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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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What do you do while hunkered down for a hurricane? That's right! Write My Little Pony fanfiction! I would have had this up last week, but a final project for class had other ideas.
Now, I do have a question, since this turned in to a much larger chapter than I had ever thought it would be. Too much information? How's the flow? Too long? It certainly feels a bit much when I look at the main story page and see over 14k words in two chapters. How the hell did I write all that?!
I think its lovely, happy the pony finally woke up, the length is great, hope to see the next chapter soon.
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Evil! Evil! Evil cliffhanger!!!!!
Sex mutants! Yiiiiii! th03.deviantart.net/fs71/200H/i/2012/139/f/4/mlp_scooore__by_loceri-d50bu9x.png
Over all everything is looking great, it also has a nice pace and just the right amount of information to keep you interested. I will say I have waited everyday to see this story update, and I am happy that it finally did.
Also know how it is to sit out a hurricane doing it with you right now lol but I get to walk my dogs in it FML.
To be totally honest I can see this story doing grest things, that plus it has so much potential.
To say I am ready for the next chapter is an understatement, I am literaly biting my nails waiting for the next one.
Keep up the good work. 10/10
EDIT: I also like the length of the chapter, you could even make them a little longer if you would like but I believe most people like them in the 7k to 10k range per chapter.
I agree with Derpy Forever, keep up the good work, you got this story down pat!
1529719
I think the length of the chapter was wonderful the way it is, heck you could put more, just try not to pass the 10k words per chapter, after that it kinda becomes a chore to read.
More soon please
1529719
Indeed, very productive use of your time while riding out a hurricane! I always favored bringing out the old game systems myself, at least until the power goes out.
The length of chapters is a bit long, but it fits nicely. It does not feel rushed or stretched in any way, which is why I think you should let the chapter itself decide the length, if that makes sense. When the chapter is over, the word count is whatever it ends up being. I will admit that after recently reading an 18k word chapter, that if the events flow well together, the length definitely does not matter. Now, you might start to scare some people off once you hit the 10k mark, or so some people claim. Pussies. So yeah, this little para has simply been running in cycles with the message being let the events decide the length and don't try to limit yourself to X words per chapter.
And gotta say, excellent job with this chapter. Was hoping to see the initial contact, but instead you left us with a cliffhanger in that regard, which I can promise ipyou is most definitely leaving us all here wanting more for sure. So, looking forward to the next chapter when you find the time to write it.
1530178
Those faces REALLY creep me out. Glad you enjoyed it though!
1530363
Sorry! They've been the most appropriate points so far to take breaks at!
1530525
We're all sex mutants! Ahhhhhhhh!
Someone else gave me the idea, but I'm already having fun noting some of my weirder thoughts and then try to explain the (pseudo-)logic behind them.
1530868>>1531040>>1531396>>1531506
I'm not trying for any particular length, but as I was writing this, and it kept getting longer as I thought up more details, I began to worry about it dragging. She needed to be tended to and I have some pretty specific ideas about her waking up. There was just no better stopping point.
1532105
Nah, it didn't drag one bit. And it seems like you really didn't need any outside opinion on the length either, as you stated what I was trying tovsay while typing in circles. :) Honestly, the word count is one of the last things I look at when I see an update to a story that I'm following. And hope that you're riding out the storm fine up there, typically speaking the East coast isn't built to withstand hurricanes like the Gulf Coast where I'm at. Although the storm earlier this year was kinda fun for only being a Cat 1 with the stalling and what not. So used to them I don't even recall the name of the storm anymore, lol!
1531506 I agree with you on how people will see a 10k word chapter and be like and I qoute " DAAAYYYYUUUUM, to long for me, I'm out!" bunch of Pussies.
1532105 But as long as you stay above the 4k mark you will be fine, but just let the chapter do as it pleases and let its length decide itself.
Trust me you are not draging it out in any way, you are just being decrpitive which adds a nice touch in my book.
And I can't wait for the next one.
Also make sure you eat a muffin a day to keep the parasprites away!
I wanna know more! (of course, everybody does) But yeah, i love long stories, and lng chapters, so keep it up!
I'm really digging this! Please don't make us wait too long for Ch III...
In other words...
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Cliff hanger!! Dx well ok upvote and fave for you :D the pacing is well done the detailing in this story is great and the word count is also a nice touch I love me some long chapters xD longest chapter in a story I've read was 25k :P so this story is over all fantastic I'm fully enjoying this so please keep writing this oh by the way i like the story pic as well you did your own art? :D
Another Cliffhanga'? seriously nigga'?
