-Realization
Rainbow Dash was flustered. Her face was hot. Her cheeks were red. She was completely embarrassed!
"Why did I go to Twilight? I should have known she would have suspected something. All I wanted was to sleep." Rainbow had flew to the outskirts of Ponyville. She was resting under a tree. Hoofing at the dirt she started to think.
'Why did i get embarrassed when Twilight asked me why i was anxious? Wait. Why am I anxious?!' Rainbow looked up to the sky. She only started to feel this way yesterday. When she saw Fluttershy and Angel. Fluttershy was walking home with Angel from a picnic, Rainbow assumed. But Rainbow didn't really stop to talk to Fluttershy. She looked her in the eyes and started to feel funny. She told her she needed to go, before Fluttershy could even greet her.
"I left her hanging. Why? I could have hurt her feelings. I'm terrible." Rainbow started to feel guilty about leaving Fluttershy so quickly. She wasn't even sure why she did it. She just did.
"Ever since then i had this stupid feeling in my chest. It's such a drag." Rainbow huffed. Suddenly she heard a voice. She jumped up and tried to follow the familiar sound. Rainbow crouched down low, and slightly leaned her head over the bushes that was separating her from the voice she so longed to hear. There she was. Humming and picking flowers. Fluttershy, with her perfectly parted mane, and glowing yellow coat was flying around, searching for the most beautiful flowers.
'She has such a keen eye for beautiful things', Rainbow Dash thought to herself. Rainbow continued to watch Fluttershy move gracefully in the air. Rainbow wanted to move closer to her. She wanted to speak to her. She wanted to hold her. Rainbow started to feel that feeling in her chest again. She gulped and her face was getting hot. Her cheeks turned bright red, and Rainbow looked down.
'I can't help but feel this way. Why can't I stop myself?' Rainbow searched for her strength; she looked up once again. Fluttershy had stopped picking flowers. And Fluttershy was no longer there. Rainbow panicked.
'Oh God, where did she go? Did she notice i was watching her, and got creeped out? Oh no!' Rainbow looked around swiftly. She started backing away from the bushes. Once more, Rainbow heard Fluttershy's voice.
'Was she humming? No! She was talking to someone! Who? Herself?' Rainbow once again followed her voice. Fluttershy was now in another location.
'She had not seen me! Thank God!' Rainbow Dash quietly tried to listen to the words Fluttershy was saying.
"I just don't know what to do. She doesn't seem like the type to like flowers." Fluttershy looked frustrated.
'Who is "she"? Who doesn't seem like the type to like flowers?' Rainbow's heart was racing.
'Is she.....talking about me?' She wondered.
"I'm just so confused. She probably wouldn't like these. Besides, I'm not even sure if she's mad at me or not. Maybe she was just really busy yesterday." Fluttershy sunk down into a sitting position. She dropped her flowers.
'Oh no! Fluttershy I'm not mad at you! I was just....scared to talk to you. You're just so......so pretty.' Rainbow Dash was now upset that she made Fluttershy feel this way.
'All I have to do is go tell her everything is alright between us.' Rainbow started to step up, but then stopped.
'Well, if I do that now, Fluttershy will know I was watching her. That wouldn't be good. I can always tell her later. I can apologize for rushing off, and make an excuse to why I did.' Rainbow felt good about her decision, and quietly flew away.
Fluttershy had made it home to her cottage later that day. She was trying to get Angel to eat.
"Come on Angel bunny! Doesn't this look oh so yummy? Open up for me, will you? Just one measly bite at least. Please?" Fluttershy, holding up a salad for Angel, begging him to eat some. Angel was not amused by this. He kicked over the bowl of salad, and hopped away.
"Oh Angel bunny. You are so stubborn sometimes." Fluttershy smiled, and started to pick up the mess Angel made. Just as she picked up the last piece of lettuce she heard a knock on her door.
"Oh my, who could that be i wonder?" Fluttershy walked over to the door and opened it. Rainbow Dash was hovering in front of her, rubbing the back of her head with her hoof.
"Aheh, sorry for dropping by unexpectedly." Rainbow tried to put on a grin. Fluttershy looked surprised that she was here.
'Oh no, I hope i didn't disturb her.' Rainbow thought to herself.
"Oh! Oh no! It's perfectly fine. I love when a good friend drops by every now and then." Fluttershy sweetly smiled at Rainbow.
"Why don't you come in!" Rainbow Dash started to get that feeling in her chest again.
'Oh no. Not now!' Rainbow trotted into Fluttershy's cozy home.
"Would you like something to drink or eat, Rainbow Dash?" Fluttershy asked.
