An attempt to write a romance story between two Unicorns.
Rarity is lonely, her love life rather empty, however, in her lonliness, she finds herself attracted to a particular Purple unicorn. But how would she approach this. How could she tell her? Would she accept her love? How could she tell her friends about this?
Follow the story and see how she would try to accomplish this, if Rarity finds love, or gets spurn in the end.
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Sweet Jesus, THANK-YOU!
Otherwise, pretty good. I wonder how this will end up.
Decent start, dood
I must ask why Twilight went to visit Rarity in the first place if she had errands to do that didn't involve the Boutique, dood.
What the last few paragraphs told me, dood: Twilight went to Zecora's hut to get herbs and some tea, Zecora didn't have any and told Twilight to come back tomorrow. Twilight then went to Rarity's shop to tell her that Zecora was out of tea/herbs and she had some errands to do, then she left. I'm confused by this, dood.
MarshmallowSundae
I remember that there were several post about writers not taking Spike's feelings into account, especially when it came to Rarity, so I made sure to add that in. Was thinking on working in how all this will affect Spike tho that'll come later. After I decide what the outcome will be.
Fusion Fool the 3rd
Did it seem confusing? Sorry but it wasn't meant to be that way. She was simply walking towards Carousel Boutique on the way to the Library from the Forest. I really don't remember the layout of Ponyville, however, I'll try to re-write it so it'll make more sense later.
Thanks again to those who 'favourite' my story!
The story is off to a fine start... I'm a bit turned off by the use of italics for all dialog though. The whole point of quotation marks is to identify spoken words, so nothing else is needed there. By adding the italics, every spoken line is given an odd extra emphasis, as if there is supposed to be something unnatural about the speech.
Otherwise, a solid set-up and I look forward to more!
Harwick
I've been using itallics for conversations all this time. But if you think its odd to have, then the next chapter, i wont use it to see how its like. Thanks for the opinion.
1485526
You could also make rarity oblivios of spikes feelings and break his heart later in the story
I have to say that this might get interresting. Just please, get the next chapters out soon
dartmaul15
Sorry dude, but I wont break his heart in that way. And anyway, I kinda made it that She already knows about how he feels towards her.
Anyway, I'm probably post the next chapter in a day or two. Then after that I'll be concentrating on the other stories.
So the second chapter is up. And as mentioned by Harwick in the previous chapter, I decided not to use itallics for conversations. Please let me know if you, my readers see any difference or if i should or should not go back to conversations in itallic. Thanks.
I hope you enjoy this chapter.
I'm liking this so far. I don't find many of RareLights either and this pairing is starting to become more of my top 5 favorite pairings update soon.
And knowing is half the battle.
Cute were's the rest!
Thanks all for the support, chapter 4 is up and I hope you all like the direction I've taken for the story.
This chapter is awesome! really god job on the story!
More explosions, even if its right at the end of a chapter 'and then a random tree exploded
Nice... I enjoyed the Timberwolves fight, and the awkwardness of the early relationship is sweetly done. Looking forward to seeing where it goes!
1515879
*Salutes*
PONY JOE
4.bp.blogspot.com/-DjUMjOoBkts/T4FgkiuDxFI/AAAAAAAAlcA/eiXQXvIbA14/s1600/Con+Mane.PNG
“Hole still.”
I believe the term is hold still, but as hard as it is to believe, i have been wrong once before...maybe twice
1575705 Eeyup. Well played mon ami.
I'm giving this a tentative thumbs up. I can see how your writing has improved in the week between chapters 1 and 4. There's still a bit of awkwardness (mostly periods where commas should go), and the switching of tense in the middle of the story was a bit odd, but all in all, I think it's a nice story. I noticed it was still marked as 'incomplete', even though this would be a natural spot to end it, if you have no ideas for further drama. A time-skip epilogue might round it out nicely.
If you need any help from nice grammar nazis, there's a group called "looking for pre-readers" where you can find one, or you can send me a PM. I should be able to do spellchecking/grammar tinkering on a 36 hour timer from when you give me a google docs link or equivalent.
Toiski
Well, at the moment, its still incomplete coz I still want to continue with this, tho at the moment, life is pretty hard on me. I probably wont even start typing out the next chapter till maybe next week. As for the offer, I'll decide when I finish the next chapter.
Is this dead?
Hibernation ... ... Hibernation ... Not dead...
Spike is so going to be pissed!!!!
What if they give Spike a new love interest?
2978684
Who? Sweetie Belle maybe?
meh... I'll cross that bridge when I reach it.
2978689 Yes Sweetie Belle!!! Of course! She has a ginormous crush on him!!!!
2978711
Ugh. For Celestia's sake, no. I feel that making Spike fall for Sweetie Bell will be a total cop-out. I want to see how this hurt plays out and if I can find a (within reason) reasonable way to work this out between Spike, Rarity and Twilight.
2983652
How about something unexepected then, like who knows DT, or Dinky? or Pip if you want to go that way