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Integral Archer

Joined October 2012
138 followers

Stories (5)

  • Subjunctive
    In this romance of language and culture, a changeling linguist struggles to salvage what remains of the failed invasion of Canterlot with only himself, his words, and his deception as his weapons.

    83,315 words · 2,007 views · 148 likes · 6 dislikes
  • And I Asked Why
    They said I was the Element of Loyalty, but to whom and to what do my loyalties lie?
    21,134 words · 9,772 views · 880 likes · 80 dislikes
  • Ordo ab Chao
    The United Republic of Equestria is electing again; a draconequus finds himself in the spotlight.
    103,560 words · 908 views · 49 likes · 6 dislikes
  • Blank Slate
    Littlepip has always felt a complete disconnect between her thoughts and her environment. When a strange encounter in the basement churns up her thoughts, she reaches out for support. But whom to trust? Based on the Fallout: Equestria universe.
    69,585 words · 428 views · 30 likes · 5 dislikes
  • Aureax Ferri
    28,298 words · 147 views · 7 likes · 2 dislikes

One hundred eighty years before the first Nightmare Moon incident, the United Republic of Equestria is ruled by two prevailing parties and simply switches hooves between them every few years, as the citizens get more impatient and indecisive.

In the midst of the worst depression in Equestrian history, an egregious scandal befalls the United Party when the president of the country is found guilty at her trial following her impeachment, obliterating her and her party, and cementing any future victories of the Royal Party and their leader Princess Celestia.

Out of apathy, the United Party chooses Disce Cordis as their new leader�a strange draconequus with a piercing stare, an odd accent, and who can't even pronounce his opponent's name properly. He appears innocuous and ineffectual enough; but as his campaign goes on and he starts to gain more popularity, his strange speech and manner makes the citizens of Equestria suspect that, perhaps, the welfare of the Union isn't what is first and foremost in his mind.

First Published
15th Oct 2012
Last Modified
30th Nov 2012

Comments ( 49 )

#1 · Chapter 2 · 92w, 6d ago · · ·

Congrats on using valid Latin :)

#2 · Chapter 2 · 92w, 6d ago · · ·

The story is very irregularly structured, and the prologue spends too much time on dialog from characters who are long dead by the time of the main story.  The prologue should have been only a historical summary of critical events leading up to the present, instead of pointlessly verbose dialog from characters who in the space of half an hour manage to come up with a republic... a rather unbelievable set-up given that their previous 'government' was virtually a feudalistic society.  

Also, the first chapter's worth of events feel exceedingly rushed, reading like a very artificial set up to bring Discord into play.  I am also finding a depression hard to swallow given Equestria's enormous supply of resources and land, not to mention that most of the population lives in small towns and farms.  Depressions have very little effects on the majority of the population.  Plus, unless they have a stock-market based economy, money is based entirely on metal values which tend to be very steady in simple economies, making depressions impossible.  

There is not enough basis in the society as presented to justify the events, and hence the framework is very frail.

#3 · Chapter 1 · 92w, 6d ago · · ·

Though I am skeptical of the ability for one to simply announce a republic whilst still under the previous influence of serfdom and militaristic prowess, I can safely say that this story suspended my previous beliefs enough to believe that what transpired here could have occurred in reality.

Bravo, sir or madam. You have created an inspiring and believable piece of work, grammatically correct and as fluid as the clearest stream.

My only annoyance is the lack of yet more to read beyond this and the second chapter.

Also, as is necessary per the traditions of the internet, I claim my spot as first and foremost comment on this piece.

#4 · Chapter 2 · 92w, 6d ago · · ·

>>1433758

I can agree that the premise is unbelievable. But so too is the premise that ponies can talk, be in prismatic colors, and form any form of government.

Also, it is not impossible to believe that, given the poor conditions of their previous society, the gentry and their leaders would propose a balance of powers amongst themselves. There is a reason why Clover the Clever is so aptly named, and her recommendation further fits the element of harmony amongst ponies. What could be better than having a people so believing in friendship to vest power in their public? It makes sense, at least to me.

