Skyset
Joined 12th Mar, 2012 ·
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I feel like the flow or pacing of the story is........
It needs work.
????
No kidding, Its a timberwolf.
The pacing needs to work at well as the narrative and dialog. Everything is going to fast.
Why are we suddenly talking about pizza more than what's important?
Wait wait, why are they discussing this in a restuarant instead of going to Twilight?
You are seriously not helping Starlight.
11715895
A wild animal may choose to fight or to leave.
In this case Fluttershy is providing her opinion that "Yeah, it looks like it isn't leaving."
11715903
Because what's important hasn't necessarily been established to anyone yet. Starlight doesn't know this pony, she's trying to learn more about her. And Chapter 2 ended with trying to get Skyset to warm up to her, and on top of that they were hungry, so the suggestion was made then.
As for why we're talking about pizza while eating pizza? I like to think of it as... characters getting to know each other. Having a casual conversation. Trying to warm up this Skyset who was and is clearly in a panic.
11715905
As stated in another comment, dialogue. They are having a conversation and learning about each other. I feel like having them skip talking with each other would have DEFINITELY been "rushing", as was indicated in a previous comment. It would have severely hurt the pacing even worse.
11715909
No, no she is not.
11716738
Yeah but like, its more of a thing that makes sense that people will to do first.
"Somepony from the future time travelled here, and unicorns and pegasy hate each other? This is a serious issue.
We need to immediately tell Twilight about this."
I feel like swapping the Get-to-know interaction and Conflict problem interaction feels better.
(I'm not trying to be mean, just trying to explain how I feel how it can be better.
I can explain of the flaws I feel to help improve better)
11716744
No I totally get it, definitely love constructive criticism.
In this case, she'd already seen Twilight once, and about had a panic attack when she saw her. One could argue that it is a pressing issue, yes. That being said, (bear in mind this is co-authored, my husband was actually the one writing Starlight, so I'm not 100% certain?) I feel like Starlight's goal here was twofold.
One, calm the mare down, she's in a panic. And two, in Starlight's mind, it didn't seem to be any immediate danger. Definitely something that needed addressing, and talking to Twilight was definitely intended, but it wasn't something that couldn't wait until after lunch. From Starlight's perspective, this mare is freaking out just at the sight of a unicorn, what is she gonna do when she sees an ALICORN? And having a conversation over food definitely helps me personally.
11716748
Ok yeah..... that does make sense. But bringing her to a restuarant where there are other unicorns and earth ponies doesn't really help or a good idea....
(And I knew that the pegasus was your oc)
And I believe Starlight should actually be worried of this Time travel situation, because of what she herself did and the consequences it caused. One small change in the past can change the future.
11716748
Is it a series of multiple stories, or a story that we should read first?
11716767
This is a series of multiple stories, yes. However others have not yet been made public. We're doing some HEAVY editing on them before we release them, because they were written a long time ago and it... it shows...
I'm trying my best to provide some context where I can, but this story I felt was a bit more contained and most things were simple enough to explain or didn't need prior knowledge.
11716945
correct.
11716953
I'm definitely looking forward to getting all of our stuff on here. It's gonna be a process, but I'm very excited.
Hey, wait a minute, didn't Twilight already know that the spell was hers? So why doesn't Morning Star know this? Seems there's a serious lack of communication here.
11787075
Twilight does know, but hasn't shared that information with most anyone, for a multitude of reasons, from personal shame/fear to concerns about ponies knowing too much about major future events. As far as Twilight is concerned that specific information is on an absolute 'need-to-know' basis.
Morning Star is more or less just following her organization's standard procedure. This pony was involved with something dangerous and should be assessed to see if there's any serious damage or corruption.