Hey, Reader. Yeah, I'm talking to you. Hi. I'm Tony. My life just got messed up big time,
I thought today was going to just be a nice, normal Friday morning. I was wrong. Horribly wrong. I've woke up this morning in the furry white hooves of a pony. Rarity to be exact. In a new body, that I have no idea how to use, I have to find out what has happened to my body, and find out whether or not if I'm the only one in this boat. Only time will tell as I trek across the states in attempt to find out was has gone awry in my once happy world of being human.
Rated teen for excessive use of foul language.
This is my first fic and part of PonyEarthverse
Chapters (33)
nice cover art, will read later
at least she didn't leave a pear
Nice story [I'm the one who's doing AJ]
1518515
But I like pears...
Better than my take on it! That's for sure!
OH JOY ANOTHER ONE OF THESE
Wasn't this same exact thing done just a day or two ago?
1518535 Perhaps our paths will cross at some point.
1518568 Yes.
1518593 Yes, and no.
1518567 Thanks?
1518610 They probally will
Aside from a few spelling errors, your writing is brilliant! I laughed so hard at the 'my hands are marshmallows' part, Mt Dew came out my nose! (Actually, it really hurt. I don't reccomend.) To be honest, Rarity would be the worst pony to incarnate as a guy. She wears makeup ALL THE TIME, she keeps her mane in pristine condition ALL THE TIME, plus she has a white stainable coat. Us guys spend a minute, three minutes tops, on our hair. I pity you.
Another thing I am intrigued by is the guy with a Pinkie Pie personality as Rarity. This does not bode well. Maybe you can change your mane sometime along, maybe do a Pinkamena-type style. I think Rares would look good like that.
Cheers to a caffeine-loaded ADHD rant,
-MarkusBrony (Rainbow Dash)
I like this story. Well written.
Though, don't take this the wrong way, I have just a couple suggestions.
But, Idunno, I have an editor, so I may not be correct
1. After what felt like hours struggling with my covers (but was really just ten minutes) I managed to toss them off of me.
What I would have put: ...covers (but in reality was just 10 minutes) I managed...
2. "Ow, hey what gi-"
I would have wrote: Ow, hey, what gi-"
3. You seemed to put a ' after every your. For example: your'
I don't think that goes there.
4. "Allright, this morning allready sucks."
"allright" should be spelt alright
As well as "Allready". It just has one "l"
5. "Ah ha!" I have found you my swee-"
There is an extra " in there.
Idunno, thats what I saw. Well, some are just opinions.
Good so far, will track it.
-ThatOneRandomPony (Octavia)
1518724 Thanks man! I'm actaully going over my story right, and looking for errors.
Man there has been a HUGE influx of "Author is X" fan-fictions lately.
1518779 That's because it's a recent groupverse like the chessverse.
1518859
Ah! Thanks for pointing that out!
1518779 we are part of a small group doing a collab type universe set. group here: http://www.fimfiction.net/index.php?view=group&group=1670/
1518935
Remind me of Ponyfall and how they stole the featured box. Phew there was a shitstorm over that one...
I'm certainyl intrigued.
The writing style may not be my schtick, but then again, i seem to be a minority that likes it anyways.
An editor would probably be good, however. *tentativly raises hoof*
1518952 Aww. Sorry pal.A friend of mine took the spot, but you can look over it as you please. I'm sure we'll still miss something.
1518709
If you havn't read "Why am I Pinkie Pie!?" by Hoopy McGee then you are seriously missing out! It's sooooooooooooooooooooo hilarious!
1519010
Adding this to my read later list.
Interesting. We'll see how this turns out. I shall be very disappointed with *him* if *he* doesn't get around to that makeup. This going to be way awkward. Now's he a female... Have you read "Whan a Pony Calls"? (llink) If you take a page from that this dude will be thinking a little differently by the end of the week. By the way, I like the cover art.
1518952
Oh, and you messed up 'certainly' too, have to keep that l and y in the right order.
Dude, it's 'tentatively'. Don't forget the 'e' there.
It Is Always That one part with that darned orange that will mess up your day
1519229 Wanna know why I hate oranges? Because they are evil. When I was younger, six years to be exact, I had an orange. And it was the first time I had an orange. So, I was like *NOM* and bit directly into it with the peel. It was so sour, and I threw it against the wall...I now know what I did wrong. BUT I STILL HATE THEM!
