Finding Truths
My Little Pony: Finding Faith
Chapter 8 “Finding Truths”
“Here, drink this.” someone says. I can’t see, everything is dark but I comply anyway, I have no choice... I don’t know what’s going on at all. I keep feeling appendages that I’m not familiar with, and others that don’t seem to exist at all. And then there’s the pain in my face that spikes when I try to breath through my nose.
The cool touch of glass on my lips, a slight tingling sensation and then my head tilts back gently under the direction of another, I feel cool liquid flowing into my mouth and I swallow greedily. The glass is removed from my mouth and I sigh as my head is allowed to return to its former position.
“John? John, are you okay?” the voice asks, are they talking to me? Oh... yes I’m John. That’s right... and I’m a unicorn pony.
I realise the reason I can’t see is because my eyes are clamped shut and also that all the ‘weird’ nerve signals my brain is receiving are because I’m in a quadrupedal body, that of a pony. I feel myself adjust to this at the realisation and slowly open my eyes, my mane seems to have been brushed back because for once I can’t see it in my view. I blink slowly, adjusting my eyes to the light, I’m in a quaint little building and I can smell sugar all around me. Sugar and blood. The tangy smell is strong and I wonder who it belongs to.
“He’s awake, Lyra! Where’s the medical kit?” That same voice calls out from nearby. I turn my head ever so slightly towards the source and groan when I my muzzle scrunches autonomously, sending a spike of pain rushing to my brain.
A beige coated pony moves into my view, pigment blue and pink mane curled atop her head. Bon Bon scolds “Hold still you silly colt!” before putting a gentle hoof to my foreleg. “You smacked your muzzle good on the counter when you blacked out.”
My ears twitch when I hear the sound of hooves returning from somewhere, Bon Bon turns her head towards the sound “Lyra, good!” Bon Bon says, the edgy tone softer than I remember it for.
“Okay Bonnie, just let me... ah! Got it!” Lyra says, accentuated by a popping noise probably indicating she’s opened something.
“Okay Lyra, help me by holding this menace to sanity down so I can check his muzzle.” Bon Bon instructs as she turns towards where Lyra has just appeared. Lyra strides over and effortlessly places her forehooves on me, keeping me steady while Bon Bon returns with some sterile cloth. I wince when she applies the cloth to my muzzle and choke back a cry of protest.
Drawing away with the bloody cloth she looks down at her handiwork ( hoofiwork? ) and nods to herself before using her free hoof to gently press on my muzzle in various places, I wince when she brushes a spot that feels tender before she leans back and puts the same hoof to her chin and rubs thoughtfully, eyes directed elsewhere.
“Did he break it?” Lyra asks after a moment of silence, still holding me still. Did I mention this minty mare is stronger than she looks? But before Bon Bon can work up an answer to the question at hoof, I feel an itch higher up my nasal passage and open my mouth ever so slightly, trying hard not to scrunch my muzzle up in discomfort.
Oh no... not a sneeze, not now. Naturally I don’t get a choice in the matter and I tilt my head back ever so slightly and sneeze violently, globules of blood and mucus fly in a scattershot right up into the air and rains back down on the three of us, coating us in the disgusting mixture of bodily fluids. I blink several times, shocked that it happened before both females begin groaning in mixtures of disgust and mild surprise at the muck that now spatters them in various places.
Well the good news seems to be I didn’t break any bones, just rupture a blood vessel in my nasal passage, no biggy, bad news is my saviours, for lack of a better term, are now coated in my vital fluid and disgusting mucus that had been residing deep inside my nostrils. I feel a pang of sympathy for them, they clearly work hard to keep up their body image and now their manes and coats are messed up by me.
“Uh...” I begin, “Sorry ‘bout that... couldn’t stop it. Good news is I don’t think anything is badly damaged?” I finish lamely, like my well being is the center of the universe.
Lyra grins at this before looking over at Bon Bon, whom I notice is giving me a dirty glare. Great, I pissed off the already grouchy sweets pony who could probably cut me up into tiny ribbons and use me as a part of her new confectionary line.
