• Published 26th Nov 2012
  • 1,323 Views, 53 Comments

Death of the Earth - twow443



The reason behind the Nightmare is revealed.

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7
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The Fall of a Sibling (Let's just get this bullshit over with.)

Celestia landed unsteadily on the ground, beating her wings to keep herself from toppling over. Blood dripped sluggishly from a gash on her stomach, and she was developing a splitting headache. Wearily, she looked up into the sky. Rain poured down in great sheets, soaking her to her skin. She saw her sister Luna and her brother Mylla flying around, dodging the constant lightning strikes.

“Celestia!” The voice was calm, beseeching. The sun princess glared up at the draconequus, furrowing her brow. Discord, god of chaos, floated lazily above her. His chipped horns and broken leg did nothing to deter his smug grin. “This does not have to go on any longer! If the three of you would just surrender to me, I can end this!”

“No, sister!” Luna called out to her, over the clash of thunder, “Surrendering Equestria to chaos was never an option!”

“I know!” Celestia shot back. “What can we do, though?”

Luna and Mylla landed next to Celestia. “I have an idea,” Mylla explained. “Can’t you and Luna trap him with the Elements of Harmony?”

“Yes, but he’ll have plenty of time to stop us,” Celestia informed him, hazarding a glance at Discord.

“Not necessarily,” Mylla said. “I’ll fly up and distract him. You two get on that.” Without another word, he launched himself into the air.

“Mylla! No!” Celestia was about to launch herself after her brother, but Luna held her back.

“The best thing we can do now is stop Discord,” Luna said. Celestia nodded tearfully and gathered her magic.

As the sisters started to charge the elements, Mylla hurled great spikes of rock at the draconequus. Discord had a hard time avoiding the earthen spikes, which seemed to grow grasping claws whenever they flew close, but the alicorn was tiring, and it showed.

In desperation, feeling his body grow weak, Mylla landed on the ground and wrapped himself in stone. Just before the protective field closed in, he saw that Discord hurriedly weaving a miracle, his mismatched hands pointing down towards his sisters. Mylla launched his stone prison into the air, in front of his sisters, as Discord’s spell neared completion. He closed his eyes, praying he would get there in time. Mylla collided with the lighting spear in a titanic explosion, sending rock fragments flying.

“That... that was for my sisters...” and with that, he fell, crashing into the broken earth.

“MYLLA!” Celestia screamed. Suddenly Celestia and Luna felt heat rush through them. Discord turned with a wicked grin to the two alicorns and his eyes widened. The smile dropped from his face as he saw the princesses finishing the ritual of Harmony.

A brilliant light surrounded the pair, their horns glowing with their respective colors. Celestia’s a bright yellow, surrounded by rainbow hues. Luna, a blue-black, studded with silver, wavering like smoke. The Elements of Harmony orbited them, occasionally pulsing arcs of magic into the princesses. Suddenly, a great glimmering shield erupted around them, carving a deep trench into the earth around them. A wave of white magic burst from the shield, slamming into Discord.

Discord reeled from the impact. He could feel his body calcifying around him, his skin turning to rock. The pain? Unimaginable. The princesses loomed before him, and time slowed for a moment. He was screaming, thrashing... no, he was laughing, crying out in triumph, unable to contain his mirth.

“Oh, you foals... You think that you’ve beaten me?” He pointed at the fallen Mylla. “I might be gone, but I have still won! Equestria is doomed!” He roared with laughter and began to dance as he eventually was completely encased in stone.

As the sisters landed, the ground trembled. “Oh no!” Luna yelled.

The princesses ran to their brother, stumbling across the cratered earth. “Mylla? Are you still with us?” Celestia said to him.

He slowly cracked open an eye. “Sorry, girls. I think... I think I’m done.”

“Don’t talk like that!” Celestia yelled. “We can still save you!” Just then, the ground shifted, knocking the princesses to their knees.

“Can’t you feel it, sister? The earth is tearing itself apart. The lightning spear cooked my... insides.” Mylla groaned.

Both sisters were openly crying at this point. “What can we do?” Luna asked.

Mylla squeezed his eyes closed, trying to block out their despairing faces. “You need to kill me.”

