My Little Mission: Sneaking is Magic

by DoctorSpectrum

Chapter Four: It Needs To Have About 20% More Friendship

Orders. They were the reason that I had been sent to Shadow Moses, although the fact that the FOXHOUND terrorists had been threatening a nuclear strike also added to persuading me into accepting the mission. What then was I, a soldier, supposed to do here, in a land where my orders no longer applied? Was this further proof that to the governments, soldiers are nothing –

“Hey, is somepony hiding in there?” A voice interrupted my lengthy train of thoughts. I froze, hoping that the unknown owner of the voice wouldn’t look any closer at my hiding place.

To my annoyance, a moment later the cardboard box covering my body was lifted by a pair of hooves. The owner of these hooves was a sky-blue pony, with a multi-coloured, somewhat spiky mane. Like Fluttershy, she had wings at her sides, but unlike Fluttershy, she was actively using her wings to hover in the air.

“I thought that there was- hey! You’re a human!” the pony said. From the pony’s tone and physical appearance, I couldn’t immediately tell whether it was a male or female pony. I grimaced as the pony recognised me as a human, certain that a minute or so of stunned silence would follow.

“Yeah. What of it?” I asked bluntly.

“That’s pretty cool! What are you doing in Equestria?” To my surprise, this pony wasn’t as amazed at my presence as the others I had met had been. The pony stopped hovering and landed in front of me, possibly to get a better sight of me.

“I was fighting a psychic in a secret facility, when he somehow sent me here,” I replied, warming up to this pony slightly more than the others I had met so far. “Since then, I’ve been looking for a way to get back to my mission.”

“Have you tried talking to Twilight Sparkle?” the pony answered. “She can be a bit of an egghead at times, but at the end of the day, she really knows a lot of useful things. Maybe she can help you get home!”

“Twilight… Sparkle?” After a moment, I realised that this was the Twilight whom I had already met. “Yeah, I met her earlier today, but when she was introducing me to her friends, I scared Fluttershy. I’m staying away from her for a while.” The blue pony, whom I had deduced was a female, rolled her eyes.

“Urgh, tell me about it! Fluttershy really needs to toughen up!” After a moment, she looked to me seriously. “But she’s a great friend anyway. I’m always glad to have her watching my back!” she said proudly. I got the feeling that this pony thought a bit more highly of herself than the others I had met.

I smiled grimly at this statement. “You’ve got to be careful who you choose to watch your back. Despite what we’d all like to think, today’s ally could be tomorrow’s –”

“You talk waaay too much,” the pony interrupted me, sounding bored with my speech. “You should also learn to talk about more awesome things. Like how I do!” She leapt into the air and went back to hovering.

“So tell me, you’re friends with Twilight?” I asked, ignoring her.

“Oh, didn’t I make that clear? Name’s Rainbow Dash! The best flier in all of Equestria!” It looked like I was right about this pony’s pride.

“Rainbow Dash, huh?” I replied. “My name’s Snake. So tell me, what do you do when you’re not being the best flier in Equestria?” It seemed as though Rainbow Dash was a close friend of Twilight’s from what she was implying, so I figured that I should get to know her at least a little if I was going to be stuck in Ponyville.

“What don’t I do?” she replied with a heavy air of confidence. “I learn new tricks to try to get into the Wonderbolts, I work with other pegasi to control the weather, I hang out with my awesome friends – in fact, I was just on my way to visit Applejack. The track we’re on now leads out to her farm.” I thought for a moment. Whoever this Applejack was, she was evidently a close friend of Rainbow Dash’s. By extension, that would make her a friend of Twilight’s.

“Sounds like a plan,” I growled. I didn’t really care about this Applejack character, but I figured I should get to know some more ponies as long as I was going to be here. And let’s face it; I already knew about half of Twilight’s friends, so I should probably meet the others.

“Alright! Follow me, and you’ll see why I’m so awesome!” Rainbow said before flying off, although not so fast that I couldn’t follow at a decent pace. I grunted, before following her.

===================

“What’s Applejack like, Rainbow? Do I have to worry about scaring her, as I did Fluttershy?” We were walking (or flying in Rainbow’s case) past a large, dark red barn, which Rainbow Dash had confirmed belonged to Applejack’s family. Rainbow Dash laughed.

“Nope, Applejack’s one of the toughest ponies around! If you don’t count me, that is.” How I wished that I could have, Rainbow. The entire trip to the farm had been nothing but her bragging about how she had perfected something called a Sonic Rainboom, talking about how awesome some group called the Wonderbolts were, and asking me if I liked Daring Do, whoever that was.

