Chapter 1

Spitfire flew across the stadium, wind blowing past her body, adrenaline rushing, and the crowd cheering. A small pang of pain went through her left wing but shrugged it off as nothing. Her orange and yellow mane and tail whipped through the air like fire. The Wonderbolts flight suit she wore so much hugged her body. Tight enough to be warm and aerodynamic and loose enough to be comfortable.

Spitfire was the proud captain of The Wonderbolts, the best flight team in all of Equestria. They performed everywhere, from Los Pegasus to Manehattan. If you hadn’t heard of The Wonderbolts then there was something seriously wrong with you.

Despite the fact that they were the only flight team ponies knew of, there were other teams. The Shadowbolts were one, but nopony ever cared about them; mainly because they only performed in the Everfree forest and they could be quite mean.

The Wonderbolts were performing at the annual Grand Galloping Gala, one of the biggest and most unexciting events in Equestria, as the finishing act. It began with the Wonderbolts flying in, catching the attention of the attendees. Afterwards, they would separate into four teams of two and one team of three. Then they would continue on with their dazzling moves. Slowly, each pair, one by one, would slowly peel off until it only left Spitfire and Soarin’, flapping their wings in the air slowly as they looked into the crowd. They took another moment to catch their breath and then took to the skies.

There, they began their duo of stunts.

They separated from each other and began their plethora of tricks involving flips, dives, barrel rolls, and more, synchronizing each and every move down to the wing flap.
Spitfire was enjoying every moment of this, months of planning and practice proving its worth. The anxiety and nervousness bottled up in her leaving her mind and being replaced with the pure joy of flying.

Sadly, the duo’s performance was coming to an end, but with that end came the finale Spitfire had come to love. Spitfire and Soarin’ would fly towards each other, at speeds most pegasi would never dream of, and would give the crowd the misconception of them crashing into each other.

Before they would crash into each other Spitfire and Soarin’ would give each other a high hoof and begin to fly upwards. The high hoof would send out a stunningly loud bang through the stadium. It had even caused one of the attendees monocles to shatter. The Wonderbolts had discovered this trick while they were horsing around during practice.

Spitfire and Soarin’ flew upwards further and further. They were so close she could feel Soarin’s body heat. It was a bit pleasant. When she was starting to enjoy it Soarin’ peeled off, leaving Spitfire to do her ending solo.

She flew to one of the ends of the stadium, anxious to begin. Another pain went through her wing, but again, shrugged it off as nothing. Spitfire then began the routine she had worked so hard to perfect, flying straight towards the other end of the stadium. Soon enough she began doing barrel roll after barrel roll. She had practiced enough to not succumb to the dizziness. As she did this she left behind a trail of glowing orange and yellow light, beaming brightly like a fire. The light swirled round and round, following her tail like a lost dog.

When she had reached the other end of the stadium she turned around and flew threw the spirals her tail had made, leaving shimmering sparkles in her wake. Spitfire hadn’t realized the crowd’s cheering until their uproar become incredulously louder, thanks to her trick. Halfway through the dissipating light she began to spin again, her tail seemingly absorbing the light. Back to where she had started, Spitfire briefly looked back at her tail. It was now glowing extravagantly, shining like the sun.

A smile was beginning to form on her face, but was quickly replaced with a wince at the returning pain in her wing. It was now beginning to worry her, but that wouldn’t stop her from finishing her performance.

Spitfire flew back to the middle of the stadium and flew towards the sky. She flew higher and higher. Sure enough, the pain returned but she flew on. She stopped far above the stadium, but close enough for everypony to still see her.

Spitfire spread her wings and raised her forehooves up high. All of the light in her tail released and spread around her, creating a radiant glow around her.

The glowing stopped abruptly and Spitfire began to fall towards the ground, her wings shut to her sides. The crowd was horrified at the sight and screams pierced the air, “ Somepony do something! Save her! . Soarin’ and the rest of the Wonderbolts nonchalantly grinned at the crowds reaction.
It was all part of the finale. Spitfire would supposedly plummet to the ground, but she would pull up before she got into any real danger.