“What?!” They both cried.

“You can’t save me.” Mylla said. “I’m already too far gone. If I stay alive, the earth will be destroyed. The land will make way for the sea, and drown everypony in Equestria.”

“Celestia, we can’t do this!” Luna said, “He’s our brother!”

“We have no choice,” Celestia softly said, “This is the only way.”

Luna’s eyes flashed red. “Sister. We will NOT kill him.”

Celestia’s eyes hardened, determination filling her voice, “I cannot trade the life of one pony for our subjects. We have to.”

“But...we can’t.”

Celestia turned away from Luna, her voice growing cold. “Back up, Luna.”

“B-but, Celestia...” Luna started.

“Back. Up.” Celestia snapped, a white aura steadily growing around her.

Luna stepped back, weeping brokenly. Mylla smiled up at her. “Go on, Celestia.”

Celestia bent down, kissing her brother on the forehead. “I’m so sorry, Mylla. I love you.”

Mylla smiled at her. “I love you both. Goodbye... Celestia, Luna.”

Luna let out a wail as Celestia touched her horn to her brother’s. Both were engulfed by a rainbow light, forcing Luna to look away. When the light diminished, Celestia was alone.

. . .

The rest of the month was pure torture for the two sisters. After their brother’s death, life seemed hopeless. Celestia and Luna had decided to both take care of the earth, repairing it and maintaining its stability. Both sisters would spend long periods alone in different parts of the castle to mourn for their fallen brother.

Luna grew more and more distant. She would often leave her room to only raise or lower the moon, receiving food via teleportation magic. Celestia became colder, not only to Luna, but to her subjects as well. She would barely bother to raise the sun, instead choosing to lounge in a hedonistic bliss, ignoring the raising ceremony for hours at a time. Time in Equestria became erratic, as both princesses set aside their duties in favour of their own means of mourning.

Of all the ways Luna had changed, her mental state was the most worrying development. She had become more paranoid regarding her night, and was deeply hurt when the ponies cared more about the day. After all, there had been several times that Celestia had left the sun up longer than necessary, and nopony had complained about it.

As the days moved on, Luna became more and more incensed by this unfairness. Six weeks after Mylla’s death, Luna latched onto a brilliant idea, rousing her from her depression. She would bring Mylla back.

For weeks, she delved into the hidden, lost, and forgotten sections of the castle library. During the night, she would pour over eldritch tomes and scrolls, hoping to find anything that could help her resurrect the dead. In the end, she found what she needed.

The Liber Mortuorum explained that the ritual could only be performed at midnight, alone. After reading the instructions about the spell, Luna teleported from the castle in the dead of night, while her sister slept.

Luna landed in the Canterlot graveyard, with not two minutes to spare. It was silent, and after a quick verification spell, she realised nopony was around. She immediately moved to the grave of her brother, the route torturously familiar to her.
When she reached the grave, she knelt directly in front of it and closed her eyes. Her horn began to gleam, as she muttered the ancient necromantic chant.

“Luna? What are you doing?” Luna jumped as she heard Celestia’s voice from behind her. She dimmed her horn and turned to face her sister. Celestia stood, shining in the moonlight. Her mane was disheveled, and she looked tired. Old, even. Luna suspected she looked much the same.

“I just...wanted to visit him.” Luna stammered.

Celestia sighed. “I know. It’s been hard for me also.” She walked past Luna and stroked the gravestone with a gentle hoof. “I miss him so much. I wish there had been a way to save him.”

Luna lowered her head. “I think I’ve found a way.”

Celestia turned and fixed her sister with a hard stare. “What are you talking about, Luna?”

“The Liber Mortuorum.” Luna said. “I’ve been reading it. I wanted to find a way to bring him back.”

Celestia gasped. “Luna, we can’t use that! It’s forbidden!”

Luna definitely shook her head. “I’m sick of this, Celestia! Look at us. You sit with your fine wines and your foods, lounging around like a cat that got the cream! You’ve barely been able to keep tabs on what time you need to raise and lower the sun, so I can’t raise the moon either!” She sobbed bitterly, tears spilling over, “We barely talk anymore... I hate it!” Luna wiped away the tears, glaring at her sister. “Don’t you see? If I bring him back, it’ll be easier for all of us. Everything will be normal again! Don’t you want that?”

