Epilogue: Repentance
“Well, would ya look at that!” Applejack remarked as the carriage Celestia sent them off on touched down in front of the library. “Ah almost forgot about all th’ apples Ah brought over t’help cheer up Chrysalis! And it looks like nopony’s gone through ‘em, either!”
Twilight observed the moderately large cart resting just shy of where their carriage landed. It really did look like there wasn’t an apple out of place, which was rather impressive, given the famous quality of Sweet Apple Acres’ star product. It was surprising that nopony had tried to take advantage of the unguarded stockpile of free apples, or at least that so few ponies did that it didn’t even show with a cursory glance.
“That just makes setting up the party that much easier!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, and before anypony else could ask what party she was talking about, she shot off in the direction of Sugarcube Corner.
“I was not aware of any party,” Rarity stated. “Though given how momentous an occasion this is for Chrysalis, I do agree that some sort of celebration is in order.”
“You’re still doing alright, right, Chrysalis?” Fluttershy asked as the carriage departed behind them. “I’m so glad there’s still some hope, but not being able to hear their thoughts like you should... that can’t be easy for you to just come back from.”
“I’ve never been better,” Chrysalis assured her, “and this party should only further that positivity. I’m curious, however, as the last one was disrupted... how long would one of these normally last?”
“Considering the fact that you’re basically moving in and getting your subjects back into shape?” Spike replied. “Chryssy, you’re in for a long night.”
“You’ll be alright out there, won’t you, darling?” Cadance asked the next morning as Shining Armor and his troops were preparing to depart from Canterlot.
“What, you don’t think I can take care of myself?” Shining quipped.
“I was the one who had to bail you out at the wedding, remember?” Cadance countered. Just as she expected, Shining was left without a good argument for that.
“Well, I guess I should probably head out,” Shining said, rubbing his neck.
“Wait,” Cadance insisted. “There’s something else. Something Twilight told me to give to you.” She reached into her saddlebags with her magic and pulled out a neatly-folded sheet of paper.
Shining took the sheet, opened it, and looked over its contents. “What is this? A spell?”
“The communication spell she used yesterday,” Cadance confirmed. “She wrote up two copies, and the other one went to me. She did suggest you use yours to reach Princess Celestia once you found a live one so she could expand it again and take them off your hooves personally, but more importantly, we’ll still be able to see each other, even while you’re gone!”
Oddly, Shining frowned and sighed. “I’m grateful for that, and I’ll probably be using it often, but it still just won’t be the same as having you next to me. There’s plenty of things I’ll miss being able to do.”
“Like wha—” Cadance attempted to ask, but was cut off by a surprise kiss from Shining, which she all too gladly returned.
After a few moments, Shining broke the kiss. “Like that,” he answered with a smirk. “Bet you’re gonna miss that too, huh?”
“I suppose,” Cadance teased, blushing lightly. She did have to admit, though, that Shining had a point. She would sorely miss the contact, the feeling of closeness... but she figured that something was still better than nothing. She’d still be able to see him, even if she couldn’t be right there with him.
Speaking of ponies who were supposed to be right there with him, Cadance finally took notice of the fact that she was the only one seeing him and his men off. “Uh... Shining, wasn’t Twilight supposed to come by to say goodbye?”
“She said she couldn’t,” Shining informed her. “Something about helping Chrysalis get settled in. Don’t worry about it.”
Cadance couldn’t help but notice how disappointed Shining looked despite his claims. It must have been hurting him to not have his sister there to support him as he was getting ready to leave for a months-long trip outside of Equestria.
And no sooner than the thought had entered her head did they hear a bizarre noise coming from right beside Cadance. When she turned to look at the source, she saw a green-edged spatial window looking out at Ponyville, with Twilight and Chrysalis on the other side.
“Twily!” Shining shouted excitedly. “You managed to see me off after all!”
“I couldn’t let my BBBFF leave without getting in a goodbye,” Twilight remarked. “Chrysalis insisted on opening it up this time, but we both wanted to catch you before you left.”
“That was exhausting,” Chrysalis complained. “Either I’m going to need to find energy soon, or your capacity for magic is a thing to be revered.”
“Knowing Twilight, and having seen you beat my aunt in a magic beam war, I think it’s a bit of both,” Cadance replied, eliciting a chuckle from Shining.
