"Twilight Sparkle, are you drunk?"

by Hypnotwist

All Celestia wanted was to read in peace

Princess Celestia was sitting by the fireplace in her bedchambers with a novel in her hooves when she heard the telltale crack-pop of somepony teleporting into her bedroom, her ears swiveled and she craned her neck to the side to get a view of whoever had invaded her personal space. "Twilight?"

"Princessss~" She giggled and sat down where she ended up, which was smack dab in the middle of her bed. Once she noticed she was on a bed she flopped onto her side and snorted.

Celestia got up and slowly walked over to Twilight, when she got close she caught whiff of a strong stench of cider that seemed like it was emanating from the purple nerd. She blinked a couple times and stared at Twilight in utter disbelief for a few seconds before opening her mouth to speak. "Twilight Sparkle, are you drunk?"

"Maybe- I dunno. Am I? I can't tell.."

"I'd say you are. If you are able remember what happened that led you to.. Consume so much alcohol.. Could you tell me?"

"Mmm.. Okie. Alls I remember is Rainb-" She hiccupped. "Rainbow Dash laying on my table. And then.. And then her puking on my floor and it was nasty!"

The pearl white mare took several deep breaths and put two and two together, she groaned and pinched the bridge of her muzzle with one of her wings upon reaching a headache inducing conclusion. "Alright, so you're saying Rainbow Dash was drunk, she ended up in your castle somehow, and then she vomited on the floor and that's what led you to drink so much?"

"Mhm.."

"Was it really so disgusting that you couldn't simply use your magic to clean it up?"

Twilight looked at her and blinked, the gears in her head working as she stared at the solar diarch. She however quickly came to a very simple conclusion. "Mm yeah. It was liquid drunk puke."

"I have the pleasure of not knowing how nausea inducing the 'liquid drunk puke' smell is, so I have no point of reference. But Twilight, would you like to rest here in my chambers until you are sober enough return to your home without assistance?"

The drunken purple princess of nerds rolled onto her back and clapped her hooves together gleefully, very happy about the impromptu sleepover. "Yes! Can- Can we get some snic-kerdoodle cookies?"

Celestia smiled, she was trying to keep Twilight in one place so she could keep an eye on her and not worry about if she was going to get herself injured or worse, some crusty stallion would try to take advantage of her inebriated state for his own sick fun. "Odd pronunciation of snickerdoodle there, but of course we could. Are you able to walk?"

"Probablyyy.."

"Are you able to find out for me, please?"

Twilight flopped off of the sun goddess's bed and took a few shaky steps before steadying herself and doing a little dance in place. She was so unbelievably happy to be hanging out with her former mentor again.

"Thank you Twilight, now this is uh.. A very special occasion and I don't think that already baked cookies will do, so we'll have to take a trot to the kitchen, is that alright?"

The lavender mare grinned widely and nodded yes, she stumbled over to the solar diarch and leaned on her for support.

Celestia stifled a sigh and draped a wing over Twilight's back, pulling her as close as she could, she didn't exactly know how she was going to get Twilight to the kitchen without incident, but she was going to try to gently guide her friend and former student and go from there. "Twilight, if you feel like you are going to be sick please do let me know beforehoof so I can get you to a trashcan to vomit into."

"Okie, I feel g-" She hiccupped and vomited in her mouth, her cheeks puffing up as the alcoholic contents of her stomach attempted to violently leave her body, she swallowed and saved Celestia the trauma of finding out how bad drunk vomit is for the time being. "I feel great!"

The alabaster alicorn released a breath she hadn't been aware she was holding, she was very glad that Twilight had not yet ruined her day by puking all over her and the floor. "That's wonderful my faithful friend, would you like me to bring a bucket just in case you feel the sudden need for it?"

"Mhm!"

"Alright. We'll take it slow so you don't trip, but if you do end up falling I promise I will catch you and help you stay upright."

"Thank you Celestia!~" She purred and held onto the older mare as they both slowly started to make their way towards the exit of the bedroom, she was just happy to be chilling with her favorite princess ever.

They maybe were three steps away from reaching the door when Twilight began retching, Celestia was horrified but held onto Twilight since she did not want to let go and risk her getting injured.
She frantically looked around for anything to hold in front of the purple pony to keep her from puking all over the floor and possibly her. But alas, the ancient alicorn couldn't find anything in time.

Twilight Sparkle started throwing up all over herself and while she was in the process of doing that she turned to look at Celestia for assistance, expelling her disgusting stomach contents all over herself and the princess.