“I’m going to have a shower, Lyra put up the sign, it’s close time anyway.” Bon Bon says, before giving me one last glare and finally moving out to the back of the store. I turn my head to look up at the mare who was holding me down before she grinned sheepishly and stepped away from me. A few moments later I hear a click and then hoofsteps returning to me. Again my ears seem to twitch in the direction the sounds originate, something I hadn’t noticed them doing since I first found myself here in Equestria with Scootaloo.
Lyra helps me up onto my hooves and offers me a tissue which I carefully blow my nose into before depositing it in a wastebasket behind the counter. “So... what happened?” Lyra asks before continuing, “You managed to levitate your bit pouch and then you kinda went a little crazy there for a bit.” She indicates to her head, rotating her foreleg in circles.
I cast my thoughts back, yes I had levitated the bag but... that wasn’t what had caused all this... what was it... I struggle to remember the important detail, some thought had set me off and I wanted to know what it was. I can feel a sense of excitement, remembering my moment of triumph with magic but I hold it back, there’s more important things to be concerned about.
Lyra levitates what appears to be a medical kit over towards us, using her magic to carefully close and seal the sterile case while she waits for my response. My tongue feels thick in my mouth and my jaw refuses to cooperate and allow words to flow forth from its confines. I stop and think hard before finally getting the words I want out, “I... I remembered something.”
The kit lowers to the counter with a gentle clunk while Lyra looks at me inquisitively. I take a deep breath and recount everything since the moment I found myself hanging from the branch in the tree. Try as I might though, I can’t shrug the feeling that something happened while I was out cold, something important to who I was before all this and I convey that to Lyra.
“So you remembered how old you were and it kind of sent you off on a trip through crazy land huh?” she finally says. I instantly recoil, my head snapping back and ears laying flat as I realise how crazy it all sounds until she raises a hoof and presses it gently to my chest, “Hey now, I’m not saying you’re crazy, just that it triggered some episode in your mind. I’m glad it wasn’t magic that made you go a bit crazy, just a memory... but that means you’re basically a big episode waiting to happen.”
I nod slowly, leaning forward again, my ears returning to their standard position orientated towards the source of conversation, “Where I come from I think we’d say that I'm a minefield and some poor soul is walking through it and hoping not to be sent to the everafter.”
She gives me a curious look and I roll my eyes, naturally I’d think of something to say that goes clean over the head of the other participants. I consider explaining what a minefield is until I remember that I can’t remember what a field of mines actually is, just that it is something that hurts or kills others. Wow... how awful.
“Uh, well yeah, anyway... I guess I am just an apple short of a bushel, right?” I end up responding with a nervous chuckle. Lyra rolls her eyes and prods me a little roughly, “You are not crazy, crazy pony, sheesh!”
Wait... what!? Double negatives? Okay I cannot let this slide. “So... I am crazy?” I ask cheekily, giving her my best “I am curious” look. The effect is delightful, she frowns before giving me a gentle knock on the shoulder with a hoof and a glare.
“Sorry! I couldn’t help it. Besides we were getting a bit somber. Hey... why don’t you go check up on Bon Bon make sure she’s okay and I’ll clear my head out the front of the store for a few minutes?” I suggest to the older mare with an honest smile.
She considers my proposal before nodding and giving me a comforting pat. “Okay John, but if you need anything just come back in. Bon Bon is prickly but not a pony to turn away those who need help.” she turns and makes her way out of the store front, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Not that I have many other than to go out the front and cool off.
I carefully make my way back outside, leaving my bit pouch on the counter where it had been relocated, I trust the mares enough not to mess with it, after all, they gathered all my bits together and put them back in while I was unconscious, a sure sign of their honesty.
The door bell tinkles as I push it open and step outside, carefully slumping against the window of the store displaying various confectionery for sale. I feel exhausted and not just physically but mentally and also emotionally as well. It’s been... what? Just over twenty four hours since I found myself here in Equestria? And already I’d started to fall in love with a local resident, tried cracking open her protective shell, found work with an honest farm mare and her brother, made several friends and had begun unravelling the mystery that is my brain.