Spitfire felt total weightlessness as she fell towards the ground, her eyes closed. It was a great feeling, not having to control any part of your body as you floated in air. It was something Spitfire relished.
She opened her eyes knowing it was time to pull up. Her wings began to spread but the pain that had been constantly bombarding her left wing returned.

This time it didn’t go away.

The pain caused her left wing to shut again leaving only her right wing extended. This caused her to spiral downwards out of control. At the sight of this Soarin’ began to spread his wings but then closed them again.

“You know how Spitfire overdoes these things, there’s no need to worry. She knows better.”

Spitfire kept trying to unfurl her left wing, but the pain forced it to stay shut. She knew she had to get out of this situation or she would end up as a stain on the ground. Calling for help would amount to nothing since she was too far for anypony to hear her. If she tried waving for help it would be considered by her teammates as part of the act.

Panic overtook her as the thought of death came to mind. There was nothing she could do to save herself and her teammates wouldn’t notice that she was in trouble until it was too late.

Tears came to her eyes. Her death was imminent. The feeling of weightlessness no longer an enjoyable one, but instead a feeling of fear. The fear of being able to do nothing to help yourself. The fear of loss. The loss of control. The loss of all of whom she loved and cared for. The loss of the life she had worked so hard for. Now it was all going to end here. In the biggest event of Equestria doing what she loved. What had driven her to work until she became better than the rest.

The crowd roared as they flew by. Spitfire was sitting on her dad’s shoulders, bouncing up and down in excitement, as she watched the flight team in awe. She had never seen anything like it before. Everything they did, whether it be tricks or stunts, was simply spectacular. All of this was so new to Spitfire. It was as if a whole other world had been hiding right in front of her.

Spitfire walked home with her father, overjoyed with the first flight show her dad had taken her to. It was more than she could have ever imagined.

“Daddy?”

“Yeah, Spits?”

“I want to be like them when I grow up!” She exclaimed, pointing at the Wonderbolts poster on the wall next to her.

Her father chuckled. “Well then, you’re going to have to work very hard and fly really well if you want to be like them.”

“I promise I’ll work super duper hard and become the best flier in all of Equestria!”

“We’re gonna have to teach you how to fly first kiddo,” he said laughing.

Spitfire chuckled lightly at the memory. She remembered how enthusiastic she was about the Wonderbolts, and how childish it was to think she even had a chance of joining them. Most pegasi could only dream of becoming a Wonderbolt, and she has been living that dream. Most ponies would become self absorbed in the fame, but not Spitfire. She remained humble and grateful for the life she was given, after all, it was a promise she had made to a pony that held a place in her heart. At the aspect of becoming a Wonderbolt, another memory came to mind.

Spitfire and Soarin’ ran towards each other unable to hold their excitement.

“Spitfire!”

“Soarin’!”

“I have something amazing to tell you!” They both said simultaneously. They laughed at themselves.

“You go first,” Soarin’ insisted.

“You won’t believe it! I got accepted into the Wonderbolts!” Spitfire was relieved that she was finally able to tell some pony the news.

“I got accepted too!”

“That’s amazing!

“This calls for something special.” Soarin’s giddiness was getting the best of him.

“And what would that be?” Spitfire had asked skeptically, although she already knew what he would say.

“PIE!” Soarin yelled, and bolted off to the nearest bakery.

Spitfire laughed and flew after him.

Soarin’ knew something was wrong. He knew Spitfire would have done something, anything, to keep herself from falling any further. His wings flared open and he took off after the falling pony he saw in the distance.
Fleetfoot was by his side and the other Wonderbolts trailed behind them. They were flying fast, but Spitfire was falling faster. There was no way they were going to make it to her in time. His mind tried to reject the thought as he tried to fly faster, grasping onto the hope that he could make it.

All the memories hurt, good or bad, but there was nothing else Spitfire could turn to while she gazed at the night sky, tears streaming down her face. All the memories of her days practicing as a Wonderbolt and, after so long, becoming their captain. A title she never thought she would obtain. She strived for it, of course, but now and then she would have her doubts.

The ground was coming closer. The inevitable was about to occur. No one could save her now. She was falling much too fast for anypony to catch her at the last second, save maybe for Rainbow Dash and her Sonic Rainboom, but she and her friends hadn't attended the Gala this year.

