On Their Majesty's Shapeshifting Service

by Charles Rocketboy

Chapter 1

On Their Majesty’s Shapeshifting Service

The Diamond Dogs’ cavern stank like a cavern full of Diamond Dogs. Three days of walking around the place with their olfactory powers but without being accustomed to the background hum: she’d puked four times in the first day and that would’ve blown her cover if she hadn’t hit people and told them to mind their own business. That convinced them she was really a Diamond Dog.

She’d thought it would be easy. They were all thickos, right? As long as you had the right shape – a box on your head with a dogface drawn on it might be enough – they wouldn’t pay attention, right? Turns out pretending to be thick for hours on end was difficult, never mind all the little bits of Diamond Dog culture and customs that neither she nor her handlers had ever heard of. The rules for scent marking were as long as the Neighyeux Tapestry, for Celestia’s sake.

And then there was the fact that if you were weak, it was acceptable to go into your room and nick your stuff. The real Arf was hidden in, yes, his room. She was pretty sure the other dogs thought Arf was being a right wuss these past three days and the tipping point was unknown. Did the Diamond Dogs know about changelings?

The target would know. If he found out, weeks of planning went up Augean Creek. Same if someone found the cameras she’d stashed around the main cavern.

That’s assuming the target even turned up. She knew that was a gamble. Also a gamble, hoping her escorts would be there if she had to make a break for it. And, frankly, it was a gamble about whether she’d catch something from the food here because eeww.

That’s when the target wandered in and everything went right for about, oh, one whole minute.

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It had been a bright day in Trottingham, warm and the breeze smelling of acorns, when the two unicorns had called at her house.

“Miss Honey Doo?”

Oh, not Hooves Witnesses again, she’d thought. “Speaking?”

“We’re from the Watch Security Service. It would be best all round if you didn’t try and escape, ma’am.”

The bottom of everything fell out. She thought of arguing – she had no idea what they were talking about, she was just a normal earth pony, she’d never even dropped litter – and then she’d hoped they meant something else, but when the darker-hued unicorn asked if she was able to take “your true form”, she knew it was over.

She did think of running but there wasn’t anywhere to run to.

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He was called Stone Cutter and he was a big name in the rock-farming and mining businesses. He was a big pony too; he not only had his feet in all the pies, he’d gone and eaten them all too. A cutie-mark of a pickaxe and a bit stood on his flank, and he wore a shirt with that same mark – the logo for his company – emblazoned all over it. The shirt was ugly, the sort of ugly you could get away with if you were minted.

And wouldn’t you know, Diamond Dog raiders had attacked some of his competitors. And right in time for him to bid for a contract on the Griffin Kingdom borders! The raiders were getting exponentially better armed and trained too, which shouldn’t be happening unless they were getting support, and that meant there was a cross-border security issue.

And then they’d raided a griffin mining operation and when one of the workers had been a bit too slow flying away…

Well. The griffins were unhappy. The Intelligence Service had promised they’d sort out “your own mess”, which meant Honey Doo was going ‘on holiday’ to Grifsbourg.

And what did Stone Cutter have to say about this?

“They’re building too quickly, can you attack them again?” He spoke sloooowwwwwly and LOUDLY to the Alpha Male, because he was that sort of guy. “You can have many shiny pennies and big sticks for it.”

“Duhhh, sure boss!” said the Alpha Male, because it helped for people like Stone Cutter to think you were stupid(er). When you were a changeling, you became very good at picking up other pony’s masks. “We do that!”

They shook hoof/paws. (Stone Cutter wiped his hoof clean when the dog wasn’t looking) That was good. They’d done it right in front of one of her hidden cameras. Game, set—

“Ooooh, pretty!” A particularly ugly Diamond Dog was pulling her camera from a stalactite. “What’s it do?”

Bum.

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They’d left her in the waiting room to fester. She’d dropped her amber earth pony form for her natural form – there wasn’t much point keeping up appearances.

What did the WSS do to changelings? You never heard. Back when she was with the Hive, there’d been rumours. Everyone knew what the griffins and the buffalo and the minotaur did, but the ponies… Well, they were ‘nice’. They had ‘appearances’.

They could do anything to you in secret. Anything.

It wasn’t fair. She hadn’t done anything. Honey Doo had been fictional, she hadn’t replaced anyone. (She’d been too scared, what if she was caught?) Honey Doo had been a good pony, hadn’t she? She did a little job working in a bakery, she didn’t fight with anyone, she was always ready to act in the local pantomime. She’d had a good three years.

She didn’t deserve whatever they did.

A mule came into the room, a thick wad of reports and a quill clamped in his teeth: she recognised him, it was Mike from down the road. (He also said he worked in office supplies…) An unknown unicorn, a set of scales on her flank, followed him. He settled them down, spread out the papers, and finally looked up at her.

