The Rejects: Enemy of the State

PearlyDoesStuff #1 · Sep 30th, 2022 · 5 · · 01: Payback ·

Or so she thought, until a new strange figure seemed to appear across the riverbed, a pair of yellow eyes peering down at her. He was nothing close to a pony, but perhaps some figment of her imagination. No, she told herself, she recognized that gaunty chuckle, that lion’s paw, that lizard’s tail, that griffon’s claw.

DISCORD!?
No fucking way is GlimGlam about to get the lord of chaos on board...

RainbowDashVegetaFan123

RainbowDashVegetaFan123 #2 · Oct 1st, 2022 · 2 · · 01: Payback ·

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Let's goooooo

PearlyDoesStuff

PearlyDoesStuff #3 · Dec 16th, 2022 · 2 · · 02: The Recluse ·

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Smooth moves, Trixie.
Now to wait on GlimGlam's reaction and Discord going to explode from glee because of the chaos.

Wonder when Shimmy and the Crew will meet back up with Ms. Unkillable Bastard, though.

On other news, Spike is confirmed 🦀🦀🦀GONE🦀🦀🦀, so that's good.

Daydream Enigma

Daydream Enigma #4 · Jan 11th, 2023 · 3 · · 02: The Recluse ·

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Finally! About time the truth came out. Right now though, the biggest question on my mind is what the heck is in that briefcase from the first work.

Daydream Enigma

Daydream Enigma #5 · Feb 18th, 2023 · 2 · · 03: Go For Broke ·

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Absolutely loving this, you're clearly a talented writer and I can't wait to see how this all unfolds.

Argonaut44

Argonaut44 #6 · Feb 18th, 2023 · · · 03: Go For Broke ·

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11509642
Thank you!!

PearlyDoesStuff

PearlyDoesStuff #7 · Feb 18th, 2023 · 2 · · 03: Go For Broke ·

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Sunset will unleash the war crimes soon. I am giddy to see what she does. Although I feel her personality doesn't add up entirely, she reminds me more of Movie 1 Sunset more than "nice" Sunset, but I still love her.

Plus, Celestia above knows that having her kill Twilight would be the most beautiful irony known to man. But we all know the honor of chopping off her head is going to GlimGlam.

Clopian26

Clopian26 #8 · Mar 6th, 2023 · 2 · · 03: Go For Broke ·

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This is awesome

PearlyDoesStuff

PearlyDoesStuff #9 · Apr 28th, 2023 · 1 · · 04: The God of Chaos ·

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Luna is PISSED. Now, where's Sunbutt so we can have Daybreaker and Nightmare Moon set loose? At this point, God knows Twiggles has it coming.

Daydream Enigma

Daydream Enigma #10 · Apr 28th, 2023 · 1 · · 04: The God of Chaos ·

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Amazing chapter as always. You my friend are one of the best writers on this site. Thank goodness we finally returned to the briefcase plot, I was beginning to worry that had been forgotten. I was way off on its contents. I'd theorized it was some sort of legal document proving the existence of the true heir to the throne of Equestria. Looks like its some sort of weapon instead... Can't wait for the next chapter!

Argonaut44

Argonaut44 #11 · Apr 29th, 2023 · · · 04: The God of Chaos ·

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11569989

Thank you for the very kind words!

huntar21

huntar21 #12 · Jul 14th, 2023 · 1 · · 04: The God of Chaos ·

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i hope the next chapter Comes out soon i Can't wait on why Luna is acting hostile with Starlight

PearlyDoesStuff

PearlyDoesStuff #13 · Sep 11th, 2023 · 2 · · 05: Bad Times at the Andromeda ·

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Rarity is dead... Lightning's crew got themselves a fine plate of shit, Trixie's after Cadance, Luna and Starlight are together, and GOD ALMIGHTY knows what Sunset, Suri and Wallflower are doing.

Rainbow and the crime gang also fucked shit sideways.

It's all further downhill from here isn't it?

BbyButtercup

BbyButtercup #14 · Nov 17th, 2023 · · · 06: The Dragon Queen ·

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And the dragons around her began to drool and laugh and grin, the twelve of them all descending upon her. Periwinkle screamed, as the chains came loose and they turned her over, eager to share the spoils.

D: There’s no way smolder would approve of all this

“Equestria’s fate matters more than my own,” Delphi whispered, “You must do this.”