Furthermore, your opinions should be stated as such: opinions. A Prologue is set up as a prelude to further events, and the way the author presents it, I feel, is a very nice transition from show cannon to the fictional world presented. The dialogue is used a a relating point between the reader and the characters, and considering their prominence in beginning the first Republic in Equestria, I'd say it warrants a significant amount of dialogue between the characters. You should not confuse objectivity with subjectivity. It is a very grave mistake.

Lastly, the definition of a depression is as thus: a sustained,  long-term downturn of economic activity in one or more economies. Given that the gentry of the previous pony society had virtually no money, nor food to barter with, their was a significant lack of economic activity in the artisanry and agricultural (given the constant snowstorm). A metal-based economy is also prone to depression, as is evidenced by the American Economy: nearly every 20 years after the founding of the USA, there has been an economic depression, up until the gold standard was removed. And what is to say their economy is not based stock-based? Clearly the trading of interests in businesses is one that develops out of capitalism, which is not based on what the value of one's money is based on.

Try to not piss people off with faulty information. It does not bode well, for either yourself or others. Do try to enjoy fanfiction for what it is: fictional accounts of fantastical characters.

#5 · Chapter 2 · 92w, 6d ago · · ·

>>1433840  Those depressions were based on the fact that there WAS A STOCK MARKET!!!  The metal-based economies pre-stock market era did not have depressions.  They were only depressed when the royalty spent the entire treasury on wars and bankrupted itself.  In fact, markets based entirely on metals and products which can be sold or bartered are exceedingly stable.  They don't grow very fast, but neither are they subject to crashes.  

Note that in those early crashes, the effects almost entirely hit the city-dwellers.  Farmers and simple tradesmen away from urban areas hardly noticed their effects.  

My point in the prologue is that Clover instantly came up with modern terminology that didn't exist in their time.  Cleverness aside, one does not develop the precepts for a government out of nowhere in vacuum.  The ponies were simply throwing out terms that they should hardly have been aware of, such as anarchism as a form of government.  That is a VERY modern concept and does not at all fit into Equestrian history.

This alternate history, forming a republic, introducing political parties and the Princess as a candidate, is so different it should probably be an alternate universe.  

#6 · Chapter 2 · 92w, 6d ago · · ·

>>1433970

You didn't read the definition of an economic depression, did you? I even posted it for you, as a reference.

Next thing you'll be telling me is that their weren't economies prior to stock markets. Let me enlighten you:

Let's say I'm one of many poor farmers. I don't have any money. It's a gold-based economy.

All set? Good. Now, since I'm poor, it's not too much of a stretch that I don't have gold to buy things. I can;t barter because I grow barely enough to sustain myself. As a major consumer incapable of consuming, I don't contribute to an economy. Multiply this by your general population. Boom. Depression. No economic activity at all. No stock markets either.

Also, when you say "barely noticed their effects" you mean that they were so poor throughout multiple generations that they had come to accept the fact that economic depression was just another facet of their lives, yes? I'm pretty sure you can see this as being true.

Furthermore, stocks are a good as well: they represent vested interest in a company and its products. Since stocks are a good, they can't be the cause of depressions because depressions are based on the lack of the transference of goods.

Now let's get back to your point on Equestrian history.

You do know this is fanfiction, right? It is not necessarily accurate. Moreover the concept of the republic has been mentioned by some of the greatest minds of our time since the Pre-Christ era. You are familiar with the Republic of Athens, yes? Forming groups based on shared interests is also not a hard thing to conceive of. Ergo, forming parties is rather simplistic while in a republic.

You seem to be underestimating the intelligence of our ancestors. That is a grave misconception as well.

#7 · Chapter 2 · 92w, 6d ago · · ·

I'm not going to involve myself in the argument above, but I think that, while a politically-focused story is a breath of fresh air on this site, the execution and structuring on this one are a bit iffy. The second chapter jumps from what is basically a newly post-feudal society to something similar to a modern society; all the while, Celestia and Discord already exist. That's it? One party just happens to have the goddess of the sun as their leader, and the other happens to elect the only draconequus on the planet, and the one that turns out to be the spirit of chaos incarnate? They just are, no origin story? Discord even has a house?

