The What and Whatiful Who

by cosby7

CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT: . . . Red Herring!

Princess Luna was the warden of Ponyville Penitentiary? That couldn't be right. Could it? Yet, there she was, larger than life and right before their eyes. Of course, upon the Princess's return after a thousand year hiatus, everypony knew that she had been the wicked Nightmare Moon of legend, but it was just as equally well known that she had reformed completely. Over a year had gone by in which the Princess of the Night had returned to the side of her sister Celestia as both fellow monarch and overseer of the day to night cycle. She even made personal appearances!

But that was lifetimes ago, Trixie reminded herself. More than enough time for a pony to change her ways, especially a pony with Princess Luna's history and apparent lifespan. She looked just as young and beautiful as Trixie had ever seen in royal announcements and the like. Now Trixie could see that not only was she still just as youthful as over a thousand years ago, but the papers back then hadn't even done her justice. There were stories of the terrible Nightmare Moon told every Nightmare Night holiday and none of them even remotely resembled the statuesque creature that stood before them with a grin both triumphant and knowing.

“Surprised, my little ponies? You shouldn't be. I am still the rightful ruler of Equestria, after all.” She marched past them, head held high, carrying herself with the practiced grace of centuries. The pretty pony princess soon came to a desk, strewn with books and documents and various sundries, and began to shift them around a bit, busying herself as if Trixie and the Doctor were merely an audience, assembled at her whim. As Trixie took in the room, the desk at first, then a bookshelf, lectern, and the like, she thought it was a kind of study. Then she noticed the enormous window.

It was filled with the flickering picture of the various parts of Ponyville Penitentiary. Some had pictures of a world in the clouds that Trixie assumed to be Skyway Flyway. Others looked to be images of the banished ponies like those she had seen in History Kingdom. There was even one flickering image of the broken remains that had once been Menlo the Mustachioed. Another lectern, or at least something of a similar shape, glowed off to the side of it. None of it was like anything Trixie had ever seen before. None of it, save for that same grey tubing she had seen coming and going when they first left Ponyville, snaking about the room. Obviously, this was where their tormentor had been manipulating them from. The Warden's office. The Warden's control room.

“Are you . . . Nightmare Moon?”

“Why, of course not, dear. I am your Princess. I know you both have come a long way, but surely you could not have forgotten that. Besides,” she winked, she actually winked, like it was all a big joke they shared, “Nightmare Moon only comes back once a year.”

“But . . .” Trixie was beside herself. None of this made any sense. “What happened? To Equestria? To you? Why is this horrible place here? Princess Luna, what has happened to my home?”

“Why, don't you know?” she asked innocently. Every word from her mouth was so uncaring. So without feeling. She was friendly, yes, and that smile had not left her face. But that was all that was there. No sadness in her voice. No pain at the recollection. No remorse for what it had taken them to get there. Not even a villainous gloat at what they had been through. The generous Princess looked more like a mask. “The war, of course. I thought you two had gone through History Kingdom?”

“But I . . . I don't understand,” Trixie stammered in return. “I mean, I know what it said, but it was all a mistake, right? How could a place like this really be in Equestria? Please, Princess, tell us the truth.”

“My sister,” the regal mare replied simply. There was no sorrow to her voice. No anger or contempt and no regret. No emotion. “She went mad with power, as I once did. Built this place, betrayed her students, her kingdom, and this time it was I who was left to stop her. Unfortunately, without the Elements, there was no power strong enough to do something so simple as send her away for a thousand years. War was inevitable. The Penitentiary was my sister's greatest foible on her path to corruption, but she had invested no small number of resources within it. Putting those resources to waste would dishonor the memories of those who fought and died bravely to oppose her. I have done what was necessary to save Equestria.”

“But . . . that can't be.”

“I assure you, child,” There! Briefly, a flash of emotion, “it is.”

“But, Celestia was so good . . . .”

“Are you implying that my sister is beyond reproach, but I am not?” Now the emotion was there and it was there in full force: Anger. “Are you telling me, little mare, that the wicked Nightmare Moon is a matter of accord, but the great and wonderful Celestia turning to wickedness is simply inconceivable?”

“What? No, Princess I—"

“How dare you!” Contempt. “How dare you involve your Princess in such treacherous implications!” Hurt. Mistrust. Rage. Loathing.

“Princess, please! I didn't mean—"

“It is I who has held Equestria together when its former despot chose to abandon and betray it! I who have stayed here these countless years, holding a society together! I who, even now, do what horrible things must be done in the name of progress and survival! It is I, Princess of the Night, devoted, yet reviled, who—"

“Stop!”

