- Member Since 15th May, 2018
- offline last seen 18 minutes ago
mushroompone
This is great. I’m going to get a good grade in horsefic, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve,
mushroompone
Joined 15th May, 2018 ·
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I'm not kidding when I tell people this is the greatest Strawberry Sunrise character piece I have read, ever. It's so good and I am so excited that it's finally on FimFic! Thank you so much for this, it is literally one of the top ten horse fics I've ever read on this site! Can not wait to dive into this story again.
Heh, I give it about five more weeks before Sunrise is standing on the roof of her house, shaking an angry hoof at the sky and screaming "Stop It!" until the neighbours complain.
It begins.
Suck it Lightning
It gets worse.
really cute story!! loved the character work here
11538141
Thank you! It's honestly really fun to write about ponies with mean and nasty streaks like Strawberry... I'll have to do it more often!
loved this
The mare of maximum sass strikes again.
Aww, this was a fun little journey of self-discovery. Were the berries actually magic? The world may never know.
This was a wonderful read! Thank you so much for making this!
Kind of looks like Dust Devil has a crush on Strawberry...
So, overall, a very good story - good character stuff for the most part and a nice bit of ambiguity with the whole wish thing - it could have been magic, unremarkable coincidence or some Dirk Gently-style cause-and-effect tangle.
My one criticism is that the condemnation for what Strawberry initially said to Lightning Dust felt... really off. Like she gets crucified for... what, exactly? Sassing her about things she definitely did that were terrible? That's... really not all that uncalled for. And it's not like Lightning Dust acted remotely contrite after it was brought up. She got her hackles raised and shot back - not an unreasonable reaction (except for the part where she actually defended nearly killing a child, which... really didn't help her case), but also a good reason to think she wasn't exactly aching for redemption.
And Fiddlesticks raked Strawberry over the coals for... as far as I can tell, not thinking Lightning was trying to be better when she was given no reason to think she was and plenty of reason to think she wasn't. "Did you ask?" Well, no, because not only is "Hey, are you not a bad guy anymore?" a question there's no real way to ask in normal conversation, but there was no reason to ask because Lightning had given no indication it might be the case. But, no, apparently, Strawberry should have just assumed she was probably repentant and trying to be better and make amends. But given how Lightning acted, plus what she'd done in the show and how little of a s**t she was shown to give at the time... yeah, I really can't blame Strawberry for playing the odds on that one.
Mind you, it doesn't help that, well, we're told Lightning Dust is making amends and trying to make up for her actions, but we're never shown it. Now, normally that wouldn't be a problem, since that's not what the story is about, but if a major part of the story is excoriating someone for not acknowledging her redemption, it rings a bit hollow if all we know about the major parts of said redemption is "Trust me, she's doing it." And trying to equate Strawberry's and Lightning's behaviour... equating being just generally obnoxious to actively and remorselessly endangering lives... really feels weird.
I really do apologize that this comment is coming across so negative - I really did enjoy the story for the most part. It's just that aspect... bugged me more than it probably should.
11538624
Fair criticism, to which I'd reply that this story is built on a singular theme: what do we deserve?
Many of the conversations that take place in the fic are meant to demonstrate how different characters might have different opinions on this question. For example, in the conversation Fids, Red, and Strawberry have about Lightning Dust, I was trying to show how each character has very different feelings on what Lightning deserves. Fiddle, who knows her more personally, is aware that Lightning is trying to do better, and so doesn't think she deserves the harsh treatment (the "did you ask" specifically is meant to be a ridiculous question - you wouldn't ask a known alcoholic if they ever went to rehab as an opener, but then you probably wouldn't make fun of them to their face about their alcoholism). Strawberry, who (as we know from the show) can be unnecessarily harsh and exacting, thinks that it's basically open season on everyone, and that she can be as nasty and dismissive to Lightning as she wants. Redheart, beginning to see her friend Strawberry in a new light, is uncertain what could be considered deserved and what is going too far. None of these are meant to be right, only what the characters believe to be right.
The overall idea for the fic is that each character has an axe to grind - both personally and for the others they know. We all, as people, think we know what other people deserve, but rarely turn that same lens on ourselves. I agree that I ask my readers to take some leaps, but I would argue that over-explaining these characters or pushing the conflict further would detract from the internal nature of Strawberry's conflict.
Great story, loved it.
Miss Strawberry isn't the most pleasant of ponies it seems.
11538699
Okay, that does make a lot of sense and I can definitely see what you mean. And I definitely agree that, even were my criticism somehow inarguable (which it most definitely isn't), it is worth it for the sake of the story.
