• Published 26th Nov 2012
  • 8,842 Views, 207 Comments

My Little Mission: Sneaking is Magic - DoctorSpectrum



A Metal Gear/MLP crossover fic! Snake goes to Equestria!

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Chapter Six: Into the Everfree Forest

As I crossed the threshold of the Everfree Forest, I noticed several things about the forest that I hadn’t prior to entering. Firstly, it was deathly quiet. There were no animal noises as there should have been in a forest this large. As I cautiously crept through, it also occurred to me how twisted and demonic-looking the trees were. It was as if some sort of sorcery had physically changed them to look more frightening to travellers… which come to think of it, probably wasn’t far off from the truth.

For the sake of caution, I drew my SOCOM, ready to defend myself against the creatures of the forest, should I encounter any. The thing that I hated about going into the forest, aside from the fact that its reputation made it sound every bit as dangerous as one of my past missions, was that I had no way of knowing where the Cutie Mark Crusaders had gone. It had barely been ten minutes since they had crept in, yet in that time they could have headed in any direction. I wasn’t suited to this sort of assignment. I was a stealth operative; not a tracker.

I had been hoping that they had only gone a small way into the forest, but it seemed that I was unlucky, as I couldn’t find or hear them in the small area I had explored so far. I had to wonder why they had gone so far into the forest. Did they really believe that they were unable to be detected in the box? Was it giving them extra confidence? If so, then I had achieved that much, at least.

I was crawling through the forest on my stomach, so as to not make noise and alert predators to my location, when I suddenly heard my codec receiving a call. The Colonel? I wondered optimistically, as I answered it instantly.

“Snake!”

“Hey, Twilight,” I muttered. I wondered what she was calling me for, before I received an answer to that question a moment later.

"You said that you’d give me a call to explain why you were going into the Everfree Forest, but I haven’t received one yet. Is everything okay?” Oh. Right. I hadn’t even thought about it, concentrating more on the threats of the forest than what I had said before I had entered.

“Sorry, I was a bit distracted,” I answered, nearly breathing in a leaf as I said so. As I explained what had happened, I couldn’t help but marvel at the spell Twilight had found the other day – it allowed us to communicate via codec as though she had one herself. I had no idea how it worked, but it was a great way to talk over long distances, especially considering how out-dated Ponyville’s technology was in compared to mine.

“What?! Why are you going in by yourself, Snake?” Twilight exclaimed as I finished explaining my self-appointed mission. I was still crawling across the ground of the forest on my stomach to reduce the noise I made, and when I spoke, it was in a quiet mutter.

“Twilight, listen. You told me yourself how dangerous the Everfree Forest is. If I go in by myself, I can save those fillies quietly and without attracting attention from the… local wildlife. Besides… this is my fault, and my responsibility.” I thought that this would show her my point of view, but I was wrong.

“What are you talking about, Snake? My friends and I could have come with you if you’d waited! Rainbow Dash should fly ahead and scout for the Crusaders – Fluttershy could calm any of the wildlife – and Applejack –”

“Twilight, I don’t want the help of you or your friends.”

After a pause, Twilight hesitantly asked “…Why, Snake?” I suddenly realised that I may have accidentally offended her.

“Because… because this is my mess, and I’ll clean it up. That’s my responsibility as a soldier.” Although that was partially true, I didn’t tell her the real reason – that I needed to keep my skills honed; to make sure that I was still ready for Shadow Moses when I returned. A stealth mission through the forest was the first chance I’d had at refining my skills since I had been sent to Equestria; it had serious stakes and a real challenge.

“…Don’t hesitate to call me if you need to, okay, Snake?” Twilight finally answered. “Just remember the saying of Star Swirl the Bearded – ” at this point I could hear her flipping through a large, heavy-sounding book, which I assumed was the 1001 Proverbs book she had mentioned earlier “- ‘Geese can be troublesome’.”

I stopped moving for a moment as I processed this. “Twilight… what exactly does that mean?” I asked, somewhat confused. Twilight gave a nervous little chuckle before answering.

“Well, Snake, I would think that’s fairly obvious – geese can be troublesome.”

“I realise that, Twilight. But what does the metaphor mean?”

“Now that you mention it, I’ve never thought about it,” Twilight answered after a moment of thinking. “But there’s a paragraph here going into depth about the proverb, and apparently it means –”

“Yes?”

“ – that geese can be troublesome.” There was another pause as this sunk in. “That isn’t helpful at all!” Twilight complained. I wondered whether this was the first time a book had failed to provide her with adequate information.

“Troublesome, huh? I’m sure it’s unim-”

“I can’t find information on troublesome geese anywhere else in this book! This requires serious research!” I probably shouldn’t have been surprised at this declaration, but I was. “I’ll call you back when I find this out, Snake!” Twilight said, before ending the codec call.

Yeah, this was definitely going to be a solo mission from here.