Why can’t anything be simple?
“Mister, are ya okay?” I snap out of my thoughts and look up from my slumped position to find a yellow mare, roughly my age looking at me in concern. The accent is familiar and it takes me a moment to piece it together and realise that it’s the same accent that Applejack carries. She flicks a lock of red mane from her face and tilts her head quizzically, awaiting my answer.
“Oh, uh yes I am okay, just needed a breather is all. I’m John by the way.” I say, extending a hoof politely toward her. She takes it instinctively and gives it a hearty shake, leaving me with a slight muscle ache just above the shoulder. Same hoof shake as Applejack, they must be related.
“Oh ah’m Applebloom, mah sister, Applejack, has been talkin’ mighty high of you recently.” she says with a smile. I return the facial expression but peer around her at another pony standing just beyond the threshold of the conversation, “And you are?” I inquire.
The marble coated mare steps forward and I get a good look at her alongside Applebloom, she has a sense of style I’ll give her that. Her mane is trimmed and brushed, she looks smart yet rather pretty and gives off an air of practicality. “I’m Sweetie Belle...” she trails off, I believe she’s unsure of how to continue the conversation but I don’t get much of a chance to pick it up for her due to Applebloom pushing in.
“Besides helpin’ mah sister round the market... ah’ve seen ya with an old friend of ours.” Applebloom starts and helps me up from my slump with a gentle tug. I examine her expression to try and get a feel for the kind of situation I’m in before she continues. “And ah don’t mean to upset ya or tell ya how to live your life John, but that filly is usin’ ya to solidify her delusion. Only pony who’s gonna get hurt by that is her and y’all, especially y’all seein’ how friendly a fella ya are.”
I carefully step around the mare and give her an unimpressed glance before finding the words that need saying in my throat as they form in my head. “I don’t know either of you from a bar of soap, but I do know Scootaloo a bit better than most, at least I think I do and frankly you’re concerns are unfounded, I am well aware that she is damaged and needs help. Why else would I be doing everything in my feeble power to help her get better?” I stomp a hoof, feeling frustrated, “What I want to know is what happened to make her this way, why am I left to pick up the pieces of the orange pegasus?”
That get’s their attention, a look of regret plays out over Sweetie Belle’s face while Applebloom gazes into my eyes. I feel like she’s searching for something in them, but I dismiss it, I need these answers. Scootaloo needs these answers.
Taking a measured step towards Applebloom, I press a hoof to her chest, “Why did I have to be the one to keep her from potentially drowning herself?” Both girls wince at that and I find their eyes suddenly locked on mine, I nod confirming the statement to their silent question.
“She... she wouldn’t have... would she?” Sweetie asks, “She was close to it.” I answer, turning to look at Applebloom who’s biting her lip, nervous or worried? I ignore the alarm bells in my head that keep warning me to back the hell off, I need these answers, like I need air to breath and the ground beneath my hooves to stand upon.
Finally Applebloom speaks up, breaking the nerve racking silence that had completely consumed us for a few minutes. “Ah got mah cutie mark... then Sweetie Belle got hers. Scoots was so sure she’d get hers right after.” she pauses, I notice her eyes are glazed over as she remembers something that she had clearly been trying to forget. “But she didn’t... an’ she got right upset about it too.”
Sweetie Belle puts a comforting hoof to her friend’s side and picks up where the earth pony left off, “We tried to help her... we got ours when we weren’t trying but... she seemed to think we were trying to stop her from finding hers. She started to accuse us that we weren’t trying hard enough to think of things to do.”
That... doesn’t sound like Scootaloo... not the one I know. I realise my jaw is hanging slightly open, mild surprise etched into my features and I force my jaw back up, closing my mouth. I had a feeling... anxiety can lead to paranoia and then the added stress of never being able to get her mark would lead to depression a very dangerous mix. I’m no psychologist but that girl is a time bomb waiting for something bad to happen...
