Of Archon Toilets and Bioballs

by MiniPsyker

Chapter 18: Mysterious Dark Templar Do Well

A baby stroller charged full speed without a pilot down the road, clearly with instentions of taking flight over the cliff directly on its course. However, Rainbow Dash rushed and stopped the renegade vehicle before it took off, thus saving the baby inside, much to the joy of the crowd that awaited below.

"Oh no! There's something wrong with the baby!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed, worrying those below. "She's not cheering for everypony's favorite hero, Rainbow Dash!" The joy cheered once again.

"Who carves a path on the side of a mountain leading directly to the edge of a cliff?" Kra'Ser questioned.

"They're tactical geniuses, that's why." Mike answered.

---

Mike, too lazy to even head to the couch, laid on the floor of the library sleeping while Kra'Ser kept reading books while levitating. Then, Twilight and her friends arrived.

"Kra'Ser, we need a favor." Twilight asked.

"And that is...?" He questioned while closing the book in front of him and looking at them with an expression of slight discomfort.

"Well, Rainbow Dash has been acting... Boastful this day with the 'hero' thing. She isn't calming down about it any time soon."

"And you need my help."

"Yes."

"Ask Mike, I'm busy."

"You really want us to ask Mike for help?" Twilight asked, already knowing how Kra'Ser would react.

"Fine, I'm in. What do you need?"

---

"Instead of telling her to just shut up about it and calm down, just break her willpower slowly and painfully until she finally succumbs. Because that's what friends do... I like this idea." Kra'Ser whispered to himself in Ponyville looking at the sky. In the skies, an observer flew its way monitoring the scenery, until it spotted something.

"Twilight, the observer saw something." Kra'Ser told Twilight through telepathy. "It appears that a cart full of ponies is making its way down the same tremendously stupid path that leads to the cliff edge. I assume you have something prepared already, I'll send a few."

Seconds later, near the cliff edge...

Hidden from sight, the Mysterious Mare Do well arrived, with six Dark Templars warping in thanks to a warp prism.

"Adun toridas." A dark templar greeted while stepping forward up to the Mare. He was the leader of the five. Then, their attention was caught by the sound of the cart driving down full speed on the path, with Rainbow Dash failing to stop it. The Mare and the Dark Templar nodded and rushed forward to the ground near the cliff edge. They braced and took the blunt of the cart's force, and since the templars were invisible to everyone, it seemed like the Mare did all the work. Unfortunately a Templar was sent flying and fell down the cliff to its death. The cliff was obviously overpowered. The rest of the templars and the Mare, however, successfully managed to stop the cart barely on the edge.

"Oh, thank you, Mare Do We– e..." The despaired tourist thanked her, only to be greeted by the sight of the Mare moving away. The templars moved away too, though in a calm fashion due to being permanently invisible.

"I can't believe it. Mare Do Well is stronger than me?" Rainbow Dash ranted. "Well, a hero is more than just muscle, and she's gonna learn that the hard way."

The observer heard everything, in turn giving the info to Kra'Ser, who in turn gave the info to the others. Just as planned.

Following that, the templars aided the Mare with the construction site disaster, then with the dam.

Then, the templars' hardest task would follow.

One dark templar looked around in main road of Ponyville in front of a building, monitoring the scenery. Another templar was clinging to the window of that certain building looking inside, while the third, fourth and fifth one waited next to the building. The templar clinging to the window nodded towards the three below him. Then, the one in the road nodded at them too. No one was watching. At this point, the three Templars rushed to the window and opened it, jumping inside one after the other and scattering around looking for a certain object.

They found it nearly instantly, but that fortune was short-lived, seeing as they heard someone coming from upstairs. If that someone saw the object floating around due to the templars' invisibility, things would get ugly. They decided to leave the object where it was and wait until the pony arrived, did what it had to do, and left. The pony arrived and walked around with a dish with food, until it sat on one of the chairs and began eating. The pony would be there for a pretty long time.

