This is both fascinating and terrifying!

I think you may have just twisted my brain into a gordian knot. I am starting to wonder how many characters to can have drawing my ire before it runs out though, the abundance of evil/corrupted is nearly astonishing.

Oh well, at least there's the still adorable Trixie/Big Mac relationship going.

Wonderfully dark fic you've got going so far. I look forward to seeing how this pans out.

Twilight Spark is awesome.  I love how twisted it is, and yet at the same time it still seems kind of like Twilight.  Nicely done.

Hey Wanderer D, any chance of sending this link to Seth? Really helps in promoting the site.

Thanks for uploading.

>>243243 Will do, definitely!

>>244244

Awesome :) Cheers.

Never thought I'd be happy to see Dash brainwashed (well, in lieu of outright corruption at least). One definitely has to worry about Twilight's metal state after all is said and done....I dunno though, my expectations have been completely shattered by this story quite a few times so far.

>>265265 Shattered in a good way?

>>268268

Definitely in a good way.

I really wish that you could post this faster, I hate having to wait so long between new chapters. Still, I check this site every 2-3 hours to see if its up yet.

You know I made a tracking function especially for that purpose Medivh ;)

>>291291

Posting as quickly as I write them! Chapter 10 is being proofread right now. :)

>>292292

I've sent the link to Chapter 10 to EqD including the link to FiMfiction, Seth should post it sometime tomorrow.

Mattress fortress? :D

>>338338

Best defense against insistent unicorns. Applejack approved.

Mislead + Mattress Fort + Juxtaposition = Incredibly Bizarre Mood Whiplash (also, awesome, but that's something else entirely)

Anyways, still liking how this is going with inside mare, Luna/Nightmare Moon and Dash...I do think they're being far too obvious in their actions, but that really depends on whether or not there's anyone with omniscience. They just really don't seem overly subtle (somebody dying almost seems necessary to keep up the ruse) in what they're doing and I'm not entirely sure why they went to Ponyville in the first place.

Also, just curious, but was Jade introduced earlier in the story and I've just neglected to remember her?

Anyways (2x self-distraction combo), still going rather nicely, if at a somewhat slower pace (this seems to be a bridge chapter with the only significant moments being RD coming back to her senses and Midnight's group gathering new members). I do hope we get some scene with the exiles. I know you've adequately pushed them behind a curtain, but it still feels like they should have some presence in spite of it.

Nice work.

Stop adding memes.

Unfunny.

>>351351

O_o *blink* are you... talking to me? What meme?

I cant wait to read this. On and BTW I thought a good title for the pick woulf be Midnight Sparkle going with whole evil encarnation thing. But thats just from looking at the pic.

for the bit with the Matress fortress, you deserve to have money thrown at you. Lots of it

>>385385

Ah! ^_^ Well if it does become a meme I'll be honored but I have yet to see it referenced elsewhere.

>>353353

PLEASE dont stop whit ANYTHING you are doing :D

i LOVE your work.

hehe i thought twilight was doin 'FUNNY' buisness whit AJ for a sec :P

Flawless.  I can't get enough of it.

I still want to know what "it" is. Can't wait for the next installment!

Confound you author! You drive me to want more!

Well, confound you for making me put off sleep with updatey goodness, but yeah, totally worth it.

A bit of a bridge/expositional sort of chapter. I'm kind of glad that there's now an out for some of the previously mentioned corrupted ponies. I love redemption and that breeds redemption...I think it might be a tiny bit on the contrived side, but anh, screw it, me wants.

It was good to see the various elements of the story coming together (I'm thinking the CMCs are going to be getting somebody killed/maimed/captured at some point) as the story flows towards some sort of climax, minor or major. Am still slightly sad that we're still short a few characters....

Still completely freakin' awesome though.

Bloody masterful.

Must read more nao!

HURRY THE FLIP UP

i see something wrong :

“Maybe... maybe we just don't know enough?” Sweetie Pie said

^ its me ^^^^^again forgot to put mah name :P

btw AWESOME story again :D

the light that came from... it. IT... IT!!! IT ??????

you got me thinking.

i thought twi's dad... wait what ?

Thanks everypony, I'm writing the next chapter and boy it has some interesting things going on... or at least I think so :) It'll be up sooner rather than later, I hope!

>>448448

Thanks! The story needed a bit of exposition, I think :P

>Twilight

>Goth lesbian vampire

Iseewhatyoudidthere.jpg

Fantastic writing overall. Clever, deep, enthralling - you kept me up from 1:30 til 2 am last night reading this.

Hurry up with the next one, though!

