this is the story of one person meet the pony version of him self and changed his life.
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thedams
Joined 20th Oct, 2012 ·
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I understand that you don't know english well, but please stop writing.
I'm not gonna say your idea is bad because it isn't...
But...
I think you'll need a much more higher english level to write decently... You need to practice, and a lot.
I wish you luck
Edit: And please stop copy-pasting text directly from Google Translate... It is not a good idea...
1511512 Oh come on. It can't be that baAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
~~~~
Ahem, please excuse my earlier.....reaction. What the commenter above me is trying to say (in brutally blunt and condensed terms) is that this story needs QUITE a bit of help.....and a radio-active bath....in lava.
1. On top of egregious (shockingly bad) grammar, you seem to not understand the use of quotations. Quotations are supposed to be used whenever someone is actively speaking. An example below:
Whenever someone new starts talking, start a new paragraph (double tap the enter key). On top of this, you have problems with your past, present, and future tenses which leads me to believe you have no knowledge of all three. If you do, I'm sorry for this. If not, please look below:
Past tense: Waited.
Present tense: Waiting.
Future tense: (and this is a tricky one).
The future tense is kind of shonky because you're going to have to get creative. Me myself, I'm not so good at describing it.
2. Punctuation/spelling: You seem to struggle with periods, capitalization and paragraph terminations. Here's a hint, whenever you put a period down (this thing . <---) it means that sentence is done. Finito as they say. When that sentence is done, you start the next sentence with a capitalized letter.
3. The story: This deserves it's own section:
~~~
The story itself, from the outset, is NOT an interesting story. Not only did it not capture my attention as a reader, it completely destroyed it. I can obviously tell you're trying to do your best. But there's no sense of pacing, the characters all feel like machines wearing pony/human skins, and the grammar is so offsetting that it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. On top of that, the story concept is so overused and done that the people of FIMF will show it no mercy and leave terrible comments/downvotes which will destroy your self-esteem.
My advice to you is to get rid of this story and start over. Getting rid of your story isn't necessarily a bad thing, and you can think of this whole ordeal as a learning experience. So don't give up writing. Rather; get better at it.
1511587
Wow... Hehe... Now I feel kinda bad because I didn't gave any comment as constructive as yours...
Also:
^
l
LOL
1511587 well thanks, but i have to say to you a few things,
1.i'm doing al these alone because i dont have anybody to help me, and when i do something alone believe me i dont do it well.
2.i have a little problem with the words, i can read all this with a little problem but when i try to write it believe me i dont do it well.
3.i didn't now why i put the story here, i'm a realy bad writer.
4.i'm looking for somebody to help me with these story
dont worry 1511706
1511512 i will try my best
Are you like some sort of kid?
1514941 well yes and no because i have 15
1514724 It's fine if you're a bad writer now. I don't expect you to be perfect, especially with your gripes with the English language. I'm just saying do your best and get better.
1515319 ok
1514724
Woah, hey, you may be a bad writer, but everyone at the begining is a bad writer... You just need some help to push you foward
I recommend you to go to a group and start asking for help (and give help too), FiMfiction is full of groups that might help you, I'd love to help you but I don't know if we share the same native language and I don't have much time :/
*sigh*
Good luck
1516122 well thanks.
and we have the same native language, put the yours have better accent and words than mine because you are Chilean and i'm dominican (i think it is the worst spanish accents and words than exists)
and i don't have much time to write too.
1514724 I'd be happy to proofread for you.
1635032 thanks but right now i can't write
i will tell why later.