One hell of a night

by Pinkamena_Rocks_57

Poker

A/N: So I Want to hear what everyone has to say about the story. Please leave a comment and tell me. Thanks

ONE HELL OF A NIGHT

Chapter one: Poker

Ding-Dong

“One moment!” yelled a charcoal colored mare as she walked over to the door while wiping the water off of her face from her morning shower. She opened the door to find her friend Derpy awkwardly flapping her Pegasus wings so she could continue flying.

“Hi Octavia, how are you doing today?”

“Hello Derpy, I am doing fine thank you for asking. Is there something that you wanted to talk about or are you doing your normal mail run around the town?”

“Oh yeah!” exclaimed the blonde manned Pegasus as she started to dig through her saddle bag. “Here you go Octavia,
Hope I can see you tonight” Said Derpy as she flew away.

Octavia closed the door and moved over to the dining table to open the letter that Derpy had given her.

Dear Octavia & Vinyl Scratch
Hi you two, I hope you are doing alright. I’m sorry for the last minute notice, but the truth is that I just got the idea last night and the others (Rainbow, AJ, Fluttershy, Pinkie, Rarity, and Derpy) said that it was a good idea so I wanted to give you two a chance to join us. Tonight we are going to have a sleep over and the thought is to play different games that all of us like. Rainbow was joking about some alcohol but, knowing rainbow, she might just be serious so… you’ve been warned. Anyway I hope you guys can join us tonight, no need in a RSVP due to how late of a notice this is, just come over if you can.
Your friend
Twilight Sparkle

As Octavia finished the last few sentences of the letter she began to feel a small nip at her ear. It was a pleasant feeling but it was also very random.

“G-good morning Vinyl.” Octavia let out a little moan as her cheeks reddened “Please, s-stop Vinyl. This, however pleasant, isn’t the time.”

Vinyl stopped and sat next to her mare-friend “Aww, but Tavi I thought you liked it when I did that. I’m hurt at the fact that you told me to stop” said Vinyl as she began to pout playfully at her partner.

“Oh hush you, take a look at this while I go get started on breakfast.”

Octavia gave Vinyl the letter as she walked into the kitchen and began to cook the pair some breakfast.

“So, do you want to go to the sleep over? I think it would be fun, plus the note said that there would be games. This could be an awesome time to show off your poker skills.”

“Vinyl, The decisions on whether we go or not is up to you but, if we do, please promise that you will behave yourself.”

Vinyl’s ears dropped in mock disappointment as she looked at the grey mare “Aww, but Tavi that takes all the fun out of these kinds of things.”

Octavia turned to face here sarcastic partner, her deep purple eyes focusing on Vinyl sending a serious message saying that this topic wasn’t open for discussion.

“Fine.” Vinyl let out a small sigh and walked over to a closet “Tavi, what game should we contribute to the event. We don’t exactly play a lot of games, unless you consider what we do at ni-

“DON’T even finish that statement” said Octavia with a slightly annoyed tone of voice.
And with that the two ponies began to get ready for the night ahead of them. Vinyl had decided to bring her poker set and, in case Rainbow was serious about the alcohol, a couple of shot glasses.

It was later that night, Vinyl and Octavia had run into Derpy during diner so they had decided to walk together to Twilight’s house. Derpy knocked on the door, or rather she crashed into the door, and the trio was let in by spike. Once they stepped into the house they were greeted by the rest of the group. Rainbow and Applejack were hoof wrestling over who was going to eat the last sandwich on the table until Derpy walked over to the table and took it. Both the Cowpony and Pegasus burst out in laughter which left Derpy confused as she tried to process what they were laughing about.

Vinyl walked over to Rainbow Dash “Sup Dash, how ya doing’.”

“I’m doing fine I guess. I still haven’t been able to show the Wonderbolts what I’m made of though, AJ says that I should just leave it alone and focus on other things but I don’t know… ya know.”

“Yeah, I hear you. Tavi won’t let me open my own club yet, she says that I lack the business skills that are necessary to operate my own club but I say that’s some bull sh-

Just as vinyl was about to finish her statement Twilight had called the two over to where the rest of the group had gathered. She explained the point of their sleep over and how they all had brought different games to play and they would draw names out of a hat to see who would pick the first game. The names were put in the hat and Twilight gave it to Spike so that he could draw the winner.

“The winner is… Rainbow Dash” Said spike as he put the name tag back in the hat for later use.

“So, what are my options?” asked Rainbow Dash

Twilight walked over to the desk in the room and brought over a couple of games. Rainbow looked over the choices and decided on Poker.

