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The question which kicks off this story was inspired by an Avengers crackfic, and of course I had to make this equally outrageous in its own special way.
Advance warning: If you're here for explicit on-screen sex, you'll be disappointed. Try One Knight Stand instead.
oh god
i'm crying
ahaaaaaa
That.
Was.
Glorious.
Wait, what about AJ?
Sweet Fucking Alicorn Shit!!!
.......... ~cocking gun~ BLAM! X-P
I think he is dead now so Uncle can do passing out now. Ahem AIIIIIIYAAAAAA! ~pass out~
that...that line there is the funniest and best thing i've heard all day
What is this I don't even
^--- Seems to be the appropriate response. An excellent read, friend.
WHAT THE BUCK?!
3296465
Oh, you would have to ask about what happened to Applejack …
Once she put the door lock into her room's door frame, her trembling hooves hanging her hat on the wall, she sprawled on the bed and tried to get some sleep, crying out in frustration at the noise outside. Princess Celestia remained in Canterlot, blissfully unaware of any of this, and with a wicked smile plotted a completely unrelated prank against her sister. That's when Philomena dove into a pile of leaves, setting them on fire, and while the entire town watched television, a chef in the Canterlot royal kitchens got third-degree burns from sticking his hoof on a stove, which Luna kissed and made all better.
And that's how Equestria was made.
And again... Spike gets no booty.
3296885 Ha ha very funny
you never had AJ answer that question as to who would she fuck in order to save Equestria.
And suddenly I'm imagining Dash wearing one false eyelash and drinking milk with knives in. Horrorshow.
In any case, a fascinating story of ponies behaving like adults, with all that entails. My only quibble is the use of the word "hippophobic." That's an excellent example of when not to use a horse pun. Aside from that, a great read. Thank you for this.
3296895
Ah! Sorry, misinterpreted. That was answered in chapter 2, but it was easy to miss:
One small thing,
Rarity's magic aura's not white, it's light blue.
3297034 I would've suggested Lyra and Bonbon.
Whaaaaaaaaaaat?
*Grins* Nice cliffhanger there. I was hoping you were going to do something big with Aj's fidgeting.
Most stories like this, I need to look at the title, cover art, and rating before I go all total recall on it, but all I needed to see here was the title...
*Sees story title*
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/37903768.jpg
I am kind of confused are Rainbow Dash and Pinkie still dating or did they kind of give up at the end. I hope they are but since Pinkie and Fluttershy are down in the basement...
That's not very fair of Twilight what she did right there. Rares and Dash were just getting to the good bit. Very mean of her.
This kind of thing is getting more common of late. This, E.E.E.... I'm sure there have been others.
Sup with that?
Yes.
All of my yes.
This story is going right on my motherfucking favorites.
*smokes a cigarette* damn...
Ah drinking and sex talk....two things that really shouldn't go together.
3296854
Why'd you say that now I cant Spam a FIrst Post~ 
DAMN it!
OK, now you just need a sequel and some Twiluna.
3297040
Fixed. Thanks!
What the hell's a hipponian?
3297530
No problem.
3296921
> a fascinating story of ponies behaving like adults, with all that entails.
That's the most awesome thing anyone's said about this story yet. Thank you!
> My only quibble is the use of the word "hippophobic." That's an excellent example of when not to use a horse pun.
Hm. Ironically, it's not the horse pun you think it is. I backformed "hippophobic" from "Hipponian", which describes mares who like mares (used a few times throughout, mostly by Rarity). This is vaguely hinted to have an etymology similar to "Lesbian" (with those Greeks and the isle of Lesbos). There's no such thing as a "hipposexual" here. That having been said, I could see hippophobic as feeling linguistically awkward. If I can come up with some super awesome alternative I'll fiddle with it.
3297069
Didn't think of that, and there are certainly advantages to using named background ponies, but I like the subtly creepy implication of keeping it in the family.
3297236
There are going to be a great many awkward conversations in the morning. That will be one of them.
3297244
Which "this kind of thing" exactly? The story's wrong in so many ways I don't know which one to assume. (Also, what's EEE?)
3297469
While "Keep Calm" does make Fluttershy's revelations in Chapters 4-5 explicitly canon-compatible, it also robs them of much of their impact. C'est la vie.