It was a pity. They actually brought some excitement to last years Gala. With Pinkie Pie having Octavia’s ensemble play the Pony Pokey and Fluttershy going mad, it was the most eventful Gala she had ever attended.

The fear of death once again returned to her.

“I will never see those ponies ever again, or anypony for that matter,” She thought to herself. Spitfire flapped her only usable wing and turned over to look at the ground. She could now see details in the ground, all the trees and shrubbery. It wouldn’t be long before she hit home. All she could do was hope that Celestia would spare her life.

“S-spitfire,” he spoke through a hacking cough.

“Yeah dad.”

“I want you to know, before I go, that I’m proud of you. Proud of what you have become. You achieved your dreams and now you’re living the life you had always wanted. The life that everypony dreams of.” Tears were now flowing through her father’s eyes as he coughed.

“Now listen here, I don’t want you to be sad when I pass away. No. Instead I want you to be happy. Happy with all the time we had together. Happy that I was able to be there for you. Just plain happy with the life you’ve got.”
Spitfire continued looking at her father with a straight face and nodded.

“That’s a good girl...” he said seemingly staring off into the distance, his eyes were slowly closing as he fought to keep them open. He managed to mouth the words “I love you,” then he was gone.

Spitfire continued staring at him tears streaming down her face, but instead of tears of sadness, they were tears of joy. Like her father had wanted.

Spitfire was closing her eyes, accepting her cruel fate, but she couldn’t help but open them again at the sight of a blue dot slowly becoming bigger. Soon enough she could make out the outlines of a pony. Then she realized that that pony was Soarin’! He was desperately trying to catch up to her, flying faster than he had ever gone. Suddenly, everything she had been feeling was replaced with the new found hope that she would live! Live to see the next day and cherish each moment as if it were her last.

By now Soarin’ had closed three fourths of the distance between him and Spitfire. His fatigue was getting to him. He was beginning to slow down, his breaths were now ragged and short and his wings could barely support him now. The rest of the Wonderbolts couldn't keep up and retreated to get a medical team if something were to happen. But he knew he couldn’t slow down. Not if it meant saving his best friend. This faith gave him the strength to push on.

The crowd had finally calmed down and considered the display they were witnessing as an act. Although some were still worried and terrified, many watched, sitting at the edge of their seats, as though they didn’t know what would happen next. In the back of their minds they knew that in the end Soarin’ would save Spitfire and they would cheer for them all the same. Those few that were worried had that itch of knowing something is out of place but not knowing what.

Soarin’ was now inches away from Spitfire. He could see something in her amber eyes. He could see in those eyes a plea for help. If Soarin’ didn’t pull up soon he and Spitfire would hit the ground with tremendous force. He drew forward his remaining energy and made a grab for Spitfire’s forehoof.

Time slowed. Bit by bit, Soarin’s hoof made its way to Spitfire’s. Their hooves now clasped together and the ground was dangerously close. Soarin’ had to pull up now.
His wings desperately tried to lift him and Spitfire up but he couldn’t keep flying. The adrenaline was drained from his body and the fatigue took him over. Soarin’ fell with Spitfire, still holding her hoof.

Within seconds, they hit the ground with an audible thud.

Soarin’ slowly opened his eyes. Every inch of his body screamed in pain, but he got up anyways. He saw Spitfire and quickly made his way to her. She was a complete mess compared to Soarin’. He hadn't fallen far but Spitfire fell all the way from cloud height. For all he knew she was dead.

Soarin’ finally got to her and fell on his haunches. He sat staring at her face, and prayed to Celestia she would live.

“Please Spits, please don’t go,” he choked, his eyes filling with tears. They had gone through everything together. Flight school, training, Wonderbolts recruitment, you name it. They were with each other every step of the way. As if they were halves of one being. Now he was losing that half and he couldn't do anything but hope.

Spitfire opened her eyes to the sight of Soarin’ sobbing before her.

“Hey Soarin’, why the long face.” She gave him a small grin.

“S-spitfire?! Y-y-you’re alive!” It took all of his willpower to keep himself from hugging her to death.

“Yeah, for now at least.”

“Don’t say that. You’re gonna make it through this, the medical team is on their way.”