===================

It had been about half an hour since I had entered the forest, and I still hadn’t found any sign of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. I was certainly worried by this, but at the same time, I was sure that I would have found at least some sign had the worst happened.

As I continued to slowly make my way through the forest, it occurred to me how much easier this could be if I had some camouflage on. But even as I thought that, I grimaced at the thought of changing my camouflage every time the terrain around me did. If only there was some sort of suit which would automatically change as the camouflage did…

I pressed myself against a tree as flat as I could as I heard the roar of a manticore nearby. The first time I had heard one, I had rolled into some nearby bushes in an instinctive panic whilst waiting for it to run past, which fortunately hadn’t taken too long. I had called Twilight back immediately after that, who had explained that the beast was a mixture of a lion and a scorpion, in addition to possessing a pair of wings. She had then warned me to avoid it. As if I needed any incentive.

After waiting a few moments for the roars to subside, as the manticore went elsewhere, I crept away from my tree and continued searching. After a few minutes, I found myself at a broad, raging river, with waves rapidly being formed and thrashing violently against the shore. I grimaced as I examined it. I hoped that the Cutie Mark Crusaders hadn’t tried crossing this river. There was no way that my cardboard box would survive it.

I suddenly picked up on a noise I hadn’t heard earlier, coming from further upriver. “Oh-ho-ho!!!” I wasn’t sure what to make of it. It certainly didn’t sound like a wild animal of the forest, but it didn’t sound like the Crusaders, either. After mulling it over for a moment, I headed up the river to see what was making the noise.

I was shocked at the sight before me. A gigantic, purple sea serpent was flailing around in the water, causing the powerful waves which were spilling on the shore. What surprised me most about this … serpent … was the slick, orange hair it had on its head. Even more strangely, it seemed to have half of a moustache the same texture and colour, whilst the other half of its moustache was purple and curly. It reminded me of something, but I couldn’t place what.

This sea serpent was the weirdest thing I had seen in the past few days, and considering that I was temporarily living in a world comprised mostly of intelligent, talking ponies, that was saying something. Still, now that I had identified the source of the river’s waves, I knew what I would need to do in order to get across the water.

I got out my Nikita missile launcher from my equipment, took aim, and fired at the sea serpent.

I winced at the sound of the large explosion which followed as the missile exploded against the serpent’s scales. As I waited for the smoke to clear, I put away the launcher, regretting that the serpent had to die for my mission to continue. There was a chance, however small, that Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle were on the other side of this river, and if killing the serpent meant that I could cross the river and find them, then it was a chance I was willing to take.

Once the smoke from the explosion had cleared, I saw that the sea serpent had stopped thrashing, but it wasn’t due to the missile. No, he had stopped thrashing around because he had survived my attempt to blow him up – I guess his scales were harder than they looked - and was now staring at me angrily. This was looking bad – I was probably about to be eaten, or worse.

“Whyyyy in Equestria would you just go and do something like that?” he suddenly spoke, waving a hand flamboyantly. I stared, unable to answer. Not only were the ponies in Equestria intelligent and capable of speech, but the random sea monsters were too?!

“Uh… sorry,” I hesitantly answered after realising that he wasn’t going to suddenly attack me. “I needed to get your attention,” I lied, attempting to talk my way out of this situation. He turned away from me and folded his arms before continuing. I couldn’t tell whether he was purposely over-acting around me, or whether he was naturally that way.

“Well, I never! I realise that I was a bit preoccupied, but that’s no excuse to just go ahead and attack a dashing young serpent such as myself!” As he said the last few words, he ran a hand through the orange side of his moustache.

“Preoccupied, huh?” I repeated, not understanding how he had been so. He turned back to me.

“Yes, darling! I was just examining my handsome reflection in the river this fine afternoon –” as he said this, he ran a hand through his hair “- when I noticed – the worst. Possible. Thing!” Following this line, the serpent collapsed into the water, wailing.

This serpent has the least magnetic personality I’ve ever encountered, I thought silently to myself, getting pissed off. Although I was considering just leaving at this point and continuing my search for the Crusaders, I was also at least a little intrigued with his story. “Worst possible thing?” I asked the serpent once he had temporarily calmed down.

“Why of course! How could you not notice?” At my small grunt, he raised a hand and pointed it to his moustache. “The right side of my moustache, which that fabulous white unicorn gave to me, is longer than my left side! I’m – I’m – ” He gulped for a moment here, finding the next part difficult to say. “Asymmetrical!” he finally wailed, before sticking his head under the water of the river. I thought that he might have been trying to hide his face from me, although I couldn’t see why.

“Lovely white unicorn?” I muttered to myself, before I realised what the purple half of the moustache reminded me of – it looked exactly like Rarity’s tail. Going over the serpent’s words, I started to wonder how Rarity’s tail had become a replacement moustache for this serpent, before deciding that I didn’t want to know.