Ok. Your writing is good, so have an upvote but... seriously, a brony waking up as a pony - how original...
I hope you find a good explanation of this, like that it's his acid trip or whatever...
1519306 Well, I am a bit late posting this, but this is part of a group of stories.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/54927/Becoming-Rainbow-Dash%3A-A-Brony-Writer%27s-Tale
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/58423/And-Then-I-was-Twilight-Sparkle
If you read these, you might understand what is going down.
It's... Beautiful
lol awesome story!! i was given the ok to do applebloom, i'm currently still working on the first chapter
I'll be your editor if you still need one, I can link you a few fics i already edit if you want as well.
This fic .... is relevant to my interests. I think I'll join this group. Keep track of the stories, maybe write one.
Hmmm... to be honest, the concept doesn't really seem to appeal to me (so I didn't upvote). However, the writing isn't bad (so I didn't downvote either).
There's a choppy and thin feeling, however, that does seem to go through the whole thing. That's because you need to watch for tense (you flip-flop from present tense back and forth with past tense), punctuation, use of the passive voice, and overall the formatting of dialogue, actions, and thoughts. Those three things-- dialogue, actions, and thoughts-- look a lot better if intermingled. And fleshing out details improves the feel as well.
Like with:
"Ow." I stated simply. "Well this is a lovely way to start one's day."
Hey wait a minute... Am I the one making that voice?
That would be better as:
"Ow," I murmured, blinking at the flash of pain, "well, this is a lovely way to start one's day." I paused for a moment, hearing something just so odd. Hey, wait a minute... am I the one making that voice?
See how the proper punctuation, the fleshing out a bit more detail, and so on make it flow better?
Also, compare There was a scribbled note on the fruit bowl. with I eyed the scribbled note on the fruit bowl. Losing the passive voice makes it just read better. Anyways, well, to be honest I'm not interested in seeing where this goes (just not my topic). But I hope you do keep writing and keep working on all this.
That was a good story. Have an orange
1520108 Chapter
I like this. You get part of what Lyra's obsessed with and a fave.
I'd say my favorite part of this chapter would be the conversations Tony had with his/her own brain. If you can turn the brain into a character of some kind, then you have the potential for all kinds of silliness.
And I hope, just for comedy's sake, that he never gets to finish an apple, with the exceptions being shortly before something that will be productive, though not necessarily pleasant (and not in the gutter sense).
You sir, have bought my soul
Hm... interesting so far... go on.
1520055 Thanks for the tips!
1520108 How dare you...
1520452 I have a tendency to think out loud, and sometimes talk to myself. So, I thought it would be a great way to add a little bit of comedy to the story!
1520454 I shall cherish it dearly.
1521106 Ok.
Good job, can't wait to see where it goes.
1521367
No problem!
I enjoyed it, keep a tab on your quotation marks but not too bad besides that.
If you join the group here: http://www.fimfiction.net/index.php?view=group&group=27 theres lots of helpful people and you may be able to find an editor.
- Improper pronoun use. Other than that didn't notice anything.
I jut had this random thought. If Brony Recon is real in this verse, and assuming this is all a self-insert, are you still one of my fans? Just saying, it's an awesome opportunity for some friend-shipping. We could even reference Gold Heart!
1530528
*Insert mind blowing up gif. here*
And ofcourse I'm still a fan of you, Markus. What would make you think diiferent? But yes. I agree. FULLY.
Abandoned...Shoe Factory...New York.
This has bad written all over it.
Of course, I've never lived in a city. So if people actually do this, ignore the comment and continue on!
I have one small question regarding this chapter. Will the shoe factory be big enough for everypony?
1530620
Noone actually does this.
One emoticon should sum up my thoughts and feelings of this chapter fairly easily:
1531173 Is that a good thing?
Tomatoes are poisonous to horses, and as I have not seen them in FiM, I suspect ponies can be poisoned by tomatoes too.
Good chapter otherwise!
1531466 Aww *beep*. I love tomatoes. >_> Incoming chapter rewrite.
Nice going. idiot.
Noone asked you!
(Thanks for pointing this bit of info out, I guess?)
1531546
It's your story, and since you're the second person to include pizza, maybe Discord did it? Just go on ahead if you want to, you're probably gonna have to rewrite the entire chapter beginning if you do rewrite.