“Luna.” Celestia softly said. “I would love to see him again, more than anything. But we can’t do that. Don’t you understand? Even if you could bring him back, he wouldn’t be the same.”

“What do you mean?” Luna asked, hoofing the ground nervously.

“When a spirit is brought back from the afterlife, their spirit is changed.” Celestia explained. “There is a very good chance that Mylla won’t even remember who he is, or who we are.”

Luna looked down. “I don’t care,” she whispered.

Celestia stared sternly at Luna. “What was that?”

“I don’t CARE!” Luna snapped. The wind picked up and lightning flashed around the two sisters. Luna’s eyes started to glow and she floated gently into the air, her wings still and folded.

“Luna!” Celestia yelled, her eyes wide and fearful, “Stop this now!”

“I won’t!” Luna shot at her. “I’m bringing him back and I won’t let you stop me!” As she spoke, her appearance began to change. Her deep blue coat became a jet black, and her ethereal mane lost what structure it had and became a flowing mass of starry cloud. Her teal eyes mutated, her pupils becoming slit and draconic. Even her regal attire was altered, her crown taking the form of a helmet from which her mane flowed freely.

“You will not take this chance from me!” the corrupted sister barked, her eyes filling with tears. “I will bring Mylla back, everything will return to normal... you shall not stop me!”

A tear tracked down Celestia’s pale cheek as she beheld the change that had come over her sister. “You don’t have to do this,” she whispered.

“Back up, sister,” Luna said coldly. Celestia glanced to her side and saw that she was standing before Mylla’s grave. Her eyes widened, the words echoing hollowly in her mind.

“Back. UP!” The last word was accompanied by a blast of concussive force, as Luna’s temper finally gave out. Celestia frantically erected a shield against the blast wave, leaping backwards.

Celestia looked back at her sister. It was clear just from looking into her cold, angry eyes that there was no talking her out of this. Celestia had no choice. She needed to stop her. “No.”

Luna’s eyes glinted with anger as her horn glowed a deep, foreboding, dark blue. Celestia didn’t flinch, nor did she back down. Her horn glowed a luminescent yellow. With every second that ticked by, the glow around Celestia’s horn grew brighter and brighter, Luna’s horn doing the same.

“So be it,” Celestia stated solemnly. Her golden light intensified, obscuring her from view, and when it faded, she was gone.

Seconds later, Celestia reappeared outside the sanctum of the Elements of Harmony. There was little time left to spare; Luna was undoubtedly attempting to resurrect Mylla at that very second. The gems sat in their cradles, glowing softly. The most powerful magic in all of Equestria... the power to smite a godling... contained, in six gems. They looked fragile, under her hooves, as she gently removed them from the sockets.

“I pray I will not be forced to bury you, too, dear Luna.”

A flash of gold, and she disappeared.

. . .

Luna read through the forbidden tome, reciting the passage as quickly as she could. “Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Aenean pharetra bibendum est quis elementum.”

Before she could advance further, however, her vision was impaired by a blinding flash. When she regained her eyesight, Celestia stood before her, the Elements orbiting around her.

“This is your last chance,” Celestia warned her. “Please, give up this poisonous pursuit. I don’t want to have to lose another sibling so soon.”

“Then why not allow me to recover the one we lost?” Luna retorted.

“Mylla died with honor. If anything, you’d be defiling his grave. Do you honestly want to do that?”

“He died for nothing... it was senseless, in the end. Would you so selfishly rob him of this second chance, sister?”

“If you bring him back, he will be nothing like the brother we once knew. He’d be a soulless husk of his former self. For eternity. That would be a fate worse than death, and you know it, sister.”

“Enough!” Luna shouted, her voice booming in the night. “You will not stand in the way of this! If that means that I must fight you to resurrect our brother, then so be it!”

Celestia had little left in the way of words. Never in her life did a night such as this ever cross her mind, yet here she was, facing what used to be her loving sister. A tear trickled down her cheek. “It didn’t have to be this way, Luna.”