With everything that had happened in the last few minutes, the sight of the Princess, the revelation of the room, the cacophony of emotion that came from her words, Trixie had altogether forgotten Doctor Hooves's presence. Until that moment, he had not said a word nor made a move since Princess Luna had revealed herself. Of course, she hadn't considered it before, but it was not like him to make himself so scarcely known. Now that he had finally entered into the fray, Trixie found herself perfectly content to allow him to take the stage and relieve her of their foe's fury.

“Just stop it! Stop tormenting her,” the Doctor spoke to the ebony alicorn, his words unmistakably grave.

“Such impudence!” the Princess retaliated. “How is it that a loathsome cur such as thou thinks himself on the same level of the sole monarch of Equestria!”

“You're overacting now, 'Princess,'” he said, the title dripping with cynicism. “Now, cut it out! This has gone on long enough.”

“Whatever do you mean?” She smirked. All the rage and hurt were gone. Once more she was smiling, pleased enough to play with her toys.

“I'm not quite sure how you did it, not just yet, but there were signs of it from the start, before we ever left. Honestly, I'm impressed.” It was like one of the Doctor's fun, for him at least, lectures combined with one of his 'I'm angry' serious speeches. That was one bit of cognitive dissonance Trixie could have done without just then. “I can't know the whole of it, but it's not like you. This plan was carefully orchestrated over centuries. It's not impulsive, it's not mad . . . well, it's plenty mad, but not in the conventional sense. Frankly, it should have been impossible for you to keep it up this long.”

“Say what you mean, Doctor.”

“What I mean, Princess, Warden, if you like, is that your reality distortion field is showing.” Eyes grew narrow. “You can't hide any longer, draconequus.”

Princess Luna's laughter was loud and full of a sardonic mirth. The wickedness was deafening. And then it wasn't Princess Luna any more.

Trixie did not quite know what to make of what it was. She had some knowledge of various magical creatures in hopes of taming one for an act, but, more often than not, beasts were often too dangerous or too beyond potty-training to bother with. Still, she had heard of many fantastical things in her father's stories and this “draconequus” was certainly not among them. It was definitely a something and, as a matter of fact, that very well may have been the best characterization for the creature ever fathomed. The hodge-podge of a pony princess pretender was part goat, part dragon, part snake, even part pony, with no one feature to call its own. However, none of these things disquieted Trixie as much as one simple thing: It had not stopped laughing.

“Doctor . . . I don't . . .” Trixie was painfully, mercilessly confused. Had the tongue lashing she received mere moments before not been enough, now this whatever it was had appeared and she just didn't . . . “What is that, Doctor Hooves? What about the Princess?”

“It was never the Princess. He's a draconequus. One of the last ones. The draconequus had their own civilization, their own planet, eons ago. But they were too powerful and too unstable for their own good. Wiped out by their own bizarre evolution. Except this one,” he punctuated these last words with a volume meant to drown out the creature's laughter, “seems to have escaped all that and come here.”

“Hee hee hee ho ho, yes, Doctor. We have quite a lot in common, don't we?” the creature finally spoke, his voice taunting through the giggles.

“You and I are nothing alike,” the pony replied as if nothing could be more obvious.

“Hee heh heh, oh, Doctor,” its eyes narrowed into sinister slits and its forked tongue danced behind glistening fangs, “you don't know the half of it.”

“Alright then, giggles,” he said, like a teacher calling out the kid talking in class, “fill us in.”

“Heh heh, dear predictable Doctor. Is this the part where the villain boasts about his evil scheme while you come up with one of you clever little plans?”

“No plans out of me,” Doctor Hooves shrugged innocently. “Plans aren't cool anymore. Ask anypony. It's been a whole thing.”

“Well,” the draconequus chuckled glibly, “one never knows when things will go back in style. Hm hm. If it is all the same to you, I think it might be more fun if you explain things. We all know how much you like to play detective.” He kicked his legs back and off the ground. The rest of him stayed where it was as he now appeared to be laying on a bed of thin air, his chin resting on folded claws. Eyebrows raised expectantly.

“Alright,” Doctor Hooves said reluctantly, his searching look unable to find any physical evidence that he should turn the offer down. He had never met a draconequus face to face, but he had more than enough sources acknowledging their whimsical decisions and mercurial nature. Perhaps that was all this little act was. Even so, he had never felt so hesitant to give an explanation.

A quick glance at Trixie was all he needed before he could proceed. She was clearly frightened and very much confused, but she seemed to be more focused on hiding it all behind that practiced facade of superiority. As long as she was focusing on making sure others knew how great and powerful she was, she wasn't too distraught to function.

