The Story Behind the Rose

by Faust Fan Five

A Stunning Surprise

The Story Behind the Rose

Chapter 1-Just another day in Ponyville

Roseluck shifted her position in the bush, after once again being poked by the thorny plant. “Ouch! Gee, whoever cleared the dead branches last time did a horrible job…” Roseluck muttered to herself. She peered out of her “hiding spot” to see if the pony she had been watching was still there. No luck.

She sighed to herself. It had been three weeks, and she still hadn’t worked up the courage to tell the other pony how she felt. Although in my defense, she thought to herself, the pony I’m after is arguably the prettiest mare in Ponyville.

Roseluck decided that she had better get back to helping Daisy back at the stand. There was no telling what that pony could get up to when Roseluck wasn’t there to watch her. She smiled to herself. Daisy usually meant well, but darned if that pony wasn’t just a pain in the flank sometimes…

She got up and moved out from her prickly hiding spot, just as a certain somepony just happened to be walking by. “Oh, Roseluck, hello!” said the friendly pony. Roseluck froze at the voice. She knew that voice all too well. It was the mare of her dreams. She slowly fumbled for a response, blushing slightly. “H-Hello, Rarity! Uh, how is it going? W-With you, on such a fine day?” She mentally beat herself for such a pathetic response. Rarity gave a small smile, noting the slight blush on Roseluck’s cheeks. “I could ask you the same question, darling. Are you alright? You look a little pale.” Roseluck searched her mind for a response. “I… Uh… I’m sick? Yea, sick. I ate one of AppleJack’s cupcakes, and I’m still recovering a little. Heh heh…” She gave a nervous laugh. Rarity gave a small nod. “Yes, those cupcakes were quite…. Rancid. But what were you doing in that bush?” Roseluck went pale. She had no answer. There was no answer…

“Hello Rarity!” A light blue colored Pegasus stallion came down from the sky, and landed a short distance away from them. Roseluck silently thanked Celestia for the interruption.

“Oh, Rogue, how are you? If you are here for an update on your order, I haven’t finished it yet. I was hoping that Rose here would have had the flowers ready.” Rarity said. Roseluck was watching Rarity’s face carefully, and she noticed that she was blushing slightly. Oh no… She thought, I should have known that I would have to compete with stallions for her affections. Can a pony be too perfect?

“So, Rarity, I was thinking that me and you could go out sometime, get to know each other better…” Rogue said, casually. Rarity was completely blindsided by this, and she started blushing madly. “Uh… Ummmm-Hwha?” she stuttered. Roseluck was losing her. She had to think fast, or she would lose the mare of her dreams faster than you could say Sonic Rainboom.

She started to speak: “So sorry to interrupt, Rogue, but Rarity and I have a lot to discuss. About your ‘order’”. She glared at him slightly. Rogue cringed under her gaze, and took that as his cue to leave.

“I’ll talk to you later, alright Rarity? I gotta go… Do something. Bye!” He flew off without another word, leaving Rarity and Roseluck alone. Rarity was standing there, mouth slightly agape.

Roseluck, slightly worried, nudged her a little, breaking Rarity out of her spell. “We should go and discuss this in a more private place, preferably somewhere that ponies won’t be hitting on you all the time.” She said. Rarity giggled a little, and nodded. They started off in the general direction of Roseluck’s house.

Luckily, her house wasn’t too far away. They got there in a relatively short amount of time. Roseluck was pleased to notice that her sisters weren’t there. The house was small, only two stories tall, and the front door opened straight into the kitchen, with the joining rooms being a living room with a couch and flower-scented rug, and a bathroom in the opposite direction. Roseluck led her guest to the first of the two rooms, lying on the rug. The news she was about to deliver was not going to be easy, especially because of who she was about to say it to. There had been a bad drought that summer, and the flowers that Rarity had ordered had to be used to finish another order that had been placed before hers. Roseluck hated delivering bad news.

“So, about your flowers Rarity, I’m afraid I have to be the bearer of bad news…” She was about to continue, when she looked at her guest closely. Rarity looked like she was about to have a stroke. She had a far off look in her eyes, and she was hyperventilating. “Rarity? Rarity! Are you ok?” She practically yelled, getting up.

Rarity shook her head slowly. “No…. No I am not alright, Rose. If I don’t fill this order, I’m through. Done. Finished.” She spoke these words cautiously, and tears started rolling down her cheeks. “What are you talking about Rarity?” Roseluck asked. Was it possible that Rarity, THE Rarity, was having financial troubles?

“I-I’m having a bit of a money crisis, as strange as that might sound. It all started because of that whole Sisterhooves Social thing… when Sweetie ruined the gold fabric, I had to buy the supplies so I could make more. The prices were… less than desirable. When my buyer found out what happened, he was furious. He refused to accept his order. I’ve been in dire straits ever since… my friends don’t know, there is no need to have them worry over me and my problems…The only one who might understand would be AppleJack, but me and her don't get along too well.”

Roseluck gaped, her mouth hanging open. She had had no idea that Rarity was in such a bad place… You can help. The voice in her head told her. You have what she needs… She needs you, you need her, it’s almost too perfect. Roseluck thought very carefully. Was the happiness of her special somepony more important to her than the happiness of other customers?