“Well, I don’t think I can stall this for much longer,” Shining admitted. “I really don’t like cutting it so short already, but if I don’t get moving soon, Princess Celestia’s probably going to make me.”
“Alright then. Good luck, Shining!” Twilight cheered. “Come back safely!”
“I wish you luck as well,” Chrysalis stated. “But you must promise me that you will find my subjects, wherever they may be scattered, and bring them back to me.”
“They’ll probably be carted to a hospital once I get them over there,” Shining replied. “If you want to see them before they wake up, it’d probably be a good idea to look up the Canterlot medical center’s visiting hours.”
“Then you will inform me of your findings as soon as you make them?” Chrysalis inquired.
“Once they’re in safe hooves, absolutely,” Shining promised.
Cadance grabbed Shining for one last hug. “Please, Shining Armor, be safe. I love you.”
“Love you too, Cadance,” Shining returned. “I’ll try to keep contact every night.”
“If you don’t, I will,” Cadance vowed, releasing herself from his embrace.
With those parting words, Shining and his troops finally set off for parts unknown, and all Cadance could do was smile tearfully and wave. These next few months were going to be rough on her.
She missed him already.
“Rainbow Dash!”
Rainbow awoke from her nap at the sound of her name. She recognized the voice as belonging to Twilight, and she immediately fluffed up her cloud and made herself comfortable again.
“Come on, Rainbow,” Twilight insisted. “I need to talk to you.”
“If this is about that fight,” Rainbow replied, keeping her back turned to her friend, “you might as well save it. I’m gonna work through it at my own speed.”
“That’s not good enough. I want to earn your trust back. It won’t feel right unless I work for it.”
Rainbow couldn’t help but be a little impressed. Twilight was really serious about setting this straight. She almost felt bad for blowing her off all this time. And she’d already forgiven her the moment she apologized, sore as she still was about the whole thing.
Still, she supposed she had to keep up appearances. What Twilight said had hit pretty hard, and she still intended to linger on it. To pace herself in the coping process.
“What did you have in mind?” Rainbow asked, reluctantly turning to face Twilight.
“Well...” Twilight answered. “I managed to save up enough bits for a pair of tickets to the Wonderbolts’ next show in Fillydelphia.”
Rainbow scoffed, wondering if she’d been wrong about Twilight’s seriousness. “Are you really trying to buy me back? I’m not that shallow.”
“I never thought you were,” Twilight explained, “and I’m not treating you as if you are. It’s just something to do. I figured a good start to fixing all of this would be... just spending some time with you. Maybe getting out of town for the day so we could enjoy each other’s company.”
That sold it for Rainbow. She was serious. She was seriously serious. She was already making plans for a day out, to just spend some quality time with her as they watched Rainbow’s idols soar acrobatically through the sky. Just an all-around awesome day with one of her best friends.
It was enough to make Rainbow remember that pacing herself was never her style.
“I guess it’s a start. The show’s on Thursday, right?”
“It doesn’t hurt anymore, does it?” Twilight asked as she finished removing the gauze from Chrysalis’ chest.
“Nothing more than a dull throb,” Chrysalis replied, despite her wincing at what pain was left. “If I were concerned about it reopening, I would not have requested for it to be unwrapped.”
“I still think you should take it easy for a little while,” Twilight advised, “at least until it heals up a bit more.”
“I only promise to try,” Chrysalis stated. Her gaze drifted over to the nearest clock, which read half past—oh no.
“Twilight...” she commented. “Your princess-appointed psychologist is in Manehattan, correct?”
“He’s supposed to be,” Twilight confirmed. “Why?”
“How long would it take for you to get there?” Chrysalis inquired.
“Oh... maybe an hour, give or take,” Twilight responded, puzzled. “Why are you asking?”
“Because at this point, you would have to teleport to arrive on time,” Chrysalis informed her. Twilight looked to the clock herself for confirmation, and instantly started to panic.
“Oh my gosh!” she exclaimed, strands of her mane already popping out of place. “My first session, and I’m already running late! I’m not sure how accurate my teleportation spell will be over this great a distance, but I really hope I can get close enough to his office to not be tardy! You can manage the library while I’m gone, right?”
Odd, how different the request felt this time around. The first time Chrysalis was asked to take care of the place, she’d seen it as a sign of trust slipping through weakening defenses. Now, with her friendship with Twilight cemented, it felt much more trivial, more like a favor than a test.
