This story is set befor the Discord episode of season 3, don't expect to see Discord or alicorn Twilight!
The royal sisters have vanished.
A new ruling class has formed. Concentraiting the wealth of Equestria in their own hooves they leave nothing for the common pony.
Accused for murdering the princesses, Shining Armor sits in the royal dungeons, where he waits for his own end to come.
But when he is offered the powers he needs to take revenge, a decision is his to take.
One that could change more than just his life.
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The first chapter is still gruesome to read, someday I'll rewrite it. Until then, please don't let it scare you away.
This is my first attempt in writing fanfiction.
Don't hold back with (productive) critique.
Also you won't need any knowledge of Dishonored to enjoy this story, believe me.
The first Chapter is unedited, don't worry the next will be. I hope I can post something on regular basis but I'm just beginning after all.
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Chapter 1 is now edited
Finally a Dishonored Fan-fic.
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/22267957.jpg
1460517
1460073
You two should realy not hype my story right now.
I've only written one chapter and after all this is my first attempt in writing fanfiction.
Still thanks.
1466671
OK, I realy had not thought that the first chapter would have souch an impact on someone.
Don't worry I'll (hopefully) won't take to long to write the next chapter
I haven`t played dishonored yet, but i nonetheless like this. Good story.
Have a stache
1468900
Thanks
And don't worry there won't be any part where one would need to know the game.
To be exact, I've begun writing on this befor I had played the game.
Hi! I read your story.
Let me start by saying that I think the premise you're going with has a great deal of potential, and could be extremely interesting.
However, I have to point out a few things that detracted from the enjoyment of your story.
You need to work on paragraph breaks. Keep them consistent - throughout your story, you switched back and forth between having and not having a line between paragraphs. From a stylistic point of view, this is very distracting and can make it hard to read.
There were a multitude of small spelling, grammar, and syntax mistakes which also caused me to stumble over many sentences. I would recommend you contact someone to be your editor or prereader, as these mistakes can have a very big detriment on how well your story is enjoyed.
Another thing that's a bit less tangible is your writer's voice. I don't know how to describe it except to say that your descriptive segments are a little lackluster, and start to feel repetitive after about five paragraphs.
Again, I want to stress that your premise is quite intriguing, and definitely not a commonly touched-on idea by any means. I see great potential in this piece, if you can just iron out the wrinkles.
I hope this helps!
CoAlFire
2103213
First off thanks for the honest opinion.
The first chapter was written befor I got a prereader, now I have one. Therefor the second chapter will be better, as soon as got it edited(it is suprisingly hard to rework a chapter without meking it feel 'wrong').
I won't edit this first chapter agein, but I hope to realease the next chaptrer soon and if I can trust my prereader it is definetly better than the first one.
And of cause again thanks for your opinon.
2103243 I know how you feel. Writing is easy, editing is the hard part.
When you have to take a scene you really love and patch over your errors, it can feel a little like you're cutting into yourself and taking big chunks out. Painful, and you really don't want to do it.
You have a good core here, you just need to give it the shine and polish.
2103257
Will do.
so the outsider gave shining awesome powers and bladed wings
nice
but could you explain which powers he got, i am just curious
2163553
It is not always as it seems. This is not a typical crossover where I drag together parts of two realities. I've builded the story from nothing, you won't just see something that is from Dunwall.
And for the powers, abilities and powers will be revealed in time. If I would just tell them here in the comments I would spoiler my own story. The only thing I can say here is that aside of what you've already seen there will be abilities that were at least not like this in Dishonored and maybe evenm some new.
To be exact I had planned to reveal a bit about Shining's new life soon. If you want further information you'll have to PM me abut it, but even there I won't spoiler anything about the story. If you want to find out everything you'll have to read the story, or you'll have at least to wait until I've already published the chapters where the facts are revealed.
long comment is long
Huh. I was kinda expecting for Silverbolt to be the main antagonist. You sure had me fooled
So will there be a group that helps Shining Armor in here, or is he on his own? Either way, I'd like to see more of this story.
2407332
Most of this will be answered in the next chapter, as soon as I get to write the rest of it.
I'm still not used to writing and right now I have a writers block.