"Um, no. I'm alright. I'm not hungry right now." Rainbow sat down on Fluttershy's couch. Fluttershy scurried to put the messy salad bowl up. Then she sat down next to Rainbow Dash.
"So, did you need something, Rainbow?" Fluttershy looked at her with such caring eyes. Rainbow tried to look directly back into Fluttershy's eyes, but just couldn't. Rainbow looked down at the ground.
"Oh, nothing in particular. I just....I wanted to apologize for the other day. That's all." Fluttershy looked at Rainbows eyes.
"The other day? Oh you mean yesterday? That's quite alright. I'm sure you were very busy." Fluttershy reassured Rainbow Dash. Rainbow looked up at Fluttershy. Her heart was pounding.
'Why? What's wrong with you Dash? Pull yourself together!'
"I.....I wasn't really busy. I just......I......" Rainbow couldn't spit out the truth. Fluttershy looked at her friend and placed her hoof on Rainbows shoulder.
"It's okay, Rainbow Dash. Whatever it is, I understand." She smiled at Rainbow, and placed her hoof back in her lap. Rainbow couldn't take the heat anymore. She had to say it. She had to tell Fluttershy the true reason she left so quickly.
"Fluttershy! The reason i sped off is because.....because I.......I really truly.......I like you! A lot!" Rainbow, feeling uncomfortable stood up. She walked in front of Fluttershy and faced her.
"I really like you, Fluttershy. More than a friend." Fluttershy looked at Rainbow Dash in shock. Rainbow gulped; heart pounding.
"I.....I never knew." Fluttershy said quietly. Rainbow looked her in the eyes. Fluttershy's eyes were sparkling. With tears!
"I'm sorry Rainbow.......I just can't......I can't return the feelings." Fluttershy sniffled, and wiped her eyes. Rainbows heart sunk.
'I can't believe I just did that.' Rainbow tried to think of something to say.
"It's okay, Fluttershy! It's not that big of a deal. I guess I will be going now. I have some clouds to clean up. I will catch you later." Fluttershy heard the sadness in her voice. Rainbow turned towards the door, and made her way out. Fluttershy watched as Rainbow walked away. She couldn't find any words to say back to her.
As soon as the door shut, Angel walked in. Fluttershy looked down at her bunny.
"Oh Angel, what ever should I do?" Angel had a look of anger on his face. He stomped his foot on the ground repeatedly. Fluttershy realized what Angel was trying to say.
"I know, Angel. But I just couldn't." Fluttershy looked out her window. No sight of Rainbow Dash.
'Oh, Rainbow. I'm so sorry. Why did I lie?'
Not bad for a first time fic. Pretty good actually except that the lack of spacing between dialogue was killing my eyes. Take a look at any of my Fan fics and you'll see the spacing I mean. It makes it a lot easier to read. Fix that, and it will be a rather good read.
Plus there was the odd line of 'well duh...' sort of dialogue where the line felt a little too ovbious and not something that someone would actualy say in real life/Equestria... but with a bit of thought you could have given a bit more emotion. But thats only about 2 moments so far so your doing pretty good. And that's just me with my critical eye.
Why did Fluttershy lie? Hmm... good reason for a clifhanger best part of the fan fic yet.
I suspect that this will be one of the many fics that only covers the getting together process of very much focuses upon it (yawn... I've read waaaayyy too many of those... since i've read all Flutterdash I can find) so if it is, then I hope you pull something epic out good luck.
Although it could be an idea to do more than just the getting together part of the Flutterdash relationship. I feel that theres a lot more unexplored ground there... but, this is your work and I will respect the direction you choose to take this.
Also little note.... check out all of my fics plus the ones I have on my page as recommended reads. It might give you a few helpful hints/ideas to boost your own work by reading some of the really good flutterdash
that's out there.
I'm not trying to insult you or anything... just trying to help and if your a keen Flutterdash fan then all the work listed on my page will probably be of interest to you anyway (especially the fics I promote there by other writers. Most of those are Epic!) and if you ever want a helping hoof or even just a few ideas/quick proofread, then don't hesitate to send me a PM.
This fic has potential, I'll defiantly give you that though. So from me you get an up-vote and a fave. FTW!
So much Flutterdash. Not only is the fic Flutterdash, but the author and the person above me... WHAT IS GOING ON?
The plural of "butterfly" is "butterflies", not "butterfly's". If you want people to read your story you should at least use grammar properly in the title.
i.imgur.com/BkdFO.png
This is very unappealing (the wall of text)
And thoughts should be italicized unless you are writing in first person.
Oh god. I feel like I'm being cornered by pros! Thanks everyone for the tips! It's my first time writing a fanfic, so I'm trying my best