“Twilight Sparkle,” she answered, “it would be my genuine pleasure.”
“Good! You’re starting right now!” Twilight declared, and unceremoniously teleported out of the library.
Once again more or less alone, Chrysalis noted that her journey seemed to end similarly to how it began, with the owner of the residence rushing out the door to make it to some prior engagement. Fortunately, this instance would not see her suspended from the ceiling by a psychotic rodent. That had only been three days ago. And to think that so much had happened in that time...
Her attention was suddenly drawn to a stack of papers on the desk at the center of the room. She walked over to it and examined the top sheet. The first thing that caught her eye was the fact that it was written by Twilight herself; the penmanship was relatively familiar to her. There was enough stationery here for a full-sized book, which led her to believe that Twilight may be looking to get this published.
The next thing she noticed was that it was about changeling physiology. She flipped through its contents, and she saw a plethora of scribbled notes and theories about all sorts of things, from the workings of the hive mind to the conversion of love into usable energy. She also realized that the pages were blank partway through, which told her that Twilight had every intention to learn more.
How quaint. Ironic, even. The mare who was so opposed to learning anything about her race mere days ago was now writing an extensive research novel on changelings. It was touching in its own little way.
Chrysalis took a seat at that desk and fondly recalled the events of the last few days. It was shocking to think of how depressingly it all started, with her lying in a crater at the foot of her own doorstep with the bodies of her subjects lying around her. Yet, now... at the very least, she had made seven close friends, three casual acquaintances, and one powerful ally. And most importantly, she had a strong conviction that it was not too late for her race, that Shining Armor would salvage the survivors and ensure their continued survival. Even with all the panic and hardship, she could say with little fear of contradiction that these days had been just perfect.
And so, Queen Chrysalis smilingly donned her Twilight disguise and patiently awaited the arrival of a potential borrower.
END
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Fallen Prime · 35k words · 654 16 · 8.6k views
- Silent Quill · 59k words · 695 15 · 13k views
- LunasCaptain · 48k words · 313 14 · 5.5k views
- NotARealPonydotcom · 5.2k words · 825 11 · 12k views
- Brony2893 · 5.2k words · 864 13 · 11k views
- Obsidian Ink · 61k words · 636 12 · 8.2k views
- Silent Quill · 95k words · 789 22 · 16k views
- Vigilance · 110k words · 539 34 · 12k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.196 seconds
Total duration
656 users online
747,182 hits today, 2,591,549 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
A very good ending to a darn good fic. Celestia's punishment was completely fitting of Celestia... though I'd expected Chrysalis to be a little more angry..... Did any changeling actually survive?
OMG FIRST POST
I predict a shitstorm in the comments.
Fair ending, though. Wrapped everything up pretty well, and I highly doubt all of the changelings are dead. It's just not statistically likely, and it's highly probable that some of them landed more softly than others.
I would also agree that Twilight desperately needs some form of psychological counseling. Pinkie Pie too, probably. And Fluttershy definitely has anger management issues...
Yeah, I think that's gonna turn into some group therapy pretty quickly.
1586693 YES YES YES YES YES
Sleep is for the weak
That was wonderful. You acknowledged the severity and culpability of all the major parties, and found a reasonable punishment for all, bar maybe Twilight's. Which you also lampshaded. You showed lasting scars from the fight, but ended with clear plans for reconciliation, and barring the integration of changelings into general Equestrian society, wrapped everything neatly up.
At least, that's what I got from it. Good job!
Edit: I now desire a sequel that includes group therapy, with one-on-one for each Element, even though they all get different specialists. Rarity needs to stop relying on image as a crutch for her self-worth, Rainbow also needs to be less of an attention-whore and be less blustery, Fluttershy needs proper self-confidence lessons as well as some major repression work-through, Pinkie needs to find a way to be happy with herself even when she isn't making everypony else happy 24/7, Twilight ... yeah, she's been explained already. Applejack is the only one remotely solid, but even then she had the stubborn Applebuck season, and the rodeo meltdown. Not to mention Chrysalis's efforts to introduce her subjects to society probably won't go smoothly, and it'll be very tempting for her to fall back on old habits.
Oh geez why did I edit in more than I originally wrote?
If there really is going to be a sequel(which I really hope there is),I wonder how the surviving changelings going adapt to their new home and where it would be? AND how the majority of ponies would react.
