Twilight's Hidden Sister

by Juria

Twilight's Hidden Sister

Twilight’s Hidden Sister
By: Juria

Twilight Sparkle sat on the floor of the Ponyville library, her face stuck in the odd mixture of bewilderment and joy that only she could muster, as her eyes scanned over the letter she had received only a few brief minutes ago. The only difference being this letter had come not from her esteemed teacher and ruler Princess Celestia, but from her parents.

Dear Twilight,
Your mother and I need you to return to Canterlot as soon as this letter reaches you. We have a serious family matter that needs to be discussed with both of our children. Don’t bother sending a notice to Shining Armor, as he has already arrived, and is currently waiting on you as well.
Looking to see you soon, your loving parents, Midnight and Nightlight Sparkle

Twilight stared at the letter for several more minutes, scratching the back of her head with a hoof. “I don’t get it, I just don’t get it.” she muttered to herself, before folding the letter up and putting it in her saddlebags. As she started for the door, Twilight turned around and made one last quadruple check of the checklist she and Spike had already checked. “Ok, I think that’s everything. “ She stated with a satisfied smile. Spike sat in a chair by one of the living room tables, rolling his eyes. “I still don’t see why I have to stay here and watch the library while you go and have some sort of bonding moment with the rest of the family.” he protested with a huff of smoke billowing out of his nostrils. Twilight sighed, deeply, again.

“Come on Spike, we’ve already been over this, we needed somepony to mind the library while I’m gone, and you fit the bill.”

“Um, hello, baby dragon here, or did you forget about the child labor laws?”

“What labor laws? And let’s be honest here, no Iron Will shitting around, which one of us is actually a whole lot older then he looks?”

Spike huffed. “Me.”

Twilight smiled at him. “And who’s stalking Rarity while I’m gone so much that he actually painted her cutie mark on his pillow and stitched a special, um, hole?”

Spike cheeks turned a deep crimson. “I did, wait, what, no I didn’t!” he shouted.

Before Spike could say another word, Twilight was already out the door and heading for the train station.

3 hours later, Twilight practically leapt off of the train as it came to a stop. “That is the last time I get on the same train as a tour group. Seriously, who the buck keeps singing about their boat tour being only three hours long?! And if I see that skinny red shirt wearing putz in the damn sailor’s hat again I’m gonna shove my horn right up his…

“Twily!”

Twilight was suddenly snapped out of her mini-rant by the chipper sound of her older brother’s voice. “Shiny!” she exclaimed, running towards her B.B.B.F.F. and embracing him. Once the two siblings broke apart, the short walk to their foalhood home remained mostly uneventful, aside from Twilight talking about her trip and Shining Armor explaining how he almost didn’t make it because he got lost, ended up in the lower sections of Canterlot, and ended up getting into a fight/dance-off with a group of ponies with greased-back manes and leather jackets that had somehow managed to snap their hooves in time with a mysterious music that seemed to follow them everywhere.

After such a confusing story that Twilight had actually wondered if she should take up drinking full time or not, the two siblings finally arrived at their former home. With a quick knock on the door, Twilight almost instantly found herself muzzle to muzzle with, well, herself, or at least the unicorn looked almost 100% like her. Aside from the purple three star cutie mark, almost transparent body, and, wait, was she actually shining in the sunlight?! It was at this point that Twilight got to experience a new sensation, the wonderful joy of fainting, as her world turned black before she even hit the ground.

“I think she’s coming around.”

“She hit her head pretty hard, oh, my poor baby.”

“Come on mom, it’s Twily, her head’s thicker than concrete. *SMACK!* Ow.”

“Don’t talk about your sister like that, you got me young colt?”

“Yes mom.”

Twilight groaned and slowly opened her eyes, her head pounding like she’d been to one of Pinkie Pie’s more “exotic” parties, the kind that ended with her covered in condoms and Applejack Daniels. As streams of sunlight hit her eyes, illuminating her surroundings, she caught a glimpse of three familiar faces. Slowly, Twilight rose to a sitting position.

“Hey there Twily, you gave us quite a scare.” Shining Armor said with a playful grin. Twilight moaned in response. “Hey B.B.B.F.F., I had such a weird dream. I dreamt of you, and mom, and dad, and Princess Luna with an army of flying monkeys and Celestia was floating around in a bubble and I dropped a house on the changling queen.” she groaned, letting her eyes open fully. “Hey mom, dad.” Twilight said weakly, suddenly being hugged by both parents. “Oh, there’s no place like…WHO THE BUCK ARE YOU?!” Twilight suddenly roared with a bellow that would make Princess Luna proud, abruptly balancing like a cat on top of her mother’s dresser as she glared down at the shining clone of herself that had just entered the room.

Nightlight and Midnight shared an uneasy glance. “Twilight, honey, we meant to tell you a while ago, but things happened so fast, one thing lead to another, and the next thing we knew, she was here.” Midnight tried to explain. Twilight shook her head at her mother. “But this is, impossible. I mean, how does she even exist?”

