Time! (45:58.95)
PonyRunner pushed himself back from the computer, laid back his head, and covered his face with his hands. He was shaking from the adrenaline and stress. But it was over. He’d done it.
That had to have been close.
“Was that damageless?!” said the Dash guy.
He really should learn that guy’s name.
“I think so…” he said. His voice came muffled through his hands.
Gage brought his lapel mic closer to his mouth.
“Can someone on the tech bench tell us what time that was?”
PonyRunner almost didn’t want to hear it. He couldn’t manage more stress.
With Celestia defeated – load bearing boss that she was – the castle began to crumble around a. The unicorn turned from the rubble and slowly trotted away, out of the demolished throne room, out of the castle, out of Equestria, and into the credits.
“The time was…” said the announcer, “45 minutes, 58.95 seconds”.
“Well, that’s definitely a PB…” he said. There was some applause, and a little chat spam.
“It’s also world record by 6 seconds.”
Everyone went wild. He collapsed in his chair.
Gage grabbed him by the shoulder and shook him gently.
“Congrats, dude. That was a perfect run”.
“Well, I wouldn’t say perfect…”
The Dash Guy was standing beside him too. The premonitions of a frown graced PonyRunner’s forehead.
“But pretty damn close”, he smiled. “Better practice that drop clip for next run”.
PonyRunner was smiling too. He stood up. One guy at the back yelled “Speech!”
After that run, a speech seemed like the easiest thing in the world.
“Thank you to everyone who watched and donated. I’m so happy I got the chance to show off this run live and support this great cause. Shoutouts to the couch, the HiE Discord. I know we make fun of this game and rag on it a lot… but I wouldn’t keep coming back to it unless there was something really… special about it. I dunno what it is, but it’s pretty magical.
“I think everyone should give it a shot, even if it’s just once. Even if it’s just a quick run, a full playthrough, whatever, give it a try. And if you want to start running the game, there’s plenty of tutorials out there. We have side categories, like Larson% where you just rush the alicorn quest. And Smile% is exactly like this run but shorter; you get to Pinkie, you clip inside her hitbox, and that kills you somehow.”
There was laughter and cheering. He put his arms over the shoulders of his two couch commentators (with, admittedly, a little hover-handing).
“That’s everything. Thanks for having us! You can cut us off now.”
And they did.
“Thanks to PonyRunner and crew for the great run, and congrats on the world record!” said the announcer, cueing the OC remix playlist, “coming up next we have a run of Prey 2020 by Kkat. That’s going to be a very interesting run…“
Somewhere, buried beneath the rubble, a small part of Celestia wondered whether he should really be celebrating, considering she wasn’t actually dead yet.
A much larger, louder part of her told her to shut up and let him have this, unless she wanted him to finish the job.
~The End~
The end! Thanks for reading!
(Run invalid, but I won’t tell if you won’t 
)
This fic was burning a hole in by brain and I had to get rid of it as soon as possible. I’m honestly amazed at the positive reaction its gotten. Thanks so much! If this is the only fic I ever write, I’ll be happy... but I still have few stupid ideas I want to try. Maybe some day 
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I'm hoping next year they actually do the donation incentive for Save or Kill the Changelings.
Flawless game, 10/10 would play it.
Oh, if only they had a sequel to Prey 2017. They basically end on a sequel bait with the good ending, but it is very unlikely that they will actually make the sequel.
I "finish" reading up to Dream Date, then I check five minutes later, then I see that the last two chapters were immediately posted afterwards. Fate strikes again.
Fun read, but it makes me interested in more of the aftermath, especially since Celestia didn't actually die. Also makes me wonder what happens to "a" after they shut the game off. (Unless the world itself just ends/pauses forever, but that's kind of a lame option IMO)
A masterful performance, job well done eh?
A good ending for all! And is that WR pace live on stage? Shocking! :O
How are you this funny
This is honestly the best fit I have ever heard about and red very unique and I absolutely love it
Smart mare.
Delightful stuff... though I do have to wonder what the deal with Dash Guy was. I kept expecting some big twist with him, but I guess he was just there because of a scheduling hiccup. So it goes.