All in all, this story should deserves more likes than what it have now.
Great ending
1586680
>Pinkie Pie too, probably.
Good luck finding a psychiatrist who can fix that.
So Twilight's punishment was...nothing.
*sigh*
*downvote*
I would like to say that Twilight's punishment may not have fit the crime, but it did fit the pony. It is very difficult to punish someone with mental instability, and I would say Twilight has that in spades. Also, Twilight did these things more out of internal psychosis rather than internal malice. I do feel however that some greater form of punishment is due. Perhaps something along the lines of house arrest, or relocation away from the library and forbidding her to read. That would be a horrible punishment for Twilight.
I would like to express my agreement to what seems to be the majority of sentiments, this story needs a sequel. It is wonderful, and a sequel would simply be wonderful. I would like to say though, don't force a sequel out.
Man, long comment. Have some icon thingys!!
1586693>>1586718>>1586792>>1586947
I don't know, it doesn't really seem as if the author's left him/herself a setup for a sequel of the same general style. Group therapy usually involves comedy or unusual forms of freaking out and going psycho, as well as courtroom style drama in a few weird cases. I can't really imagine an author who would write this, writing one of those. Besides, this is way more awesome than therapy - arguing, lots of room for pity, guilt. Although I may have had the most fun reading Twilight zapping Chrysalis.
1587411 Honestly I'm not too concerned about the group therapy. I'm more interested in Changeling's new life of living together with ponies.And the ponies reaction to the news. Few might be happy,some goes unhappy,some neutral,some scared,some go over the top racism, but what I do know is that the majority will be cautious and a bit paranoid. And how Chrysalis will fare with new ponies in Ponyville while the group is under therapy. That's what 'm looking forward to actually.
Let me address a few of your concerns here.
First of all, the whole sequel thing. I tried to tie up as many loose ends as I could manage, but I do see enough leeway for one, possibly (as a few have suggested) how the changelings and ponies will need to deal with being around each other. It's gonna be a bit of a culture shock for most of the changelings, being relocated (for now) to Equestria...
There WILL be a continuation, though. A Hearth's Warming Eve bonus chapter I'm writing for a contest the Train Wreck Explorers are doing.
The whole group therapy thing? That's something I didn't even consider. Might be a fun thing to do, but I imagine countless others have probably done it before me.
And to 1587051 specifically: "stationery" refers to paper and printed media. "Stationary" is when something's unmoving and staying in one place. I think I used the right word in that context. Thanks for the concern, though.
I'll probably have more to say, but that's it for now. Thanks so much for sticking around throughout.
Wow. I just noticed that the story fits nicely into a three-act format. Act one being the prologue through to chapter three with Chrysalis trying to get to Twilight, act two being chapters four to seven with Twilight's massive internal conflict, and act three being chapter eight to the epilogue with Celestia's judgment. I did something kind of brilliant and I didn't even TRY to.
1586856
To be honest - what more SHOULD Twilight's punishment be? Seriously?
ANY "crime" that Twilight did was performed EQUALLY by the 'mane six' and Spike. Remember - they ALL have permission to write the Princess directly via friendship reports... They all have "equal access to the Princess" via Spike, and easily could have prefaced their letters with "we are doing over the opposition of Twilight". (Heck - Spike has already written to the Princess of Twilight acting crazy before...). Sure - Twilight's blessing would certainly HELP the matter - but heck - Fluttershy could've sent a letter of negotiation without even SHOWING Chrysalis to Twilight.
If you are accusing Twilight of "negligent genocide" by not notifying the Princess from the word go - then they all did it too, by wasting time trying to convince Twilight instead of just going "let's get the Princess the time critical information needed now and worry about Twilight's feelings later"...
Heck - near as I can tell - Twilight was only "recalcitrant" for about a day and a half. (My best guess at timeline: Fluttershy found out morning 1 of Chrysalis's disconnect, found Rarity, took the time to go to the spa with Rarity, Rarity found out, Chrysalis goes to Library as Twlight, gets blasted, and works the rest of day 1 in the Library. Applejack finds out later that day when Twilight gets supplies for dinner, Twilight goes to bed. Day 2 - Pinkie throws party, Twilight finds Rainbow, Twilight blows up at elements, Twilight mopes on the roof during evening, Chrysalis talks to her, Chrysalis finds out voices are silent, Twilight sends letter. The PRINCESS delays until morning 3...) Twilight can only be "blamed" for the delay between afternoon 1 and night 2.