“Why? Why are cutie marks so darned important?” I decide to play up my own appearance a bit, “I don’t have one, never had and likely won’t ever have one either, I don’t care, a silly mark on my flank isn’t going to adversely affect my life, I’m good at whatever I try, that’s my talent. So why is it she so utterly believes her life is worth squat without one!?” I stamp a hoof feeling anger boiling up, familiar to the recesses of my suppressed mind. I’ve been in this situation before...
Sweetie Belle shrinks back, using her earth pony friend as cover, “They don’t - aren’t - I mean-” she babbles, her voice getting high with panic. I realise my mistake and take a deep breath and step back. It’s hard, part of me wants to accuse them of not having done enough for Scootaloo as her friends, but I know the truth, they did everything they could think of and the demons in Scootaloo’s head had finally won out.
I look down at my hooves and say, my voice quiet, “I guess... I’ll just have to fix her since nopony else can. Thanks for the insight girls, I need-” I stop when I hear the sound of hooves pounding on stone and twist to look in the direction it’s originating from. I catch a glimpse of orange and purple and feel my heart throb in panic.
No no no... “SCOOTALOO!?” I cry out, not even caring I might disturb somepony. Without a moment’s thought I immediately abandon the storefront and the two mares as I gallop after the pegasus. Caution to the wind I feel my muscles strain and ache after the work of the day and more importantly the fall I had just earlier.
“SCOOTALOO!?” I cry again, hoping desperately to call her back. I catch sight of a purple tail turning down an alley and slide around the corner after it only to glimpse it yet again elluding me. I put on a burst of speed and ignore my muscles screams for rest and slide around the corner, now I can see her and she’s galloping as fast as she can and for an athletic and fit pegasus, that’s pretty darn fast.
“WAIT!” I call at the top of my lungs, I’m short of breath now and I’m finding it hard to focus on anything other than forcing my limbs to motor at top speed.
I’m gaining on her, her pace is slowing and I’m drawing in closer towards her the distance closes rapidly as we draw nearer to the town hall. “Scootaloo!” I rasp, my breath short.
Two metres becomes one and a half, and then a single metre and then I can almost reach out and grip her tail in my mouth, but just as I reach out to do just that, she jumps up into the air and I’m blasted down by a gust of downward air. I hit my head hard on the stone street and grunt in surprise. I slide to a stop and groan, struggling to get back up just in time to see the pegasus turn and leave without a look at me, but it’s not her inability to even look at me that causes a lump to form in my throat... it’s the drop of liquid that splashes on the side of my muzzle. I lick at it out of habit and immediately taste salt.
“Scootaloo...” I whisper to the air.
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You really have gotten better as a writer.... MOAR!
also DAMN YOU CLIFFHANGER MAN!
Also, wow AB and SB are lazy dismissive jerks lol.
2834928 Lol how so?
If it's regarding the inaction at Scootaloo having fled, then they have a reason to be that way, they did everything they could, a few years before and they don't know what else to do.
Yes I got that feeling, but chasing away ponies from her is kind of dickish. Just my opinion. 2835061
2835076 Think of it as a last ditch attempt to help her, even if it was misguided, they didn't want her or someone else to get hurt by her crazy.
Sad thing is that this sorta thing happens all the time in real life.
Oh I know. And I know there is two sides to every story but sometimes people are just o.O jerks or psychopaths. One of my aunts for example chased after her son with a certain weapon. We don't talk to that aunt
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2835097 My father's father aimed a spear gun with explosive tipped spear loaded into it at his at the time girlfriend. My family has a history of crazy.
2845145 *has a mental image of that now* darnit I already had his cutie mark planned out and you went and threw a couch-err a spanner into the works!
In all seriousness, nicely done :) that comment made my day.
2845730 Wow, this story has a lot of emotional feel to it. Were John and his parents in a house fire or something? That's what the flashback looked like. And what do you mean when you settled on three iterations before this version of events? What are the three iterations, and what do you mean "This Version" of events? Did you already write this chapter and decided to redo it three times? I'm kind of lost here... And damn man you need to post more chapters more often! Good story!
