I'm not a brony, I'm not even a fan of the show, I just think the show is okay, so don't expect any stupid memes from me, cause I don't like them. I make a great introduction don't I?
While running through Green Hill Zone, Sonic and his friends are sent into Equestria thanks to another scheme by Eggman. There he meets the bearers of the Elements of Harmony, and with their help, as well as his own friends, Sonic will have to stop Eggman's schemes yet again.
But what will happen when the seven Chaos Emeralds, objects of pure chaos, are brought into this world? Will Equestria be torn by uncontrollable chaos? Only time will tell.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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No.
Heed this advice.
I wrote a Sonic-crossover as well, in fact our openings a a tad similar, with Twilight and Pinkie.
But here's a few tips.
1. Don't rush (no pun intended). What you have so far could fit onto 1 single chapter,a nd if you slow it down, you have space for development.
2. New paragraph every time someone new speaks. So this;
"Hahahahaha!" Eggman chortled. "What's so funny Eggman? Thought of another evil plan for me to foil?" Sonic taunted. "You're half right my spiky friend. It is another one of my ingenious plans, but this time..." started Eggman before Sonic cut in, "'This time it'll work, and finally me and my mustache will win.'" "Hmph!" Eggman bristled at this mocking of his genious, "You won't be so cocky when I show you what it is!" "Really Eggman? You're going to tell me the plan from the beginning? And I thought I was impatient." Sonic chuckled. "Who said anything about telling you? I'll show you what it is right now!" said Eggman.
Becomes this;
"Hahahahaha!" Eggman chortled.
"What's so funny Eggman? Thought of another evil plan for me to foil?" Sonic taunted.
"You're half right my spiky friend. It is another one of my ingenious plans, but this time..." started Eggman before Sonic cut in.
"'This time it'll work, and finally me and my mustache will win.'"
"Hmph!" Eggman bristled at this mocking of his genious, "You won't be so cocky when I show you what it is!"
"Really Eggman? You're going to tell me the plan from the beginning? And I thought I was impatient." Sonic chuckled.
"Who said anything about telling you? I'll show you what it is right now!" said Eggman.
Easier on the eyes.
And finally 3. This is more personal advice I adjusted to. Give each new character introduced some breathing room. Give some detail, character development and thoughts. Again, it makes it easier.
Good Luck.
1428255
Thanks for the advice. This is my first time writing something like this, and this will definitely help. I'll get to work on editing this right now.
NO. BAD.
i.chzbgr.com/completestore/12/10/11/9Xxq9R2zJUqlcDc_SgGWcQ2.gif
I've read a sonic crossover before and it was pretty bad. This... well, it's better, but I don't like the idea.
Like 1428255 said, slowing down would be nice.
Take things into detail and describe them out to the reader. Facial expressions, bodily movements and expressions, undescribed objects and environmental happenings should all be described as they occur.
Grammar is nice, pacing is okay, storyline is pretty good, chapter length is.. acceptable, and now we get to one of my personal peeves.
Automatic meeting of the Mane 6 first.
GHH.
I really don't like it when writers do that, regardless of the story. Can you include a side-character first? It really bothers me when the Mane 6 are the first on the scene, regardless of the number of ponies anywhere else.
Also, when this happens:
Wouldn't he use the catch phrase: "Sonic's the name, speed's my game!" and then say something witty about his opponent?
That seems more fitting of his character.
Other than that, it's an alright story... for now. We'll see how it turns out later.
1434559
Gods damnit, every once in a while I see something that makes me want to watch the remake.
And then I forget. Don't let me ;~;
1434575
Hey Crazy.
Watch the remake.
1434559
Sorry.
The main reasons for why this isn't as good as is should be is because 1: I haven't written a fanfic before, so, there's that. And 2: I haven't read that much fanfiction before, so I'm pretty much unknown to any possible cliches.
You know what they say though, it takes time to get better, and I'm pretty sure that the story will get better the farther into the story I get.
Thank you for the advice.
1434620
Good to know it's your first fic!
Still not taking it any easier.
Just keep practicing and you'll get good in no time. Until then, I'll be keeping a wary eye!
Wasn't there a blight of Sonic Crossovers a few months back? Maybe a year? Not that I'm passing judgement of any kind here. I've never been particular to sonic, and having not read this I will not say anything for or against the story.
Unit 02 axe kicking a plane...isn't as bad as unit 02 taking out a line of tanks with a battle-freaking-ship, if you want to see it that way.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Derpy_Hooves.png
1434575
The remake is actually pretty good.
I'm all for the original but when I saw they were redoing it as a series of movies I was immediately invested. Just waiting for 3.33 to come out.
1434620
Never, ever, ever, ever use that as an excuse. Ever.
hey, look at my first fic, not good. so much hate. i say deal with to other people who don't like it
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It's a sonic fic....so....GOTTA GO FASTE!
Aigh't. Since I'm in a lazy mood, I will do an incredibly short review.
This fanfic is the fastest thing alive. And that's not a good thing. Make it paced, also ,make the Mane Six be more cautious rather then: "OH , HEY, IT TALKS. IT SAID IT'S NAME AND I DON'T CARE IF RAINBOW DASH IS NOT HURT OR NOT, GUESS I'LL JUST DO MY FRIENDLY INTRODUCTION AND CRITICIZE IT'S SHOES. ALSO ,HIS INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS MAGICAL SURGE IS SOOOOO LAST YEAR, TIME TO TEACH HIM WHAT FASHION IS."
Rule Number One of Fan Fics - Rarity is not a fucking dumbass that only cares about fashion. She's got a IQ ,ya know.
But all and all, you have to improve....ALOT.
-ohmy, professional asshole and
criticfaggot.no shadow
1537010
No Shadow yet, at least.
THIS. IS. ..... Awesome! I liek dis!
Why so many dislikes
1445065 dude you know this is his first fic and he hasn't read much fics so be a little lighter on him
I love it
Y u no update this epic fic of awesomeness
interesting go on
This chp was nice. Though could you please update soon.
1804685
Wish granted.
GOTTA GO FAST
1912837
ROLLIN' AROUND AT THE SPEED OF SOUND!
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Orlo! I give u random emerald cause i da bad guy!
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There is too much LAWL to go around!
dont be bothered by all the dislikes. there are people that actually like this, like me
Continue this story
2649401
I don't mind the dislikes, or any of that. I just write this when I have nothing to do, and I actually remember this. Honestly, the only reason the next chapter isn't finished is because I literally forgot about writing it. Sorry about that, but I am happy that you like this, and I'll try to write some more very soon.
1601663 because those who dislikes this story is probably hates sonic
Is this seris canceled
2203276
Perfect
Sonic sleeps in tree limbs and on rooftops not in beds
5560939
Hope not
Where's Cubot?
Dang it rarity you should know better