Just a simple and humble brony who likes mlp and Pokemon... What else is there to say?
Rarity is in dire need of a break, and when that break arrives in the form of a pony named Roseluck, a pony who has secretly admired her for years, will she uknowingly use that attraction to her advantage? And will Roseluck be able to win Rarity's affections before a certain stallion does?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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1. This is far too short.
2. The spacing is messed up and makes it difficult to read.
3. If you're going to do an author's note at all, and you really shouldn't, make sure it's in a different section than the story.
this was a good story. I'll be looking forward to more of this.
The formatting is wierd, though. Have space after each paragraph and have it indented as well.
and the cliff hanger is fine. I end almost every chapter with one. It draws people in to the story.
Lastly, a little longer would be nice.
1390823>>1390928Im sorry about the dialogue issues... But as you can see, this is my first time ever posting a story on this site. I'll try and get it fixed as soon as possible. Also, what do you think? Should I continue forward, or quit and leave the writing to better writers?
1392122 As long as you write the story in a regular format on Microsoft Word and be sure to indent paragraphs when putting it on Fimfiction, the format will be fine. I had the exact same problem when I first started writing on here.
Also, you can only become one of the "better writers" if you keep writing; you can't be any good if you stop writing on your first story. Want some advice?
1. Always make sure your grammar is impeccable; ask around for editors if you want.
2. Space out your stories. Details are always appreciated, and no one likes a story that just goes from point A to point B. Heck, I almost skipped over this entirely because of the word count; people who don't have a fairly large word count, especially in the opening chapters, tend to be ignored.
3. You have to think about what certain characters would do or say. Rarity already has an established characterization, but Rose is undefined. Also, you might want to have a more suiting name for 'Rogue.' It probably sounds good in your head, but in a story it just sounds sort of...trite.
1392389 I fixed the format, I think... Also, thanks for the inspiration! Your messages always bring a smile to my face.
iaza.com/work/121007C/iaza11560220474200.gif
1390841Fixed the format, I think! Thanks for the constructive criticism, as well.
1403452Thanks man. I really have to write more often than I do, as well. Everyone hates writers block, I'm sure.
1403649Thats cool. Say, are you a fan of Little Miss Rarity? Your avatar looks like you would be.
Use new paragraphs whenever there's a new speaker.
1403910I think I've seen you around before... Do you possibly know A Brony for Life42? Me and him are pals. And, in honor of you watching me, I shall deem you, good sir, with a follow.
I have nothing new to add, that hasn't already been said. I will say that I enjoyed what you have so far, and I will be keeping an eye on this story.
Well, although i don't normally care for same sex fics this was pretty good for the first chapter. good writing and no real spelling or grammar errors that i saw. you are a good writer
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Twilight_pea.png
1427564>>1437727 Thanks you two. Things will really get going in chapter two, when all shall be revealed!
Well, not all. Then I wouldn't have a story to write, and that would be bad, seeing as I like to write, especially if you guys think I'm good at it.
1438924 Sounds intriguing
.
I think the only thing I can say is that you could change The "Gee" in the first sentence to "Geez" "Geeze" ...however you spell that word.
Gee just reminds me of too many movies with bad actors.
Also while AJ and Rarity may not get along on some things I would find it hard to believe that she wouldn't allow AJ to help in such a situation.
Since this takes place so long after the "Look Before You Sleep" episode I would think they would be getting along pretty well. Maybe something instead that AJ is having some difficulties herself and can't spare the help. Ya know what I'm saying?
Dunno how to feel about the scene with Rarity getting hit on. She usually acts with those kind of situations with alot more ease, doesn't she? Maybe revamp the situation? I dunno how you could change it up.
But hey your story, your decision. Otherwise I like it.
YBG out.
Not bad... a little rough around the edges... But certainly not bad for your first story! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Sweetie_happy.png
You'll improve with experience, don't you worry now.
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Rainbow_dealwithit.png
Keep up the good work! And I look forward to the next chapter.
This story. It needs to be updated. Naow.
1775294I'm so sorry, Markus.... I have had plenty of time to write, but I spend it on Video games or Victoria! I promise I'll have another chapter out by the end of the month, though.
I like this, my feelings are mixed but I can see the beginnings of something good here.
I was once a writer of this situation, I improved and advanced. I write romance/tragedy so I
can empathize on how hard it can be. My story is a tad more tricky than this in the respects that
it is between an O.C and Vinyl scratch, who both live in a crime filled underworld...
Anyways, keep up the good work. I hope you become content with all you receive.
~Vocal
When's this going to get continued? Just wondering i.imgur.com/DGsL3.png
This story is amazing! I hope that you will continue, it'd be sad if you don't.
2393919>>1969800
I plan on releasing the second chapter in an hour or two, actually. I just have to finish it up quick...
I'm sorry it took me so long for this ;(
I am sick today, and I don't know why, but I decided I've left you all waiting too long and published this. Let me know what your thoughts are about the chapter, and I apologize once again for taking so long...
And about the beginning part: It is my personal view of myself a little. I used to think I was pathetic and didn't deserve happiness... but I think differently now, thankfully. I hope you all enjoy!
Wow...should've made this chapter longer.
For such short chapters, you're amazing at this! I hope Rarity makes it with Roseluck. (not in a gutter way)
2397823
0_0
You.... you think I am a good writer?
.... Thank you, my fellow brony.
Also, it was actually your comment that made me decide to put out the second chapter today, though I probably should've made it a little longer....
Anyway, thank you so much for the praise and I hope you have an awesome time with...whatever it is cool people do these days.
~ Faust Fan Five
2398007 Aww...come on, you know what cool people do, you are one! I hope you can summon up the courage to keep writing.
2398053
As long as people enjoy reading what I write, then yes, I shall gladly continue to write. Goodnight my good man! If you are a man, I don't even know...
finally
its short, but things are starting to heat up... in a good way, of course
well, hope you get well soon, rest up, take care of yourself
hope to see more soon, i'll be waiting
2398224 ....man? You thought...that I was a man?
2398322
Wow. I am an idiot... I'm sorry pegasister! It's just so uncommon to see them around, you know? That is a terrible excuse...
i.imgur.com/XVNVUrp.gif Does this make up for me screwing up?
HOLY SCHIST, FINALLY!!!
...
Dude. Wimpy. I desire moar. MOAR. There aren't enough RariLuck stories as good as this. I sicced my followers on you! Yet your story remains disappointingly unfinished.
JK, take your time.
2398696 That's so cute! Okay...you win.
yes... yes... YES
2476708i.imgur.com/U3n6Fdv.jpg
Thank you, Mr. CanterlotGuardian! I have no idea why you would bother to read my story, but I'm glad you enjoyed what I have so far
Wow. Short, sweet, and still great quality. I'm impressed.
2518915
May your times here be a joyous!
Why thank you for the very thoughtful comment. I will get back to this story when I can, but it might take some time....
Also, I see that you are fairly new. I would love to welcome you to FimFiction!
MOTHER FUCKIN MOAR!!!!!!!!