2889343 That's exactly what it was ;)
It's not much of a spoiler, but yes, John when he was young, very young, was a victim of a tragic house fire in which he was the sole survivor.
this is a goo story so far can't wait for more
...I'm a little confused, does he get turned into a pony?
4544782 And this, ladies and gentleman, is what we call a mindfuck.
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So....is this dead?
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Hmm...funnily enough...I'm that way as well...I, well, I do pour out my emotions to people I trust, and I tend to be a lot more open or trusting toward people than I guess would be the 'norm'. But it does get me in trouble sometimes... v.v
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I don't believe it's 'dead' per se...just that Breeze hasn't had the motivation in taking up writing again for some time. I'll bug her about it some more >.>
I'll start reading this now and see how far I get tonight :3
Ewww, that bloody nose sneeze >n< Squeamish me winced a little at that
And aww...that part at the end really got me...how Scootaloo must have felt seeing John talking to them and then running away and the tears hitting his face as she flew away...
I'd love to help you edit, Breeze. Let me know and I can do that ^^ Editing and proofreading is easier than the writing itself :P
When I'm feeling more rested and energetic, I'll try to write out my full feedback on what there is so far. I hope I haven't cluttered up your comments section with too many of my own >..<;
Oki, time for a full feedback comment (I apologise once again for cluttering your comments ;-; ). I might have already covered some things but I suppose it doesn't hurt to reiterate ^.^;
I'm sorry if my thoughts are a little disorganized though. >~< (whew, I had forgotten how nice indented paragraphs were o.o)
I had spoiler tags but I removed them, feeling that with the size of this it's unnecessary and a little unwieldy. I suppose just for anyone reading, keep in mind that there are a few minor spoilers in my feedback.
Your writing style is nice; it has a soft, gentle tone to it :3 I wish I were better at articulating what I meant by that though >.< As I said before though, I get a sense of familiarity when reading, as though I've been there before. I think it's the mix of having just enough detail to describe a scene, while not putting in too much such that it would be distracting, and interlacing it with some thoughts and feelings.
I think all the characters are generally pretty natural; they feel like people I could know, and their actions and feelings aren't forced. I think their characterizations fit with their depictions too, although I didn't imagine Bon Bon to be as snappish at times as she was but it certainly works. XD
Anyway, as Coffeecup pointed out, he's very open with others, very empathetic and down-to-earth, which I can certainly identify with, although I can see how it could be a little jarring at first to someone who doesn't see much of that or experience that themselves. At the same time, he can be analytical and lose himself in thought easily (which I know well, hehe) - which reminds me - sometimes, the descriptions of other ponies and things can get a little winded, in particular with dialogue sections. You do make it work, however, as it's seen from his perspective and it goes along with how he ponders a lot, especially with how often everyone asks him if he's okay because he's just 'staring into space' XD
I liked Applejack as well, except that one scene in which she was shouting at the little pony who tried to steal the apple; I felt she would have been calmer - maybe still stern and sort of unamused/disappointed...I don't know, I imagine something like "Now listen here. You ought to be ashamed, little colt. Stealin' from honest hardworkin' ponies an' all." But I don't know if I know what I'm talking about >.< I think I would like to see more of Applejack though; somehow I don't feel satisfied with what I've seen of her so far (which mostly has been at the sales stall). Perhaps some more interaction with Apple Bloom as well?
Lyra is certainly one of my favourites, cheeky, friendly, bright-eyed and intelligent :3. She's certainly a pony I would love to meet sometime ^^ (I imagine you probably were inspired by the interpretation of her from Anthropology, if not your own imagination c:, although I haven't read it...yet >.< Regardless, I don't think that matters, as I still enjoy her as a character :P)
You really made me feel for Scootaloo in this. I can certainly relate to those feelings of...well, worthlessness and hopelessness, and losing the motivation to keep going. She still feels like the same Scootaloo we know and love, but at the same time changed by depression and those events...and in dark times like that, sometimes people can open up and let themselves be vulnerable, because they don't feel like they have anything to lose (as Scootaloo at the beginning when she was considering drowning herself); with the right person, it can lead to a lasting bond. But on the other side of that, I understand Scootaloo's paranoia, in light of everything, having felt these things myself. I started to cry when she ran away there after seeing John with Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle...oh, how betrayed she must have felt... And I also like the 'soft' sweet side of Scootaloo, which you portray well, I think. I am sometimes a little surprised at how open she is with John sometimes, rather than having that "tough guise", but I suppose when someone sees you at your weakest, then there isn't much point to keep trying to be 'tough' around them all the time.