“Goodbye, dear sister,” Luna hissed, her horn glowing a dark blue.

“I’m so sorry,” Celestia said, the Elements lighting up one by one in their orbits, leaving dizzying trails of color around the sun princess.

At the exact same moment, both princesses fired their magic at each other, Luna’s, a dark blue stream, Celestia’s, a blinding rainbow of various colors. The two beams collided, pushing each other back and forth in a desperate battle for dominance. For a moment, it was shockingly even, neither managing to make any headway. The elements pulsed brightly, hurtling around Celestia, whose magic became pure white for a split second. It was enough.

“NO!” Luna cried as the beam consumed her. The moon flashed in the distance, immediately taking on a likeness of its ruler.

“A thousand years... until then, dear Luna.”

Her terrible deed finally done, Celestia collapsed in a sobbing heap in front of her brother’s grave, her sister’s image staring mockingly down at her from the moon.

. . .

Nine hundred and eighty-six years passed.

Celestia walked toward her school, lost in thought. She gave up on her thought and sighed. She had been alone for so long after losing Luna and Mylla. The pain had never dulled. Celestia angrily wiped away a tear. “No. I said that I would not mourn. Not anymore.” She raised her head.

Celestia glanced up into the sky as a beautiful rainbow washed across the sky. Simultaneously, an explosion rocked the school. Celestia turned just in time to see a green and purple dragon expelled through the chimney.

When Celestia went into the school, she saw a young purple unicorn surrounded by a sparking magical field. She saw two potted plants by the door, four instructors trapped in a magical bubble, and of course, the giant dragon.

Celestia swiftly walked towards the filly and put her hoof on her shoulder. The filly’s eyes were glowing pure white as she looked at the princess. As Celestia smiled at her, the filly relaxed. Her eyes flashed back to normal, the plants turned back into two unicorns, the instructors fell to the ground with a thud, and the dragon reverted to a more manageable size, immediately beginning to suck on its own tail.

Celestia took a moment to look at her. This filly. She has so much raw potential. She regarded the young lavender filly warmly, finally addressing her directly.

“Twilight Sparkle.” Celestia smiled at the young unicorn. "I may not have you, Luna... or you Mylla... but until I see you again... perhaps a little mortal company is in order."

Comments ( 52 )

For the uninitiated, this is the OC info that Mare in the Moon sent us that spurred this whole little project.

Name: Prince Aiden
Gender: Colt
Mane and tail color: Plant green
Fur color: Gray
Eye color: Gold
Type: Alicorn
Accessories: Royal armor
Cutie Mark: Small fire
Description: Prince Aiden is the youngest of the royal siblings. His sisters are Celestia and Luna. He has returned after years of absence.
All YOU have to do is create the story and I'll help

First of all, I think it's cute that he thinks the story is the EASY part. Seven and a half hours, we worked on this. Half of it was pulled right out of our asses, and the fact that we worked so hard just meant every single one of us was constipated. Definitely WAY more thought than Mare put into the OC, the final details of which we barely even kept in favor of shit that would actually come closer to WORKING.

Even then... alicorn brother of the princesses? We're gonna get SO hammered with dislikes based solely on that. I know most of the in's and out's of what works and what doesn't, and we were knowingly working with something that desperately couldn't work. In order to even TRY, we had to fuck canon hard enough to need the Alternate Universe tag.

All that aside... given the inherent brokenness of the concept, I think we came as close to making it workable as reasonably possible. My faith in it is very little, but twow was too nice to say "no" to Mare, so... now you have to deal with another fucking alicorn OC that's directly related to the princesses.

Suffice to say, there's no way in hell we're ever doing anything like this again.

Mare in the Moon, let me just say this: Mylla's death was not out of spite for your character. It's like Kamina from Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann: a character who's there to develop all the others, of more worth to the story in his death than he was alive. And need I remind you, Kamina was the baddest-ass motherfucker in existence.

Hey, Moon, if you're reading this... know that your character concepts are only capable of doing good with their inevitable and pitifully early deaths.

I wanted to commit seppuku with a rusty carving knife after writing this.