It was the quickest decision of her life.

“Rarity”, she said, “I am going to get you those flowers if it’s the last thing I do.” (I’m so sorry to leave this on a cliffhanger! I hope that you will forgive me… I probably wouldn’t. Stupid writers block…)

Comments

[Mr Unsmiley]

1. This is far too short.
2. The spacing is messed up and makes it difficult to read.
3. If you're going to do an author's note at all, and you really shouldn't, make sure it's in a different section than the story.

[Garbo]

this was a good story. I'll be looking forward to more of this.
The formatting is wierd, though. Have space after each paragraph and have it indented as well.
and the cliff hanger is fine. I end almost every chapter with one. It draws people in to the story.
Lastly, a little longer would be nice.

[Faust Fan Five]

1390823>>1390928Im sorry about the dialogue issues... But as you can see, this is my first time ever posting a story on this site. I'll try and get it fixed as soon as possible. Also, what do you think? Should I continue forward, or quit and leave the writing to better writers?

[Mr Unsmiley]

1392122 As long as you write the story in a regular format on Microsoft Word and be sure to indent paragraphs when putting it on Fimfiction, the format will be fine. I had the exact same problem when I first started writing on here.

Also, you can only become one of the "better writers" if you keep writing; you can't be any good if you stop writing on your first story. Want some advice?
1. Always make sure your grammar is impeccable; ask around for editors if you want.
2. Space out your stories. Details are always appreciated, and no one likes a story that just goes from point A to point B. Heck, I almost skipped over this entirely because of the word count; people who don't have a fairly large word count, especially in the opening chapters, tend to be ignored.
3. You have to think about what certain characters would do or say. Rarity already has an established characterization, but Rose is undefined. Also, you might want to have a more suiting name for 'Rogue.' It probably sounds good in your head, but in a story it just sounds sort of...trite.

[Faust Fan Five]

1392389 I fixed the format, I think... Also, thanks for the inspiration! Your messages always bring a smile to my face.iaza.com/work/121007C/iaza11560220474200.gif

[Faust Fan Five]

1390841Fixed the format, I think! Thanks for the constructive criticism, as well.

[Faust Fan Five]

1403452Thanks man. I really have to write more often than I do, as well. Everyone hates writers block, I'm sure.

[Faust Fan Five]

1403649Thats cool. Say, are you a fan of Little Miss Rarity? Your avatar looks like you would be.

[asylum1388]

Use new paragraphs whenever there's a new speaker.

[Faust Fan Five]

1403910I think I've seen you around before... Do you possibly know A Brony for Life42? Me and him are pals. And, in honor of you watching me, I shall deem you, good sir, with a follow.

[CanterlotGuardian]

I have nothing new to add, that hasn't already been said. I will say that I enjoyed what you have so far, and I will be keeping an eye on this story.

[ReaperofSouls42]

Well, although i don't normally care for same sex fics this was pretty good for the first chapter. good writing and no real spelling or grammar errors that i saw. you are a good writer dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Twilight_pea.png

[Faust Fan Five]

1427564>>1437727 Thanks you two. Things will really get going in chapter two, when all shall be revealed! Well, not all. Then I wouldn't have a story to write, and that would be bad, seeing as I like to write, especially if you guys think I'm good at it.

[ReaperofSouls42]

1438924 Sounds intriguing.

[Cheer]

I think the only thing I can say is that you could change The "Gee" in the first sentence to "Geez" "Geeze" ...however you spell that word.

Gee just reminds me of too many movies with bad actors.

Also while AJ and Rarity may not get along on some things I would find it hard to believe that she wouldn't allow AJ to help in such a situation.

Since this takes place so long after the "Look Before You Sleep" episode I would think they would be getting along pretty well. Maybe something instead that AJ is having some difficulties herself and can't spare the help. Ya know what I'm saying?

Dunno how to feel about the scene with Rarity getting hit on. She usually acts with those kind of situations with alot more ease, doesn't she? Maybe revamp the situation? I dunno how you could change it up.

But hey your story, your decision. Otherwise I like it.

YBG out.

[Fattymagee1]

Not bad... a little rough around the edges... But certainly not bad for your first story! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Sweetie_happy.png

You'll improve with experience, don't you worry now. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Rainbow_dealwithit.png

Keep up the good work! And I look forward to the next chapter.

[Freescript the Bard]

This story. It needs to be updated. Naow.

[Faust Fan Five]

1775294I'm so sorry, Markus.... I have had plenty of time to write, but I spend it on Video games or Victoria! I promise I'll have another chapter out by the end of the month, though.

[2D]

I like this, my feelings are mixed but I can see the beginnings of something good here.

I was once a writer of this situation, I improved and advanced. I write romance/tragedy so I
can empathize on how hard it can be. My story is a tad more tricky than this in the respects that
it is between an O.C and Vinyl scratch, who both live in a crime filled underworld...

Anyways, keep up the good work. I hope you become content with all you receive.

~Vocal

[Garbo]

When's this going to get continued? Just wondering i.imgur.com/DGsL3.png

[Brightscales]

This story is amazing! I hope that you will continue, it'd be sad if you don't.

[Faust Fan Five]

2393919>>1969800
I plan on releasing the second chapter in an hour or two, actually. I just have to finish it up quick...