I actually wrote this story before Season 3.
3297691 "The Elements get drunk and do fucked up shit" stories.
E.E.E. is "Ethanol, Equines, and Estrogen," by Kilted Key. Similar sort of story. Lots longer though. Has a sequel now too.
S'funny.
3297569
Thanks for asking! I'm trying to use "Hipponian" as an analogue to our own word "Lesbian" ("hippos" is the Greek word root for horse, and "Lesbian" is from Lesbos, a Greek island). See also previous comment.
Pet names!
3297691
I understood that, and may even incorporate the isle of Hipponos into my own headcanon. My issue with it is that the ettymological link just doesn't feel right. We don't say "lesbophobic." (At least, I don't know anyone who does.) Furthermore, "hippophobic" literally translates to "afraid of horses," which is more than slightly silly given the setting. You may need to settle for homophobic in this case. Or you could knock the ball out of the neologistic park. I say give it a shot!
3297691 You mean like how Babs and Applebloom was getting it on during the Apple Family Reunion when no one was looking?
And also, y'know, the name.
3297710 Ah, everything becomes clear.
3297701
I notice that About Last Night just updated as well. I don't know where all these are coming from! Like I said, this was written an embarrassingly long time ago.
3297755
I'd think a world run to such an extent by females would have more of a female bent to their etymologies, but the whole "afraid of horses" thing does make it seem like a stretch.
That's fair.
Well, the search for a workable alternative to "fillyfooler" (which drives me crazy; linguistically, it has no English pun basis, and basically asserts that homosexuals are pedophiles) continues …
3297701 3297836
A fresh new batch of college kids entering school has affected the noosphere and now writers are being subtly guided to write things about what it means to be an adult instead of 'epic fights lawl' and other, more childish thin-
I have no idea what I'm talking about.
Ahhh alcohol, it does have a tendancy to lead to unconrolable bouts of violence, doesn't it?
3297778
Actually, the Moona Lisa's name has nothing to do with either Luna or Nightmare Moon! In the wake of Celestia's efforts to suppress knowledge of her sister's rebellion in the First Century, the painting was removed for many generations from the Royal Palace, and reintroduced in the Fourth Century —
Twilight …
— as a portrait of an unnamed unicorn standing in a moonlit field which Celestia just so happened to find aesthetically pleasing; she claimed she didn't know its origins, which sent scholars madly combing for details about who this mystery pony could have been —
Twilight.
— and since everypony drew a blank on identifying her, the mare in the portrait was given the name "Alissa", which was a diminuitive form of "Alice" (a name derived from the old Germane word for "noble"); literally she was "the unknown little noble." Because of the painting's setting she became known as "Moonlit Alissa" —
Equestria to Twi …
— over time shortened to "Moon Alissa", and after the linguistic switch from Germane to Canterlothian became officialized in the Sixth Century, the name "Lisa" was the closest modern counterpart, so it became corrupted into "Moona Lisa," which is what I learned in my art history classes, and had no basis to question the story even after Luna's return, unlike Rarity who always keeps ahoof of Canterlot gossip —
Twilight!
What?
Nobody cares.
…
3297960
Haven't read the story yet. Was actually a step away from deciding to skip it. Glanced at the comments to finalize my decision, and find this. This glorious bit of wonderment. If your story is half as good as your random silly comment, this is definitely going to be worth reading after all. Damn you.
I'm sorry, I have to have a sequel to this.
Fantastic work so far! I'm gonna be sure to follow you.
Well I'm interested. DON'T DISAPPOINT ME
This story is criminally underrated.
Twenty eight downvotes? Twenty eight names added to my list.
Absolutely. Jaw droppingly. Spectacular.
Poor, desperate Rarity. Poor desperate Dash.
Poor, poor Twilight Sparkle.
Phenomenal. Absolutely phenomenal.
Very rarely have I read such excellent mature takes on the ponies personality outside of something by SleeplessBrony. Every month here was a month well spent.
Fucking brilliant.
Honestly? This was perfect. I can give up on fan fiction from now on, because nothing can top the ridiculous, humorous, maddening beauty that is this piece.
haven't read yet but braced for epic!
I dunno Twi, that sounds like 'taking it well' to me.
D'aw, such fluff!