I can't tell if she means anything she's saying or is just using him for something

“You’re not usually awake before noon,” Sunset remarked, waiting for Wallflower to struggle up the climb beside her.

that's my sleepy queen

“She made me into this,” Sunset said, through gritted teeth, “Into this monster that everypony thinks I am. So why not embrace it? My life is over, she made sure of it. This is all I am now. All I can do is spite Twilight in any way I can. And who better to do it, than me? This was what I was meant to do. What else have I got?”

I don't know if I love how one-sided the rivalry between them is. Like at least in the last one Twilight is constantly thinking about Starlight and has regrets somewhat. I can't remember Twilight ever actually thinking about Sunset. It's fine as a motivation for Sunset, but down the line when they meet again it won't have as much impact as it could.

“That is not what I-” Snowfall called out, her face flushing red.

no.

“We should wait for Shining,” Mulberry said, “We’re no good without him. He’d know what to do.”

skill issue

“It was not my desire for you to have felt threatened,” Pharynx sighed, “But these things are not always so easy. I had hoped Malthos might have won you over somehow. Foolish as that might have been, it would have spared you the chains and shackles.”

the consequences of 0 rizz

“Yours isn’t the only kingdom to have lost someone,” Silver reminded, “My aunt was murdered right alongside your brother. We could have come together somehow, and figured out who the real enemy is, but instead you’ve betrayed us too. All because you’re scared. Your brother would never have-”

she's 100% correct

In a flash of green light, Silver’s form evaporated in a cloud of smoke and left behind in the now-oversized chains was poor Ocellus, who was trembling in terror.

I thought she would be able to keep it up for way longer than that

Broadwing flew down to the courtyard, glancing at the collection of hostages held over in the corner, as more of his troops entered in through the gate, moving in their carriages of supplies.

oh we straight up skipped over the battle :(

“If you still feel raw about it - I’ll be waiting,” Sunset said, taking her time with each word.

kill bill energy

“Posh Paramount and Filibuster recruited us early on, to invest in the project, to keep ponies quiet, to make sure their cry for revolution went unheard by Twilight, Luna, Cadance, or any of their supporters,” Upper Crust said, “But Posh, she became impatient with the slow progress. Hurried along by that warmongering dragon empress, and that spineless changeling who feared their secret would soon be exposed, they all planned to strike earlier than we had planned. Twilight discovered this treachery, and….you may recall how things ended up for them. But we here were able to escape Twilight’s notice, and have worked tirelessly to do things right this time.”

Neighsay levels of racism

“Matchstick grew impatient, waiting in vain for Celestia to return. So he stole the project for himself, and plotted to sell it to a Manehattan criminal organization. The deal went wrong, however, and Matchstick was killed in the process. The project itself has switched hooves countless times, but has finally found its way back home, here to Canterlot. We will succeed where Celestia did not. With Matchstick’s plans, we have a chance to develop the means to harness its power, and control it.”

...do they need the same tools that Celestia went searching for? Or are they doing their own thing

“Yes. Perhaps he was delayed,” Jet Set mused, before glancing back toward Sunset.

oh he dead dead

Gilded Lily swatted the bar out of Wallflower’s hoof, knocking it into a broken sewer grate.

I hate her already

“We’re getting that briefcase, alright. But there’s no way in hell we’re giving it to those blood-sucking suits up there,” Sunset said.

time for a teamup with rainbow and blondie

Fancy Pants’ throat erupted with blood, as the curses slipped out of his lips, muddled and muddied and murky. He choked and clawed at the air and crashed to his knees, glaring up at Jet Set with red eyes bleeding tears.

why do I feel like this chapter was more violent than usual lol

And Jet Set spared him a parting glance, catching him just in time to see that last slip of air squeeze out of his lungs.

this guy is a problem

Daydream Enigma

Daydream Enigma #15 · Nov 18th, 2023 · 1 · · 06: The Dragon Queen ·

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Great work as always!

Argonaut44

Argonaut44 #16 · Nov 18th, 2023 · · · 06: The Dragon Queen ·

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11751902

Thanks!! <3

Sunset_Shimmer83

Sunset_Shimmer83 #17 · February 17th · 2 · · 07: Crown of Thorns ·

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nice achilles reference from the movie troy lol

BbyButtercup

BbyButtercup #18 · February 18th · 1 · · 07: Crown of Thorns ·

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“We knew what they were planning,” Eight Ball said, “We could’ve told somepony, but Chief didn’t want to stir up any kind of incident.”

are we ever going to see him again?