While the canon characters seen so far don't have a whole lot in the way of developed personalities, I still felt as if the characterization was off at times. Personally, I don't think Discord would or could be as seemingly tame as he is now, and the original founders in their meeting were far more accommodating for each other - allowing them to form their new government in one chapter rather than having tension/conflict and extending it to two. I'm not sure if that's for the better, though, since it could easily have dragged on if you expanded that.

The economics bit felt weak as well, like it's just a recap of what went on or what is going on in the real world. Like I said about the time gap between the chapters, it sounds like Equestria is as technologically advanced as 1930s America or something.

#8 · Chapter 2 · 92w, 5d ago · · ·

How does this thing get on EQD and mine don't?

#9 · Chapter 2 · 92w, 5d ago · · ·

>>1434140  Not all farmers were poor.  It all depended on the aristocracy in charge.  Much of the poverty came about due to the selfish rulers stripping the resources from the populace.  

In less corrupt times of societies, farmers did quite well for themselves.  The difficulty is finding those times in the history books, because most focus only on the majority of the time when the governments were corrupt and oppressive.  The 'good' periods were few and far between.  But we can take a microcosm of small societies living in relative seclusion for hundreds of years in a purely agrarian society that sustained themselves indefinitely and never felt themselves 'poor'.  The modern notions of poverty in the Western world are rather extremely distorted when compared to the true depths of poverty endured by much of the rest of the world.  

I see plenty of severely obese people who are classed in the 'poor', and many of those are in their lot by their own failure to even make an attempt to better themselves.  

And frankly, the definition of what makes a 'depression' changes depending on what those in power want it to mean when it's politically expedient (and especially when they want to mask how badly they're doing).  I have my own criteria and those allow me to see through the political double-talk in very plain and simple terms.  

#10 · Chapter 2 · 92w, 5d ago · · ·

>>1437965  I had meant to make a note of Discord's inconsistent non-canon behavior.  If he is the same spirit of chaos from the show, why is he patiently planning anything?  Those are not the actions of the being we saw in "The Return of Harmony", who wasted no time in twisting things to his desires.  Indeed, why would he bother with the drudgery of politics when he could simply warp reality?  Playing the long game is not consistent with chaos.  Chaos has no patience for such things.  

#11 · Chapter 2 · 92w, 5d ago · · ·

>>1434140>>1433758

Yay! political debates in a fanfiction about colorful ponies!

My day is complete:twilightsheepish:

#12 · Chapter 2 · 92w, 5d ago · · ·

>>1439609 I wouldn't necessarily put planning past him, because he seems like the kind of guy that would love to watch a well-laid plan unravel explosively (not his plan, but everything constructed around it) but the entertainment value for him would have to significantly outweigh the cost of drudgery and deception. Subtlety isn't his thing, but he is a trickster god and he doesn't operate entirely on a whim. He had his fun corrupting the Elements of Harmony in a rather drawn-out manner, after all.

However, I have faith in the author that things will be adequately explained later on. Perhaps the early Discord we've been presented with is not the same chaos-loving entity as the one we know, and he undergoes some kind of transformation. I have no idea, honestly.

>>Enamis Seriously?

#13 · Chapter 2 · 92w, 5d ago · · ·

>>1439886  This Discord has more in line with the devil in his deceptions and patience. There were a couple old Twilight Zone episodes which had the devil working his trickery and that's what this Discord acts like.  

Discord in the show may have tricks and manipulative ploys, but he's also VERY impatient when they don't work out instantly.  Remember his failure with Fluttershy.  Plus, there's no reason to play this game when the canon Discord is so powerful that Celestia and Luna together couldn't do a thing until they found the Elements of Harmony.  Not to mention, Celestia and Luna didn't even appear to the ponies until they saw how miserable he was making their lives with his madness and instability.

It's why I say this is much more an 'alternate universe' than canon.

#14 · Chapter 2 · 92w, 5d ago · · ·

>>1439713  Pseudo-political debate.  I'm actually toying with him.  What I really believe, I keep to myself.  It's never wise to show your hand before all the bets have been made.