All star writer group? Which hates it? Good! :twilightsmile:

Alicorn OC? I'MA DOWNVOTE WITHOUT READING, LOL! :pinkiecrazy:

1684991 WE WORKED HARD ON THIS.:pinkiecrazy:

BLOCKED BY NOSTALGIA SCHMALTZ

DON'T EVEN CARE
Also, upvote.

1685078 Kurt Cobain's seal of approval.

We can all die happy now.

1685078 Ooh, scandal! Do tell.

1685078
1) Didja read it?
2) If so, is it good?
May be in read-later if it is good. :trixieshiftright:

1685096 I posted:

You:
Features
More story views
Me:
More watchers

Also an "I regret nothing gif".
NEVERMIND BLOCK REVOKED
1685094
puu.sh/1q2af.jpg

1685110 I... I really don't want to comment on the quality. I hate myself for contributing to it, but we've gotten positive feedback from the people we showed it to. People who have a burning hatred for the cliches we employed.

1685110 IZ FANTASITC

1685247
Have you met my friend 1685131 ?
He'll tell you why it's good. I didn't read it yet, but, oh hoho, he knows his shit.
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSLOgmXHVBou9rhHVQGTxSCfpTjK3xDGEEU8WKVBLqiFW5SIAHfYw

1685297 Dude. Knowing Regidar is a rite of fucking passage on FIMFic.

Whaaaat i thought u released son of chaos and not a new story :rainbowderp:

1687948 I did. This was for a request.

1685110

It's... bad. That's the nicest way I can put it. I skipped over the rest of the story immediately after Mylla's death, knowing that everything was as it should be. I went back and actually read it shortly after starting to type my comment. It was just as terrible as I thought.

First of all, start with a back story. Maybe a flashback or two. It seems like Mylla randomly appeared out of fucking thin air, and half the story doesn't make sense. You can't just pull stuff out of your asses, give us a working backstory. I didn't have any time at all to get attached to Mylla.

(Mylla? Seriously?)

Plot: NO. There was none whatsoever, you just started the story right up.
Grammar: YES. As expected of the authors who have a high ability to grammar, I'm quite pleased to say that there was a higher quality than I expected from... this... knowing the author. Not twow.
Interest: Practically none. It's like... well, it's a bastardization of the actual plot and canon. You can't make Luna's reason for banishment "she wanted to revive her brother". The fact that Celestia BANISHED HER FOR ONE THOUSAND YEARS seems a liiiitttllle out of proportion retribution.

The only things I have to say that are good about this fic is
1) The OC died early.
2) It has a nice cover art.
3) Flashbacks (for me, anyway) to "The Answer" of Persona 3 FES.

I do not hold Lord Sunder, Fallen Prime, FoughtDragon, Madgod Prim or twow443 responsible for this.

EDIT: Wow, I reviewed this, bitched about grammar, and derped. Apparently I skipped over the entire remaining sentence of the "Grammar" thing and went straight to "Interest".

1690131 Thanks for understanding. This was literally the best we could do after having virtually nothing to work with.

How hard was this? Well, it took us six hours to think of any possible way to make it work on Sunday, and then another seven and a half hours to write it yesterday.

This hurt me inside. I'm sure my fellow writers can explain more.

1690196

I'm not sure if this was a trollfic. I honestly want to see what you first pulled up. First draft, I want to see that. I'm REALLY surprised that you made this work.

1690234 This was our first draft. I kid you not. After seven and a half hours, this is the final result.

1690131 See that? That's what I expected to see more of based on the premise.

I'm sure that, if you saw my blog post and my comment here, you're aware of the somewhat troubled history behind this story. twow couldn't bring himself to say no to Mare's request to write a story based on his OC, and he couldn't do it alone. Every single one of us went into the story expecting tons more comments like yours because we knew what we were given was inherently flawed. The best we could do was gloss over most of those flaws and structure SOMETHING that looked like it could work.

I think if we had more time for this, we may have had more success. The issue was that twow's schedule wouldn't allow him to dedicate more than a day or two to this project. And the entire first day was spent talking about how it could be broken down to work and whether he should even do it at all. The roughly seven and a half hours we worked on this was done in mutual frustration, with Mare for making the prompt, twow for not just saying no, and ourselves for even trying. If we had more time, we may have made a much more involved and original idea (hell, I NEVER wrote chapters of my own story within the span of a single day), but we had to make due with what we had. As it stands, twow didn't even have the time to write a chapter of the story he WANTED to write for, this took so long.

