• Member Since 23rd Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen Sep 30th, 2012

Silvertree10


E

For many ages now, all ponies have hailed and looked up to Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. Have you ever heard of Princess Eve? Of course not. My name has been lost to the ages, for my job was considered minor. I am Princess Eve. Commader of the Stars and Clouds. What? Oh yes. Pegasi take care of the clouds and make them. I used to be the sole creator of clouds. I would walk all over the lands during the day. Clouds would spring up and float to the sky from my very hooves. Today i still make the majorty of the clouds, but those little ponies in the clouds take all the credit. Now about the stars. Big sister Luna, or as you know her Princess Luna, is only the mother of stars. I take care of them. I make the lovely constanlations at night that you see.I create the new ones at night and watch from above, looking at ponies dreams. Now why haven't you heard me from my sisters you say? I don't think they even remeber I exist. Now I have finally come forth from my time in space and the lonely outside skies to the ground. No one even seems to ntoice anything out of place from me. I appear as a regular pony, sma esize and style ,well except the combo of the horn and wings...

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 12 )

not really a fan of alicorn oc's... i assume this eve character is an alicorn. also you need to reread and check spelling and stuff like that i spotted several mistakes... but other than that this is not bad

I like it ... MOAR

same thing as i said with the other chapter. i do like where this is heading but you need to work on spelling and that sort of stuff. but otherwise i look forward to seeing more :twistnerd:

Might want to go over the description again. There's several mistakes in it which might cause some to judge your story prematurely.

I like the look of this, I'll defiantly be reading more :moustache:

Concept is all right, but this needs a lot of editing. Tons of spelling, grammar, and formatting errors.

looking rather interesting, but still needs work,

try to keep it left aligned with indents for every new paragraph. with the dialogue start a new line every time the one that's talking changes.

the way your going to have Eve received sounds like its going to be a clone of the wedding at the end of season two and i don't think it would fit.

try to get your chapters longer as well I'm not sure about others, but i generally find stories with chapters that are larger than 1.5k words more enjoyable

1337791
Thank you for the tips. I am glad you commented. I will take on your tips.
And what wedding? I am only up to episode 16 in season two....

1338394 really? the final two episodes is about two new characters that have a wedding. in which, twilight oversees it, rainbow does the rainboom, pinkie is setting up the party, rarity is making the dresses, i forgot what fluttershy did and AJ made the food

1338558
Well I might go check that episode out /: I might have seen a clip and forgot about it.

Ill try to make some changes. Thanks for telling me!

img-cache.cdn.gaiaonline.com/32f9cc62a7e82a5805a52a462efa2b7f/http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f276/Darcat/ConfoundThesePonies.jpg lol yea um nice.... im all for alicorn oc's but I mean please get an editor and make the chapters a wee bit bigger

1345561

I have ran it through spelling and grammar. Sorry for the shortness, i just typed it to get it off my mind. Im promise to make the next chapter bigger.

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