And, to be honest, while it does still seem a little odd... well, thinking about it, I don't even think the reason for my reaction was largely the fault of you or the story.
Because that perspective of "any given character isn't necessarily supposed to be right or wrong in how they react to and see someone's redemption, just different views and ways of looking at it" is a really, really good one. And I like the idea that some people will be extremely willing to forgive and dismiss any hard feelings and some won't and that neither is necessarily the "correct" way of doing things.
But, well, in order to hopefully not start unpleasant arguments, let's just say that not everyone in this community seems to agree with that. And I've sadly gotten used enough to attacks on people, in stories and out, over such disagreements that it... kinda registered as a false positive. That's largely on me, I'm quite certain, and I apologize, but... yeah.
11539081
No need to apologize whatsoever! I really appreciate hearing about the way you engaged with the work, and I doubly appreciate the chance to revisit some of the choices I made - consciously or unconsciously - while working on this story.
Honestly, the whole concept of judgement and deservingness is just one of those things I've learned in adulthood. Interpersonal drama is hard - harder than "stay in your lane" or "don't judge". I like to think I'm not as loose-lipped as Strawberry, but unless you're really critical with yourself you might not see the effect you have on people. I think that's where this story came from: just dealing with my own interpersonal conflicts as an adult and figuring out where my weak spots are.
And, yes, the sort of fiction where characters behave badly or do wrong things is generally not well-received here :/ strange since the structure of every single episode of the show is "character does wrong thing in interpersonal conflict and learns how to handle it better". I do hope that sort of story becomes a little more common - they're really my favorite to read!!
Mizz Strawberry is the sort of pony who just likes to gripe isn't she? ya know the ones who seem to be happy being cranky, miserable, etc?
Besides griping about anything and anyONE, the only other thing she loves in life is strawberries, and she doesn't give a flying feather about your feelings on the subject strawberries are Faust's personal gift to equinity and they are the best thing in the world. Heck if the Princesses decided to make a national fruit, they'd probably pick strawberries over anything else, ESPECIALLY APPLES (gross).
The only other thing I can think of is that she's secretly Tsundere for someone, and hates the fact that she feels this way, so she doubles down on the unlikable crank act in a ploy to chase off anyone that could break her shell.
Aaaaah this was so good! I was expecting zany Ponyville hijinks and instead I got whacked straight in the feels with a wonderful exploration of a one-off character whom I very much liked. Seeing this dysfunctional group of friends come together was such a pleasure.
11538624
I'm happy I'm not the only one who was thinking Dirk Gently ^^
So, went on a hunt for this after stumbling across your blogpost on writing characters who suck (was this the story that pic was referencing? If so, ya gotta include a link to it in your blogpost! For all us weirdos who idly browse peoples' blogs in their lunch break!), and I was amazed at how well you managed to hook me throughout the story. For how little seems to happen on the surface, every character is brimming with personality, quirks and flaws, and you balance the humour and drama incredibly well.
Regarding your blog post, you're spot on really: Strawberry sucks(-rise?) She's crass, she's got an ego to more than cover up her insecurities, and sometimes she's a straight-up bint.
I loved the way you didn't go for the typical, perhaps cliché 'everyone clamours over her fruit' plot progression, and kept things on a smaller scale. The stakes don't ramp up because of what happens, but almost because of how Strawberry perceives her interactions and the effect they have on her. The motif of the sign is a lovely touch since it keeps the viewer grounded in what's actually happening in the story. She's selling slightly-overpriced strawberries for goodness' sake, the world's not exactly ending, yet the more dramatic parts of the story makes it feel like maybe a tiny little corner of Strawbs' world is.
The conflict she goes through when Redheart leaves is a really well-done, introspective piece on someone crashing back down to earth at the revelation that they're a bit horrible, but not wanting to admit it quite yet. And damn, do you ever hammer it home in the penultimate chapter - a character has to be a special kind of suck if Lightning Dust of all ponies is the one who swallows her pride and acts the bigger person.