Seeing as there was no other way around, one of the templars maneuvered around the pony and placed himself in front of a wall behind the pony. With a swift movement, he sliced the wall with his warp blade and kicked it, tearing a door-sized hole and making quite a lot of noise. The pony, startled, turned around and saw the giant hole, speechless and in disbelief. The templars, being the tactical masterminds they are, quickly grabbed the object now that they were out of sight, rushed to another wall, and sliced it open and escaped undetected. Now the building was left with two giant holes and a speechless inhabitant.

The five dark templars reunited and opened the package, revealed to be two dozen cupcakes. They had just robbed the sugarcube corner with mixed results, but they were joyful about the end product. Then, an observer arrived and met with them.

"Yes?" One of the dark templars asked while the others enjoyed their reward. Hell knows how, they didn't even have mouths to begin with.

The observer made unintelligible noises.

"Mare is being chased and needs help? By Rainbow Dash? Agh... Alright, we'll depart in a bit, just let us-- Hey, shut up, you don't even fight! Fine, we'll go now!! By the shadows of Shakuras..."

---

"I got you now...!" Rainbow Dash stated while watching from the roof of a building, staring at the Mysterious Mare Do Well walking around after being chased by her. But something seemed off, for the Mare was walking on her hind legs and her anatomy was uncomfortable to the eye. Rainbow Dash didn't even think about it, she immediately jumped off the roof and tackled the Mare while landing, sending them both rolling a small distance until Rainbow Dash was on top of the Mare. "Alright miss mysterious! Mystery..." She spoke while taking off her mask. "...Solved!! --Wha!!?"

"I am but a phantom..." The Mare spoke in a deep, echoing voice. Rainbow Dash could not see a head, it was empty, as if only the clothes were the ones doing everything. What she didn't realize, however, was that a dark templar was dressed as the Mare. Rainbow Dash jumped back in fright and became petrified, seeing the seemingly headless Mare stand up and walk into an alley. She slowly came to her senses and started following the Mare, only to reach a dead end with clothes on the floor. Thinking it escaped, she turned around, only to be met face-to-face with another Mare Do Well, another Dark Templar in disguise.

"Beer is an illusion..." The 'Mare' stated.

"You idiot, it's supposed to be 'Fear is an illusion'." Another dark templar in disguise stated, peeking from the roof edge above them.

"Are you sure...?" The dark templar in front of Rainbow Dash questioned while taking out a book labeled "SC2 - Dark Templar Quotes" and checking the contents. Rainbow Dash just flew away in fright.

Afterwards, she landed in another part of the seemingly empty village, panting and frightened by the strange events. She could not even mutter anything, the words simply didn't escape her mouth.

"Jakuul enoch..." She could hear a voice speaking, but couldn't find the source of the sound. It was clear that it was somewhere and it was getting closer, until a 'Mare Do Well' came out from the shadows next to a building and stood there, staring at her.

"Nhas berhu uhna'dhar..." She could hear another voice in the opposite direction coming from another 'Mare', revealing itself from the shadows and standing there.

"The darkness writhes..." Now another 'Mare' appeared in the roof. Eventually more followed, around 20 'Mares' scattered around the scenery simply staring at her.

"Wha-eh-du--" She could barely speak. "--Whaduu want frome?!!"

She received no answer.

And just like anyone else, she decided to run for her life. Or fly. At ground level. The templars gave chase, she could not escape permanently for an observer was also folowing her tracks from the skies, she could run, but never hide. Any time she tried hiding, be it in a building, pile of hay, or in plain sight, she was always discovered. Pretty much a cartoon from the 80's kind of chase. And even if she tried barricading herself in a building, the warpblades would cut the walls wide open.

But, as she flew around the village trying to escape, she could see Mike turning around the corner, walking around while drinking a can of Kopru-ColaTM. "Mike!! Mike!!" She called for him with desperation, landing on the ground in front of him and begging while grabbing his knees. Mike, of course, stared not knowing what was going on with an air of boredom. "Th-- THINGS are chasing me!! You need to help me!!"

"What."