And I can NOT blame Twilight for not trusting the leader of an enemy nation who committed a surprise attack via subterfuge at the first go around. Twilight is NOT stupid. I can fully accept that she is not gullible enough to say: "Sure - I know you lied to all of us previously by impersonating royalty and commtiing a surprise attack; but I will totally take only YOUR word now at face value that your subjects are currently dying as a result of that Act of War. And of COURSE I will send a message to my sworn liege on your behalf, thereby implying - if nothing else - that I trust your story.".
Was Twilight wrong? Yes and no. She certainly did let her emotions and craziness delay the process, and her actions and behavior towards the queen while she was wounded were unwarranted. But I will NOT blame her for being cautious and not accepting Queen Chrysalis's word at face value.
Besides, Chrysalis is equally, if not moreso, to blame for the fate of her people.
First by demonstrating dreadful decision making capability by her initial plan ("My people are dying of starvation. I know - let's do a surprise attack!" *sigh* Ever hear of the phrase 'hope for success, plan for failure'? What WAS your plan B, Chrysalis?).
Secondly, by fixating on Twilight as being the only person who could possibly intervene on her behalf with the Princess...
So yeah - psychological counciling IS about the appropriate punishment for Twilight in this case. NOT for mistrusting the Queen and delaying until such a point that she felt she could trust the queen - (which IS a logical and sensible response to delaing with someone who has lied to you previously) but for her OVERREACTION with hostility. The anger and insecurity issues are what need addressing, not the "mistrust the enemy who lied to me previously".
sorry but Im only allowed to upvote a story and or chapter so many times. this story has been and will CONTINUE to be a great, well, RE-read!!!
if you choose not to go sequel I can live with that, if you choose to make one just know I'll be ready to read that one as well
I think Twilight's "punishment" was long overdue.
I'd like some kind of sequel or continuation. I would just let my imagination take it from here but that wouldn't do a story this good justice.
I enjoyed the route you took the arguments I had and the joy of knowing everyone got what they deserved there's only one question left. Sequel?
Long live Chrysalis
Great fic, 5 out of 5 mustaches for you!
1587638
How sad that there wont be any squiel, I think you are misjudging ponies good will, I mean sure, some of mane 6 like Flutthershy are kind enoght to trust enemy, and PinkiePie is ignorant enoght to not see bad thinks in others, but considering episode with Zecora, I bet that there was a huge incident with changelings what forced tham to hide ( ponies would never accept changelings willingly ), and this was the start of the whole mess, changelings tryed to survive as they could, and invasion was they last act of desperation.
SO I think making sequiel is not hard.
Basicaly you can do in some chapters how Twilight go on therapy, how mane 6 try to support Chrysalis when some of changelings leftovers are bying healed, and you can point out scenes where ponies in hospitals act hostile to the idea of helping changelings considering rumors from Canerlot invasion, how it has become great issue to gather love for tham since ponies would send only hate or fear again tham, to the point where Cadence would need to assist herself ( she is Alicorn with lvoe as cuty mark, even if not with spell, she can still give some of her love or try to convince ponies to accept changelings.
Basicaly I m not sure why you are afraid of doing Sequiel, there is realy many stuff you can use in it.
Also, nice ending for nice and sad story, it was not a pure good ending since probably 98% of changelings died in agony, and everyone had alot of hardship to deal with in pass 3 days, but it just make this story more realistic, it was good ending of a very sad story, and yet it was not a sugar good ending, it was rather a " end of war ending " where everyone are happy that hell is over, but many of tham are still hurt after it.
1620146 I never said in that post that I wouldn't do a sequel. I said that I didn't plan for one, but that it would be something good to consider. I ALSO said that I was writing something up to add onto this for Hearth's Warming Eve, though the necessary time skip means I'd be glossing over a few of those points. I want that HWE thing to be canon within the context of the story, so making it would mean I'm giving myself a set course for certain events. Looking at what I have so far, that includes the ponies' reaction to Chrysalis openly residing in Ponyville and the hospital's refusal to allow visitors for the changelings. In order to make that bonus chapter work, I'll have to dodge most of those issues, but I think a lot of them still deserve to be addressed, so...