Rainbow Dash led me to a large field full of apple trees, where we found an orange pony with a yellow mane kicking trees, sending apples falling out of them and into pre-placed buckets as a result. Judging by her cutie mark being three apples, I assumed that this was Applejack, which was confirmed a moment later when Rainbow Dash called out “Hey Applejack!”

“Howdy Rainbow,” Applejack replied without looking up from her kicking of the trees. “To what do ah owe the pleasure?”

“Well, I was going to ask you to check out my new move I perfected,” started Rainbow Dash, “but I’ve got even cooler news for you!” She looked down to me from the air and gave me a smile which I didn’t return.

“And what’d that be?” Applejack spoke with something of a Southern accent, and from looking at her I saw that she wore a cowboy hat which I hadn’t noticed before.

“Well, as it turns out, we’ve got a human staying here in Ponyville!” Rainbow Dash pointed her hooves to me as if presenting me, to which I rolled my eyes.

“A what now?” Applejack asked, stopping her assault on the trees to come over and talk to Rainbow Dash. She noticed me as she was walking over. “Oh, a human! Now ah remember Twilight tellin’ me about them!” A moment later, she had dashed over to me, grabbed one of my hands in both of her hooves, and was shaking it furiously.

“Pleased to meet ya! My name’s Applejack! What’s yours?” she asked enthusiastically. I pushed her hooves away with my free hand.

“Snake. Solid Snake.”

“Well ah’ll be! Humans have the same sorta names as us ponies do!” I rolled my eyes, as I wasn’t going to explain the reasoning behind my codename. “So, what’re y’all doin’ in Ponyville, Snake?”

“As I explained to Rainbow Dash, I was sent here by an enemy of mine. I have no idea how, or why he would choose Ponyville of all places to condemn – I mean, to send me to.” Luckily, neither Rainbow Dash nor Applejack seemed to notice my slip of the tongue.

“Well, ain’t that a buck between the hind legs!”

“Huh?” What the hell was she on about?

“Not to worry though, ah’m sure that y’all will be back home quicker than a rattlesnake in July!” Applejack raised a hoof, perhaps to place on my shoulder, before realising that I was much taller than she was and lowering it hastily. “Y’all will be in good hooves with Rainbow Dash, ah can tell y’all that much,” she added. “Have ya been giving Snake a bit of a look around Ponyville, Rainbow?”

“Well, I actually only met him a few minutes ago,” Rainbow Dash admitted. “I was coming here anyway, so Snake asked if he could come. He’s already met Twilight and Fluttershy!” I opened my mouth to add that I had also met Rarity and Pinkie Pie, before deciding that it wasn’t worth the effort, and closing it.

“Well, do ya want to show us all that new move y’all were talking about earlier?” Applejack asked Rainbow Dash. “Ah’m sure it’ll be mighty impressive, and it’ll give Snake something to talk about when he gets back to… to… to wherever he’s from!” Neither pony saw me rolling my eyes once more.

“Great idea, AJ! This’ll be sure to impress you, Snake! It’s gotta be at least 20% cooler than the last trick I learned!” Part of me wanted to explain to Rainbow Dash that you couldn’t measure how cool something was with numbers, whilst another part wanted to stay silent and watch to see whether she could live up to her claim. The latter part of me won, and I gave Rainbow a small nod.

Rainbow Dash gave a bit of a smirk, before flying directly upwards. I’ll admit then, that my jaw dropped a little. At the speed at which she had accelerated, it was a wonder that her fur hadn’t caught on fire from the air friction. Once up high enough, she started flying in a wide loop, gaining speed at a near impossible rate. This attracted a large number of clouds to her, which merged together in the centre of her circle into one large cloud.

I couldn’t see the next part of Rainbow’s trick well enough from the ground, but I assumed that she suddenly dropped out of the circle and flew into the gigantic cloud, as the cloud itself suddenly… exploded, sending smaller parts of cloud zooming everywhere. I’ll admit that it did look pretty impressive. As I watched the clouds fly off everywhere, Rainbow Dash flew down to Applejack and I.

“Pretty cool, huh? And I can complete it in just ten seconds flat!”

---

In the debriefing room, Colonel Campbell was looking at Snake sceptically. That is to say, more sceptically than he had at the start of Snake explaining how he had been transported to a world of magical, intelligent, talking ponies.