Please continue!
1532141
I'm fortunate to live several miles inland on the second floor of a brick building built in the 1950s. The only things I worry about are leaky windows and no power. Since neither happened in any great quantity, this hurricane was little more than a free vacation day. I feel a bit bad that others suffered so much and I didn't, but there's very little I can do about that.
Growing up in a 1950s brick house I'm very appreciative of sturdy buildings that aren't mass-produced. They really don't make them like they used to.
1535076
Yay! I'm disruptive! For some reason that makes me all warm and fuzzy.
1536141>>1540342
Sorry! I have a thing for drama... I'm pretty sure the next chapter will be less cliff-hanger-y though.
1541491 hehe can't wait!
1536141
Oh, and yes, that is my own art! I'm just now breaking in to writing, but I've spent a long time drawing. I'm a Jack of All Arts. Except Gouache. And Crochet.
1542510 damn, seems like you did answer my question! XD my bad for the repeat in your blog, i didn't get the notice that you replied again to me.
Anyway, that's pretty cool. I absolutly love the way you've drawn her, resting on his stomach, she seems abit more... real, as well.
Should we expect, maybe a drawn picture of a scene, to a chapter every once in awhile in your story?
I know I would like that very much! :D
More
Okay, this is...really, really good. What can I say that others haven't already? Great pacing that kept me on the edge of my seat waiting to see what'd happen next, enough details to make your main character's little slice of normal life believable without putting me to sleep with them...and all very well-written and eloquent. The entire narrative is just very entertaining, and your premise has me perplexed and intrigued.
I do hope there's going to be more of this. Oh, and as for chapter lengths, I'll say what I've said before on my own and other people's work--back when I started writing someone told me one should never force chapter lengths. Write until you reach what feels like a natural breaking point. Some may be longer, some may be shorter--and well, if it gets way too long you can always go back over it and search for a point somewhere in the middle that you can split it, but honestly, that should only be when you're trying to cram upward of 40 thousand words into one chapter or something. There's no "right" or "wrong" chapter size.
Doesn't hurt that I like big chapters rather than smaller ones.
Well, here's hoping to see more of this soon!
1542510
you did the art for this? damn, you rock at hands and ponies, two things I suck at drawing.
...
might I be able to trouble you for a simple piece of cover art? I can color it myself if that would make it easier for you.
Uhm, anyways, the chapter flowed really well, I feel bad for the poor cat, and I can't wait for the third chapter, because this story appears to hold great promise.
Fair Weather and Open Roads
1542987>>1625085
Hands have always fascinated me, and so I've spent time working on them. There's just so much going on in each one! Wiggles, bends, twists, curls... They're like puzzles that I have to figure out.
And ponies... I'm one of those people who has the mindset that "even imaginary creatures can have realistic anatomy."
Unfortunately I doubt I'll be doing much more artwork for this. The story itself takes up enough of my time, much less the artwork. Plus a job... And class... And volunteering to do art for some very specific people... Sorry!
1615005
I hope to see more of this soon as well! Chapter 3 is taking a lot of work. There's so much to do! And it needs to happen in a sensical fashion.
It's going to be large. (Comparatively)
1629506
sniff... oh well. It was worth a try.
Very well written, believable, credible. Love it so far.
1532105
Remove and change to;
and put at the beginning of next chapter. Good place to stop, and start for that matter, with no "Evil! Evil! Evil cliffhanger!!!!!".
Addendum: I don't mind cliffhangers, this is really just a response to you apologizing about it and implying you saw no other choice. ^^There's^^ another choice! AND DAMN IT WHY CAN'T I MAKE THIS SOUND NOT SNARKY?!!!
Presumably, "human/s" should be "human's".
The sudden present-tense switch here is jarring -- I'd recommend "she must have put it through some sort of iron" to fix it.
"Of a series ribbons" doesn't parse. Did you mean "of a series of ribbons"?
"It had the same sheen that her coat" doesn't parse. It should be either "it had the same sheen that her coat did" or "it had the same sheen as her coat".
Again, the sudden present-tense here is jarring. I'd recommend "The only thing I could compare it to".
Calling it now, her name is Twilight Sunset.
There's no reason to have both a period and a comma inside the quote. If you're going to have just a comma, "though" should be uncapitalized to indicate that it's not starting a new sentence.
Two paragraphs ago Craig said "its eyes are fine", so why is he referring to the pony as a "her" now, especially since he makes a big deal of the protagonist doing so in the next phrase? It seems inconsistent.