“Soarin’ I don’t think it’s a good thing when you can’t move a single muscle and you can hardly feel your heart beating,” she said chuckling lightly, her eyes were beginning to droop. It hurt to laugh, but it was worth it.

“Look I’m not the best with goodbyes but I want you to know that you were the best friend I could have asked for, even if you can be a bit.. off at times. You were always there for me and even now as I lay here, dying, you're here. Thank you so much for everything, especially your friendship. As my father had asked me, I ask you, don’t be sad over my death. Instead be happy with the time we spent together.”

“O-okay Spitfire, I promise.” With that Spitfire gave him a big smile and closed her eyes for the last time. Her lungs released it's final breath. Her heart giving off its last beat. It was at that moment the medical team arrived. They tried everything to bring her back but they all knew nothing could be done.

This whole time the massive crowd of spectators had gone into panic over the Wonderbolts’ crash landing. Many were horrified at the scene while others cried at the loss. They were evacuated to keep everypony from seeing the diseased captain. They went went home with the image of the “landing” burned into their minds. Any thought of the Gala would be replaced with the crash landing. It was the most tragic Grand Galloping Gala in history. No pony could even remember a time where such a thing had ever occurred. Usually they were small things like a broken wing or hoof, but this... this was something almost no pony had ever experienced, other than the princesses.

There was a big memorial service held for Spitfire. That day it rained. As if the sky itself would miss the essence of the pony flying about. Everypony was heartbroken at the loss. Many tears were shed. Some gave speeches, talking about how great Spitfire was, as a Wonderbolt and a normal pony or talking about their relations with her. Each ended with how tragic and untimely her death was. Most ponies just watched, only knowing Spitfire as a Wonderbolt and giving their respects to the diseased show pony.

Soarin' was the last person to speak. He told everypony of his and Spitfire's story. Of their struggles and hardships. How they had come some far to be where they were now, but mainly, he spoke of their friendship. How they had known each other for the longest time, and were lucky enough to work together. The story brought fresh tears to the attendees eyes.

At the end of the service he stood there alone next to Spitfire’s grave.

On the fresh marble it read “Spitfire - The fire that shall burn eternally in peace.”
He stared at the resting place of his deceased friend.. Soarin' was happy he had the chance to know such a great pony, but was sad at the early coming of her death. He held on to the philosophy that Spitfire was now in a better place.

Soarin' looked off into the sky where a patch of light, in the midst of the all gloomy rain clouds, was shining down upon his face.

His eyes welled with tears, his lips forming a smile.

---------

A/N: Second fic, I NEEDZ CRITICISM. Sorry it's short, I wish it was longer. It's just that these are spur of the moment things. I'll try to make an actually long story whether it be a multiple chapter thing or a one shot. Most likely one shot.
Edit: I am currently writing a novel for NaNoWriMo. The event lasts all of November for those who don't know. Don't expect anything from me until mid Decemberish. Hope you enjoyed this little story, and thanks for reading!

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leafz pegasus

leafz pegasus #1 · Oct 22nd, 2012 · · ·

I would add this to a group if I were you, it can boost your story's popularity. I would suggest the group Spitfire.

OtterMatt

OtterMatt #2 · Oct 22nd, 2012 · · ·

Alright, bucko, you asked for it, so here it comes!
POTENTIAL BADFIC CHECKLIST IS A GO!!

Potential Badfic Checklist™ (v2.3)
By OtterMatt - TWE's Resident Master of Music
Pre-read
Picture of an OC in General Zoi's ponymaker or MSPaint
Nonsense salad of genre tags
Synopsis that is too long or explains the plot
Summary is full of gramatical errors
Appeal for kindness or first fic excuse
Drawing attention to the writing rather than the story
Multiple chapters under 900 words

In-story
Atrocious grammar
Absent spelling
Boring sentence construction
Wanton cruelty to the common comma
Main character who makes me want to shoot him
Plot that has no business being set in Equestria
Wall-o-text syndrome

Insta-kills
Use of an unjustified alicorn
Unoriginal Human/Brony-in-Equestria
Author insert or wish-fulfilment story
Canon ponies acting wildly out of character
Black-Hole Sue Syndrome