As for John...well, he certainly reminds me of some people I know
I did want to mention that I found it slightly odd that no one made a mention of John's name being curious in any way and just accepted it. While it isn't extremely outlandish (some ponies do have human-like names), I felt that at least one pony would say something, even just remark at it being a name they had never heard before (to which John might say it's just an Oatstralian thing :P). Speaking of Oatstralian accents, it's more of a failing on my part, but I tended to read his voice in a 'standard' US/Canada accent >.< I'm almost tempted to re-read it and force myself to hear his voice as a little more Australian (I admit it is difficult to write out accents in words without making it look silly, as you have to assume then that your audience reads/speaks words exactly the same way as you do as a reference point to differentiate the accent...um...I hope that made sense). I did find this page though while browsing about writing accents...interesting read: Ten Tips on Writing Characters with Accents, by Rose Lerner I've actually debated back and forth in my head about whether or not to "spell" an accent out phonetically, but I guess it depends.
What else can I say about John...well, the flashback and wakeup afterward in "Past Demons" and the beginning of "Finding Truths" certainly confused me a little (I thought at first he ended up in a hospital and then realized not so much time had passed at all and he was still in the stall with Lyra and Bon Bon >.<), although it's understandable that he's in a state of confusion himself so it makes sense to be a little confused :P Anyway, I do hope to see John grow more as a character, and learn more about him through the coming chapters, as I can tell he still has much to tell about himself.
Now, let's see...I think some sentences were a little awkward here and there; I found myself stumbling a little sometimes, and wonder if a few of the sentences should have been broken up a little, or had a few words removed. During some of my reading though, I could swear some of the words and sentences shifted and switched around a little...It does happen on rare occasions but I don't think ever that dramatically; have wondered if I have a very minor case of dyslexia, but it isn't worth worrying over.
Additionally, there were a few small grammatical mistakes, as well as incorrect comma usages that made me 'stumble', but I promise those are fairly common (even among popular authors here). With a little editing though, those shouldn't be too much of a problem. ^.^
On a similar note, there were a few occasions where I felt you needed to do more 'showing' rather than 'telling', but overall I think you were effective with that and it flowed pretty well.
With all that in mind, I felt the beginning, while good in that it gets to the entry into Equestria quickly, I feel doesn't show or describe to me well enough what John is feeling, physically and emotionally, in the moments before he appears in Equestria. I think some sentences could be made shorter as well to accentuate the accelerating pace (something I learned from one of my English classes; the effective use of syntax and sentence size). Though...on the note of fast pace, I still wonder how or why the police officers came so quickly, as if they were already nearby. I suppose that's not a huge stretch, as in some highly urban areas, police will wait on duty in high-crime zones in case something happens. I do wonder, however, since it was implied that the sunlight was associated with (at least from John's point of view) John's transformation and ultimately transportation to Equestria, as well as hoping a divine entity would hear his plea...does Celestia play a part in this? Certainly I want to know more about that (would John somehow meet Princess Celestia at some point?), at least explore it in John's mind as the story progresses, as it stuck in my mind and seemed pretty important. Then again, the implied gunshot at the end of that opening moment does worry me a little...I do hope that will be explored more as well, since all of this stands out to me as important details.
I think that's it for now, Breeze! I'm certainly tired of writing this but I really hope this helps you. Go out there and spread your wings, darling.
So.... new chapter?
Been about six months since I commented, so why not another?
How have things been going with you? And your writing?
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We can only hope so, although this hasn't been updated since 2013