too...brash for me. I'm not at that point yet, so if I'm gonna write a sex scene, then I'm gonna do it properly with time!
In a totally hypocritical society where you can eat eggs and fish, but can't eat meat, I CAN DO WHAT I WANT!
And yes, I fixed those Dinky/Ditzy errors. I knew I made them, but I couldn't find them ANYWHERE!
And you decided to read this now? It's been two weeks mang xD
Two weeks TOO late!
2041032
So...I take it you don't like my humor?
It's dark, tasteless, but it's quite dry. Dry enough to make you choke in a way that seems like a laugh
2045334
Tsk
Well, not writing sex scenes is one thing... what consenting people do in their own privacy is their business, and doesn't have to be described... but that's quite different from downright stating they do nothing at all. That's just kinda weird imo.
I dunno, I really don't see any difference between telling them that it contains chicken, or that it contains turkey... seems pretty much the same kind of animal to me, besides the size.
Mwa ha ha. I don't miss anything!
It seriously took me this long to get through my backlog
2045423
Psssh. I love your humour. But the "foaling around" thing really just sounds like a bizarre forced pony pun because of its real meaning. Whenever I see it used anywhere I imagine an extreme version of "sleeping around", with popping out kids left and right
2045637
The sex issue...I'm a little iffy on it.
And do you know how much downvotes I would get if I said that any sort of HiE character had sexual relations with Derpy?
Yeah...it won't end well for me.
As if the people objecting to that would even read it before downvoting anyway if you state he's fricking MARRIED to her
2046481
You're preaching to the asexual choir here...
Ditzy ye are a blessing.
such a cute story,
hey i know that you dont know me, but do you mind if i use any of the ideas in this story? (ie. different languages between species, caffeine pegasus thing.)
2077164
Not at all! I'd be honored if you did!
thnx
I know the feel.
2609791
Trust me... we all do.
This is probably one of my favorite human short stories I've read in a long time. Good job man/girl/pony.
Hehehehe, wow... coffee, heart attack... OW.
Awesome job dude, a nice short story ^^
very amazing i love it man
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I love this story so much!
I love this story so much!
Really simple story, but adorable and pretty effective.
I hope you don't mind, but I loved this fic so much I have adapted it into a full cast audiobook over on YouTube:
Coming over from ObabScribbler's reading of this. And...HOLY CRAP THIS IS SO CUUUUUUTE~!! We seriously need a Fluttesquee emote, because that's how much cute there is! And the end! With Ditzy and Anon and the coffee and AUGH~! It was so sweet! TTwTT
If that's the kind of stuff I could look forward to on this page, I'm definitely following! I need more of this in my life!
weird, but nice.
i am also reminded of a scene in one of my favorites, "shifting melodies", where someone accidentally let Pinkie drink coffee...
A great little story, and I'm glad to see it has an audio drama version to it. It's nice to see Derpy get involved in stories like this.