“Do you wish to be called Honey Doo or, ah, Tsect?”

“Does it matter?”

“We’ll stick with Honey Doo for now. There’s just a few questions to ask.”

They went on for ten minutes: was she impersonating anyone? Had she brainwashed anyone for feeding purposes? Was she in contact with other changelings? On and on. No, no, no, yes, no, in a dull montone.

Finally, Mike turned to the unicorn: “Well?”

“No.”

He smiled. “Good. Miss Doo, you are free to go.”

Wait, what?

“We’ve been checking your background and Truthbelle here has been lie-detecting your answers. All unregistered changelings have to be investigated but since you’ve not committed any crimes, you have the right to liberty and privacy under Articles 5 and 8 of the Sentient Right Acts. As far as everyone but the WSS is concerned, you’re an earth pony.”

She almost wept with relief.

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She almost wet herself.

Now she was going to have to do something very dumb.

With a battlecry of “AAAAARRRRGGG”, she leapt onto the dog and smashed his face into the stalactite. She grabbed the camera as he dropped it and scanned for easy exits – of which there were none. And Stone Cutter was scared and about to ID her as a spy, which would wreck any investigation.

So she went back into changeling form.

SKREEEEEEEEEEEE

Half the pack ran in terror of this screaming thing in their midst and the other half seemed reluctant to tackle her. As long as their fear held—

“It’s a changeling!” yelled Stone Cutter. “Those things attacked Canterlot last month, they’re merciless! You have to kill it before it brings more!”

Oh thank YOU.

The spell was broken and the first few Dogs were running towards her, arms wide to grab and mouths open and slavering. Then the rest followed.

Only a changeling who'd had incredible amounts of love to feed on could survive.

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She’d gone ten days before strangers called at her house again. It had been four days since the Wedding Battle and she’d been hoping, truly hoping, that nobody would think she was involved. Now, she was just glad they’d come when she was alone at home.

Mike was there, looking worried; another pony, a non-descript pegasus with steel in her eyes; and someone else, hidden in a cloak.

“You are definitely alone, Miss Doo?” asked Mike.

“Y-Yes. Look, I didn’t know anything about—“

The stranger took her cloak off and oh Tarturus, it was bloody Princess Luna.

“We have a favour to ask of you.”

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The shockwave smashed the horde away like a great fist, but Honey Doo was already in flight before they could recover. Another green blast tore from her horn into the Diamond Dogs’ blocking the nearest exit; the door went flying with them.

Somedog tried to jump on her back and she kicked it, hard, right in the chest.

And then she flew faster than she’d ever done before, hoping she was following the right tunnels, as the hordes chased after him.

I’m going to make it. I am going to make it.

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“Our Intelligence Service has always had the problem that our little ponies stand out in certain nations, and we don’t always have enough suitable agents from other species.” By this point, it was clear Luna wasn’t here to personally kill her. “A shapeshifter would be the answer to our problems. You would be given suitable training, cover stories, and would otherwise be allowed to live your life. I cannot promise that this will be risk free and I will not insult you by claiming otherwise.”

Honey Doo finally shut her dropped jaw. “Um. I do have a choice?”

“Of course,” said Luna, puzzled. “Why did you think otherwise?”

“I’m a. Mm. You know.”

“Oh, that. Ms Doo, I almost destroyed the entire world in eternal darkness; you were just born. We do not come to you demanding redemption or payment for being allowed to live. We request your service, to do a job few can do.” She paused. “And to protect our loved ones.”

Well. Luna had done her homework.

“I have a few questions, your majesty.”

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The ground exploded and a green flare lit the night, and none noticed how a fleeing changeling became a fleeing earth pony. The Diamond Dogs, however, tend to chase anything that flees on general principle and their bloodlust was up. She was cutting it damn fine by doing this and hoping the escorts were nearby, screw her cover what about escaping from certain violent death—

In a sudden lurch, she was airborne and the yelps of frightened dogs came from behind her.

“You cut that fine!” A griffin in the blue-on-grey barding of the Griffinic Forces was holding her (a little too) tightly; he sounded amused. “Bet you wish you could fly, eh?”

Ho flipping ho. “I’ve got photographic evidence! We’ve got him busted and the raids can start on that pack!”

“Booya!”

She had three days left on her holiday cover story. She could do with it now…

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It was late before Honey Doo’s debriefing had finished and she could trot back to the hotel. She was tired, sore, and fed up of the flipping forms.

When she got in, an excitable black shape screamed “MUMMEEEEEE” and ran over to hug her leg; her husband followed, smiling. She drank deep and the fatigue went away.

It was a good life.

THE END

-

AUTHOR’S NOTES: The names of security services had been pinched from Norway.