Nightlight was the first to speak up. “Well, you see, shortly after your brother’s wedding, we got invited to one Tartarus of a post-wedding party. Things happened, property got damaged, alcohol was involved, I somehow managed to have a threesome with both your mother and some guy named Edward at the same time, and well, several days later, she was born.” Nightlight stated sheepishly.

Twilight‘s face had managed to go from anger to confusion, to a strange curiosity, back to confusion, and finally to acceptance all in the span of several minutes. Slowly, she moved from the dresser to the floor. “Ok, assuming I believe any of this, how is it that she’s the same age as me?!” Twilight asked in a demanding tone, suddenly getting a bonk on the snout from her mother. “Don’t take that tone with me, young filly.” Midnight scolded. Twilight shook the cobwebs from her head, staggered back, and sat on the living room couch. “Sorry.” She said, grinning nervously, taking a deep breath before she opened her mouth again.

“Like I said how is she the same age as me?” Twilight asked, this time in a much kinder tone, almost hitting Fluttershy’s level of sweetness. Midnight sighed. “The Princesses, both of them. They combined magic with LSD, we crossed our hooves, and bang, instant aging spell. We’re getting too old to raise another filly, so this was the first thing that popped into our heads. Or it could have been the booze and the marijuana, I’m not sure which.” Midnight stated with a shrug.

Twilight sighed, walking up to this strange new mare, her new sister, just wanting to hopefully understand her and get on with her life. The mare gave her a confused look, and then smiled. “Hi, my name’s Twilight Velvet.” The last thing anypony saw was a massive magic surge before the Sparkle home was leveled by an enraged element bearer. Apparently, taking your first name is enough to send anypony off the deep end.

The End.

Comments

[Juria]

Dear Princess Celestia, All work and no play makes Juria write crack.
Sincerly, your loyal subject, Juria.

[echelonicspearhead]

Okay...
What the actual fucking fuck did i just read?

This was actually hilarious uprate for you.

[Protector of Light]

Wat?

Okay, that made me laugh and I don't laugh easily. Thumbs up from me!

[Juria]

1393087>>1393016 Thank you so much to the both of you!

[Dry Wit]

Do I see a "Wizard of Oz" reference?

Did I just read a "crack fic" that involved LSD, marijuana, alcohol, a gay sparkly technically-not-a-vampire, and sex, and yet you didn't include any mention of methamphetamine, or crack/cocaine?

Dude, if you are going to include all of that, don't pull any punches!

[Juria]

1393469 Hey, be thankful I remembered that much. Glad to hear you enjoyed it. My original idea replaced the gay sparkly technically-not-a-vampire with a disco ball.

[Dry Wit]

1393581

Actually, I think the disco ball would be better, but if you worded it so at first, it appeared to be him*, and then it turned out to be a disco ball.
Though the next logical question becomes "How would that work?"
No, I don't want an answer. And what scares me the most is Rules 34, 34-1, 41, 51, and 61: 4chan Rules of the Internet (SFW!)

*I hate that series so much, I can't bring myself to say that name anymore.

[Juria]

1393656 Yeah, it was the question of physics, and the fact that I didn't want to turn this fic into a story about genital mutilation, that made me go the other route. Ah yes, gotta love the rules of the internet!

[Centaur71]

THIS is why you shouldn't write stories while stoned!

[Juria]

1396280 Sadly, no drugs were involved, just college homework and me getting my first blind bag pony. Seriously, I love my little blind bag pony, but yeah, the name definately threw me off. XD

[dragenfire68]

1393581 what ever you had, can have some?

and can you make more of it?

BS, I CALL BS DRUGs WERE DEFINENTLY USED IN THE MAKING OF THIS FIC.

[Juria]

1396759 Nope, none at all, I swear to Celestia, Luna, Cadance, and Faust.

[dragenfire68]

1396792 yeah and i swear to non-existent gods that i fap to gay porn. <-----------(sarcasm)

[Juria]

1396810 Good for you, whatever trips your trigger, but no, there was absolutely no drugs other than the drug of life and the drug of working far too much that played in the making of this story. Anyways, glad to hear you enjoyed it.

[dragenfire68]

1396915 OH, well i have tons of that.

i should sell it $6,000 a pound.

now good day sir while i smoke 5 pounds of life and working to hard. TO HOMEWORK

[RamenWolf1485]

Twilight groaned and slowly opened her eyes, her head pounding like she’d been to one of Pinkie Pie’s more “exotic” parties, the kind that ended with her covered in condoms and Applejack Daniels.

...I think i was at that party

[Juria]

1457060 Oh my.

[RamenWolf1485]

1457080

Ummm tell her i need those condoms back... i dont have money for new ones.

[SeventhBrony]

umm, wha?

[Juria]

2034115 So, like, hate, or what?

[shadowblitz13]

can you please write a sequel...perhaps a longer one?

[Juria]

2729099 In all honesty, I hadn't thought of a sequel, as this was more of a one-off, spur-of-the-moment crackfic. However, I might.