“I’m not following his orders anymore,” Eight Ball said, “I’m helping you because maybe the three of you have what it takes to make a difference.”

every time someone says something like this in this story they end up betraying someone lol

It had been Starlight’s plan to find Star Swirl the Bearded, the only pony who might have any knowledge as to the whereabouts of Princess Celestia. The old wizard had retreated into exile, though Eight Ball had been able to track him down to a spiked plateau buried deep in the Elestellian Range in the Crystal Mountains.

she should've gone to him from the very beginning

“If you consider arrogance and stupidity to be a sickness, then yes, I suppose you could count the alicorns among the infirmed, ” Discord said.

LOOK WHOS TALKING

“Can I dwell on what I can’t remember? I was to hold a castle in the Highlands once, and there was a young lord the king had pledged me to marry, but I could not find that castle today. I could not tell you the color of his eyes, his hair, or how sweet his voice may have sounded. Then there was Canterlot, yes. But I could not tell you the names of its streets, or the color of its roofs, or of the songs that were always playing in the markets. Who gave me the crown, Starlight? What foods did I like to eat? The names fade. The faces sooner. Perhaps Celestia will make me see reason. She always has before.”

hoping this is elaborated on

“A hard sacrifice - the few to save the many, it grieves me to say. Some madness made them want to live right on the dragon’s doorstep. If they’re wise, they’ll flee north. Or they can burn with the rest of the south, for all I care. They’re already dead, the way I see it. It’s the Lowlands that concern me, not the squalling southron sons of whores.”

what is his deal

“They’re coming to murder us all,” he had told her, “They say they take no prisoners. Anypony fool enough to surrender will make them a nice supper.”

neighsay would love all this anti dragon propaganda

“ Miss Silver!” hissed Saffron Masala, sticking her head through the door, “May I come in?”

did not expect this teamup

“I’m not supposed to let my friends get hurt to protect me,” Silver said, “I want to go home.”

I'm liking her more and more in this story, but I hope she gets more of a role than just being the damsel in distress

“No,” Salt agreed, “But we already have one dumb blonde.”

iconic

“ Who are you ponies ?” Malthos asked, possibly for the eighth time, “This farce will come to an end soon, do you hear me?! M-My father will have all your heads on spikes!”

the changelings are really not put in a good light for most of this story. like all of them are backstabbers or cowards, all except for Ocellus. Not sure I'm a fan of writing them AND the dragons both as stereotypical villainous monoliths.

“Surgeon makes them bleat so hard they shit themselves,” Chack told them all. She did not like the way Chack looked at her. It reminded her of Hask. He had tried to speak with her once, though Juno pretended not to hear. For some reason Chack thought a mailed hoof to the face would help her hearing. Sometimes Chack would help the Surgeon, and sometimes the Surgeon just liked to watch on from nearby, watch the prisoner squeal and scream until they died.

this girl cannot catch a break

“I remember when Star Swirl was still beardless,” Discord laughed, “Even then, he was a withered curmudgeon, who better excelled at scolding the youth and yelling at clouds than at banishing beasts or slaying foes. Though ponies will still say otherwise.”

the dialogue is always my favorite thing about this story

The ranger collapsed, dead.

I feel like this should be more of a impactful moment, but it doesn't feel much more significant than any of the times she's had to deal with other problems. Is this supposed to be the first pony she kills? I feel like that's what the purpose is here but I feel like she killed ponies before already. The tone here just doesn't feel as serious as I think it's supposed to.

“The armor looks good on you,” Featherglass said, “That sword of yours, too. I only hope you don't have to use it.”

whelp. Terramar is marked for death now

“Your son is wise beyond his years,” Featherglass said, “Once the empire is dealt with, the changelings will be the only enemy left in the north. And Twilight will gladly help you defeat them and rescue Silver.”

what is featherglass's goal here? I have a hard time believing he's making these plans just to help them out

“You will do no such thing,” Coriander laughed, “You are in Canterlot. Not Manehattan. I have friends of my own. And perhaps the Debutante will be wise enough to see that she might not need poor old Crozer looming over her any longer, not when a sweeter deal awaits her and her alone.”

when did this guy turn into a badass loll

Star Swirl scowled. He had accepted the yak girl as a gift from the Crystal Empire some moons ago. Prince Rutger had feared for her safety, and she would be safer here with him in his lonely little cottage than in Yakyakistan, where the former prince had been assassinated. The girl made better company than Gibbs or the foolish boy Quasar, that was true, and her cooking was far better than anything he could conjure up himself. Still, she was too fond of rumors, and paid too much attention to the happenings of the nearby villages.

ok so we've gotten all of the young six except gallus and smolder, hoping they make an appearance too at some point

Not my hair, she had meant to scream, Mom loves my hair.

jeez

“I thought Hask really meant to take you with us,” Tails said, “I didn’t know….I should have known, and I’m sorry.”