Seeing her finally realise, and more importantly admit her suck during the climax was a nice bit of catharsis. Similarly, topping it off by having none of the characters really change, at least on the surface, keeps the whole thing consistent and feeling pleasantly real. Everyone's still their typical, brash, sucky selves, just with a bit more nuance and a bit more perspective on each other's feelings. It almost feels like the only thing that's actually changed is Strawberry's perception of herself and her friends. And if that's all it takes for us to value a friendship enough to work on keeping it, isn't that a victory in and of itself?
that is indeed a very strange name for a pony! unlike Pinny Lane or Allie Way, of course, which are extremely normal
you know that does sound exactly how Strawberry Sunrise would do things
commentary!
hehehe gottem
augh i just love how much this short exchange ties together Strawberry knowing so much about other ponies, her dismissive abrasiveness, and poor Dust Devil’s general deal
hehehe love it
def sounds like a line that is also true about Strawberry about something, or even if not just love the feeling that this B-plot is going to tie together with Strawberry’s later somehow
dang i never thought before how fun it would be to see these two mares face off in the being acerbic competition and it is great
though in retrospect it was never in question who would win.
augh i love how terrible Strawberry Sunrise is
and for how long have you been living in this town full of crazy ponies exactly, Strawbs?
that Strawberry’s disdain for Applejack is so strong that she is genuinely unable to retain enough details about her to recognize her is so good i love it
this is just how folk beliefs are born, Strawberry!
ehehe of course!
i mean is that so outlandish?
can’t tell if Strawberry is genuinely recalling Apple family member names or making up stupid ones on the spot and happening to be correct
aww! with this and the near-missed ethical dilemma earlier, Strawberry has more of a conscience than her personality might let on, love it
augh poor Strawbs!
ooh the religious studies student in me just loves this!
augh so relatable
always love it when you take the one character trait a background pony has and suffuse it with this literary quality
aww but being rude is Strawberry’s thing!
so true
also so true to how magic in Equestria works
daaaaaamn! and of course Fiddlesticks would have this in her when it comes to Lightning Dust
as much as Fiddlesticks may have had a point, Strawberry has a point here, too! it does seem like she has a splash of working off the logic of our world (fitting with the cynicism)
oof! but that is definitely one step too far
and augh this say so much about the patterns that Strawberry is stuck in. Redheart’s comment about speaking like an adult is so fitting, since this could be the point where she realizes she is outgrowing Strawberry while Strawberry remains the way she is. it is definitely the end of something
and augh, Strawberry doing her very best to push away the last of her personal connections! and the contempt she has for Dust Devil in her own narrative contrasting so much with Dust Devil's earnestness is so good
probably loving this fic
i can just imagine how not in the mood for this Strawberry would be lol
love how this is Strawberry’s self-harm and self-devaluing expressed as prices on her sign. i mean not as a thing that is happening but as a metaphor it is good!
oof, being miserable and literally having no idea of what it is that would actually make you happy is so real. especially when what the things others around you seem to be wishing for and completed by don’t have the appeal to you as they clearly seem to do to them
love this passage
reminds me of this story
ahaha love it
dangit stop being so relatable!
augh that is such a well-observed character moment here, i really feel this moment
and augh, of course she believes that she herself doesn’t deserve that! also blew my mind with all the connections earlier, how did i not realize that those wishes were all indeed things Strawberry herself wanted to happen?
the vibe of the way Fiddle was defending LIghtning did strike me as this! but i am definitely understanding of that and was glad Lightning had at least one mare solidly in her corner
augh love how much more perceptive they are of each other than they are of themselves in the exact same way, so true
ahaha love how Redheart actually being in a happy relationship just changed the subject of her conversations with Strawberry and nothing else, that is so true
aww, that is so neat! all the wishes reversing themselves in time but leaving the pony whole in a different way. just like how Strawberry and Redheart’s friendship seems to be back to its old dynamic despite the events of the story as well
Redheart is so real for this
gottem
ehehe love how Lightning Dust is being the supportive marefriend
aww love it
all the same, it is very difficult to imagine Fiddlesticks wearing anything other than her signature hat!
ah the classic fifth wheel! been there, Strawbs
and augh, what a change from the disdainful Strawberry of earlier in the story!
and augh, so true! it was great to see this little slice-of-life of this new group of friends, formed by the connections of strawberry wishes and personal growth. if only Dust Devil could also be here, though at least she is in a better place.
just a wonderful character study of not only Strawberry Sunrise, but her new friends as well, and how they grow as ponies while still being very much themselves. placing Lightning Dust here as a counterpart was such a great choice given just how much their dysfunctions and journeys of growth both mirror and oppose each other. this was such a delight to read, and the ambiguïty of if the strawberries actually grant wishes somehow in this magical world of Equestria, and how the story works perfectly in either interpretation, is just the strawberry on top. and dang the Strawberry sass here was so good! just love to watch her work (at destroying the ponies around her with impeccably crafted verbal cruelty)
11875853
omg thank you so much for your comments!! I had so much fun writing this piece, and you picked up on so many of the little details I left in it - that's just the best feeling! I'm so happy to hear you liked it :)