The serpent rose from the water, looking even more distressed than earlier, if such a thing was possible. “So now you can see what a pickle I’m in!” he howled. “Oh, if only I hadn’t – ”

BLAM!

There was a small splash as part of the sea serpent’s moustache fell into the water. Speechless, he looked first to his moustache, then to his reflection in the water. I put away my SOCOM, which had been drawn out. “Oh-hohohoho! My moustache! How wonderful!” he squealed in delight. I had shot off part of his moustache so that both sides were now of equal length.

“There. Now your moustache is how it should be,” I growled.

“It’s so true!” he gasped as he examined his reflection once more. I had been planning to cross the river once the serpent, and subsequently the water, was calm, but a new idea occurred to me.

“Have you seen or heard three fillies around here?” I asked. If he hadn’t, then I would be back to searching the forest randomly until I found them, which I definitely wanted to avoid having to continue doing.

“I think I might have, you know,” the serpent replied after thinking for a moment. “I thought I heard the sound of arguing not too long ago; somewhere off in that direction.” He waved a hand in the direction idly, seeming more concerned with examining his looks in the river.

“That direction, huh?” I asked for confirmation. “Thanks.” Rather than stealthily crawling, as I had been earlier, I instead briskly walked in the direction which the serpent had gestured in. I didn’t want to risk having the Crusaders move elsewhere whilst I made my way to them.

As I headed for the Crusaders’ location, I called Twilight on my codec in order to inform her of my progress. “Twilight,” I greeted her simply.

“Snake! I’m afraid I still haven’t found the meaning of ‘geese can be troublesome’, but I’ve found another proverb –”

“That isn’t important right now, Twilight,” I interrupted. “I think I’ve got an idea of where the Cutie Mark Crusaders are.”

“Really? Good work, Snake! The sun’s nearly set, and I’d hate to think of what could happen to those poor fillies at night!” After a pause, she added “Is there anything else?” I debated telling her about the sea serpent.

“Nothing. Just thought I’d report on my progress,” I answered. “I’ll call you again when I find the Crusaders.”

“Okay Snake, sounds like a plan! Just keep in mind the classic saying – ‘Discord offers empty promises. Recall true friendship, and reject him’. That’s one of Celestia’s!”

“How can chaos offer me anything?” I asked, just as confused with this proverb as I had been by the last one.

“Well, Discord was a draconequus who used to rule –”

“A what? Twilight, are you sure you aren’t taking this too literally?”

“Of course I’m sure!” Twilight replied firmly. “Make sure you avoid any balloons you see in there, Snake! That’s how he got Pinkie Pie last time!”

“…Okay. If you say so,” I answered, deciding to humour her. Twilight may have been a smart unicorn, but she was definitely taking these proverbs too seriously. I ended the codec call and continued on my way.

To my shock, as I was about to walk between some trees, a manticore sprang out from behind one of them! I leapt back in shock whilst reaching for my FAMAS, the assault rifle which I had acquired on Shadow Moses. I had been focusing on finding the Cutie Mark Crusaders so much that I had completely forgotten to stay quiet.

I looked down the sights of my FAMAS to aim, but before I could fire, the manticore roared loudly. Normally this wouldn’t be a problem, but this roar was so loud that it literally knocked me over, sending me sprawling. Huh. I hadn’t expected that.

I scrambled for the gun, which I had dropped as I was knocked over, but even as I grabbed the handle, the manticore let out another roar and leapt at me.

“Aaaaargh!” The manticore had slashed at my chest, and even though my suit resisted it slightly, I could already feel blood seeping from the wound. The manticore was now moving its head towards me, its jaw opening as it prepared to bite me.

I managed to swing the FAMAS around so that the barrel was pointing at the manticore’s chest. I squeezed the trigger, dozens of bullets spraying into my attacker. Although I was wielding the FAMAS with just one hand, the poor aim was negated by the proximity with which the gun was to the manticore. I didn’t stop firing until the clip was empty.

The manticore recoiled and howled in pain. If this didn’t scare it off, then I was going to be dead in another moment.

I guess I must have been luckier than I knew, because the manticore then fled as fast as it could with all of those bullets embedded in its chest. I was still lying on the forest floor, so I had no idea how injured it was. My chest was stinging painfully, and for a moment, I was content to just lie there and struggle to breathe.

I started pulling myself up slowly, my head spinning as I did so. Lights appeared in front of my eyes for a moment, and as I blinked, it felt as if I was going to black out.

If I can… just get… a ration… I thought slowly, struggling to stay conscious. From where the manticore had appeared, I could see a pony, but I was too dizzy to make out whether it was a pony that I knew. Despite my best efforts, I felt myself drifting unconscious…

The last thing I remember before everything went black was the unknown pony speaking: “What has happened to you, my human friend? It looks as though you’re about to meet your end!”