Demon of the Deep Wood

A princess and her nine companions are picked off one-by-one after stumbling into the hunting grounds of an ancient evil, in a mysterious forest of monsters.

Chapters (7)

01: Ambush · 17th Apr 2024 · 4,750 words
4,750
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02: Rescue · 19th Apr 2024 · 3,328 words
3,328
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03: Skirmish · 21st Apr 2024 · 3,615 words
3,615
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04: Home Invasion · 23rd Apr 2024 · 2,344 words
2,344
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05: No Escape · 25th Apr 2024 · 1,419 words
1,419
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06: Pray For Mercy · 27th Apr 2024 · 1,059 words
1,059
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07: Last Hope · 29th Apr 2024 · 2,761 words
2,761
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Slightly Dazed Bystander

Slightly Dazed Bystander #1 · 1 week ago · · · 01: Ambush ·

Good work, especially if as you say this was a spur of the moment idea quickly assembled.

I was really getting into the whole devouring sequence. That was horrific (which I presume was the intended response). It was kind of weakened by some unfortunate choice of vocabulary; I don't think 'ass' really works in a horror story. 'Hindquarters' or even the more laconic 'hind' might help maintain the atmosphere better. The villain's fixation on beauty made my skin crawl a bit, but that's not really a bad thing; villains are supposed to be horrific.

One thing that struck me as I wrote this that might be an idea for future stories is something that I think has always pulled me out of situations where a character gets stuck in webbing or similar glue traps. Once a character is established to be completely immobilised and helpless, the reader is tempted to switch off. After all, they're either going to die right there and then or get rescued, right? It might be worth establishing a quick plan made by the trapped character to get free. Even if it doesn't work, the reader is invested in the plan, meaning they'll keep paying attention instead of just waiting for the villain to finish gloating and the text to move onto characters that aren't incapacitated. Just a thought.

Starlight Nova