The mane 6, Octavia, Vinyl, and Derpy gather at Twilight's to have a game night.
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Pinkamena_Rocks_57
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well as i see it Twilight would be good at poker, I think that was what Rainbow said. and i don't know what you intend to write. Twilight and Rarity would be good.
I would make sure you capitalize the proper names of the characters. I feel dirty saying that... profreader I am not. I am unclean! UNCLEAN!
At this point, as long as the story is entertaining, you should be ok. Pick a direction and go.
The dialog feels a little wordy and unnatural. Scratch wouldn't say, "I’m hurt at the fact that you told me to stop”, but rather, "It hurts when you tell me to stop." It also looks like you picked your favorite background characters and randomly threw them together with the mane six to see what would happen. That's a lot of characters to balance. It might be a good idea to narrow it down to the characters who really need to be there for the story's sake.
And if Twilight is going to invite all these ponies over to her home for a big game night, Spike had better participate. So-called bronies forget about him way to fucking easily.
I agree with marsh here, you seem to make the common mistake of having your characters talk in proper English. It's good to write like that, but dialogue should always be unique to the character. Other than that, great story
I don't know. I think Derpy would be hard to read during poker. Her eyes and all would make looking for tells a bit difficult.
I'm not sure as to the ending - it's not quite a cliffhanger, it more seems like a badly-placed advert break during a Channel 4 movie. Might wanna have a look at that.
I think derpy should turn out to be a secret poker master much to vinyl and rainbows surprise and annoyance
Crazy bets. Bets are key.
Rainbow Dash should have a good poker face, but when she gets a good... hand?, her wings pomf and give her away.
Derpy should win with a bad hand while holding the cards facing everypony else so they know they won, yet lost anyway.
I have this strange feeling that Twilight is going to be a poker shark... after all... she's the little sister of the captain of the royal guard and EVERYPONY knows that -- gambling or no gambling -- card games are practically a requirement to pass the time in the military.
Applejack surprises everyone by being completely unreadable.
Twilight making ludicrous bets after spending 5 minutes calculating pot odds... incorrectly
Vinyl goes all in on every hand
Twilight sites an obscure rule concerning one time when Princess Celestia was about to lose a poker tournament, and the judge pony invented a new hand that beats a royal flush. Pinkie Pie plays it at the end of the chapter.
Somepony keeps clinking their chips, and it eats away at Rarity's sanity.
1374414
Thanks, I'll take all the proofreading I can get
1374511
Silly Dashie and MarshmallowSundae: I will try to see about the characters thing, I see what you're saying and I agree about the dialog problems. Also, this is my first fic for the MLP:FIM series so if one of you could help me characterize spike that would be awesome, because the reason why I left him out is because I can't make his character right. He would come out really OOC so I didn't want to do that. Thanks guys, it's great to hear some good criticism.
Dracon_Pyrothayan: Thanks for the ideas man, alot of them are really cool
Zytharros: Please explain your idea a bit more, I'm kinda confused and I really want to see what you have to say
and lastly bahatumay: Good idea man, I love it!!
Thank you all of you for the ideas
1377205 Spike is always friendly and welcoming, and if asked to help, he does so with a cheerful eagerness. He laughs at comical mishaps, like a pony getting soaked or getting a pie in the face, but only if it's funny and only if it's clear the pony in question isn't hurt or upset. He also has a wry, sarcastic sense of humor, like during Winter Wrap-Up: "You're a natural, alright, Twilight! A natural disaster!"
Keep those characteristics in your head when writing him and you should do just fine. Here's a mustache of encouragement.