*pulls out checkbook* How much do you need to write a new chapter?

>>515515

No worries, I'm pumping them out as quickly as I can :)

Re: 12

"What am I? Just a background pony?" This line, so much.

Anyways, it was really nice to see the other half of the main cast again, even in passing. The scenes with Trixie and her family were really, really nicely done (surprisingly enough it flowed in a fairly predictable pattern which I think speaks to the realism of it in relation to the story's 'verse). We're still in build-up mode, but it is still engrossing as all get out. Ending line was really just....sad, but in a good sort of way. I'm really liking your Trixie, even if her original motives perplex me a tad.

Wonderful continuation.

While I still loved the twelfth chapter, I couldn't help but get the feeling that it was filler.  Good filler, but still filler. :/

>>538538

Thanks! Glad you found that line funny, I'm sure some won't heh. Mane Cast will return soon. I'm just letting Applejack sleep a bit. Girl's pretty tired.

>>539539

A bit, yes. But I am trying to build up a bit more the motives behind some characters, if I just throw all of them (especially the new additions) without any conflict they will be nothing more than background ponies.

Q.Q TRIXIE'S STORY IS SO TRAGIC

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Still fantastically written. Keep going!

O.O

still an awesome story.

you know what will be amazing?

IF TRIXIE MAGICALLY CAME ALIVE AGAIN!

i dont think it is easy to write though. D:

oh btw. a friend from my minecraft server is 11 and he reads this story too but ... he dont get the AJ + Twilight things :P but ok hes 11 :P (dont stop making those storys abouth AJ+Twi' (i like them))

greetings Nick Fiering :D

Funny and sad and dramatic all in the same chapter.

Me gusta.

I still really want to know who the father of Celestia's child is. At the least I think Celestia would have someone else looking into the matter, if not herself.

Brilliant!

That is all...

Confound you Author, You drive me to post comments on your story on multiple sites!

>>621621 P.S. I wanted to ask you about the picture of Twilight *Spark*, did you draw it?

>>624624

No, it's the awesome work of Crimson Valor: Twilight Spark

AHHH, new chapter is epic win.

Stay awesome, my friend.

God, I hate cliffhangers.... You should write faster so they can be resolved! I want to know! Lyra is my favorite BGC!

No one is getting out of this story without some serious scars.

Admittedly, I will be a little surprised if Lyra's execution is followed through with...not so much because of the capabilities of the corrupted Flare, but moreso because her presence in the story has been short enough that her death would be more confusing than anything else. Still, it was a good way to show the break point of an average character with Bon-Bon (although, on the flip side, Lyra's loyalty seems quick/extreme, but we've got 'til morning to sort through that).

As for the rest. Still like seeing the the other three, and their interactions/reactions seem fair (rope in the scene between RD and AJ into that as well. Went about as badly as Dash should have expected). Moon is still a mite wonky, but at least she seems to be cultivating the tyrant queen persona now (bit with Scoots was touching, but a bit awkward for reasons I can't quite pin down). Jade is still an enigma and done in such a way that I worry that when her character's fully revealed she's going to be complicated if not impossibly so. AJ's long walk was really nicely done. It's good to get a feel for the gen pop sometimes.

You're fond of these mini cliff-hangers ain'tcha? What will Spike's reaction be...indeed.

(and I've probably forgotten/missed something, but it's after 1am, so addendums mayhaps?)

Yet another great chapter. Also, I found what seems to be an error on what seems to be on the 94th "Line" i guess you would call it.

"Fear. That's what she saw in the ponies eyes around her. Fear. Confusion. They walked like they were stepping on eggshells, but the castle's staff performed their jobs regardless. The guards Gmore tense if even possible. But then again, she had had a chance to meet some of them in a less formal situation, like yesterday."

Just wanted to point that out, and as always, keep up the good work ^-^

THEY ARE PART OF THE REBEL ALLIANCE AND ARE A TRAITOR.

NOW TAKE THEM AWAY!

LYRA DONT DIE PLEASE!

i like the story. thanks to this chapter i know how evrything goes again :D

How are you going to execute me at dawn if there's no dawn anymore. Genius.

I get the feeling Nightmare Flare isn't thinking terribly clearly at the moment, she's doing all the wrong things for a tyrant to do: “The tyrant dies and his rule is over, the martyr dies and his rule begins." --Soren Kierkegaard

>>651651

Ah, forgot to say that it's still going awesomely. Freakin' love this fic.

(The obvious things are the most easily forgotten aren't they?)

>>649649 What? Every two to three days is not fast enough?!