Rating: 4/5 Pinkies

Verdict:
p.twimg.com/A01XtVOCcAA9MPh.jpg:thumb

Some ending thoughts...
Okay, look up. See all that green up there? That's awesome. I'm not joking, you're well on your way to being a fairly good writer.
NOW, the things that need work:
1) The synopsis is NOT the place for Author's Notes. People are about to read your story and judge it, why would you put it in their heads that it wouldn't be any good before they've even started? A/N goes at the end of the story, or you can hijack your own first comment before you get the story approved and put it there (my personal preference).
2) The characters are all fairly realistic in how they interact, but the pacing makes it seem a bit stilted. Parts of the story race while parts of it drag out, and just in general, what I would say is that it all just needs more detail. Probably somewhere in the neighborhood of another 1000 words would do this story a world of good. That being said, don't get caught up in how long or short your story is. When you've been writing for a little while longer, you'll get a feel for how long it should be before you start, but the correct length is exactly how many words it takes to tell the story well. No more, no less.
3) Here's one example of a problem area:

Despite the fact that they were the only flight team ponies knew of, there were other teams, like The Shadowbolts but nopony ever cared about them, mainly because they only performed in the Everfree forest and they could be quite mean.

Too laconic. That whole "but nopony ever cared about them" part just picks up the reader's immersion and breaks it over its knee. If you're writing a story in that conversational style, then it has to be consistant, but if you aren't then it has no place being there. This trend continues, where comments like that get dropped into what is ostensibly a serious story.
Also, commas are tricky, but if you find yourself a good editor, they can help you get a handle on them. The above sentence, when fixed, reads more like thusly:

Despite the fact that they were the only flight team ponies knew of, there were other teams. The Shadowbolts were one, but nopony ever cared about them; mainly because they only performed in the Everfree forest and they could be quite mean.

See the difference? The way you wrote it implies that ALL the other teams perform only in the Everfree and have bad attitudes. Even when fixed, though, it begs the question: why mention other teams if nopony has ever heard of them?

So, I guess to wrap up, I would go find an editor. There's several forums dedicated to precisely that here in the FiMFiction groups page, and barring all else, there are similar forums around the web that can help. Once you get the nuts-and-bolts of writing nailed down better, you've got some potential there, just keep reading it back to yourself, checking for pacing and emotion.
djotter.blossers.net/TWE%20Badge.png

Som3_Pony

Som3_Pony #3 · Oct 23rd, 2012 · · ·

1487614
Thanks for the suggestion, will do!
1487735
Thank you so much for this! It really helps me to know what I need to change/improve upon.

leafz pegasus

leafz pegasus #4 · Oct 23rd, 2012 · · ·

It appears as though you followed my advice, your story is now in the Spitfire group

Ira

Ira #5 · Oct 23rd, 2012 · · ·

1. Interesting story, I liked it
2. I did not completly read OtterMatts comment so excuse me if things are mentioned again.

To the story itself:
- There are some minor issues with wrong words. While in context it is clear what you want to say they still are a bit confusing. At least they are to me as i am not a native english speaker. I mean stuff like:

If you hadn’t heard of The Wonderbolts then their was something seriously wrong with you.

Sadly, the duo’s performance was coming to an end, but with that end came the finally Spitfire had come to love.

But just a minor issue.
- While the story itself is written quite vivid, the end (especially the last 2-3 paragraphs) seems a bit shallow. It feels like you try to force the story to end there when it would be better to describe the scene/emotions a bit more lenghtly.

Som3_Pony

Som3_Pony #6 · Oct 23rd, 2012 · · ·

1492076
Thanks for the feedback! I agree with you on the ending, should have put more into it.

SolidFire

SolidFire #7 · Apr 16th, 2013 · 1 · ·

This was a great little story. I read this on my I-pod. I really wish that I would stop reading sad stories that have Spitfire die. I love this story though. Great job writing this. I look forward to reading more from you in the future.

Som3_Pony

Som3_Pony #8 · Apr 29th, 2013 · · ·

2436130 Thanks! I never expected anyone to look at this story again I won't be posting anything anytime soon though because I'm in the process of writing a short novel for school but I'll start again when I can!