Rainbow Dash really has strong feelings for Fluttershy, even if she won't admit it. But what will become of their friendship when Fluttershy rejects Rainbow's confession? Will Rainbow Dash ever be able to regain her pride? Or will Fluttershy break out of her shell and tell Rainbow Dash the true reason she said no?
Not bad for a first time fic. Pretty good actually except that the lack of spacing between dialogue was killing my eyes. Take a look at any of my Fan fics and you'll see the spacing I mean. It makes it a lot easier to read. Fix that, and it will be a rather good read.
Plus there was the odd line of 'well duh...' sort of dialogue where the line felt a little too ovbious and not something that someone would actualy say in real life/Equestria... but with a bit of thought you could have given a bit more emotion. But thats only about 2 moments so far so your doing pretty good. And that's just me with my critical eye.
Why did Fluttershy lie? Hmm... good reason for a clifhanger best part of the fan fic yet.
I suspect that this will be one of the many fics that only covers the getting together process of very much focuses upon it (yawn... I've read waaaayyy too many of those... since i've read all Flutterdash I can find) so if it is, then I hope you pull something epic out good luck.
Although it could be an idea to do more than just the getting together part of the Flutterdash relationship. I feel that theres a lot more unexplored ground there... but, this is your work and I will respect the direction you choose to take this.
Also little note.... check out all of my fics plus the ones I have on my page as recommended reads. It might give you a few helpful hints/ideas to boost your own work by reading some of the really good flutterdash
that's out there.
I'm not trying to insult you or anything... just trying to help and if your a keen Flutterdash fan then all the work listed on my page will probably be of interest to you anyway (especially the fics I promote there by other writers. Most of those are Epic!) and if you ever want a helping hoof or even just a few ideas/quick proofread, then don't hesitate to send me a PM.
This fic has potential, I'll defiantly give you that though. So from me you get an up-vote and a fave. FTW!
So much Flutterdash. Not only is the fic Flutterdash, but the author and the person above me... WHAT IS GOING ON?
The plural of "butterfly" is "butterflies", not "butterfly's". If you want people to read your story you should at least use grammar properly in the title.
i.imgur.com/BkdFO.png
This is very unappealing (the wall of text)
And thoughts should be italicized unless you are writing in first person.
Oh god. I feel like I'm being cornered by pros! Thanks everyone for the tips! It's my first time writing a fanfic, so I'm trying my best
Has potential but is very rough. Try spacing out your paragraphs more and try and get more build up as this feels rushed.
Thanks for the tips. I corrected the spacing and the stories not over yet! There's surprises to come
I'm trying to think of some good idea's for a twist.
This is improving. and can certainly go somewhere. Keep this up and it will be a very good fan fic
Out of everything in the chapter, I quite liked how you did the Rainbow Dash scene. Dashie was very well done.
Thank's so much I'm glad it seems promising
Hmmm.... Okay. I'm intrigued as to where this could be going...
I guess you will have to find out
yeah
You sir, write really fast
I hope that's not a bad thing! I usually have my laptop with me at all times (even at school) And to me there is nothing better but to write stories! I sound like a nerd But oh well I hope you enjoy my really quick writings
This is one of the best FlutterDash stories I've ever read. However, you are lacking one thing..another a final chapter
But really, this is good.
Thank you I'm so glad that some of you seem to enjoy it! Even though it is my first fic, I've been trying my best to make it a good one
All I can think of as my heart beats at this loving and amazing story is this song and video, replaying over in my head.
The end already? This was just starting to get really good
Great effort for your first flutterdash fic I look forward to more in future from you.
Oh it's not over yet!
1655333 Haha that was awesome!
DAAWWWW
Wow. That chapter was amazing I can't wait for the next one
I'm glad you liked it
So much DAWWWWWE
I'm glad you enjoyed my fic I hope you keep a look out for my new stories I will be writing
1652057 at leastwe do not need to wait a week for update
Well you have certainly earned the follow and upvote well I gave you. I look foward to more from you in the future.
This was a great sappy chapter. Nice, soft cute and cuddly. Just the way I like them.
More Flutterdash is always good.
1661698 I try my best to write fast! I enjoy it
1662029 And thank you! I'm glad that it was a good first fic I'm definitely going to write more FlutterDash And also other pairings that I love
1663174 Ohhhh... and what other pairings might that be?
I like RarityxApplejack, TwilightxCelestia, VinylxOctavia, and I don't know why but I also like VinylxDerpy My next fic is actually going to be about Derpy and Vinyl Scratch, but I don't think it's going to be too much of a romance. I will see what I can do
Did any pony else squeal like a crazed pig when reading this?
I thought I would never stop smiling!!!!
I loved it
Ps, the two people who disliked this will be forever alone.
You really know how to make my day, don't you? I'm so glad you enjoyed it! It was fun to write
Sometimes I wish that too Oh no! Don't tell anypony that I sad that
Decent enough, but you need a proof reader. The story is nice and the plot is fairly believable.
Very good story so far
Thank you
1661057
heart, weak. cant take all this dawwww. somepony call doctor hooves.
Loved it! So much d'awwww! I'm thinking about writing a flutterdash fic myself, I salute you FlutterDash777
1807714 I'm glad you liked it And I bid you good luck with your flutterdash fic
Wow I just read this for the second time, and I'm pretty sure it had 20% more D'AAAAAAAAW this time around
2075738 Yay
Bravo, this was a good story and the ending was beautiful
is fluttershy ok does she need firstcare or ponycare or going to a hospital cuz i think shes bleeding
I could just picture Morgan Freeman narrating this