Celestia let go of her and scrambled back with a horrified yelp, she was absolutely horrified at how much of the horribly rancid concoction there was coming out of her friend's mouth.
It didn't take long for the awful stench to hit her, the second the smell drifted up to her nostrils the solar alicorn started gagging loudly and violently.

The vomiting mare eventually stopped puking and felt she was covered in something warm and runny, her drunken self then realized she puked her guts out all over herself, but she didn't quite care and found it funny so she cackled in response. "Uh oh~"

It took Celestia a few minutes to stop dry-heaving long enough to speak, she now unfortunately had the extreme displeasure of knowing how bad the 'liquid drunk puke' smell was and she wanted to go back in time to when she had the very blissful existence of not having an idea as to how wretched it was. "Sweet Faust, Twilight!"

Twilight swayed where she stood and eventually had to lean on the wall for support, she snorted and laughed and was generally having a grand old time while her mentor was standing there with wide eyes and a scrunched up muzzle.

"I think- I think I need a nap."

"Yes Twilight, I think you do too."

"Can I- Can-" She hiccupped and tried to move away from the wall, taking maybe a step before deciding that the wall was her savior and going back to lean against it. "Can I sleep in your bed? Pleaaaase?"

".. Sure.."

"Yay! You're the best!"

Celestia said nothing and lifted Twilight up with her magic, levitating her over to the bed and placing her down under the covers.
The very traumatized sun goddess tucked her in and waited for Twilight to start snoring before going into her bathroom and turning on the bathtub's faucets.

"I am not leaving this tub for a week. Luna can do my duties, she'll be fine, she's got this.."

Author's Note:

Heck yeah I wrote a sequel! Is it as good as the original? No I don't think it is.

But was it fun as heck to write? YEAH.

Comments

[Dontar]

I laughed so much at this

[Hypnotwist]

11526554
I'm glad! I didn't intend for it to be a comedic work of fiction but in the end it turned out to be just that.

[WhispersInTheDark]

You know, after having lived for so long, you'd think 'Tia would know how to handle a drunk or two by now...

1) Do NOT offer them food!
2) Do NOT try to get them to walk
3) If they say, "I might throw up," it means "they're GOING TO throw up!" Every. Time.
4) And lastly, in the case of Unicorns, never drink and teleport

[Hypnotwist]

11526633
Mhm, but Celestia is just very lazy and usually can't give a flying feather about the drunk ponies she encounters, that and she usually just gets her poor guards to deal with them.

But now Celestia has learned a very valuable few lessons on what not to do when dealing with an intoxicated pony, and she'll never forget what cursed events have gone down that day.

[Silent Wing]

Celestia, I hope you at least shoved her under the shower before placing her in your bed, otherwise you may have to throw away the sheats, covers and pillows

[Hypnotwist]

11526743
Haha ohhhh she didn't, she's going to have to throw the whole bed away and burn it.

[FoxyLove]

Can we have another sequel?

[Hypnotwist]

11527102
Maaaaybe.

But first I'll have to figure out what the heck to write, I have sort of an idea but I'll have to think on it some more before I dedicate to writing. Plus I'm sick and I have to make sure the idea I've got isn't total garbage that my exhausted self thinks is a good idea.

[FoxyLove]

11527116
The Dreaded It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time....

[Hypnotwist]

11527120
Exactly, I'm trying to avoid a situation like that so I don't make a fool of myself.

Which I probably will anyways to be honest. 😎

[FoxyLove]

11527124
Unfortunately Sgt. Murphy has been doing that a lot lately. I would place heavy notice with Famous Last Words. He apparently LOVES those...

[Hypnotwist]

11527129
Well dang, now I've got to be extra careful. 😭

[Hillbe]

Such light weights, Precious Scales and I always have a few night caps after work...
NO Way!
Cider doesn't work on dragons
I've tried many time to out drink him.
You two cause me to drink more
What you saying!?
Nutin
#1 Never introduce any container for catching puke, It promotes projectile vomiting.
Like aiming a fire hose at a tea cup

[Hypnotwist]

11527836

[Waiting for Godot]

...Celestia's thought's..."greater love have no mare". She put twiggles in her OWN BED for Faust sake

[Hypnotwist]

11528026
Yep, and now Celestia needs either a new bed or brand new linens.

[GhostRider1996]

11526554
Dontar,

Me too!