• Member Since 26th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Moofrog 3


I like all thing MLP and kirby. Otherwise I don't really like to talk about myself much.

T
Source

When the powerful NOVA completes a wish long in the running, the home universes of Popstar and Equestria are made into one the ponys find their homes infested by a wide array of strange creatures. How will the ponys adapt to their new neighbors, how will the civilizations of dreamland deal with these new arrivals, and how will both sides react to the return of enemy's long thought vanquished?

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 12 )

"The ponys, the drea-"
NO! YOU encyklopedia.szczecin.pl/images/thumb/8/8a/200px-STOP_nuvola.svg.png/120px-200px-STOP_nuvola.svg.png RIGHT THERE!

*puts on a hat that says: "Official TWE Nitpicker"*

'Ponies' is NOT the same as 'ponys,' seeing as 'ponys' isn't even a word. Please correct that. It bothers me to no end.

There's a lot of little grammar mistakes here.

"What's going on here you sound like you're

"What's going on in here?" is a full question. Cut it off as such.

Get back hear you good

'here,' not 'hear.' The Auditory sense has nothing to do with that.

brings all you gals hear?"

Again, 'here.' Not 'hear.'

Oh poor Opel she tried

'Opal' "Oh, poor Opal!/, she tried"

was attack by a giant flying one eyed cat

'attacked' 'giant, *(COMMA.)*' 'one-eyed'

Well we haven't

'Well, we haven't' COMMAS. USE THEM.

"Well I happened to have run into a nasty little thief stealing from my farm, so it looks like we all got some issue."

This sentence seems very OOC for Applejack. She's a cowpony, not an upstanding Englishpony. Try: 'Well, ah happn'd t'have run intah a nasty li'l thief stealin' from mah farm, so it looks like we all got some issue." Speak it like a cowpony.

floor felt hard yet strong and

'floor felt hard, yet strong, and' I'm getting you a big bag of commas for Hearths-warming.

It's starting to seem that you might need lessons on how to use a comma.

I DO appreciate the way you start a new paragraph for every new speaker, and seem to have spelling down pat. Grammar could use a bit of work.

You get the gist of things. Get an editor and everything should turn out okay.


AS FAR AS THE STORYLINE GOES, you oughta slow down and describe things out the way one would describe something to a blind pony. Sure, most of us know what the characters/places/enemies look like, but you still oughta describe them for sake of a good story!

Tell the readers the emotional cues on a face, in body language, or whatever! Let us know what's happening around the characters in the environment! Is it dusty? Is it raining? Is everypony wet? Describe things out so we can get a better picture.

/HyperRandomness, Official TWE Nitpicker and general video game player.

"Oh poor Opel she tried to stop them, but those rotten little things were throwing bombs at her."

1442605

Well I used to have an editor, but I haven't been able to get in contact, so I've been having to check over my fics myself recently. Its actually kind of annoying really.

best fanfic ever no other fanfic's gonna be my fave

Great story i'm looking forward to when King Dedede meet's the rulers of Equestria.

Finaly anoter Kirby crossover for my comunity. And it look's very promising.

1447996
Well I'll say the penguin king would have a few surprises to pull out in any meeting. The guy may not actually do much, but their is a reason he has managed to keep his position as the closest thing their is to authority.

1448242
Well Kirby can be a very scary guy when irritated.

I also like to call the Waddle Dee from RTDL Bandana Dee.

1451962
unfortunatley for him, if he tries to pull anything funny on celestia and luna, he can kiss his ass, and his hammer goodbye!

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