In any case, thank you for a most entertaining story. I don't know if this was a WR for going from account creation to top of the featured box, but you're likely in the running.
this was the most enjoyable cosmic horror story I ever saw
11477850
Hold it together by overundercookened
it was a short ride, but hot damn was it funny. good job on this fic, and I hope to see more from you soon!
Author was speedrunning Fimfic's account creation to first place in Feature Box. Good run!
Please do. You have a bright Fimfic career ahead.
Kinda want an epilogue with the cast in-game trying to figure out what the hell just happened.
Loved every bit of it, especially the commenters! Wish you good luck with further runs (fics)!
11477843
While I was writing the fic, it became really obvious to me that there was no way of writing Dash Guy’s character that wasn’t just... really annoying. PR gets the record and he’s just still there, dragging the mood down? He whips out the jar half way through a trick? No thanks. And making his presence some sort of grand conspiracy would’ve been too complicated and confusing for a joke fic, especially when the “real world” is just a B plot.
In the end, it made more sense to play up the “speedrunning brings us all together, despite our differences” angle. He’s just weird and awkward because he’s been put on a couch with people he doesn’t know, and through the power of Speed Gaming (tm) he becomes normal.
It’s the main thing in this story I’m not happy with tbh. Can’t win ‘em all, I guess. At least it’s a free timesave for future get featured any% run attempts
11477628
Friend, I have a fic recommendation you may be interested in...
I need a 100% run now please. make it happen.
11477862
Thank you.
Hooray! Speedrun complete!
I loved how PonyRunner420 used every trick in the speedrunning book to achieve his goal. And he was even rewarded with RNG helping him out during the final boss battle!
Wo, I look away for two days and the fics complete?
I suppose that's just the nature of things when your speed running a fic.
That was a great story. I hope you've inspired many others to come up with similarly bizarre runs. Wonder if someone can pull off a 100%?
I use text to speech to listen to stories while I work, and I gotta say that the dialog legitimately sounded like skipped dialog in a game. The construction and execution of the video game like feel of the interactions was flawless.
11478127
Wait, Kkat came back after 5 years to write something new? How did I not see this
One of the funniest fics I've read in awhile. Instant favorite.
This was a pretty unique idea, with a good execution. On the IGN scale, this is a 9.5/10
Seriously tho, I enjoyed it, and congrats on getting featured with your first story.
will there be a sequel? how about a good ending route?
That was a fun run, really neat way to format a speedrun as a fanfic.
(Also, with 'He put his arms over the shoulders of his too couch commentators', assuming you meant 'two')
Reminds me a bit of that Friendship is Optimal story where "Twitch Plays Equestria Online", and they make the main character do stuff like punching Celestia in the face.
Damn now I want a single-player version where the player has no clue the ponies are real and he just fucks around and the ponies are confused as fuck :D
Awesome story!
I enjoyed reading it.
Unfortunately I had to upvote it, so I ruined the like counter by going from 555 to 556...
This has no right to be half as funny as it is. 10/10, incredible, genre defining. Had me laughing from start to finish
This is god tier.
Since it's now 2024, I decided to re-read the fic, and it's still as funny as I remember it being. HiE Larson% when?
This fic draws a brilliant link between speedrunning and fanfiction that only in retrospect seems obvious. Both are tight-knit communities of people obsessing over their favourite toys and dedicating much time and effort to a thing that may not provide any tangible result, but nevertheless sparks joy.
Some specific things to praise would be the flawless integration of many stations of HiE canon AND speedrunning canon, and the jokes from both spheres. It's hard to pick a favourite moment, but I'm leaning towards the part where Luna accidentally dreamwalked herself into a Visual Novel dating sim and got pineapple'd into submission. Another great bit is the conclusion, which affirms that all this silliness, irreverent though it may be, comes from a deep and abiding love of the medium.
There's also this strange element of kayfabe in the reaction to the story. I can't blame this entirely on the author, but I doubt it would have occurred if this had failed to capture the imagination of its target audience.
Overall, it's brilliant, heartwarming, and fucking hilarious. Thank you for writing it!