You've seen my review of "Discord," so you know what Mare's work is like at its worst. Basically, this was like us trying to fix up that very story without changing the central plot. We were trying to write a story about one of his ludicrous OCs, only keeping the basest properties of the original outline. The guy actually expected us to write a story about this "Prince Aiden" coming back after a three-thousand-year absence. You could make a list of reasons why that's an awful idea and make it longer than anything we could have written, and I'm sure the OC would have stayed exactly as Mare envisioned him had he been working on this himself.

The literal best we could do was give him an attribute that would make SENSE for a deity to master and pull a Kamina by killing him off so soon. One of my original ideas was just to have the OC's death and Celestia's growing coldness merely emphasize the issues that REALLY drove Luna to madness, but by the time anyone even remembered that was a thing we wanted, we had most of the story written out and were getting sick of looking at our own writing.

I was never convinced that this story was good, and the fact that I even entertained the thought and worked with it just depresses me. But the reception I've seen thus far at least lets me know that we did a hell of a lot better than just about every other moron who tried to give the princesses a direct relative. And this was still four people who knew they were polishing a turd and couldn't bare to pump out more than a rough draft. I'm sure we could go in and edit it to make it much more appealing from a technical standpoint, but none of us really want to even breathe this thing's air anymore, and twow thinks the story in its current state is a testament to the bullshit we had to trudge through to get this made.

electreXcessive wants to add onto this story and make it a much bigger adventure involving a successfully resurrected and corrupted OC, and given his resume of work, I'm pretty sure he's one of the best possible guys for the job. I bet that includes expanding on the abrupt opening and just about everything else our time budget and utter lack of conviction made us overlook. Yes, I think he's a naive moron too, but he thinks he can do something with this, and if it means the rest of us don't have to look at it again, I ain't gonna stop him. It'd still be leagues better than twow's own Starlight trilogy, I bet.

But hey, thanks for your honesty, and thanks for not faulting us for the godawful concept. Not gonna make me feel better about the fact that I worked on this, but oh well.

1690131

First of all, start with a back story. Maybe a flashback or two. It seems like Mylla randomly appeared out of fucking thin air, and half the story doesn't make sense. You can't just pull stuff out of your asses, give us a working backstory. I didn't have any time at all to get attached to Mylla.

Well... then what did it start with?
images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120821213713/adventuretimewithfinnandjake/images/4/45/2266491-meme_are_you_kidding_me.png
Also, Regidar hath spoken the word of thy story!
He speaketh that thy story is good, SO BEITH!

1690653

Celestia landed unsteadily on the ground, beating her wings to keep herself from toppling over. Blood dripped sluggishly from a gash on her stomach, and she was developing a splitting headache. Wearily, she looked up into the sky. Rain poured down in great sheets, soaking her to her skin. She saw her sister Luna and her brother Mylla flying around, dodging the constant lightning strikes.

“Celestia!” The voice was calm, beseeching. The sun princess glared up at the draconequus, furrowing her brow. Discord, god of chaos, floated lazily above her. His chipped horns and broken leg did nothing to deter his smug grin. “This does not have to go on any longer! If the three of you would just surrender to me, I can end this!”

That's what is started with. I really want to know, oh I don't know, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED BEFORE. THE BATTLE IS A GOOD PLACE TO START! WHY THEY'RE FIGHTING IS ANOTHER PLACE TO START UP SOME BACKSTORY! THERE WAS NO BROTHER BEFORE, SO WHY IS HE HERE NOW?! I'm trying, I'm trying AS HARD AS I CAN TO FIND ONE GOOD THING! I'M DRAWING A BIG, FAT, BLANK!

*breathes in* I feel much better now. Thanks for being the brick wall that I can rant to.

1690780 And now you see the problem we had with the WHOLE STORY

1690953

This story's existence offends me. On a personal level. It's a squandering of talents.