Yeah, looks like I'm writing myself into a position that makes a sequel not only advisable, but almost necessary.
1620200
" Yeah, looks like I'm writing myself into a position that makes a sequel not only advisable, but almost necessary. "
Yes, you pretty much did.
Well Fallen, I hope you're ready to have your comment section mildly explode with my super awesome powers of stupid, because here we go!
1616572 You do know that this is just a little fanfiction, right? This story would never happen in the show, and all this is head-canon that holds no baring to the actual plot of the show at all. It's just a interesting idea. That's the point of fanfiction.
Hello? This is the creature that tried to enslave them, remember? Even in the song she sang, Chrysalis didn't give a flying fuck about anything than her goal, which was to enslave and control the ponies in Canterlot. Of course Twilight's going to flip out.
You're kidding, right? Her response to Chrysalis is the most realistic reaction so far.
Oh, so that's in-character? Please.
1619890
No, they didn't. Twilight had absolutely no real reason to act the way she did. It was kind of dickish for everyone to just snub Twilight on the spot, but Twilight was acting ridiculous and none of her accusations stuck. Sure, that Cadence was an impostor, but not for any of the reasons Twilight stated. In fact, all Twilight said was that Cadence was now evil. So she is ultimately still wrong. Celestia told her off because in all likelihood, she was under a lot of stress and didn’t need ponies she cared about bitching and tearing at each other’s throats. Twilight’s case was shitty and full of holes, and she ruined the rehearsal. It’s really that simple. Twilight was wrong. And Celestia is also a bit in the wrong for not giving it a second thought, but she’s hardly a poor ruler for not investigating baseless accusations with perfectly reasonable explanations. Cadence was acting odd, but her husband, the captain of the guard said it wasn’t an issue. Her aunt, the ruler of Equestria, didn’t notice. Twilight, who was acting odd herself, did notice. When two people who know her the best, and are near/at the top of the chain of command, don’t see anything wrong and the only witness is acting crazy then that’s why you don’t follow up on an accusation like that. You can care about someone and still be irked by them. What, you’ve never had that happen? Your friends never got on your nerves?
1619969
The someway a succubus does, and/or the same way those machines from the matrix feed on humans. It's the actual folklore of changelings in the real world. Look this stuff up first.
Except try to capture them, send her army to fight the mane six, imprison Cadence, and brainwash Shining.
She needed them for food, and Chrysalis got a bit arrogant. She thought she won and didn't care.
But if he's dead, Chrysalis couldn't feed on his love for Cadence, shutting her power supply.
Are you kidding? That's a fate worse than death. That's not peaceful in the fucking slightest. To be used as a battery?
That was because of the rumors surrounding Zecora, not Zecora herself. They already know what a changeling is, and they would freak out for a changeling for the same reason they would freak out for a monster.
Because they wanted to enslave and control other ponies. Chrysalis even says that. Several times. She's been dreaming of doing that since she was small. They don't literally feed on love as nourishment, they get more powerful, like how the windigoes "feed" on hate. I don't see how this is difficult to understand. That's how changelings work in real life mythos, and even the mlp wiki about them states that.
Yeah, I already know. I know that this is a fanfiction. The actual Chrysalis is pretty much a demon, and I know that this takes place in an AU, but what I like to do is point out how fanfiction doesn't work in the canon of the show, like this one. The thing I like about this fic is how the characters act, and in this scenario and head-canon, I think it's pretty decent, which is what matters to me. Not so much with the whole therapy thing (which I get what he's going for), because that implies that Fallen thinks he needs to "fix" Twilight with a fanfic. But, I guess in this fanfic, she kinda needs it? I dunno. Whatever, it's just a story.
(bows at the crowd) Thank you, thank you, you're all fantastic. Be sure to tip your waitress! I'll be here all week! (crowd throws rotten tomatoes at Glitch)
1620378 Ah Glitch, I can always rely on you to pick out the morons of this fanbase.
You done good, son/
ANYWAY... I enjoyed the Hell out of this story, Prime. You took an idea where at first I was like, 'Eh, I sort of figured this idea would be done eventually.' and turned it into something... better. What I'm trying to say is you took nothing and turned it into something. Good show, dear boy. I'll be awaiting to see what other piece of epic fiction you'll be distributing.
Have a funny comic:
efchan.net/pv/src/1341961680367.jpg
1724886 ...Thanks?