“How on Earth could this so-called trick work, Snake? You should know that clouds don’t work like that!” Snake shrugged.

“What can I say, Colonel? Maybe the weather works differently in Equestria to how it does here.” The Colonel shook his head sadly.

“Can’t believe you expect me to believe all of this,” he muttered to himself. He made a mental note to look into Snake’s medical records, and see whether there was any chance of Snake having schizophrenia as a result of post-traumatic stress disorder. After a moment of silence, Snake spoke again.

“Colonel…”

“Snake…”

“Have you ever looked into using pegasi for aerial combat?” After taking a moment for this to sink in, the Colonel exploded with rage.

“What the – Snake, what on Earth are you on about?! Pegasi are not real!”

“I know that,” Snake replied coolly. “It’s just… Rainbow Dash was a pretty good flier.”

“So if they’re not real, why would you suggest such a thing?!”

“They can also move clouds and control the weather, you know. If pegasi were recruited into the air force, I’m sure that their efficiency would increase by at least tw-”

“Snake. We are not discussing this now. Continue with your debriefing report.” Snake grunted angrily, and then continued as the Colonel had requested.

---

Although Rainbow Dash’s constant bragging and self-promotion had been pissing me off, I had to admit it – she could live up to her claims. Mostly. I gave her a nod, having genuinely enjoyed her trick.

“Well ah’ve gotta say, that looked amazin’ from down here! You’ll be sure to get into the Wonderbolts if ya show off that to ‘em!” Applejack said, clearly just as impressed as I was.

“Thanks. I’ve still got a few kinks to work out with it before I can show it to the Wonderbolts, though,” Rainbow Dash admitted, looking somewhat humble. “I’m thinking of calling it the Sonic Cloudboom.”

“Sonic Cloudboom, huh?” I asked. “That was pretty impressive trick. When will you get a chance to show these Wonderbolts?”

“Unless they end up judging another flying competition, I probably won’t see them until the next Grand Galloping Gala, if then,” Rainbow replied. “And I’m not sure whether I even want to go to another Gala after the last one we all went to.” Rainbow shuddered, obviously having some terrible memory of the last of these Galas that she had been to.

“Now wait just a minute,” Applejack said to Rainbow. “Th’ last Gala we went to may not have met our expectations at first, but we all ended up having a good time by the end of it, didn’t we?” Rainbow Dash shrugged.

“I dunno… I had a good time, but I still really wish that the Wonderbolts had taken more notice of me.” Whilst Applejack and Rainbow Dash continued to discuss this Gala and whether they wanted to go to the next one or not, I quietly lit one of my cigarettes and began smoking. As I inhaled, it occurred to me that there might not be any places in Ponyville where I could restock on cigarettes should I run out. It was certainly a sobering thought.

“Hey Snake, would you be interested in going to the Gala?” Rainbow Dash suddenly asked me, breaking the conversation with Applejack. I snorted.

“No thanks. The only way you could get me there would be if one of the FOXHOUND terrorists were making an appearance as a guest of honour.” Although I had no idea what this Grand Galloping Gala thing was, I had no interest in it. The name told me all I needed to know about it – it wouldn’t provide me with a way home, so therefore it was unimportant. At the mention of the FOXHOUND terrorists, both Applejack and Rainbow Dash gave me confused looks. Rainbow Dash opened her mouth to ask me something, when she was unexpectedly interrupted.

“That’s a pity. You would likely look rather dapper in fancy clothes, Snake,” a posh voice rang out. Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and I all turned in the direction of the sound to find Rarity, Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie all trotting towards us. Naturally, it had been Rarity whom had just spoken.

“Howdy, y’all!” Applejack called out, obviously pleased to see them. A moment later, she frowned in confusion. “Pinkie, didn’t you say ya were workin’ this afternoon, so y’all couldn’t come for a visit like ya wanted to?”

“I was working, but when the Cakes saw how excited I was over making friends with Snakey here, they said I could leave early so that I would stop causing such a mess!” Urgh, that would be just my luck.

“What are you all doing here, anyway?” Rainbow Dash asked. I had been wondering the same thing myself.

“Well, after Fluttershy and myself met with Rarity and Pinkie, we were looking for you, Rainbow Dash, to introduce to Snake,” Twilight explained. “You as well, Applejack,” she added. “And then we saw this enormous cloud explosion over Sweet Apple Acres, and it was obvious where you were, Rainbow. Who else but the best flier in Cloudsdale could do something like that?” Rainbow Dash grinned, happy with the praise.