1690991 Don't I know it. I'm praying to god that Elec can actually fix what we tried to fix. All those points you brought up, he fully intends to address, and I'll be watching over his shoulder with this comment on full display in another tab, making absolutely sure your concerns are taken into account.

Thanks a ton. You're actually making me WANT to make this shit look good.

1691031

Done properly, a story with an OC can be a fantastic tool. It offers depth and can expand on the existing canon. Mylla (sounds like Mykan far too much for my liking) is a rather poor one. Very few alicorn OCs are accepted, and for the story to have a chance at surviving, knowing this fanon... you may or may not have to kill the alicorn.

I recommend taking stories that have good OCs in them, and try to apply their personality and their quirks to Mykan Mylla. Try to make him interesting and fit in.

Also, change his name. :pinkiesick: Putting Mylla next to every other pony and you can easily tell who's the odd one out.

This was probably the longest I've ever bitched about a story. But it has potential, I'll give it that.

1699424 I wholly admit to pulling the name more or less out of my ass. Just ran some synonyms of "earth" and "ground" through a translator until I found something that didn't look impossible to pronounce. Like twow previously said, it was that or the placeholder name of "Bob," which was probably STILL better than Aiden.

I'm still not entirely sure what electreXcessive sees in this, but he's adamant about overhauling what we have here and blowing it up into a full-fledged story. And this time, without time constraints and maybe with actual EFFORT on the writer's part, he can incorporate the elements this lacked. Namely, a much more convincing handling of Luna's reaction and banishment that doesn't usurp canon completely, and an actual fleshed-out character where this thing used to be. The prompt we (barely) worked with gave us literally nothing to go on by way of personality, flaws, or anything that would make this character a CHARACTER. And no one involved had any faith in his successful creation, so we just dealt with him as soon as possible and made it about Luna.

Elec said he easily imagined taking what we have and expanding it to several times its original length, which most likely includes properly setting up the conflict with Discord. And I'm going to make sure the thing with Luna goes closer to the way I intended for it to go - namely, the experience with this guy's death and Celestia's growing distance from her serving to emphasize the way her subjects view her and her night, compounding the utter lack of appreciation, respect and love she thinks she gets from others. I hoped to give Luna the impression that Celestia had always favored the departed sibling. To be honest, I have no goddamn idea who among us threw in the necromancy thing, but it looks really awkward and wholly unfitting, and the original idea got lost somehow.

Thanks again for your input. Rewriting this is gonna be SUCH a bitch, but at least there's no time limit on it this time. Also, assuming the basic traits we gave the OC remain roughly the same (let's face it, basic traits are all that's even there)... do you have any ideas for a better name?

1700695 I threw in the necromancy idea.

1701991 Awesome. I was just about to run out of things to blame you for. Thanks!

1702055 Hey. You said you liked it.

1702064 Tell me the original idea was worse. I dare you.

1702072 Ok. The original idea was worse.

1702082 Say it like you MEAN it.

We're really doing this, aren't we.

1702098 THE ORIGINAL WAS WORSE.

Yes. Yes we are.

1700695

Sadly, not really. My brain isn`t wired like a child`s anymore. The best suggestion I can give is have it relate somewhat to his cutie mark (apparently fire).

I chucked Sacred Flame, shortly followed by Ignis. Again, just have it relate to his mark, and you`ll be fine... Hopefully. Maybe get a younger sibling or something if you REALLY want to get in the spirit of things.

Course, if you have one that calls him "flame horse" then you`re shit outta luck. Worse comes to worse, Google a random name generator.

1705500 Hmm. If we're going with fire I might need to change the title of the story. Maybe "Bathed in Fire" or "Dancing with Flames...?

I'm tired. I really shouldn't try thinking at night.

1705573

"Death of the Earth" isn`t a good title since... Well, it doesn`t involve the apolcalypse. Maybe "An End to Innocence" or something. Unless, of course, Mylla`s name means earth/dirt, then it makes sense to change his mark.


"Goodye halcyon days" is a saying of an end of peaceful times. If Mare`s making a storyline out of this, this is the best title I can think of at the moment.

1710063 We tried connecting him to the earth, hence the title.

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