iDash
Joined 8th Nov, 2012 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Okay, main problem I had with this?
So many sentences start with "She." Take this paragraph for example:
I mean, Jesus man! Five sentences in that paragraph start with 'she.' Try switching it up a bit sometimes. Instead of using 'she,' use words like 'The prismatic pony' or 'The cyan pegasus.' It gives the reader a nice change of pace and it makes you sound super smart, too!
(Or at least I think it makes me sound smart...)Other than that, solid fic, bro. You get a score of A/10
1662362
Yeah i honestly didn't think about that. Thanks for the advice
Mhrm. I like it.
I would say moar but one shot.
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So simple, yet so awesome.
1668817 I agree with this guy
Wow, too bad this is only a one shot.
I'd love to see something for each element, exploring something similar to what you've done here.
120% pure win here. You actually got me to tear up you bastard. Nice work!
Very nice. Very original too, I think. I'd be interested in seeing this expanded into a full story. Don't have any clue where it would go though.
Original idea, I was expecting Rainbow to just refuse the element but your idea was better.
I would just leave the story as it is. There's no use trying to expand, it'll just be words on the screen to me...
But seriously, nice job...
7/10
1710312 Ya, do you think you could do that, it would be so cool if you did that, please do that.
This was an amazing story. Do you think you could do one for each of the other elements bearers?
1721363 Dude, it's not a 7/10. It's a 100 out of 10 because it's so great. Get your facts straight!
