Hi! Writing is kind of my thing. Besides MLP, I like LOST, The Office, LoK/ATLA, Once Upon A Time, Gravity Falls, and House of Anubis! I also love the Percy Jackson series.
Merry May's life has always been dull and repetitive, she's stuck doing work she hates. Her only joy is in the stars, but even they can't fix her. So when Star Hunter, a stallion willing to help and love her, comes along, she finds it hard to resist.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hey everypony! This is the first chapter of my first MLP Fanfiction, Look to the Stars!
I started this story in March, 2012 and completed it in Mid-September. My lovely Pre-Reader, Starfall has informed me that I am okay to start posting chapters, and as soon as he's done editing a chapter, it will be posted.
There are so many people I need to thank. My mother, for dealing with all my "Leave me alone I'm writing right now" moments, my Best Friend MartyMurray for all her support, my Pre-Reader, Starfall, and dozens of random people that graced me with their inspiring fanart and music.
Thanks so much for reading! I hope to update ASAP.
It's great to see this up!
I really need the 2nd chapter!!! I like your story a lot!
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Thanks so much!
This story is off to great start! Keep it up!
i have no idea how it ends. nope. not at all. don't ask me.
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Don't you DARE spoil anything for ANYONE.
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DUN DUN DUN
Hey guys! Couple notes about this chapter.
-This scene is not the scene from the cover photo. You'll know when that is.
-Sorry about the cheesy emotionally scarring back-story. It's kind of needed for the story to progress.
Thanks to everyone whose been reading and following the story so far. It really means so much to me.
-Ginger
Yes! New chapter! Cute little Merry Hunter.
HHHHNNNNNNNGGGGG!
Instant diabetus.
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So, did you like it?
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It needs flesh, this story of skin and bones. But yes, I did. It's... nice.
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It gets a lot better, just keep reading. I kind of hate it at this point too.
Sorry for the delay!
WOOO YES! its been forever since i been on this website. at least i can read more! YEEPEE!
keep going with the story gingerluna!
its great!
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Thanks so much! The compliment means a lot.
cdn.derpiboo.ru/media/BAhbBlsHOgZmSSJBMjAxMi8wOS8wNy8xNF80N18xNF81MzhfOTE5NjVfX1VOT1BUX19zYWZlX3ByaW5jZXNzX2NlbGVzdGlhBjoGRVQ/91965__safe_princess-celestia_parody_phoenix-wright_artist-dethlunchies_objection.jpg.jpg
That character is an OC, not an 'Other'
Fix it
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Actually, Merry May and Star Hunter are both background ponies.
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors by your co-founder vren55, I've read up to around chapter 2 at this point and I am nodding in approval.
Name of Story: Look to the Stars
Grammar score out of 10: 8, very good for a grade seven or 13 year old
Pros (list three pros)
The writing style is very natural, although simple. Which means that you have a good idea for the pacing of the story as well as the flow (though sometimes it seems a little rushed).
The Romance is sweet. Its not a very very complex story, but it doesn't have to be. The characters have a few secrets and some barriers, but you aren't tearing everybody up over this, which is good for it's genre.
Additionally, the characters are interesting. Having chosen two completely obscure background ponies, you have a lot of leeway and you are using it well.
Cons
Due to probably lack of experience, I think your descriptions need to be more descriptive. This will improve the flow, and pace out the story better.
Additionally, I do have trouble figuring out who is speaking. Some lines in italics denoting the speaker of the paragraph would prove very useful.
Notes Section
lets take a look and you show some promise. The story, while simple, is original, sweet, and while you do have some issues, these are more from lack of experience than anything and I congratulate you on a good first story. keep it up! As to how to correct your issues, simple, read. At your level, I recommend books such as Eragon, Harry Potter, The Warriors series, Guardians of Ga'hoole, Redwall, Uglies series, to name a few major ones. Harry Potter and Eragon will especially help in the world building description aspect of things.
As group co-founder, I try to pay extra close attention to our younger members so that their talent will be able to improve since they've actually go the time and promise to do so. hence, when I saw your intro in the forums, I went
Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story/ this story: Canterlot: Her Creation and Her Architects Don't need to read the whole thing.
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Thanks for the review. I've read all the Harry Potter books, outgrew Warriors and Guardians of Ga'hoole years ago, and got bored halfway through Eragon and Redwall. Never heard of the Uglies series though.
Yeah, I understand a bunch of these issues. This story was written almost a year ago, and it's just being edited and posted slowly in chapters. A better example of my writing would be "Dash of Loyalty".
Thanks so much for your kind words. I'll definitely check out your story.
An update as soon as I read it, wow. Never happened to me before.
Not bad story though
An update as soon as I read it, wow. Never happened to me before.
Not bad story though
2144354
Thanks a lot! It's just starting to get good. The whole things already written, it's just being edited. Though a better sample of my writing is "Dash of Loyalty".
Merry May is my FAVORITE BG pony in the show! I'm so glad she's noticed by other people other than me! :D If more of the fandom keeps this up, hopefully DHX will finally give her dialogue on the show!