Begining of the end

Allot of the the story of Lunas rebellion was lost in a thousand years.

Chapters (5)

Begining of the end · 8th Jul 2012 · 996 words
996
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Honesty and Treachery. · 8th Jul 2012 · 683 words
683
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Laughter and Lies · 30th Aug 2011 · 1,151 words
1,151
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Generosity and Cruelty · 3rd Sep 2011 · 1,101 words
1,101
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Loyalty and Greed · 9th Jul 2012 · 1,687 words
1,687
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Comments ( 4 )

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HeirApparent

HeirApparent #1 · Aug 26th, 2011 · · · Begining of the end ·

Alright, I think you've got some potential.

Quite a good opener, your characterization of Luna in this scene was amazing. But, there was one line that annoyed me.

“Let me be you’re nightmare!”

It's a great line, and I thought it was a perfect way to reveal Nightmare Moon. Which makes the grammatical error there all the more noticeable. Beyond that though, you did a pretty good job. Hope to see some more in the future.

JavaChips

JavaChips #2 · Aug 26th, 2011 · · · Begining of the end ·

wow, it's a very chilling yet fitting beginning to what I can only assume will be a gripping story. You've painted a perfect picture with the words. Only one thing I would suggest. Even if you did a secondary read through for errors and mistakes, you might want to double check again, just to be sure. I didn't notice a lot, few and far between, but there were a couple typing and grammar errors.

Raot