I hope he's being fr because she rly needs some friends

“They told me I must be experienced,” Poundcake had told her, “I’d much rather be out there digging. I’m as strong as an aurochs, y’know.”

New favorite side character

The six soldiers were all roaring laughing, Chack the loudest among them. Juno remained in the stairwell and watched him. She watched and watched and waited, and left him where he was, scurrying back down the stairs.

this guy needs to be killed off urgently

“Either would be more pleasant than stomaching you any longer,” Coda said, rising from his seat.

yesssss

Coda trotted off, leaving her in the dark once more.

nvm fuck him

“ Mi Amore Cadenza, ” the prisoner said, bitterly, “My friends call me Cadance.”

SHES BACK

“Lady Lavender,” Twilight said, raising an eyebrow, “What an unexpected pleasure.”

I was beginning to think we were never going to see her again

“There have been some skirmishes here and there, but a proper war in the north has yet to begin,” Lavender continued, “The same cannot be said for the dragons, who are the true enemy. With your leave, I wish to treat with your brother, the prince, and convince him to join us and defeat our common foe. I trust you know how persuasive I can be.”

ok I have trouble believing Twilight would put any trust in Lavender at all. My best guess is she trusts that Lavender is self-interested enough to do it with the hopes of taking the position in the north that the other guy who joined broadwing has. But like why did Twilight just stop trying to kill her after it didn't work out the first time. She's like "oh well I guess that's it then." Kind of ooc for this story's version of Twilight imo.

Another betrayer. Twilight had lost count of them by now. She trusted the ponies in this room even less.

this too - if she's so paranoid about everyone why doesn't she actually DO something about it? Twilight needs to be taking more of an active role instead of just being surprised when everyone around her starts turning on her.

“Shining did not balk at me imprisoning his wife. But he will when I take his daughter.”

twilight is going off the deep end.

“So this is the place where our princess wastes away?” Lady Azimuth said aloud. By the door, Venger seemed alarmed by the remark, “Goodness, would it kill you to open a window? There’s more sunlight in the castle dungeons.”

we need more of her

When they returned, Juno led them right out through the northern gate, while the castle slept on soundly.

barely an inconvenience

“Careful, wizard. I am weakened, but not powerless to rip your throat out as I’ve always wanted,” Luna warned.

luna is a certified edgelord now

“But she was restless, still. Celestia took to searching for the shards she had seen in her visions . I discovered them for her. Ancient relics, the first three seeds of the Tree of Harmony. Each seed was a gift from Gaia above. Two to the chief angels, Aetheria and Draco, and the third to us mortal beings, to wield as we see fit. Aetheria’s shard was the essence of all light and purity, and would protect against all evil - what we now call the Crystal Heart. Draco’s shard was the essence of all darkness, corruption, and selfishness - shaped like a dagger, a weapon of war. And last is the Orb, shaped like a sphere, that glows green. Celestia already had the Crystal Heart, and she had her servants searching for the dagger. As for the Orb….The Orb is the most powerful of the three, it is the balance of light and dark, it is the nature of mortal beings. It had never left Canterlot, not for tens of thousands of years. But nopony could wield it - its power was too great. Only a particular tool could harness the Orb’s power, and Celestia tasked me and her scientists to produce it.”

I am 99% sure that this is what's in the briefcase

“As long as they remain on the side of the sea where they belong, I would not worry,” Star Swirl said, sipping from his wine.

guessing this is the king that luna was talking about earlier?

Except for one.

w h a t

Then the first cracks of thunder sounded, and the horns glowed brighter still, until they each burst into furious fumes of magic, and the air was set on fire.

holy cliffhanger. this was my favorite chapter since the gala one.

Daydream Enigma

Daydream Enigma #19 · February 18th · 1 · · 07: Crown of Thorns ·

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Excellent work as always, though I have trouble believing that any of the people Twilight assassinated were behind Celestia's death. It just seems so out of character. Then again, so was Twilight killing them... Would it be possible for you to create a brief recap chapter to sum up the events of the timeline so far? This story's been going on so long I've lost all track of quite of few of the characters and their roles.