I tell no one what really goes on in my head.  Only just enough to lord it over them as my predictions invariably prove accurate, and all the pieces move themselves into my hand.  

*sinks back into his chair with a sinister smile in the shadow of his black hood*  Everything is proceeding according to my designs.  :trixieshiftright:

#15 · Chapter 3 · 92w, 3d ago · · ·

Hmmm...... Procede............:trixieshiftright:

#16 · Chapter 3 · 92w, 2d ago · · ·

Alright, so while earlier arguments tended to hinge around Discord's characterization, I get the feeling that at this point, the character of "Disce Cordis" is distinct from the Discord we know. Maybe he has yet to break down into madness, or there is some very intense repression going on, but this guy isn't acting like Discord and it seems quite obvious that this is intentional.

Also, not sure if anyone else picked up on this (or if it was even a thing at all) but the way he pronounces Celestia's name with a hard C and three syllables sounds an awful lot like "Kallisti", which is what was engraved onto the Apple of Discord of Greek mythology. Neat reference there, if a little abstruse, assuming I'm not imagining it in the first place.

#17 · Chapter 4 · 92w, 10h ago · · ·

Intriguing...For what it's worth, I'm quite enjoying this story... Do go on...

#18 · Chapter 4 · 92w, 3h ago · · ·

I've noticed that quite a few aspects of the story appear to contravene established canon, so I feel that perhaps it would be best to add an "Alternate Universe" tag to this story, because that's what it's coming across as, and very strongly so. I'd also like to note that the dialogue between Luna and Discord was extremely awkward, if only because of the intense misuse of "thou". Archaic English isn't something you can just sprinkle into or selectively substitute with modern dialogue, because archaic English had its own specific rules of grammar and diction. "Do" becomes "dost", "have" becomes "hast", "you" becomes "thy" when used in direct address (like "thy foolish knave"), and so forth.  When you just replace "you" with "thou" without making an attempt to modify the surrounding sentence, it sounds bad.

#19 · Chapter 4 · 91w, 6d ago · · ·

This is one of the besst AU ever:pinkiehappy:

#20 · Chapter 5 · 91w, 4d ago · · ·

The intelligent diction of this story alone is managing to keep me here...the plot being good is quite frankly a bonus...

...and for the first time I have ever managed...*deep breath* :yay: First

...alright now I can burn in internet hell with a tad more happy...

#21 · Chapter 5 · 91w, 4d ago · · ·

I wonder how Celestia, Luna, and Discord will get there powers........

#22 · Chapter 3 · 91w, 1d ago · · ·
#23 · Chapter 6 · 91w, 20h ago · · ·

Civil war anypony? :pinkiecrazy:

#24 · Chapter 6 · 91w, 15h ago · · ·

Viva la Ponylution!

#25 · Chapter 6 · 91w, 29m ago · · ·

Finally caught up. I really like the premise, but the way the characters talk is very strange. It reminds me a lot of "The Fountainhead" or other Ayn Rand Novels. Still, I am curious to see how you will tie this story with show cannon, and I love how you essentially switch Discord's and Celestia's roles, without deviating too much from their personalities on the show.

#26 · Chapter 6 · 90w, 6d ago · · ·

Me gusta:moustache:

Pony world-domination!

Disce is playing the long game, getting the opposition to act how he wants. Oh the chaos.

#27 · Chapter 6 · 90w, 5d ago · · ·

But how do they get there god powers?

#28 · Chapter 7 · 90w, 4d ago · · ·

Did Luna just give up?

#29 · Chapter 7 · 90w, 3d ago · · ·

A very tense chapter, with less of the navel gazing of the previous ones. Looks like this fic is finally starting to pay off.

By the way, you misused "who’s" at two points, where "whose" would have been correct.

#30 · Chapter 8 · 90w, 13h ago · · ·

Discord done gone and snapped...his plan into what it was all along...

#31 · Chapter 8 · 90w, 12h ago · · ·

Before this chapter I had completly forgoten they could do magic.

Did Discord always wanted to reach this point, or it was just after he became president?