Comments

[Debonair]

Mucho Bueno.

[Perteks]

Not bad, but should be much longer

[airbournesquid]

1688863 I agree, want moar.

[Melon Hunter]

Yeah, this was pretty darn good, but why the hell does it have a complete tag on it?! Seriously, this reads like a introduction to a much deeper story. If you go and write a longer adventure to follow on from this, I'd be very happy to read it

[Lunar-Flare]

I like this very much.

[SomeRandomMinion]

Nicely done!
I've been on a Changeling fix for a while now, so this already had my interest on principle. I really like the idea of a Changeling working for the ponies, and making Honey a spy of sorts was a clever touch. And I'm intrigued about the "registered/unregistered Changelings" bit. It's a nice aversion of the paranoia I've seen in some other fics, and it seems like something canon Equestrians might do.

And I applaud you for having the op go sour, and Honey having to book it--I'm a bit sick of the "Spy = Unstoppable Badass" cliche.

I hope we see more of Honey--she has a lot of potential for more clandestine adventures, or just slice-of-life stories. ( I don't know why, but I'd LOVE to see her meet Shining Armour or Candence.)

Faved, Liked, and Tracking you.

[Charles Rocketboy]

I follow the theory of "leave them wanting MOAR".

(Though I will say I never said whether Honey Doo's husband and foal know she's not really a pony...)

1688938 - all "nice changeling" stories seemed to follow the idea that the ponies would not suffer a changeling to live, and I thought "would it go like that, since Equestria is so fluffy?" and "wouldn't a changeling make an awesome spy" at the same time.

[vren55]

Okay I got one word for this fic

AWESOME. Good plot great character development. I do want to know more about her training husband and background though... Is a sequel In the works?

[Pascal]

Allow me the honor of giving you a brief lesson in Charles Rocketboy's many clumsy attributes. For openers, Charles is driving me nuts. I can't take it anymore! Other than that, there's an important difference between me and Charles. Namely, I am willing to die for my cause. Charles, in contrast, is willing to kill for his—or, if not to kill, at least to publish blatantly uncivilized rhetoric as "education" for children to learn in school.

My goal is to transcend traditional thinking. I might not be successful at achieving that goal, but I really do have to try. If I seem a bit prudish, it's only because I'm trying to communicate with Charles on his own level. He cannot tolerate the world as it is. He needs to live in a world of fantasies. To be more specific, Charles needs to realize that he's not special. He's not a beautiful or unique snowflake. He's just another obtrusive cozener who wants to tear down all theoretical frameworks for addressing the issue. And that's it. I can say with absolute certitude that compassion and moral principle are not the main motives for Charles Rocketboy's actions.

[Charles Rocketboy]

1689098 " I can say with absolute certitude that compassion and moral principle are not the main motives for Charles Rocketboy's actions."

True, I just got bored one day.

[SuperChaosKG]

1689098

Sooo, you like it?

[Gyvon]

Excellent.

Moar, MOAR!

[SomeRandomMinion]

1688999

(Though I will say I never said whether Honey Doo's husband and foal know she's not really a pony...)

That may explain Luna's "protect our loved ones" line...

[Wilhelm]

Nice.

[FaceDeer]

Very nice, I like seeing Changelings and ponies get along. Though as several others have pointed out, this feels more like the introduction to a longer story than just a stand alone. Hope you get a great idea for a sequel someday. :)

[LittleSallyDigby]

Hmm. So the changeling working as a pony spy in a Diamond Dog mine is investigating in tandem with the Griffon Kingdoms against a pony criminal? That's a particularly fun concept. It's nice to be reminded that "we take care of our own" doesn't always mean "we support our own kind unthinkingly"; sometimes it means "if one of ours steps out of line it will be our fist that comes down on them."

Also hmm, just thought of something... I suppose in this canon the changelings don't have a proper hive-mind, then? Because if they did...

[Charles Rocketboy]

1823631 I didn't originally intend for Honey Doo* to be working in tandem with the griffin's own agency but it just seemed to go that way. Two agencies working together nicely, that's how you know MLP is a utopian fiction!

"I suppose in this canon the changelings don't have a proper hive-mind, then? Because if they did.."

Yeah, I decided not to go with that idea - which AFAIK, isn't canon yet but almost certainly will be soon...

* I can't believe I got away with that name

[MemeticHazard]

1688999

I follow the theory of "leave them wanting MOAR".

I must say, you seem to have the execution of this theory down pat.

[GhostlyReader]

Good fic; simple, yet elegant. Faved and upvoted.

[djthomp]

That was excellent.

[Themaskedferret]

Very cool stuff. It felt a bit shorter than I'd normally like but excellently done and ripping good fun.

[AdmiralSakai]

I don't really have a lot to say about this other than that I really liked it.