Rainbow Dash turned around and Mike raised his sight. In front of them, 20 'Mares' that were dark templars in disguise stood, silently watching them.

"So these things are chasing you...?" Mike asked.

"YES!!"

"And you want me to help you...?"

"YES!!"

"Alright."

But just before Mike could do anything, 18 of the 20 templars backed off, leaving only two in front. The two templars now did a choreographic ritual, both doing exactly the same movements but opposite to eachother, as if they were mirrored images. They moved sideways closer and closer to eachother, their arms arching from opposite to eachother to now pointing at each other, stopping. Now, they moved them outwards again. "Fu..." They both spoke while impacting their index fingers from both their hands against eachother. "...SION!!"

The resulting light from the ritual blinded both Mike and Rainbow Dash. And once they regained sight, they both saw an Archon dressed in the clothes of the Mare Do Well standing tall right in front of them. They both slowly raised their sight until they almost stared right above them. The Archon was that tall.

"Yeah, okay, good luck with that." Mike spoke before walking away, not wanting to be involved. Rainbow Dash fell on her back, petrified, just looking above her at the Archon Do Well. She was speechless and frightened beyond limit.

"Power... Overwhelming..." The Archon stated in a deep voice, echoing in Rainbow Dash's mind. "You all look so different on this side..."

"Alright, stop it." Twilight stated while arriving in a Mare Do Well disguise, but without her mask. "We needed to teach her a lesson, not leave her with a trauma."

"T-Twilight!!?" Rainbow Dash questioned.

"I think they overdid it a bit..." Applejack spoke while arriving, dressed the same as Twilight.

"Applejack?!"

"Can I... Uhhh... Get these things off?" The Archon asked. "These clothes do not stretch after fusion."

"Yeah, sure." Twilight answered.

The clothes on the Archon burned in an instant.

"You all were behind this?" Rainbow Dash questioned with confusion and surprise.

"Yup, we all played Mare Do Well at different times." Twilight answered.

"I stopped the carriage bus with these babies. Bucky McGillicuddy and Kicks McGee." Applejack added. "Of course, the dark templars helped too. They're invisible, mind you."

At this, the remaining eighteen templars gave a thumbs up in unison.

"I saved the construction workers with my Pinkie Sense." Pinkie added. "And the templars."

"And I used my magic to fix the dam." Twilight added.

"Ooh, ooh! And I did the flyby afterwards." Fluttershy added.

"I made the costumes. Fabulous if I do say so myself!" Rarity added. "It's a shame that someone had to burn them..." She spoke irritated, facing the archon. The archon just shrugged as if saying that there was no other way.

"I don't understand. Why? Don't you want me to be a hero?" Rainbow Dash questioned.

"Of course we want you to be a hero." Twilight answered.

"But a real hero doesn't brag." Applejack continued.

"Uh, I guess I did start to brag a little." Rainbow Dash said, much to everyone's annoyance.

"A little?!" Everyone retorted.

A dark templar was already hitting her in the head with a warp scythe, but she didn't even notice. The warp scythe didn't do any damage at all. It was like a toy plastic pickaxe hitting against steel.

"Okay, a lot."

"Celebrating your accomplishments is natural. But.." Twilight spoke.

"...Rubbin' them in everypony's face is not." Applejack continued.

"Yeah, the only thing that should be rubbed in anypony's face is chocolate cake." Pinkie spoke before daydreaming.

"I think we're getting off topic here." Applejack stated.

"What we're trying to say is," Twilight spoke, "it's great to be really good at something, but it's important to act with grace and humility."

"Might above grace!!" Captain Apollo Diomedes yelled while raising his thunder hammer to the sky.

"You're in the wrong fic, man." A templar informed him.

[EndCredits.avi]

Comments

[Dr Hammer]

Fuuu--sion, HA!

[DaCrazyOne]

Noice.

[Allsmiles]

"Instead of telling her to just shut up about it and calm down, just break her willpower slowly and painfully until she finally succumbs. Because that's what friends do... I like this idea."

(I know I'm years too late. But I love how bluntly he puts it.)