• Member Since 10th Oct, 2012
  • offline last seen Apr 10th, 2019

CrimsonWriter7777


E

It has often been said that heroes come from humble beginnings, and while I certainly am not one prone to such stereotypes, events that have occurred as of late have convinced me to think otherwise. I feel myself compelled to write the story I am about to tell now, lest the details fade from memory now in the wake of the cataclysm that looms on the horizon. It is a tale of a hero who, indeed, came from a quite normal walk of life, though he was always surrounded by the extraordinary. He has come so far since then. He has endured, suffered, and journeyed long and far; even now his journey takes him to a destiny unknown to even myself.
But I digress.
Here is recorded the story of a hero, one who has faced adversity, suffered loss, looked death in the eye on numerous occasions; here is recorded his beginnings as the assistant of one of the most, if not the most, famous unicorn in all of Equestria. His discovery of his heritage, his convictions and his struggles; good times and bad are all here for any who read this to see.
This is the story of Spike the dragon, from its quiet beginnings to the events of the present in which I write these very words.
~Unknown Author

Note from the Author:
Hey guys! This is my first story. Criticism is accepted and wanted, all I ask is that you keep it civil. I'll most likely be adding categories as I go on, considering there's so many this could go under that I'm not sure which ones to put, but I'll start it with adventure. There will be romance (though I'm not saying between who yet) and there will be more characters involved than just the ones already tagged. Just thought I'd get all that out there. Enjoy! Comments much appreciated!

*Note 2: Rating is "Everyone" until I get going more on the main plot. Not sure how graphic this will actaully get, but it'll definitely NOT be mature.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 7 )

First chapter, and it's obviously a rather slow start. I feel like I crammed a little too much exposition and such, what with describing Spike's changes, and that I should probably introduce them more slowly as the story goes on. :applejackunsure: I'll go back and edit later on, but it's rather late, so sleep is a necessity. Hope you enjoyed the first chapter! Remember to leave a comment; your impressions, criticism and feedback are all valued and appreciated! :pinkiehappy: Just no flames.

I like the idea with the description of Spike for you may say something latter on about his height or something like that and others may think he is still the baby dragon not an child:derpytongue2: but one thing if you say he is a teen I will scream for no one can go from baby to teen in three years!!

1422485 Yea, when I read it over, I was actually slapping myself, because I meant to put 13 years xD. I gotta go in and edit that. Thanks for the feedback!:pinkiehappy:

Personally, I don't know why you thought very badly about it. Honestly, it felt like a really good setup. It showed the Spike was a little unhappy with his life when he was all grown up, it showed how much Spike had grown, and did all of it within the course of a brief amount of time. It was really good.

There were some little things that I thought were wonky. We know Ponyville's disposition for chaos and disorder, with giant monster attacks and things like that. You don't need to dedicate that first paragraph to list the town's oddities and whatnot. Things like that aren't relative to the story... yet, at least.

Also, little words were wrong here and there. "Ben" when it should have been "Been" in "he decided to push a question that had ben on his mind for a good couple months". Also, while I wish I could write dialogue this well, some of it could stand punctuation.

“Hey, no problem Twi. C’mon, I know how you get by now!” and “Chill, Twi. I’m teasing ya."

And one last little thing. It's a Tuesday, yes? But Spike says “We re-shelved all this last Friday! Three days ago!” I'm no math major, never claimed to be any good at it, but isn't it four days?

Again, little thing, really.

Anyway, don't know why you don't like it, because I would love to see where it's going. Color me hooked and keep up the good work!

1570188 Thanks man! I coulda swore I went through and grammar checked it all, but hey no one's perfect :derpytongue2: And I dunno, I honestly just think it sounded a little...juvenile when I went through it again, but I guess its better than I think it is.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I FREAKING FORGOT ABOUT MONDAY. DERP.
Anywho, thanks for the feedback! Y'all come back for the next chapter too, I'd very much appreciate it!:ajsmug:

When it will out more?

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