#32 · Chapter 2 · 89w, 6d ago · · ·

:twilightblush:I have no idea what you guys are talking about.

#33 · Chapter 3 · 89w, 6d ago · · ·

:pinkiecrazy:LunaXDiscord shipping is what makes the world go 'round.

#34 · Chapter 4 · 89w, 6d ago · · ·

:unsuresweetie:"for Pete's sake? Is a uniquely human and Christian phrase that roughly translates to "If you want saint Peter to let you into heaven you should not have/ you shouldn't do/did that"

#35 · Chapter 9 · 89w, 4d ago · · ·

I supose Celestia is looking for the elements of harmony?

#36 · Chapter 9 · 89w, 2d ago · · ·

Discord finally LIVES!

#37 · Chapter 10 · 89w, 1d ago · · ·

That is some really glorious Latin. After all the scrambled word salads I've seen, it brings a tear to my eye.

Te laudo! :yay:

#38 · Chapter 11 · 88w, 4d ago · · ·

This is such a pleasure, watching people get drawn into the story as you publish more chapters. It's just a shame that such a majority won't appreciate this thing.

#39 · Chapter 13 · 87w, 4d ago · · ·

>>1438663

Maybe because your OC is an all red alicorn...

#40 · Chapter 13 · 87w, 3d ago · · ·

This is epicly epic and I have an appropriately epic cover for this, though I need to find a way to send it to you...

:moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

#41 · Chapter 13 · 87w, 3d ago · · ·

You could have written this exact story, with exception to the more magical bits, in a setting with perfectly ordinary humans. It would be no great stretch of the imagination to see it published as a short novel. And yet, I find myself glad that you chose to write this story in the MLP:FiM setting, for I would have been unlikely to discover it otherwise.

What we have here is not, in fact, a story about magical talking ponies. It is a story about an old, jaded politician being given a second chance to work towards an idealistic vision for the land he loves. Backed by the few strong allies he gathers, the charisma with which he gathers them, and perhaps above all else, his unshakable belief in rightness and justice, he stands poised to lead the country into a new golden age.

And we get to witness as everything that makes him a noble hero is stripped away and leaves nothing but a villain with no allies who still firmly believes he is in the right. This is one of the most beautiful fall-from-grace stories I have ever read. Stories this good remind me why I started writing in the first place. Thank you for creating this work of art.

#42 · Chapter 14 · 87w, 1d ago · · ·

Is this Disce last ganbit, or an actual explanation for his acts?

#43 · Chapter 14 · 87w, 1d ago · · ·

>>1664470

Either way, I'm suspecting it will turn Luna into Nightmare Moon.

#44 · Chapter 15 · 86w, 4d ago · · ·

Necronomicon, by Disce Cordis.:trollestia:

#45 · Chapter 15 · 86w, 3d ago · · ·

:raritydespair::fluttercry::applecry::raritycry::fluttershbad::fluttershyouch::fluttershysad:

#46 · Chapter 16 · 86w, 17h ago · · ·

Realy good interpretation of Discord and the princesses.:twilightsmile:

You should do a prequel about the story behind the power of the elements.

#47 · Chapter 16 · 86w, 5h ago · · ·

Wow. You had a vision and carried it through. It was tough in some parts, but overall, excellent. Except, I can't figure out how to pronounce her "real name" with a hard C.

#48 · Chapter 16 · 67w, 2d ago · · ·

I don't think I have ever come across a Celestia that I have wanted to smack more than this version. An excellent story, and excellent points all around.

#49 · Chapter 16 · 48w, 30m ago · · ·

This is beautiful, and I would be ashamed if I did not leave a comment to express my thanks for this magnificent journey.

I had thought—perhaps around Discord's declaration of war, I can't precisely recall—that maybe Discord figured the Union was ticking bomb. That, Philomena, and Discord's nature (and the lack of an AU tag on this story) led me to those final words of the story; Discord believes a rebirth was in order, to be achieved through the chaos of war and the ashes of a dying nation.

I don't know if I was right. I don't know if this was your intention. But, damn, this here is a story my High School literature class could spend dissecting.

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