Argonaut44

Argonaut44 #20 · February 18th · 1 · · 07: Crown of Thorns ·

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11828556
Yea I've been thinking about doing a recap at some point either in an author's note or as a comment. Not sure where the best place to put that is, but that will definitely appear somehow in the next five chapters. I totally get that with the time between chapters and the length it ends up being a lot to keep track of. I had even thought about doing an entire chapter that was literally just a prequel explaining all of the events that led up to the beginning Rejects 1, but I don't think I'll ever do that until after the main story is completely finished. But yea count on a recap of some sort showing up soon. Thanks again for your support, means a lot! <3

Daydream Enigma

Daydream Enigma #21 · 4 weeks ago · 1 · · 08: The Butcher of the Sea ·

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Great work as always!

BbyButtercup

BbyButtercup #22 · 3 weeks ago · 1 · · 08: The Butcher of the Sea ·

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This one was good but yeah next chapter better have a ton of wallflower's group in it because them going two chapters without an appearance is insane. Good work though update soon plz

SisterHorseteeth

SisterHorseteeth #23 · 3 weeks ago · · · 03: Go For Broke ·

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"I wish no ill upon you or your friends," Snowfall said, "But I have a duty to my princess. There is still one pony left in Equestria to whom loyalty means something."

Yeah, and she's been dicking around in Manehattan for the past 200k words.

SisterHorseteeth

SisterHorseteeth #24 · 3 weeks ago · · · 04: The God of Chaos ·

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My first thought was that Luna's words meant she was intended Twilight to be the first target of her roaring rampage of revenge.
However, I suspect that Twilight might instead be the first ally she intends to recruit against the Erased, oblivious of course to the Everything that's been going on.

SisterHorseteeth

SisterHorseteeth #25 · 3 weeks ago · · · 06: The Dragon Queen ·

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“I hadn’t thought you’d give up the act so soon,” Pharynx laughed, “....My dear, you should know that changelings do not suffer illusions. Or am I incorrect, Ocellus? ”

Very much surprised Pharynx was the first to find out. You'd think any changeling could sense the disguise on another ling, it at least her emotions.

SisterHorseteeth

SisterHorseteeth #26 · 3 weeks ago · 1 · 1 · 08: The Butcher of the Sea ·

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Generally my critiques from before continue to hold true. I still cannot develop the cognitive dissonance required to believe that this miserable setting, with these bastardous characters, also created the events of the show; that these craven murderers didn't take a sledgehammer to the petrified Legion of Doom at the first opportunity and mix their fragments in with the cement foundation for Canterlot's newest orphan-juicing facility.

But I do not want to repeat myself too much. Rather, I'd like to talk about tone.
I will happily admit that we're getting deeper into the realm of my personal opinion. Still, I should hope it is not my opinion alone.

I wish to stress: I was not forcing myself to read this. My fatigue does not come from unenjoyment or lack of stamina.
Still, even though I couldn't pull myself away, this was an exhausting read.

"It's going to get worse before it gets worse" is the prevailing tone.
The misery and malice in everything is suffocating. Every good thing that happens is a bad thing in disguise. Of all the kind strangers that shelter our heroes, half intended to betray them from the start, half simply wish to exploit them until a better offer falls into their lap, and a third half get iced before we even get to know them. Nopony gets any time to lick their wounds or come to admire each other. There's an attempted rape every other chapter, and an abusive family behind every other mare. Ponies have been socked in the jaw for speaking or not speaking more times than I can count.

I have noted before that by all appearances, this Equestria you've made has always been a terrible place -- that it'll require more than just dethroning Twilight to make it live up to her teachings.
But at this point, I don't care enough about this Equestria anymore to be invested in seeing it saved. Now I kinda wanna see Twilight finally give up and burn it down herself, just to spite this super-intimidating threat from overseas.
Like. Buck it. It was good when she murdered those guys actually. Not because she was right to do so, but because statistically, if you were to put a random named character to death, you'd probably take down an unrepentant murderer with a body count in the double digits.

This ubiquitous oppressiveness may well be intentional, but I cannot recommend it. Without any spots of brightness and happiness to contrast the constant darkness, you paint the kind of picture I can get by turning my monitor off, and the story becomes unfortunately only moderately more engaging than doing so.
When you brought out the Surgeon, there was no shock. All I could think was, "Yeah, that tracks."

I'll track this for the sake of the next update, but I cannot promise that I will read it as soon as it comes out.

Argonaut44

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