1724886 Oh my god, I LOVE that blog.
1620200 Personally I think the sequel is needed. Mainly because this ending is a little wanting. I mean the whole comatose changeling reasoning is weak as hell because guess what? That's a state that is quite lethal in the hospital, much less lying comatose in the woods for several freaking days. A sequel where we actually see Shining's search actually paying off would help since as of now all that keeps Chrysalis going is empty hope. Plus seeing ponies having to adapt to their new and rather fearsome looking neighbors lends itself to a lot of possibilities.
As for this story, I was really liking it until the entirety of the Changelings species up and died off completely for plot related reasons. All of them. In a week. Not too mention that unless Changelings have a tendency to become comatose when hit hard, then in all likely hood the amount that are merely rendered comatose would be too small to maintain a stable population. Then it's the extinction scenario all over again.
1620012 Wow, you've never had a course in logic, have you. According to your bizarre reasoning, if you're walking down the street and some mugger points a gun at you, but you manage to fight back, twist the gun around and shoot him, YOU'RE to blame for his death!
That's ludicrous!
Quick note: I'm fixing the spelling of Cadance's name to match the official one. The fact that the actual word is "cadence" makes the official spelling bug me, but looking at the canon contrast bugs me more.
Also, 1737308: Your comment about the small number of likely survivors given what I've set up just gave me a little idea. I WAS thinking of sending Chrysalis back off to her hive once they all recovered, but if there aren't really enough left to get the population back up and running, let alone make the return to the old kingdom a good option... the thought of them having to stay in Equestria permanently could be fun to work with. I don't know if I'll have any of the changelings revive in time to take part in the sequel I'm writing now, since I want to put focus on Chrysalis adapting and I have the Hearth's Warming Eve thing I'm writing for a contest that may botch my continuity if I did, but if I make another one (which I just may, we'll have to see), that HAS to be something that's brought up and developed.
That said, literally the ONLY thing I know about the actual events of my sequel is that it's gonna start out with Shining Armor making his first find before he even leaves Equestria. I have quite a bit that I could work with, but I'm still trying to get my thoughts organized into a proper narrative. I know I took a week and a half to acknowledge the point, but since I was revisiting the story and plotting the sequel anyway, I felt I might as well.
1799082 Somehow that kinda makes it worse. I mean it's bad enough the Changelings were decimated. Plus giving the characters hope only to yank it away is a pretty good way to alienate readers. I mean the hope of Chrysalis at least getting some of her people back comatose or not, was a very small hope, but it was there. Not having enough would mean that the Changelings go extinct anyway only slower effectively rendering the entirety of the first story completely pointless. As for not having the Changelings wake up, please don't do that because it effectively makes all the changelings into the little cancer patient you see in the movies.
1620378 Excellent analysis of the characters.
I can't blame Twilight for her anger or her lack of trust. Chrysalis had torn away her family and mentor less then two days ago and looked like she was doing it again to her friends. I was actually surprised that she decided to help as quickly as she did.
1620200 That was an amazing story! Definitely in my current top five. Since the changelings are insectoid there could be unhatched eggs that do not register in the hive mind. Just an idea so that they have a better chance of survival.
Must ... Have ... SEQUEL!!!
This is BRILLIANT, I'd say this is a close second to Omnius's Adventures; I couldn't even find any notable grammatical errors, the pacing was brilliant and Chrysalis and Twilight were perfectly in character
Brohoof /)
1907093 No, I do believe you are the one who has a severe lack of cerebral cortical processing ability.
Chrysalis' people ALL took part in the invasion. They were ALL guilty. And she then made the decision to be proud and not beg for help for the survivors.
This was not the case where many of the people in a nation must go along out of fear of a dictator; this was an entire species of parasites violently invading a peaceful country without provocation.
If the ponies happened to wipe them out while repelling the invasion, I shall not shed a tear for the guilty.
1911700 I'm not going to say you don't have a valid point. You're in that kind of set-in-your-ways state that makes fighting with a person incredibly frustrating, but I'm just going to say your views aren't exactly universally shared.
And if you can't make a point without being so aggressively assholish about it, I'm gonna have to ask you to take it off my comment section and start sending PMs to people. Believe me, I REALLY don't want to be that guy that censors people's opinions about their story - I've dealt with guys like that countless times, and it wears me out to no end - but I don't appreciate you being a prick to everyone who's given reasons why they enjoyed the story and arguing a dead point.