>>651651 Yes. So many details! Hope RD forgives me someday.

>>655655 Thanks! The error has been corrected!

>>661661 Every time I write "Rebel Alliance" I think of that scene exactly.

>>665665 Lyra's fate to be decided... at dawn. If it ever comes. Or its eclipsed equivalent.

>>692692 Flare is in a way a bit of an opposite of Celestia, where the Princess is patient, Flare is... Or maybe she's planning something?

>>721721 *Shakes fist at the sky* Someday my fic will be so awesome it will have its own TV Tropes page! And... Ice Cream! Lot's of Ice Cream! In the meantime... all comments and "likes" make it 20% cooler immediately. Thank you!

>>728728 Always keeping an eye out for my favorite authors, also hoping for the TV Tropes page and Ice cream ^-^

why must u do this to us!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well...damn.

NOOO!! Bon-Bon!!

>>861861

Got it in one.

Another great chapter, little more heart tugging and mind boggling, only one thing i found wrong, on the 44th or so "Line" you wrote

“Its better to die your hoofs than live on your knees at the mercy and whim of a twisted pony like you and your Queens!” Applejack shouted, pushing spike back.

Just pointing out that you forgot the "on" between your and hooves

Other than that great writing and as always, keep up your awesome writing! ^-^

Flippin cliffhangers man!

TRIXIE! NO!!!!

TRIXIE, NO. DERE'S A TUMOR IN DER

Man... I completely lost my general idea of where you're taking this..

Waiting for more...

And once again, Ditzy for the win.

The "Next chapter" button.

IT DOES NOT WORK. *clicks it harder*

am i the first who uses the emoticons ??? lol.

this episode broke my heart..

bon-bon , lyra , trixie .

I DONT LIKE DEAD PONYS

i will love this story even more if everypony survives in the end .......

can you make it so that everypony survives ? THAT WILL BE AWESOME.

(i dont like death cus i had some horrible moment in my life)

greetings . ... me ?

>>780780 Well... it's hard not to?

>>861861 Wait till you see chapter 15. I foresee a lot of uh, reactions.

>>862862

>>865865 It's a good thing you keep pointing those out! They've been corrected.

>>867867 Indeed. But they are effective in helping me move the story along.

>>876876

>>878878

>>892892 Muffin-Fu!

>>893893 Next chapter is coming soon, just about finished with it. Some editing, checking and it'll be up soon.

>>896896 Well, not everypony will... but they will all try to do so.

Thanks for the comments everypony! See you next with chapter 15!!

1.One of my favorite fanfics! I ya, man. And I mean that in the most admiring and least romantic way possible.

2.Rebel Alliance! O/ \O <-- Jedi ponies

3.Creepy lesbian Twilight is creepy.

Too tired to review properly and so I shall take my leave with a complete cop-out and state in a mock-Shyamalan voice, "What a twist!"

(more later...probably)

omg whens the next update?

I thought that might be her under the cloak the first time we got into the cavern.

I'm glad you made this series, it's so good! (I'm not good at critiquing, so you get a compliment!)

Great Story you wrote bronie, it's great.

I just have a question, Where did Twilight's body come from in that last chapter?

I Mean i looked at the 2 chapters before but there was no mention of a cloaked body.

Would you mind clarifying that?

>>10691069

Check chapters 8 & 11 for previous mentions.

Gotta run, but will reply to everypony later today! Thanks for reading!

No errors other than a sentence starting with And, very well written and sad as well, but once again another twist in the story, good work ^-^

>>991991 Thank you! I my readers.

>>10561056 No worries! Thanks for dropping a message!

>>10571057 Give me a couple of days... I'm trying to average the next chapter in between 5k and 6k words.

>>10661066 good call!

>>10681068 Thank you!

>>10711071

>>10831083 Thanks!

Rainbow is really just not very good at subterfuge is she? I think that was the part that bothered me the most here. For a group that is so at risk of being found out, they're a little...well, a lot bit out in the open. Recruiting characters without any vetting process, talking openly in front of characters that could very well be agents...I dunno. Unless their enemy is stupidly arrogant (and they very well could be), these are all moves that could very well explode in a shower or acid and pain right in their faces.

Aside from that, I didn't quite get AJ's sudden, “Big Mac, your taste in mares." It seemed terribly out of place given the circumstances. The rest of the scene, however, pretty much beautiful in its horrible-ness (to the characters I mean, not to the audience).

Trixie's death (re-death?) was ambiguous enough that I can see multiple ways forward with it (I'm not sure we can lose her as a character...wouldn't feel right, her dying so unfortunately, but it's happened before). The reveal on the body brings us a whole new wrinkle though...makes me question the nature of Twilight Spark's existence at the very least. Makes me wonder if we might end up with multiple Twilight's at some point too.