“So, what kind of poker do you want to play Rainbow, five card draw, Hold’em, what?”asked Vinyl

“I was thinking something simple like five card draw, to help a couple of ponies out.” She said motioning towards Derpy and Twilight and while trying to hold back laughter. Vinyl, however, wasn’t so slick, as she started rolling on the floor laughing. Soon Rainbow Dash joined in leaving an annoyed expression on Twilights face.

“Ha Ha, okay Rainbow we’ll just see who needs the help when we’re finished playing.”

And with that the group started to set up the game. Rarity and Fluttershy brought some snacks over and put them in a bowl while Octavia and twilight had started dividing the chips.

A/N: So, I know that the title suggest that the game would be played but I thought that I should separate it from this one. If anyone has an idea on what should happen during the actual game leave a comment, it would be cool to hear from all of you.

Comments

[Giuetta]

well as i see it Twilight would be good at poker, I think that was what Rainbow said. and i don't know what you intend to write. Twilight and Rarity would be good.

[Rask]

I would make sure you capitalize the proper names of the characters. I feel dirty saying that... profreader I am not. I am unclean! UNCLEAN!

At this point, as long as the story is entertaining, you should be ok. Pick a direction and go.

[MarshmallowSundae]

The dialog feels a little wordy and unnatural. Scratch wouldn't say, "I’m hurt at the fact that you told me to stop”, but rather, "It hurts when you tell me to stop." It also looks like you picked your favorite background characters and randomly threw them together with the mane six to see what would happen. That's a lot of characters to balance. It might be a good idea to narrow it down to the characters who really need to be there for the story's sake.

And if Twilight is going to invite all these ponies over to her home for a big game night, Spike had better participate. So-called bronies forget about him way to fucking easily.

[The Silliest Dashie]

I agree with marsh here, you seem to make the common mistake of having your characters talk in proper English. It's good to write like that, but dialogue should always be unique to the character. Other than that, great story

[Ebonysdagger]

I don't know. I think Derpy would be hard to read during poker. Her eyes and all would make looking for tells a bit difficult.

[Xenonic]

I'm not sure as to the ending - it's not quite a cliffhanger, it more seems like a badly-placed advert break during a Channel 4 movie. Might wanna have a look at that.

[SirBarmy]

I think derpy should turn out to be a secret poker master much to vinyl and rainbows surprise and annoyance

[MitchellTF]

Crazy bets. Bets are key.

[bahatumay]

Rainbow Dash should have a good poker face, but when she gets a good... hand?, her wings pomf and give her away.

[Zytharros]

Derpy should win with a bad hand while holding the cards facing everypony else so they know they won, yet lost anyway.

[Shadow_Wolf]

I have this strange feeling that Twilight is going to be a poker shark... after all... she's the little sister of the captain of the royal guard and EVERYPONY knows that -- gambling or no gambling -- card games are practically a requirement to pass the time in the military.

[Dracon_Pyrothayan]

Applejack surprises everyone by being completely unreadable.

[Dracon_Pyrothayan]

Twilight making ludicrous bets after spending 5 minutes calculating pot odds... incorrectly

[Dracon_Pyrothayan]

Vinyl goes all in on every hand

[Dracon_Pyrothayan]

Twilight sites an obscure rule concerning one time when Princess Celestia was about to lose a poker tournament, and the judge pony invented a new hand that beats a royal flush. Pinkie Pie plays it at the end of the chapter.

[Dracon_Pyrothayan]

Somepony keeps clinking their chips, and it eats away at Rarity's sanity.

[Pinkamena_Rocks_57]

1374414
Thanks, I'll take all the proofreading I can get
1374511
Silly Dashie and MarshmallowSundae: I will try to see about the characters thing, I see what you're saying and I agree about the dialog problems. Also, this is my first fic for the MLP:FIM series so if one of you could help me characterize spike that would be awesome, because the reason why I left him out is because I can't make his character right. He would come out really OOC so I didn't want to do that. Thanks guys, it's great to hear some good criticism.

[masterbrony13]

"Mmmmmyezzzz, I think this will do quite nicely. Don't you agree, Mr. Mustache?

[Pinkamena_Rocks_57]

Dracon_Pyrothayan: Thanks for the ideas man, alot of them are really cool
Zytharros: Please explain your idea a bit more, I'm kinda confused and I really want to see what you have to say
and lastly bahatumay: Good idea man, I love it!!
Thank you all of you for the ideas

[MarshmallowSundae]

1377205 Spike is always friendly and welcoming, and if asked to help, he does so with a cheerful eagerness. He laughs at comical mishaps, like a pony getting soaked or getting a pie in the face, but only if it's funny and only if it's clear the pony in question isn't hurt or upset. He also has a wry, sarcastic sense of humor, like during Winter Wrap-Up: "You're a natural, alright, Twilight! A natural disaster!"

Keep those characteristics in your head when writing him and you should do just fine. Here's a mustache of encouragement.