“But why were you all looking for me?” I asked, unable to work out what they wanted with me. Twilight suddenly looked guilty, and she looked to the ground rather than facing me.

“I’m sorry, Snake. I was far too strict on you for scaring poor Fluttershy here. I was so concerned with how Fluttershy felt, that I didn’t even consider how you felt, being in a strange land and not knowing anypony!” Strange was putting it mildly. “I’m sorry that I was so harsh on you earlier.” Actually, I had been looking for an excuse to ditch these ponies at the time, but I knew better than to admit that and complicate things.

“And I’m sorry too, Snake,” Fluttershy said softly, speaking to me properly for the first time. “Here Twilight was, trying to introduce me to you, and instead I couldn’t help but panic at the sight of you! I’m sorry that I couldn’t keep my fears in check…” she said, her voice trailing off as she spoke.
Well, that explained why they had all come looking for me. I was about to tell them that they needn’t had bothered, that I had wanted to be on my own, when I realised why they had really come looking for me: all of them considered themselves my friends, as Rainbow Dash and Applejack did too, no doubt. I hesitated in speaking. I hadn’t had a real friend since… since before Zanzibar Land.

Instead of telling them that they needn’t have bothered, as I had been planning to a moment ago, I held out a hand to Twilight, to shake her hoof as Applejack had shaken mine when I first met her. (Albeit less energetically). She took it without hesitation.

“Don’t you worry, Snake! I’ll work as best as I can to find a way to get you home!” To tell the truth, I actually smiled at that. Maybe I didn’t consider these ponies my friends as readily as they considered me to be theirs… maybe I really was the ruthless killing machine which some considered me to be, and which these ponies had no idea about. But that didn’t mean that I couldn’t work together with them whilst I was stuck in Ponyville.

“Well, it sounds as though we’ve all learned a good lesson about friendship today!” Rarity suddenly said. My smile vanished.

“Huh?” Where did that come from?

“Yes, good point, Rarity!” Twilight agreed. “Spike, take a letter,” she said, before realising that Spike, the baby dragon she had introduced me to earlier, wasn’t around. Instead, she gave a small smile, and said “I mean, Snake, take a letter.”

What?!

“Dear Princess Celestia,” Twilight started, closing her eyes to dictate. “Sometimes, when one of your friends is hurt or in danger, you can disregard the feelings of your other friends, and prioritise one over another. But in being a good friend, you have to learn to consider the feelings of all of your friends, not just one of them. In doing this, you can see that maybe your other friends have a problem or fear as well, and learn to care about all of your friends, not just the ones who have the most immediate problem.”

“From your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle,” she finished, opening her eyes. She turned to me, still smiling. “Did you get all of that down, Snake?”

“Get all of that down? Was I supposed to?”

“Well, it is not as though any of us can write efficiently with a quill,” pointed out Rarity, examining her hooves as she said so.

“But you have horns you can move things with! I saw you drawing earlier today!” I protested. How in the hell was I supposed to have known that I needed to write letters for these ponies?

“Yes, well, I don’t exactly have a quill or paper on my person now, do I?” Rarity asked me. Twilight Sparkle nodded, agreeing with her.

“And neither do I!” A moment after I said this, a thought suddenly occurred to me… A thought which was confirmed as all of the ponies around me burst into laughter.

“Oh Snake, can’t you see that we’re just playing a simple joke on you?” Twilight asked, still chuckling slightly. I frowned for a moment, before cracking a slight smile.

When I had been assigned to infiltrate Shadow Moses, I had been prepared to do my best. To handle any test or challenge which I might need to face – for I can do so many tricks, and have a handful of skills up my sleeves. But I hadn’t been prepared for this: to end up allying with a group of intelligent, multi-coloured ponies.

It looked like this was going to be an interesting stay in Ponyville after all.

Comments

[Melkor]

You know you're gullible when you're Trolled by Twilight.

[Mr SP]

1713504
Well, when you spend a life fighting Running Men, Metal Gears and invisible Cyborg Ninja, hiding in cardboard boxes, and discussing ancient Chinese proverbs every time you try to save your game, you start to lose a lot of your skepticism.

[Olivine Ellva]

How I wished that I could have, Rainbow.

Remove the , from that sentence, and the results are hilarious.

[HellBreaker]

2545121 ohhh, hehehehe

[Unit 26-Fe]

in check…

I love your totally intentional unused text mods
.