Consider this a reply to all of your comments, rather than just the one.
1911700
Dude, did you miss the whole "starving to death" thing? They might not have been "provoked" into invading, but they had no other choice. It was either that or die. Again, I feel I must point out that the alternative to not invading was death. For their entire species!
Note that the Changelings did not kill or seriously hurt anyone. Even Celestia who got trashed by Chrysalis wasn't actually injured beyond some bruising and maybe some very minor burns. Fighting back and expelling the changelings? Of course, that's a given. Killing an entire species in retaliation or feeling no pity whatsoever as they all die? Uh, no, that's not okay. Not on this planet anyways, last time I checked.
Also, consider this: Nazi Germany invaded multiple other countries and ended up killing millions without provocation, but did that make all of their soldiers evil assholes? No, it didn't. Amazing, isn't it? They didn't even have the excuse of ongoing species-wide starvation, unlike someone else I could name.
1936956 Please don't provoke him. He's been an ass to everyone he's fought with.
That said... if he does come in with the same shit as before, I think I'll have to block him for not heeding my warning and taking it to PMs.
1937001 I have only responded in kind to those foolish enough to insult me. I take it you didn't read any of the comments directed at me. Especially not Lemming's, which were deliberately rude and insulting.
I will not sit idly by when someone dares to refer to me as 'omega-retarded' and 'lamest of the lame' and other such stupidity rather than utilizing rational debate to counter my arguments.
1937536 They opened/closed their comments with statements like those. Beyond that, they DID try rational debate, if they even bothered to entertain your rants at all. You've shot them down every time with more malice than all of them combined. You can't call Lemming's response "deliberately rude and insulting" as if the comment of yours he replied to wasn't any worse. You've been almost exactly like that with every point you've brought up: needlessly aggressive and antagonistic, even when the comment you're replying to A. has nothing to do with you and B. presents its information in a much more respectable manner.
I do read every comment on this story, and yours stick out like sore thumbs. I'll ask you again, one more time: take your high-horse assholish attitude off my comment page. Either start keeping a level head when replying, or take your pointless aggression to the users' PMs. The longer you keep this up, the less related to the story it becomes, which just annoys me further.
I'll give you one last chance, since you're TRYING to justify this. But if I see this shit one more time, it's a block.
1937001
Since you're asking so nicely, sure thing. I'll be quiet.
2004962
And what if roles would be reversed, what if Celestia would be forced to order invasion on Griffon Capital to safe her ponies from starvation, and Twilight would be the one who imprisoned Griffon heroes who in the end manage to safe capital by banishing Celestia and her army back to Equestria where they would starve to death ( and asking for help is out of options since Celestia would expect Griffons to invade Equestria with even small show of weakness ).
In the end roles would be reversed and Twilight or Celesita would beg the fate so that Griffon hero would stop testing her since her friends die from hunger at the very moment, hehe.
Anyway I am sure Twilight would never let her anger take over like that, even in most stressful situations.
I now see Chrysalis in a new light.
Damn Fallen, this was nice!
I really liked this story, and so did this guy...
i547.photobucket.com/albums/hh476/SiaFel/Avatars/coolstory.gif
Awesome story! Now, time to read the sequel.
Good concept. I always like alternate character interpretations, of course. I do feel like the story got a little too repetitive at times. The Mane 6 minus Twilight were all pretty easily won over simply by Chrysalis saying "but my subjects are dying," which is certainly a good motivation for doing what she did, and I can see it having various degrees of effectiveness in inspiring sympathy among them all, but I think a) it was a little too easy with some of them, to the point of them instantly labeling Chrysalis a "good guy" once they heard she had motivation besides pure malice for her crimes and b) seeing the pattern (and Chrysalis' story) repeat itself so many times began to get very grating. The long summation of the entire story so far in the penultimate chapter only served to make it worse, because it's one thing when you have characters tell each other what they already know for the sake of the audience, but having them tell each other what the audience already knows makes a lot of readers either skip that entire section of your story or just get frustrated. Still, I did like the story, I only wish it would have been more concise.
2111219
I know, but the point is that it is a lot more easy to ignore what you do not see, Shinning Armor as soldier would not care about changeling, but if Cadance would see what she has done, she would do everything she can out of guilt instead of being happy go lucky with no care in the world.