Brony and fanfic writer. Part time college instructor, full time grad student
(This is the result of my one hour writing challenge...inspired by an episode of Days of Our Lives. If you are unfamiliar with Laughing Stock, take a look at his other stories.)
Twilight Sparkle catches her husband Laughing Stock cheating...pretty self explanatory.
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Best story EVER
1368178
Eh...don't patronize me.
I was all like ah
AH 
AH! 
oh AHA 
ohh god yes. this was good.
oh. IDEEEEEA! maybe you can do a sequel series where Twilight get's pregnant and Laughing Stock is FREAKING OUT.
1375487
Perhaps...perhaps...
One hour challenge. No way this will be good. But because I'm bored and the title interested me I shall look anyway.
But next time, cut back on dialogue and use more description. This was good but it would have been even better if I had developed an actual emotional connection to the story and then got hit with the punch line. Which is very possible in an hour and less than two thousand words if you know what you're doing. Good luck.
Shallow world development.
Little description and detail.
Evidence of circlejerk.
Twilight out of character.
The punchline...
OOOOOHHHHHH I see. That makes sense then.
Congratulations on your redemption
So THAT'S what he was cheating on, Laughing Stock is probably right Shining Armor and Mrs. Cake probably cheat on their diets too.
So THAT'S what he was cheating on, Laughing Stock is probably right Shining Armor and Mrs. Cake probably cheat on their diets too.
1375633
Thanks for the advice!
Honestly, this was really intended for the people who have read my other Laughing Stock related stories, but you have a good point.
I think the best part of the story is the 1111 words.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png
Reading synopsis: Chess
Pinkie mentioned: Diet
Conclusion: Diet
Really, this story would have actually been good about a year ago, but at this point these kinds of one-shots are predictable to the point of banality. It would have actually been more surprising if you had played it straight.
1376459
Thank you!
Oh lord XD
1375717
Now it's circlejerk. I had a feeling Laughing Stock was an original character that you had worked with before.
You can get away with circlejerk if you remember that your story is going to end up on the latest story feed on the homepage. Keeping that in mind, always introduce the audience to an original character as if it's everyone's first time seeing them. Make sure they're always established. That way when it appears on the latest story feed, new readers like myself won't be confused or pushed away.
An example of this would be Journey of Graves. I don't know if you're familiar with this series. If not, I highly recommend it. But I actually came in at the (current) end of it. Though it's a fan fiction series with an original character and multiple stories, the author always reintroduces Graves at the beginning of every story. So I was still able to treat it as a stand-alone piece and enjoy it on my first read. Then I was encouraged to go back and read it from the beginning. Just like that, that author (GentlemanJ, if I remember correctly) has a new reader.
You could do the same thing to a lot of people if you handle your original characters and continuities properly. Now go forth and engage your readers old and new alike, my apprentice.
1376523
Alright, I will do that from now on, thanks again for the help.
Mwahahahahahaa. Glorious. Loved it! Have my upthumb and fave, Author! C:<
oh the trolling.......oh the trolling
The fake out, a classic standup routine. This seemingly simple gag is actually one of the more difficult laughs to achieve, as two comics must work together with presise timing and believable acting to pull it off. It has been used by entertainers for centuries and has been overdone in fanfiction.
The point is, you tried way too hard and gave it away from the start. However, lenience is given as you had only an hour to write. Also, having a non-OC primary would have helped immensely.
1379049
Thanks for the advice!
But clearly this isn't my thing, so I'm just going to go back to long stories.
well... this happened
DAT ENDINGGG! I was laughing so much, great fic!
I'm not going to read this yet; I feel obligated to read the others first.
But, tell me, by 'Days of Our Lives', do you mean the Friends show that Joey stars on, or is there something else I don't know about?
1397084
Yeah, just inspired by your generic soap opera.
1397158
Thank you.
This was hilarious!
Silver out!
heh, you actually got me. I was thinking he cheated in some sort of game, like Hide-and-Go-Seek, or go fish like when he was in the cabin playing with Cadance and Luna.
Great job, love your series with Laughing Stock, and (hopefully) we can have a sequel with him married. XD
1401136
I'm secretly working on one...don't tell anyone.
Oh no, what have I done!
1401232 Don't worry, Your secret is safe with me. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.
And you don't break a Pinkie Promise, because it is the quickest way to lose a freind...
gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs6/2427833_o.gif
LOL, I was expecting that ending I really was, but it was still funny.
OH LAWDY!!!!
Oh man, you got me good man!
First I was like, Uh oh.
Then I was like:
t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS-LjfiEeo1ZeolVNOCbSDngVpGcGiPrzj5FplhkAsiYnAHlGyL
1375487 I second this idea.
1610379
NO! It will NEVER HAPPEN!
I've already written the first chapter...
1610518 Wait I'm not 100% sure what you're saying.
1610718
I've started on the sequel to Her Big Brother, His Big Problem (this will be the third story in the series). It will be called First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage...
I'm assuming you can figure out what happens in the upcoming story just by the title.
In case you aren't familiar with the rhyme, Twilight gets knocked up.
1610809 Okay I will now wait for that story.
Ahhh, classic. Brava good author, brava!
Saw the ending coming about halfway through. Still funny.
MAN!!!! Don't scare me like that!!!!
In all honesty though, that ending was perfect!!
Me until the last line
last line:
10/10
Wait a minute, cheated on his diet? He ate a fucking cupcake?
Are you fucking kidding me??!! This whole time I thought he cheated on Twilight with Pinkie, then it turns out all he did was eat some fucking sweets??!! What the hell??!!
Favorite line ever,
"Look at Mrs. Cake! I'll bet she cheats all the time!"
2019377
"My Girl Bill" (Jim Stafford)