“Start with your name then: Discord. That's right, isn't it?”

“Oh, I'll save my commentary for the end. You go on though, and don't be afraid to have fun!” the being of chaos exclaimed with a mid-air twirl. When he rolled back around to face the Doctor once more, he moved his claws to form a square, like he was framing a picture. “Remember: You are the villain explaining your secret plot. Big moment. A~nd . . . action!”

“That was you, back when we left Ponyville,” the Doctor began, trying with all the strength he could muster to keep theatrics to a minimum. He would play this game, but he was not going to enjoy it and he was certainly not going to let his adversary enjoy it. “Something happened, between the past, the present, and the future, all at once, a surge in your power combined with some sort of localized paradox—"

“Ooh, I love it when he starts technobabbling, don't you?” Discord had elongated his upper torso over to Trixie and was in the middle of elbowing her side conspiratorially. Trixie reared back and looked at the unwanted thing like he had just offered her a lobotomy. Discord didn't seem to notice.

“Oi! If you want me to do this, then shut up and let me do it!”

Discord's torso snapped back to the rest of his body like a rubber band and a zipper appeared around his mouth. It was promptly zipped.

“That's better! Right then, where was I, don't tell me, localized paradox, on our way. You sent Menlo into the past, from the future, to destroy the Elements. That caused a problem. Was it enough to free you on its own? Yes. But no. We stopped it, changed things.” By this point he was pacing, falling into the lull of the mystery quicker than he realized or wanted to. “Course, we wouldn't have gone if it hadn't happened in the first place. Paradox? No, it was sustained. So there was something else . . . .”

His eyes met Discord's. He knew. Damn it all, he knew there was something that Hooves was missing. Some piece of the puzzle that had yet to make itself obvious. This was what Discord wanted: To find out what the Doctor had figured out of his plan and to torment him with what he did not. It was all part of the plan. That meant there was something personal in all this. That had to be it. But what? Why? Unfortunately, there was no downtime just then. If he was going to play the game, then he would just have to make sure to figure out the rules as he went. Geronimo.

“Once you were free, it was just a matter of doing what a draconequus always does: Create chaos. A surprisingly controlled kind of chaos, but chaos nonetheless. Did you manipulate Celestia or just capture and impersonate her? Either way, you knew turning Equestria's beloved leader against her own kingdom would be infinitely more catastrophic than an outside threat. Found a new way to get the Elements of Harmony out of the way and out of balance. Those were friends of mine, by the way, don't think I'll forgive that. So you split the kingdom, the entire land, and force it into war. Not even war. An experiment. To see how much you could get away with before anypony noticed. How many did, I wonder? How many loyal soldiers did you have to put down yourself?” If Discord's face were a cat, it would have no idea what canary it was being asked about. No, seriously. What canary? “Then, at some point during all the pointless fighting, you switched over to Luna. Sole heir and true ruler of a new Equestria! Real Luna joins her sister in death, torture, whatever prison you made for them, and nopony is the wiser. War changed things. Changed the Princess, changed the kingdom. More changes. More and more and more. Until Equestria is gone and all that's left is this madhouse of yours.”

So many poor disturbed ponies. So many experimented on and destroyed. “Or maybe it's more of a laboratory.” So many manipulated. “Or!” So many forced to act against their will. “Maybe!” Forced to mine and build. “A power generator!” That was it! “All that gemstone and crystal! It is! It's an energy converter. You brought the ponies here to torture them, sure. To control and destroy them. But we saw that mine. Some were workers. Miners. Builders. Maybe even before the war. This whole castle is built to amplify and control unicorn energy. That much power, combined with the physiology of a draconequus, you could . . . .”

“Do just about anything I want,” Discord chimed in. “Sorry. You were doing such a good job of making it look fun that I just couldn't hold myself back any longer. Watching those wheels turn is almost better than watching inmates find out the Sizzling Strip of Summer is just a big pit of fire. I'll bet you've even figured out just what sort of magic my little pet project is powered by.”

Doctor Hooves glared at him. “I can guess.”

“Hm hm, no need for that. I'll show you. I even have a new generator I can show off. Ordered it a long time ago, but it's finally here. You know how those long distance postal services can be.” Discord blinked out of existence for the briefest instant, only to reappear behind Trixie and the Doctor, his arms outstretched to usher them onward. “Besides,” he continued, his voice an arrogant whisper, “I know you still need time to suss out that last niggling little mystery. Don't worry, Doctor, you'll feel like a fool when you finally figure it out. I guarantee it.”