Wanderer D
Joined 10th Jul, 2011 ·
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Smolder's Hoard331 stories ·300 members
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Young Six1,279 stories ·240 members
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Aww, this is sweet. I like your characterizations of them
Aww, this was beautiful, heartwarming, bittersweet and a bit tearjerking. Quite wonderful overall.
You know I loved this, but also everyone else needs to see that I love it in a comment. Review incoming!
I won't lie when I say that I don't identify with Gallus at some time in the distant past, of course I can't say the same anymore :)
Nice story, thanks for the contribution to the smollus group (I was beginning to believe what no one would upload their work anymore xd)
11460082 I'm only ashamed I took so long to find, join and post something there! I love Smollus.
WE NEED MORE SMOLLUS!!!! sorry my inner Silverstream couldn't contain herself!
Anybody else mistake the image of Smolder for an ad?
11460375 Those images are leftovers from my second idea
I figured since I had already done that I'd include them in this one anyway, but I never thought they'd be confused with an ad!
So, what did you think of the story?
11460515
Still need to read it, but I'll likely do that in a few minutes if I still have time on my lunch break.
Well, Hell if that doesn't feel true to life.
Friends drifting away.... been there, haven’t we all?
Truth and feels in this story.
Smolder
ugh, got it.
Thanks, how's the story otherwise?
Well I would say this was a pretty nice story and I got to say this is the same feeling I had with my friends from school I haven't talked with them for a long time they have their own lives and everything and sometimes they can be very hard and I can see how Gallus feel especially how hard he went through throughout his younger years but like smolder said they'll always going to be here even there far away he can always come back and it was really nice this was a pretty good story keep up the good work and Merry Christmas
11461062
No problem and it's pretty nice and a very Bittersweet story plus it kind of hit home for me haven't seen my friends since high school and it's hard to keep in touch
11460515
You asked for my thoughts!
I really like the dynamic between Gallus and Smolder and will likely try to replicate that dynamic in my own stuff. I'll probs read this fic again sometime just because I enjoy how well you pulled them off. Funnily enough the plot felt very similar to a fic I wrote that also happened to feature these two characters. :3
I did have a minor issue with some of the dialogue, although this might be a classic case of "That's not how I'd write it." So if you disagree, call me out for it! I thought some of it was kinda telly. It's mentioned that it's difficult to get everyone in the same room together because they're all busy now, but I think that would have come across better if there was a brief explanation why everyone is busy.
This isn't a bad exchange, but it is very on the nose. It feels like something that can either be communicated through memories or at least in a slightly different way, at least in a way that makes it clear two characters are having an exchange of nostalgic moments and not just telling the reader that everything is different now. It would have been a really good lead-up to when Gallus opens up--because people are usually more open when they're in a nostalgic feel, from my experience.
Again, call me out if you disagree. This could be an issue that will go away for me on a re-read. I still really like how you write these two.
Please be my dad.11461501 Hey! First of all, I'm glad you liked it! And thank you so much for the feedback! Brace yourself, this is going to be a bit involved of a reply...
So, to address that minor issue you had... I agree with you that a further world-building exploration of what the others were doing that was keeping them busy is something that, on a normal story, would greatly elevate the reader's immersion into it. The reason I chose to write it like this, however, is more because of who the story is for.
This is a story that I kept going back to because Jaxie is one of my best friends. My first draft was more on the side of his preferences in non-pony literature and video games. My second draft was a play on the craziness he enjoys in the books he's recommended me, and sort of playing into the over-the-top big-damn-heroes moments (hence the intro-banners for Gallus and Smolder)... but I discarded both ideas for a couple of reasons. One, them being too complicated to crunch into a single-post story, and two that while fun and possibly deep in the case of the first one, I wanted to write something for someone that is important to me so I focused on what I wanted to tell him about his thoughts on our fandom and also the doubts and fears of losing something so intrinsic to myself as well.
I've mentioned it in blogs and panels before, but this fandom saved my ass more than once and it is very important to me.
Going back to that scene—you are correct—it is a bit on the nose, but it is so because I wanted it to be very clear what the underlying cause of Gallus' fears and desperation about distancing himself from his chosen family was, and obviously what the response should be. In other words, because it was written for Jaxie, I wanted to tell him exactly how I also felt about this, and about how important he is to me, and how this whole place is going to be part of us.
I feel that, while imperfect, it is very honest that way, and somehow the exchange just helps with that.
I love me some Smollus. "Bittersweet" is a good word for this. It's about Gallus and Smolder and their friends, but it's so many other people's story too.
Nice references. It was fun looking for them.
11461518
Very good point, and in that case it actually services the story. Hope you write more of these two in the future!
Nice. :)
When all the world is young, lad,
And all the trees are green;
And every goose a swan, lad,
And every lass a queen;
Then hey for boot and horse, lad,
And round the world away;
Young blood must have its course, lad,
And every dog his day.
When all the world is old, lad,
And all the trees are brown;
And all the sport is stale, lad,
And all the wheels run down:
Creep home, and take your place there,
The spent and maimed among:
God grant you find one face there
You loved when all was young
--"The Old, Old Song"
The logistics of managing a six-way polycule must be quite the headache. Sometimes even couples find it hard to decide on a living location that fits with both of their ambitions, expanding that to six strikes me as unlikely to work out a big proportion of the time.
Nice story, and great to see Jaxie liked it!
Just gonna say I totally get this on a meta level, much mono no aware packed in here
As life goes on, people drift apart; but they drift towards their future. Nice to see Gallus and Smolder and them all going forth.