"Breathes" is the verb form of the word, so you can't hold your breathe. "Breath" is the noun form.
While it can be correct to put commas or periods inside single quotes like that (as a leftover from the printing-press days when doing so could harm the typesetting), it's never correct to do so with other punctuation (such as the question mark in this case).
"Though" is an interjection, so it should have a comma in front of it.
Same with "unfortunately" -- it should have commas both before and after it.
Craig is probably the perfect embodiment of Brucie from Grand Theft Auto 4.
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My nigga, the story is awesome and all but...when you referred to Celestia as 'pony Jesus' you basically called her 'pony God'. Contradicting what you said about not comparing her to God, the New Testament clearly states multiple times that Jesus is God. Not gonna give ya any beef for it, but the more you know, right?
Also, loving the story.
You sir are about to get fucked up! have fun with that shit man!
Mein Gott. His appearance describes me near-perfectly. Sans ponytail, that is. Also, my middle name just so happens to be Aleksandr.
This funny, insightful, and completely unlike any other HiE story I've ever encountered. Thank you for injecting some much-needed originality and talent into an otherwise tired and cliched sub-genre.
Hue hue hue...this is by far the best pony-on-Earth I've read.
Alexander
I still like this story, but this chapter did drag for me. In particular, it was really frustrating how long these guys took to give the pony medical attention. Helping her really should have been their first priority. Craig is a bit of a jerk, so his reactions are reasonable--I'm glad he went to the store when Alex asked. But he really seemed to fail to appreciate how important the pony's presence was. Alex seemed to appreciate it, but made no effort to explain it. "Dude, you are not taking this seriously enough. An imaginary world, created by humans, is real! Think of how many imaginary worlds we've created! Think of the implications! And you're worried about going to the studio?"
Alex really should contact AzureMare, yes. Telling others at this point is premature--he was right about that. Best case scenario, the pony forgives him and is able to get home on her own, but stays in touch.
4088066
The rest of the story might be slow for you then.
And one thing I've tried to is sometimes leave errors in the character's actions simply because they aren't perfect. What they say isn't always what they intended to. What they do might not be the absolute best because they don't have the luxury that readers do of looking in from the outside and judging whether that action is strictly the best before it's too late to even take it.
I've tried to do a lot with this story and my most consistent complaints have been that it takes quite a while to get anywhere and that the characters can be frustrating. Some of my strongest commenters have claimed that this is a good thing. It's a fine line, and though you may not see it in the story yet, I am working on chapters now with the idea to cut to the chase faster if at all possible.
Lel, no they don't. Although to be far, no one else's would either. Except maybe the Swiss.
Haha, no they wouldn't. At least no more cool than anyone else would be at the prospect of: 'By the way, magic is real, you have based all your science on assumptions sans knowledge of a fundamental aspect and power of the universe and materialism is now demonstrably wrong and nihilism suddenly doesn't seem like such a sure thing. Have fun reassessing popular philosophy and your place in the universe.'
Eh, Westboro Baptist types, sure, but thats a minority of a minority of a minority and relegated to America. The rest would be fine. They wouldn't be so much worried as eager to convert these shiny brand new sapients as well. Don't get me wrong, just because the churches and the religious leaders and thinkers would be cool with it, doesn't mean the people would, since people are irrational, finicky, uneducated dolts who cant tell Descartes from Nietzche or Aristotle from Apache, we'd see good old fashioned mass panic. Because they're not just aliens, they're magic aliens. Emphasis on the magic part. Everyone's worldview has effectively been subjected to a Weird Al video.
Anyway, enjoyed these first two chapters so far, found my way here after reading the description of it on Usurper's userpage.
Series of ribbons
Adjusting; into
Into
There are certainly times to use [in to] as opposed to [into], but not these times I pointed out, and looking back a few more could do with the change.
8073285
While your statement is correct, and admirable in fact: it matters not what you did or did not do, nor whether anything is actually your fault. Fanatics will find an excuse to blame you just so they have someone they can finger-point at to their respective clique. "This so-called evidence was dredged up by THIS man and it is on his shoulders that the blame must fall. Only he, as the perpetrator of this heresy." They will actively find a reason to discredit something, and if they can't then they'll try to make it out to be somehow a falsehood, a trap, or in some other way evil. Welcome to people being people. Get a bunch of 'em together and they can become difficult or impossible to reason with, especially if some aspect of being in the group gives individuals power over others in ANY respect.