In The Aftermath

Honey Cake and her mother have a conversation in the aftermath of the Canterlot invasion.

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Pump It Up

Pump It Up #1 · January 15th · 1 · ·

Daaang. You know, despite my time in the fandom, I haven't read a story like this before, and I'm surprised that I haven't.

It was as if a storm had passed through the apartment.

One thing I'll say is that, probably, "torn through" would better match the description of the apartment. Ah, also:

shutting the door closed behind her.

You can take out "closed," since "shutting" already means the door will be closing.

Very good for a first fic! Certainly much better than mine lol. Keep up the good work!

pneu

pneu #2 · January 15th · · ·

11799615

Overall, good suggestions, thank you!

For the first sentence: I really need to work on using stronger verbs and descriptions, I really appreciate you pointing that out. I honestly just didn't think about that.

As far as the second sentence: I was actually going back and forth on whether to add the word 'closed' a lot. Part of me didn't like that sentence because it is unneeded but another part of me wanted to emphasize the finality of the action by keeping it in, since it is meant to be metaphorical for shutting the door on that part of her life. But yeah, reading it back now it really does just come off as awkward lol.

Thanks for the encouragement, hopefully I'll be able to get better at writing and get some better fics out in the future! I've been enjoying writing quite a lot.

Anyway, senseless rambling aside, I'm glad you enjoyed the story.

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