Nice job having the rebellion feeling less one sided as well with Flare finally having some sort of counter plan. And a nice job overall too.

Golly I must admit, I'm hooked on this Fic. So much suspense, so many TWISTS!!!! Ugh, read it all at an 8 hour time frame on a Saturday.

lol how are you able to dish out new chapters so fast o.o?!

Lol keep em coming.

[WARNING REPLY CONTAINS SPOILERS UP TO CH. 15]

>>11061106 In a way, RD and the Rebels are really not that good at it because they have absolutely no practice doing it. That's why Midnight was able to take advantage of them. They are good ponies and live in a town where you can really trust just about anyone. so it kinda reflects on their actions.

>>11071107 Wow, you really went for it! I'm glad you liked it so much!

As for how I pump the chapters so quickly... I just love writing this story.

Hope to hear from you next chapter!

For now... I GO!

>>11081108 Kinda thought you might go that way with it (the route of innocence begets ignorance). I am somewhat of the opinion that some of these things are fairly common sense (albeit those might be informed by Spy movies/books and such that simply don't exist in this universe). I dunno, maybe I'm just waiting for the screw up that gets people dead.

Also, who's awesome? You're awesome. (sorry, just felt like it)

We Require More Cliffhangers!

In reality, I really want to finish this story. And, Twilight Spark is still better than Sparkle. That is all.

If this doesn't turn into something with Doctor Whoof, I will be disappoint.

>>11361136 IKR, I mean there is already a perception filter.

Very nice story! I just caught up with it. It's going to be interesting to see where this goes, especially since we haven't really gotten any new information on Celestia's foal. I'm willing to bet that once she appears things will change substantially.

calling it now:

trixie is the missing daughter of celestia, and the egg-thing is going to end up bringing her back to life.

de-anoning (i'm the anon above)

havent read it yet ...

i couldnt sleep cus of bon-bon and the waterfall .......

i dont know if i am brave enough to continue ....

idk if shes dead ....

please lemme know if shes dead ...

if yes ....... i stop reading ...

greetings Tah DJ

IF YOU DON'T WRITE MORE OF THIS STORY RIGHT NOW I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU.

>>12271227 No need to be violent about it, he's busy translating a document for tonight. You might need to wait at least one more day

>>12291229

Relax, I was referencing a comic that I read. My name should've given it away.

>>12311231 Ehehehe, sorry, i've never heard of it so I wouldn't get it ^-^

I was wondering if you would be interested in having me as an editor for your stuff. I am good at catching errors such as spelling and grammar, and i have a talent for rewording awkward segments*. Please let me know if my offer interests you.

(*Not meant to sound as rude as it does, this essentially means I am good at improving wording.

example:

"I have orders from Queen Nightmare Flare, you are requested in her presence."

becomes this:

"I have orders from Queen Nightmare Flare. Your presence has been requested."

or this, which is what happens when I stretch it:

"I have orders from Queen Nightmare Flare. You are to present yourself to her majesty immediately."

how the hell did I manage to quadruple-post that.

Seriously.

What the fuck.

I first I read the word count as 59,595

Word Genocider?

>>11101110

>>11141114 We're reaching the climax of the story. after that...

>>11361136>>11371137 Well somepony had to get with filly right? Right? J/K sorry, to my surprise I actually didn't think about the Doctor as a major player at all. He might turn up at some point.

>>11531153 Your bet would be right.

>>12091209

>>12171217 I've said it before in EqD, although I guess that I haven't reiterated it here: I really don't kill anypony without a reason, Bon-Bon is important whether she lives or dies, of that there is no doubt.

>>12271227 I was going to say that I was glad that my story inspired such positive attitudes!

>>12291229 Yep, and let me tell you: NEVER agree to translate 23 pages out of the blue. EVER.

>>12381238>>12391239>>12411241>>12401240>>12501250 I just thought you really wanted to help.

>>12721272 With chapter 16 it goes up to 65,476 words. :P

>>12751275 Just don't overwork yourself, mkay? ^-^

>>12751275

Wait, you're done? Upload it!

I don't know how can I tell this, but I'll still try. The twelfth chapter, it made me remember my brother, how he passed away without ever knowing about me 12 years ago. Brought back many wishes from the past which will never fulfil. Thank you for reminding me of my brother, even if all I had were stories and pictures.

As for the next chapter, I am waiting impatiently for it, as I still wish to see how it turns out.